ABOUT ME – MY PET HATES – THE PRONOUN VIRUS

Growing older:

I’m actually the Master/Slave at ADmaze Media WLL studio and www.whodoeswhat.tv  for most of my life.  My job, as it has always been is to write, direct and produce thousands more commercials and programmes than I voice. It is not only voice-overs, but with my best mate Allan Jennings, we have written loads of original music jingles and even songs, airline music, you name it.

I ‘was’ British before circumcision and Elvis Presley’s love child.  Old now, but before a gorgeous, a 2.3 metre tall, 22 year old Adonis based in Outer Mongolia with a warm ISDN machine/codec.  The first and for most the ONLY one in Bahrain, being the only one who understood such technology and the need to use world wide professional voice talent with my studio live linked to other studios around the globe.  All real time baby . Then came Audio TX, then  Source Connect, ipDTL  and no more need to DHL heavy tape reels around the world. Tommy Vance (the deep voice BBC Radio One rock show DJ and VH1 stalwart) was actually my best mate (or so I thought – he was also my girl friend’s while I was away at the time as well.  Hmmmm! Shhhh!) and in the hay days, we had up to 10 tapes a week going back and forth. Add all that to a rockin’ ‘kick ass’  studio in which we did all sorts of audio and video recording and times were sooooooooooooo good!

Those discerning among the business community (and there were many then) knew what quality was and my life was delightful murder, working 48 hours a day year after year, but by God I loved it.  I invented strawberries as well – what an incredible guy I am!  Ok, I  lied slightly.  I have the perfect face for radio and a bit of voice, but the ISDN and the studio bit is true.

 

USUAL RULES:

If you slag me or someone/anyone, an individual or a company, you had better have your facts on your key board or shut the **** up, because we’ll be taking names and want the full gorey juice on it.  If it is bollocks, don’t waste your time.  Debate is fine,  Political Correctness, racial harmony and all that bumf is entirely optional but we’ve all been so dumbed down that most of us will surely adhere. Why? In the worst case scenario, don’t accuse someone of being a shirt lifter if in fact they are a pillow biter for example.

Registrations are really welcome as I’d like a bit of a voice-over and advertising family, community thing going if I can. So your real name and email is preferred but not essential, eitherway, NOBODY will ever find out who you are unless  you yourself, thee, the bloggee prints your name – yourself! Torture me all they like, I will never personally know as the site is administered in far off lands that have not been discovered yet.

This page is open to all and although your post has to be approved, very little if any will not be,  no matter what you say and the folks at ADmaze Media will approve it (or not) as fast as possible. Behave! Be factual! Like you, I accept that creative art is wholly abstract so without patronizing you,  your opinion is totally valued. But unlike every sickly IVR system in the world (except our’s)  ‘your call is NOT important to US’‘  and nobody cares whether you participate or not, but it would be nice if you did.

 

The Juice:

So I am nearly famous: I am locally more infamous for my often direct approach to Advertising Agencies and those manipulating the media and more about that as this blog matures and I am sure it will get juicy so have no fears.  I have plenty of pet media hates, but upfront ‘THE PRONOUN VIRUS’ is my biggest campaign to date.  Scroll, or better read to the bottom of this particular post and you will see how much I rant about it.

Sometimes I get a little short with clients when they insist on streams of unnecessary, pointless information within a script, such as this endless patronizing clap-trap experienced these days and telephone numbers etc.  YOU KNOW IT, YOU HATE IT TOO, when it is not your own service, because you think ‘you are the best’, so naively, (I would say ‘stupidly’ but it upsets people)  go right out there and follow suit and do the same. “YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US”. ‘VISIT OUR WEB SITE ON…’  ‘CALL US’   ‘ABOUT US’. It is NOTHING BUT VOMIT. Who the hell is ‘US’? It is endemic though and dreadfully lacks credibility, creativity, just everything!  My bitching about it so often intimidates some clients,  but surprisingly most will agree to it as being superfluous as if a light in their creative cavity within their brain got switched on. Retorts like; But this is what I see and hear all the time, is that not what we should do also?’ In a word; ‘NO!’

So rather than rattle on for now – and I’ve got plenty to say and lots which will intimidate some into hate and elate others into love.  Firstly, NOT ONE, NO MAJOR or even WELL READ site has ever given me credit, but the word is obviously spreading.  The best I could do was some recognition and accreditation on another site and another media blog where you can read THE PRONOUN VIRUS saga and how they mentioned my comments. The site is  ‘Bollix Media‘  and has a lot of visitors, it is considered radical, unlike this tribe, so good exposure from a media standpoint, but might not always be my personal viewpoint.

 

Me:

Just before we get into my favourite rant about the world’s infestation of the ‘PRONOUN VIRUS‘ and you being witness to my obsession, let’s get back to me! How’s that for narcissism?   Who cares about me? If I had 3 eyes and 17 toes what difference would it make to the price of eggs? [I’ve actually got 4 eyes and only 15 toes]. It is probably the voice you want to hear and better still the type of product I produce.  The End!

 

IVR – Telecom/Bank voice response systems:

More than music and radio ads, you can get the WORLD’S MOST BRILLIANT TELEPHONE & IVR SYSTEMS designed, programmed, recorded and installed. Yes! right down to; just stick ’em in your system, no conversions or changes needed. That is, unless it is a Nokia-Siemens core/network,  then depending where you are, there might be some scum bag area representative managing it who will charge the telecom operator $100,000 to release a ‘special software’ which basically only changes the dot suffix.    Oh yeah!  Been there, experienced that. We know those old tricks, for in this little ‘ole shack, we have seen it all! Indeed, it comes as a bit of a surprise to operators using ADmaze Media for the first time, that when we attend initial briefings and we already know all the lines, the pitfalls, the work involved, the frustrations with pin-point accuracy.  This is what you pay for I guess.  The fact that the team can spew out a very professional system, be it Ring Tones, to Network from their heads and always to the highest standard, still doesn’t justify the price according to accountants and the uninitiated. The moral to the story; NEVER let accountants attend the project meetings!

It is sound, not the written word. Why are ADmaze Media award winning systems so good?  More than good –  probably the pièce de résistance of systems in the entire world – no boast!  Output from ADmaze Media for telephone network and systems, be it Cisco, Avaya et al.  is the aspiration level for the serious and talented and the bench-mark to beat. Unfortunately for  copy-cats and opportunists it is a nightmare hoping that the client doesn’t know or notice the difference.  Of course all cowboy facilities and Agencies think it is easy and profess to be experts.  Absolute dirge!  By and large, it seems to be all monkey see-monkey do and most clients know no better either, so blindly pay up and as cheap as they can get it with no perception of the art involved. There are very few good facilities who do this work well, very few indeed.    (Are you getting the message?) .  It is all in the direction and scripting and ‘Don’t bore us, get to the chorus’ flow, but so few attach importance to this work. A bad telephone or Call Centre system destroys your image instantaneously – SUBLIMINALLY and most out there are simply BAD! I actually hate this work, but I happen to be extremely good at it and few if any can beat the flow and quality, although  it is extremely difficult to do if you want to do it well.

Yes, ADmaze Media WLL is your baby, but if you want a $10 system and your secretary reading the prompts, don’t come here.

 

Drum Millennium:

I mentioned songs and jingles above. Between Allan and I, we have not really bothered to write full songs, although Allan has written many for himself.  Allan and I even wrote what many would say was the best, if not the only melodic ‘Millennium’ song of all the dirge that was put out there at the time. It was for a massive ‘live aid’ like concert to be staged in Cape Town on Dec. 31st 1999. It was called ‘Drum Millennium’  It all got rained out at the last moment and Nelson Mandela was rowed out to Robben Island in the end, from his house, since all the roads were totally flooded and the rain did not abate for days. Besides, I fell out with the ‘drum producer’ they hired at my request.  His name; Cedric Samson.  I am not so good with drum sequences and since this theme was heavy on drums, I thought I’d best get someone in who could play. Dear Cedric and I didn’t see eye to eye or ear to ear from the moment we met. He thought he was the ‘producer’ full stop.  I didn’t like his, earring, pony tail or sari either. Cedric is quite brilliant no doubt, certainly far far more adept than me, but there are tiny nuances in vocals that to me mean everything and a singer with an incredible voice but with a strong South African accent trying to sing flat English, pronouncing all the consonants and vowels (or not) as one should my dear subjects – became a challenge. So Cedric attacked me yelling that he was going to;’Beat me’ for criticizing the man’s art (the rather very good black singer from a Cape Town township), while I was yelling to ‘stripe another tape’ and let’s get the pronunciations right.  Good singers, slick production, to me is better than sex.  I live it!  I’d marry a hideous looking, fat hairy old lady with warts, if she had a good voice, or was musically talented. That is what turns me on.  Anyway, it was fun (not so much).

Talking of sex (don’t we always?), the only assets I had with SBC studios, was the man putting up the money Jean Marie Jullienne,…   Oh! And a young  girl who seemed to be training or something… or something with the engineer.  Well I thought she was more warm to my humour and chattiness.  Obviously not, since I invited her to dinner with my family and was promptly accused of being a paedophile by the studio crew. Good game folks! No Sir!  I like ’em old and mature, but it was sort of funnily sad at the time.  Eventually, the recording and the event all got dropped and we are poorer for it. (You can hear the demo on the ‘production demo’ tab).

 

Sales and Public Relations:

What is it they say about the ‘sincerest form of flattery’? We used to hear many upstarts ‘trying to emulate’ but not so much these days as what we hear or see out there is mostly done on an iPhone.  I/ADmaze Media still produce slick, professional documentary or light entertainment type video for television. Events and reports too when we get it. Maybe your company or concern has never heard of ADmaze Media doing video? If you go to www.whodoeswhat.tv you will see plenty. Or it could be because we do not have sales reps knocking on your door claiming to be the greatest! There is little point actually as those who commission need an appreciation and perceive the difference creatively, artistically and in overall standard rather than rub their hands together at a stupidly low price they might be offered. If you want one of those bouncing, thumping fast frame, jumping videos which you are led to believe is the trend, then we can do that too, but our staple is ‘Broadcast style’ and that has much more staying power.

Reputation precedes (locally in particular) and  before we walk in the door many clients have already been primed by self assumed competitors with the notion that ‘ADmaze Media (especially the name Geg Hopkins) is good, but rather expensive’. One gets used to this onslaught while others are pitching for the sale, but I guess it is does get a bit annoying, but tolerated as a sort of back handed compliment. So sometimes we are a half a dollar more than the rest. What you get is noticeably superior. If an IVR system, then constant commitment and awareness of everything about your system. But if you cannot perceive the difference as a client, then you will never warrant the price so go for the cheap and kill your image.

However, as with audio, everyone with a computer and a bedroom  is an instant expert these days, so sadly it is a waste of time competing at the lowest common denominator price, but  that is what has happened, so ADmaze has become a little closeted itself concentrating on only in-house stuff. Maybe it is time to GET OUT THERE! Ho Ho Ho!

Clients who get on board, be it Telephone IVR systems, radio, video or even TV; once with ADmaze Media, most never leave unless they are taken over by our Lebanese friends for example, then it is normally goodbye as they appear to have their own clique and methods of spending their client’s money.

 

The Studio:

There are a few pictures on one of the tabs. They need updating, but what to show?  Nowadays a studio is a computer. That is it.  Put up some curtains in your bedroom to deaden the sound, have a good computer with professional sound interface, good studio speakers, quality mic (expensive) and a relatively expensive audio or video editing programme and you need nothing else. It is not the kit, it is the eyes and ears with a bit of creative brain.

Saying that though, if anyone is interested in the more physical studio equipment from high-end digital mixers to very old, great sounding analogue multi tracks, along with dozens of outboards racks all worth a million Dollars when new…………..then come and look in our cupboards. Bring your wallet and you can buy it.  I will still make better output that you with our macs or PCs.

 

More on the ‘PRONOUN VIRUS’:

Needless to say, I even hate the Google search essential on pronoun requirements for the ‘ABOUT US’ tab. Ridiculous!  Who is ‘Us’ – Who is ‘We’- Who is ‘Our’?  But on every single advertisement or copy you will see; ‘Call Us’.  Listen to your radio and hear probably the same silly, girly voice shouting out a commercial for different cars, different banks, different stores and so on, yet end each ad with ‘Call Us now on’. Even more incredulous yet abundantly swamped (tautology), is the outrageous claim by one and all companies from tiny one person operation (who just copies) to huge corporations is the tag line; only in existence for YOU!!!   It is everywhere and I was lambasted and taken off stage at a conference one day because I did a skit on Hyundai when they sponsored the Olympics in 2012 (was it?), whereby I lampooned their corporate sign off.  I said that my Mother was still a prostitute at 65, my eldest sister followed suit and is now terminally ill, as is my gay brother who suffers from aids. My father is in prison for robbery, my younger brother for murder. I lost my job 2 years ago and nobody will employ me. My wife sold the house without my knowledge, took all the money and left me to sleep under cardboard boxes beneath ‘Charing Cross Bridge’ and they wont let me in the soup kitchens because I smell. What the hell am I supposed to do?  Pause, looking skyward, then it dawns. ‘I know, call Hyundai, ‘HERE FOR YOU’.  This was their sign off absolutely everywhere you looked or listened during that period.

It is the same with IVR telephone systems. You don’t know which entity you are dealing with half the time, because it is the same voice who shouts out the Departure flights at an airport as you hear on 5 of the Telephone company Call Centre IVRs and more and more. Inexperienced, incompetent, nervous PR and marketing personnel in companies are afraid to be ‘INDIVIDUAL’.  Again, who is ‘US’… Who is ‘OUR’…  Who is ‘WE’.  It makes no sense but these amateur (and even so called top professionals) advertising agencies are run by the Account Executives who just want your money. Even if the rare, but decent copywriter decides not to put a Pronoun in the copy, someone within will brainwash the client that; ‘Use ‘WE’, it is more personal, warmer and interacts with the reader, viewer or listener’.  What a crock!  It is like Fabian or ‘Common Purpose’ indoctrination. Stop it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Any professional voice actor/over should absolutely refuse to read a pronoun associated with the script.  They don’t work for the company they are advertising, yet we see many famous actors mouthing; ‘Call us’, “We can help’.  As of 2017 we have Morgan Freeman sitting in a Turkish Airlines jet waxing lyrical about the airline and beckoning viewers to ‘Fly with us’.  Take the money Morgan honey.  I know why you do it.

Using famous actors can be fun, but not for literal ‘ENDORSEMENT’, it has no credibility whatsoever. Nespresso do a good one with that  luvvie clown ‘George Clooney’. Indeed Turkish used ‘Kevin Coster” whereby people thought they recognized him at airports. Yeah, that’s fun and memorable.  It endorses the airline by association, but Coster is not heard to say stupid incredulous lines pertaining to him owning or working for the airline. [By the way, I suspect that wherever you are in the world, if you Google for ‘Nespresso’, which is part of the huge Nestlé network, you are automatically directed to your local Nespresso web site to the orders page.  Nice touch!  Nice stuff, we have two machines in the house and it saves about $600 a month from the family budget which I might have spent in Starbucks with my addition].

 

Yes, the ‘PRONOUN VIRUS‘ is but one phrase I have inadvertently coined in the pursuit of my passion, but apparently I’ve coined a few others as well.  which I have heard people use, one being; “AUDIO MAKES VIDEO – NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND’. Again, if you cannot see or should we say ‘hear’ that, then you should NOT be considering a career in this line of work nor be interfering in its progress as a client.

If you care to ask those top names that have worked with ADmaze Media or me, I’m confident that you’ll get good feedback. When I was based in London (I’m not now), loads of well known actors with good voices (or they thought so) got to hear of me and came knocking on my apartment door asking me to voice direct them.  It was quite bizarre because I am nobody, just an acquired, ‘non’ formatted radio DJ known by a few million ‘non’ main stream people. I can’t dance, can’t cook, horizontal jogging is a big iffy and I can’t sing, but I CAN stick good radio programmes together, do voice-overs for myself and have an ear to direct to near perfection if not perfection itself.

All of the crew at ADmaze Media and www.whodoeswhat.tv are dab hand at each other’s specialties, just in case.  I use the camera a lot as does Svetlana Prodanova the Operations Manager (NYIP trained).  I edit and well, but my strength is audio, AND TELEPHONE SYSTEMS.  Julian (The third degree) is a brilliant cameraman and editor, with audio a side-line. So we are all dab-hand, well at least my mother always thought so, but I think it is true!

I like doing documentaries, but so do all voice-overs if they can get the job and they all think they are the best, so why pick me?  Well it is like this; I can make even the others sound better if I was directing it and that applies to your secretary if you still want to go that way, so surely I should be able to make myself sound perfect. Cough cough!

 

The demise of ISDN:

ADmaze media works world wide and we now have sophisticated (not cheap) software to implement the studio to studio facilities. ISDN is still around but dead. It is a shame as it was so stupendously perfect in every way.  So why mention it?

Good question I suppose. I did not consider it a vision, more technical logic, but if you search for my many blogs around the web about the demise of ISDN, due to Chinese ability to produce all singing all dancing (asynchronous) , very pretty rubbish and a great inability to fix something that is not broken, then you will be (slightly) amazed at my insight, but more shocked at the troll comments I got hit with.  Professional, very well known voices in full oblivious denial telling me to ‘get off’ and that I did not know what I was talking about. Of course now, those same big-heads are boasting they were the first with ‘asynchronous’ links although none knew and still don’t know what the hell is the difference or why ISDN died.

During the transition period, several banks and brokers in Bahrain ‘who depended on ISDN disastrously went off line for a week or two and the telecom company had no idea why. Costing bucks and having to use the normal telephone lines instead of their multiplex boxes which linked them to several other banks around the world, they sat there waiting for the telecom company to sort it out. Little ‘ole Geggyboy in his studio was pulling his hair our wondering why our ISDN was off line. I had no idea, I just reported the fault. New cables were rapidly run, new routing, you name it, but still nothing. I thought that this was a bit funny, why would the telco be attentive to me, the ONLY ONE in Bahrain using ISDN for anything other than bank to bank. Eventually, one old mate who worked with me during the early days at the telco mentioned quietly in conversation that this only happened when they installed the new Huawei network a week or so earlier. DING DING DING!  The light came on.

To me it was obvious. This is now what is commonly known as ADSL and not SDN. Without boring the pants of readers more than I already have, there is a thing in telecommunications and computer networks called ‘protocol’. We can all now make international calls free with ‘Whatsapp’ and the like. (See my other posts – ahead of their time). Telecom companies can not longer extort us all with high cost international calling. They are in the INTERNET just the same as we are, but using their networks.

The Chinese are a bit insular when it comes to catering for all the backend nitty-gritty elements. Nobody in the Telco could fathom why the banks or me went off line. Millions being lost. Why oh why oh why did I tell them free of charge? It ended up with me physically chasing a Chinese anorak around the huge telecom network switch and pinning him to the ground begging him to go back to Beijing immediately and send a software patch to match the European protocols for ISDN. Pretty basic when all is said and done, but nobody could believe that they installed an entire network without the correct protocol.  Huawei learned and saved millions as they ooze across Africa. They saved face in Bahrain.  I made nothing from the reveal. It took them a day or so to work it out and suddenly, all banks and so on came back on line.

But or course, sad for voice over or music to music studios, some more complex multiplex coding does not work with ADSL.  Mpeg2 or Mpeg4 for example. This is point to point real time. The banks are OK as it is simple eight pole multiplex (now probably 64 or 128 pole who knows), but Geggyboy was stuffed. Magic software had to be developed to accommodate ADSL. We never really recovered.

Geggyboy

THE PHILOSOPHY OF SEX

Question: In this obsessive, very sick,  full-on martyrdom, Politically Correct, offended ‘Millennial’ world; do over 60s (even 50s) still spend up to 15 minutes or much longer in every hour thinking about sex? Even more acute, do we still um..er… do it! Or perhaps just ‘pretend’ we do? The question begs; do we become less perverted as we get older, not that all of us were perverted or aware of being perverted during our younger years.

Who but the more extrovert among us will admit to anything? It is pointless asking really, thus pointless too blogging it really, but then it is pointless blogging in general, full stop! That is unless you want to make money, then sex is a money making commodity.

Every magazine, TV programme et al. will be including something about sex no matter what. Not all, but most men mention in jest or talk about something do with with sex every 2 minutes. Women are generally more reserved and quite possibly keep those thoughts to themselves, but again not all in the 21st Century. By all accounts Victorian times were pretty raunchy and the more clothes a women had on, the more fun it must have been getting them off.

In many societies and cultures, sex is above everything and religion above that, hence the religion is based on sexual behaviour for most.

Sex is everywhere! MTV to sport, it is what makes the world go around. There are not many trades that will never die and always make money. Food is one and sex is the other, can you think of any more?

Men by and large are disgusting beings who are more often than not driven by their urge and certainly their visual surroundings. More than a good few are pathetic in their inability to think straight if the potential of a bit sex is put before them. Women are not so different, they like it too, especially if they have gone past the stage of virginity and know what to expect, but society dictates that women are not allowed to openly act cougar and go for it. The latter has now created the victim of sexual harassment.

Think about it; most of us no doubt wish to describe ourselves as – ‘normal people’, detached from the what seems to be an inordinate number of deviants in the world. But tell a dirty joke; parody any element from paedophilia to homosexuality and this barrage of ‘simulated offence’ will often greet you. Pass on a funny picture or video, or even the ludicrous example of ‘third world hilarious folly which stifled cultures abundantly produce, often in ‘barbaric innocence’, completely unaware of the sexual element and if the narrow mind receives it, you are labelled a deviant and should be restrained from approaching. Inadvertent lavatorial shop signs, to an hilarious anti masturbation letter currently circulating the Gulf. (It looks to be a scam targeting a certain large offshore company. If so, whoever generated it is bloody funny), but those who duth protesteth scream offence. It is everywhere, yet we allow ourselves to be lobbied and forced to cower in a corner, or thought of as a dark disgusting cretin because we dared to laugh at life as it ‘really is’.

With an abundance of women and men who were ostensibly ‘innocent’ young 30 years ago, now coming out of the woodwork with their accusations has somehow started to detract from having any credible substance. The fashionably ‘offended’ among them overpowers the harsh reality. Nowadays, to be offended or devastated by a dark past, real or imaginary is an indoctrination by the PC dogooders, and pseudo evangelical swamp of deluded righteousness who insist the victims are ‘damaged goods’ and need to be nursed now, three decades or so on. Unless of course you are an actor/actress whose ego sees yet another opportunity for the limelight. Oh hush your gob Hopkins.

These are the same people who opened the stable doors and actually allow this Fabian doctrine to proliferate in the first place. The reality is that gross paedophilia, sexual aggression and abuse of all types has been around since Sodom and Gomorrah but now the perpetrators are the victims to be nurtured and real victims objectified with the so-called offended to offend everyone else.

Raped, sexually abused or assaulted, is so often a grey area with no witnesses, but it is not so difficult to profile the offender when all is said and done. Catch 22 rules on decency. The ‘offended army’ has made it an offence in itself to the offended to be profiled. That being that it infringes on their human rights to privacy. ‘Probability’ is not a legal reason to convict, but it can be pretty bloody convincing. In such cases, the offender should be surgically neutralized. What is the loss? To the sexually over active, it is worse than losing your life perhaps, since their life is sex full stop! To the few normal, me being one, I see no issues. But then, I see no issues with the death penalty either.
Oh but wait; ‘How dare you you take someone’s life – it’s not a deterrant’. Oh but wait again; ‘It certainly does stop it… um..er… dead’!

‘NO’ means NO to decent people, but by default that only applies to men, for it is men that are forever overstepping the threshold. Mistakes are made, so too are misread signals, but if you can slaughter a man psychologically because he interpreted a short-short skirt and bulging vulva with see-through bra or no bra at all as being ‘up for it’, then go for it!

Instead, we who spread humour even in dire circumstances are directly accused of being a sociopath with dark sexual obsession. Not actual said out loud always, but covertly labelled. A crime is a crime by morals and law and must be punished accordingly, but the western world are creating martyrs for just passing a compliment or making a lewd remark in fun. In truth, many of us have given up and can no longer sympathize with this constant desire for martyrdom and protest when the very same people have absolutely zero compassion or even awareness of two horrendous world wars in which tens of tens of millions were barbarically killed. Innocent civilians and so many soldiers who were ‘forced’into doing a job trembling with fear to defend these ungrateful Millennials which dominate society now.
Oh what a pig I am.. Anyone for coffee?

THE VERY LAST OLD MAN’S RANT – NOVEMBER 2017

Forward: 

An explanation is now required. This is the magazine article which got me banned. I no longer write for said magazine. In the news, is the blatant obsession America currently has with sexual nuance and overtones. Plainly obvious is the relished embellishment which the media who carry the stories and the teller of, appear to almost get some sort sexual pleasure out of being the apparent victim as they reveal details, many decades after the so-called incident occurred. To top that, the credibility of an ego drenched actress is to say the least suspect. Before brandishing a poker in soaked Political Correct anger at the writer, try and drop the martyrdom first and look through the haze. A crime is a crime and sexually related crimes should see some sort of clinical retribution if proven. Rape (though often hard to prove) invariably entails violence thus the perpetrator breaks two laws –  the death penalty is too good for them. Sexual harassment is a sickness no matter which way it manifests itself. Cultural backwardness, sociopathic or just vanity and desire, no matter, it must be severely dealt with. However, circumstances cannot be hearsay, those facts the affected bleat must indeed be factual and here lies the rub. Did anyone die, was violence used? Money and fame is a very coercive force, it is not criminal.

Despite the likes of the main-stream media propagating obsessive homosexuality and now working very hard to promote paedophilia and normalize it, as they indoctrinate their Millennial sheep; it is deemed thoroughly inappropriate to make say a paedophile joke. This is utter hypocrisy to protect the shady. ‘Thus duth protestuth too muchuth’. Victims are victims, it is a very sad fact of life, but the entire world is not to blame. Empathy, sympathy, compassion where it is due, but life goes on creating more victims no matter how offended some might be. The dark side of all this is that victims are being victimized by this ‘Common Purpose’ – Fabian cult who manipulate and indoctrinate and thus are perpetrators by their actions. The truth is, their manifesto champions perpetrators while diminishing all rights to the true victim. To combat critique and smoother this abominable doctrine, they create ‘the offended’.  It is so hard to see through it if one grew up in it.

Having been asked to make ‘Harvey’ the subject of the month, the writing is tongue in cheek as they are all supposed to be, however it was deemed offensive by one Millennial daughter, who spoke up for ‘all those poor actresses’ who ostensibly suffered so greatly at the hand or hands of Harvey Weinstein. This is the power of Political Correctness gone absolutely mad. One deluded voice can frighten a nation if it pulls the race or offense card.

 

The article:

The pathetically frustrated media fruitlessly trying to destroy The Donald obviously needed a new news-worthy stool pigeon; ‘Oh hello Harvey! What a nice bathroom you have, that’s an odd-looking loofah you’re holding’, said the actress. What a filthy Shrek he turned out to be.

Call we rare, cynical reality gems old fashioned and merely sceptical, but how strange is it that all these women now coming forward are or were wanna-be famous actresses? Ostensibly in the name of ‘art’ those same moaning thespians whose distended egos are so desperately prepared to nakedly simulate a good rogering with more suspiciously accurate moaning, in full HD on our screens hourly. With obscene hypocrisy they now come out in their droves, to garner even more ego drenched publicity, by hammering Weinstein, the very man they courted to get the part. Fame without shame.   Darling, how far were you prepared to go, casually flaunting your bottom cheeks with a such a tight-fitting G-string so far up the Khyber as cruelly painful as a carthorse’s mouth bit’?

Society is very sick. We now have the stalwart 1950’s BBC “RADIO” play ‘The Archers’, depicting homosexuals french kissing with gross slurpy mouth made sound effects. We have explicit language and sexual connotation in everything from the ‘Shopping Channel’ to the ‘Muppets’. We have every single twerking and writhing pop video displaying teenage debauchery. We have schools in the UK and the USA building toilets for trans and so-called latest craze ‘liquid’ gender kids, plus homosexuality utterly romanticized in the school classrooms for 5-year olds with never a mention of the unnatural messy enema. Top that with adolescent boys allowed to wear dresses in class and undecided 8-year-old girls lovingly donning strap-ons so as not to be discriminated against. And you thought smoking in the toilets at school was bad.

As it is, nobody from ‘normality’ has popped up claiming; ‘Harvey made me perform oral sex, threatening me with a blunt dildo held to my throat’. This is society as it is in the 21st Century and as always was in 20th Century Fox.  Yet boisterous Harvey still lives in the 70s when ‘free love’ and penicillin came gratis and soap was something one used only for lubrication. Meanwhile Hilary Clinton still blames the Russians for Bill’s endless indiscretions. Oddly, if some guys came out screaming; ‘Harvey buggered me in the barn after promising a gay part in the follow up to “Brokeback Mountain – Homo on the Range”, it would be supressed.

Murder, violence, rape, paedophilia; none of it is remotely funny and this column has no issues permanently terminating the guilty, however, when all is said and done, jokes pertaining to it are often hilarious so lighten up – oh, unless you happen to be the victim of course, but that applies to life’s challenges full stop and no amount of forced PC will ever change cruel human nature.

Next, of the 2 million women Hugh Hefner claims to have wanged, half will claim ‘assault’.  His estate must be worth a lie or two. What the hell is the difference between luvvie Hefner and Weinstein other than a red dressing gown and the size of their etchings?  A brilliant pun and thoroughly hilarious, was ‘The Onion’s’ headline: ‘Officials investigating Hugh Hefner’s death suspect foreplay’. If English is your mother tongue then you are now rolling on the floor peeing yourself with absolutely no offence taken, despite speaking ill of the dead

‘I was made to watch him shower’ spews Ashley Judd.  Um…er.. just how was that achieved Ash?  You are the victim here, please show us the dastardly rope burns of the bondage which held you there. Then there’s the Italian actress who we have never heard of, maintaining that she was forced to perform trumpet practice on Weinstein’s chosen instrument, describing it as ‘onanistic’.  My God, that’s a big word for a 21 year old, or she can’t spell ‘organ’

Sadly or deluded, we know in full denial the rich and famous and abhorrent politicians know no bounds when it comes to sexual pleasure at any age (one suspects). Sir Jimmy Saville on the other hand didn’t care if his assault victim was breathing or not and the entire hierarchy of the BBC and much of government were well aware, thus indeed complicit, so knighted him. That my friends is worthy of the death penalty, just to rid the earth of such deviance.  But then the House of Lords would look a little too empty perhaps.

‘Harvey Weinstein claims it was a mistake to assault a dozen women. That’s not a mistake, that’s a whole season of “Law and Order Special Victims Unit”’ spews a comedian. A funny line, but the boilers come out the woodwork, ooooing and aaahing; with their clichéd offended diatribe as if victims themselves and the media milk it.

There are so many millions who really do suffer horrendous, heinous abuse in this warped world, which is totally appeased by the very same disingenuous lizard activists, depraved politicians and chameleon ego maniacs called showbiz

SOAPBOX: OLD MAN’s RANT 29 – JUNE 2017


Despite Khrushchev, we flower-power, braless, ‘free-love era’ accidents of the 60 – 70s had the best life could offer, with Juicy Lucy to Pink Floyd rock, original filthy jokes, head hair indistinguishable from pubic, Blue Nun, wondering if Harold Wilson was really a commie or did Lyndon B Johnson do it. White women started going with black men, but not much the other way around, until primitive social media convinced us ‘we’d never go back’.
Now we have fake watches, fake caller IDs, fake emails, fake friends and ‘Fake News’. Endless, inane and repetitive ‘Fakebook’ posts which is worse than fake orgasms. Yes! You pretend agreement to your friends by giving them ‘Likes’, answering yawning post which ask if you can answer or match 5 out of 10 questions or scenarios, so now you are asking yourself how many of the above you’ve experienced. Oh really? Was it Oscar worthy?
The never-never land ‘millennial’ phantasm brats of today are optimistically blind believing we are heading for better things. It is hip to be radical and destructive but blame everyone else. They would rather cull wise foxes or club seals than useless human proliferation which now swamps us. Back in the 60s hippies had ‘love ins’, ‘together ins’ and even ‘wad ins’ whatever that was. One favourite old joke was the guy walks into a library and asks for a list of standard novels which were not available, so a little exasperated snapped at the hippy librarian; ‘What about Dicken’? to which she replied; ‘I don’t know, I’ve never been to one’.
You feel empowered by posting pro Jeremy Corbin like ideology and anything anti Trump all over Facebook because you think you are influential. You believe you are abstractly more intelligent than selfish reality, which you abhor as amoral capitalism? Your attitude is your God given right to impose ‘your’ dogma and indeed sexual appetite on the rest of the world and have a posse of kids who you will condition and whose welfare you fully believe everyone else should support. Fair enough! Maybe you should write a monthly column for a magazine then.
Once you radicals are potty trained into ‘reality’ perhaps you will actually question this constant, perverted media brainwashing, get off your fake moral arses and contribute by parting with your own hard earned dosh to feed this demented ‘I deserve – you owe me’ ‘churn ‘em out’ ideology of equality. What you support contributes nothing back and will eventually drain all resources until we physically eat each other.
Radical ‘ANYTHING’ is a cerebral-cortex sickness more prevalent than Ebola. Just look at the state of some countries today steeped in ideology gone viral. Victims of hunger are fawned over pinning blame on the buoyant. In our first world, victims of heinous crime have no say, no rights, yet perpetrators are heroes and mollycoddled. It is all so ‘Twin Peaks’ like – where he says; ‘The urge to be bad is so overwhelming’.
‘It really is a sin to be white now’. This perverted ideology, bloated and obsessive Political Correctness tries so hard to kill off humour, forcing us into oblivious delusion. It’s like the ‘free world’ is now emulating the Third World for control with apologists and appeasers taking us back. We can no longer make simple puns without fear of media wrath and parrots regurgitating a lynching or receiving heavy fines or jail just for being funny.
Even the dearly loved ‘double entendre’ has been relegated to the; ‘That’s so offensive’ filthy cesspit of unacceptable dalliances, yet TV and films propagate more filth, violence and despicable language. Homosexuality is taught in schools at age 5. Nobody is ‘allowed’ to argue. Thankfully in Bahrain we are still in the 60s PC wise and by default, religion is wholly partisan and indeed racist in so many ways, yet cosmopolitan personified at the same time. Sure, most language puns will go high over the abiya or ghutra, but don’t underestimate the humour! Can you imagine, somewhere in Europe, a Bahraini accidently walking into a multi-racial Lesbian bar called ‘Quality Street’. There in glorious colour is a poster proclaiming ‘Clitoris Allsorts’ and curiosity becomes an urge. A butch Martina Navratidykeski bars him at the door exclaiming; ‘We are lesbians’! In broken English, he’d retort; ‘I am from Bahrain, which part of Lesbainia are you from’?
If you think that bad or risqué, 14th century ideology would have got you headless just for suggesting the world was round, despite Facebook telling us that it could not be flat or cats would push everything off it. Bawdy saucy Chaucer with his ‘Canterbury Tales’certainly pushed buttons and more with his classic double entendre ‘Queynte’ being used throughout. Utterly lost on 21st century society, but then it meant women’s work as well as slang for their genitalia. Who’d have thought? If you say it fast, you see where today’s word comes from.
Oh yes, Charlie Dicken’s would have no doubt parodied his own name had Dicken’s Cider been invented during his time. As it was, who on earth would now dream of calling a character ‘Master Bates’ in a TV series or novel, as he did in Oliver Twist?

OLD MAN’S RANT – No. 28 – MAY 2017

OLD MAN’S RANT – No.28 MAY 2017

‘Dag the wog’, with Spoonerism beauty utters Betty our now revealed source of sourness. But then again, she is dyslexic or she’d write her own column.  On agreeing that ‘Wag the Dog’ is very much a reality right now, and by the way they’ve found a cure for dyslexia, she says’ ‘Well that’s music to my arse’.

Well, if nothing else, we’ve always been well ahead and pretty much spot on in this column even if that ‘epiphany’ moment never quite reaches a climax. Of course, rather than read it, many would rather administer mouth to mouth on a dying cockroach, but hey!

In absolute denial, the stud clad, dope smoking programmed masses have gone completely delirious and now regurgitating media scaremongering with ‘World War III’ chants. ‘Oh poor despotic North Korea’, or any other totalitarian murderous state; ‘Trump is such a bully’, they cough up like an owl pellet (Trump had no idea). Nation after nation gather in swooning awe and blindly elect wannabe dictators, crooks or imbeciles (and it was a close shave with Hillary). Don’t forget, Hitler was ostensibly ‘voted’ into power.  The ‘sheeple’ who allow themselves to be manipulated by these – um… ‘elected charlatans’ are far and wide and they all suffer from ‘Thought constipation’.  Yes, a cull is necessary but how we ‘legally’ do that is debatable.  Educational reform is contaminated, so let’s perhaps experiment with a new herbal remedy that ‘clears’ one’s mind. Test rats display remarkable genius after ingesting the ominous and very popular flower Clitoria Ternatea which is now in full bloom. On viewing the flower, many might yearn to take it orally post haste, though the less perverted simply make tea with it or possibly smoke it. It’s very easy to fathom what Darwin was thinking when he first named it.  Well the essence of this ‘Asian pigeonwings’ (Darwin pea) has an ‘Antihyperglycemic effect; which not only shifts constipation, it has beneficial organ supplements too. Hmmm!

This unforgivable, out of control, agenda soaked, media causes most of the world’s stupidity -and the ludicrously left, gay, Fabian, debauched (did we miss anything?) BBC, CNN et al are frightening the living crap out of their flock with the imaginary apocalypse. Oh don’t worry and no need to don your tin helmets yet, for suddenly, after a bout of flu, nuclear breasted Kim Kardashian, wearing skin tight nothing is spotted leaving her house riding, or more like smothering a rather tiny camel. At least 40 kilos appears to have shifted from her waist to her well-rounded buttocks – and suddenly there’s not a care in the world – war over, peace and tranquillity reigns. To top that, Bill O’Reilly was pushed from Fox News, so the luvvie brigade were on fire. CNN headlined that story faster than a cheetah with diarrhea. Serena Williams discovered she was 52 weeks pregnant and she nor anybody else noticed. Then to keep North Korea out of the picture indefinitely, Illuminati shepherd Beyonce, or ‘Bey’ to her sheep (puke), is also 5 minutes away from the drop zone and Maria Carey was seen swaying in as wet-nurse. This tranquillity will ensue until after the British elections, so you still have time to empty supermarket shelves and build an underground shelter and fill it with canned baked beans and rice.

Even the glut of ‘United’ jokes didn’t stop the saber rattling. Sadly, the American media would not have appreciated one of the funniest slaps at the airline, that being a ‘Ryan Air’ crew trying to drag a passenger ‘onto’ one of their planes. Talk about ‘Stretcher seats’ now in United economy, which is worse; a Chinaman being dragged off a 70 seat Embraer 170, or you sardined into a Far Eastern equivalent crammed with 140 seats in the same space? The average sized European man emerges from a Chinese flight speaking in a very high voice and completely sterilized.

Maybe we should just drop all this political piss-taking and just create our own TMZ type column depicting Bahrain’s privileged. You can image the editorial from our jail cell:

“There it was, the elite of Formula 1 displaying copious drool as the glamour of Naomi Campbell strutted the paddock having voluntarily not eaten since March – along with Enrique packing a garden hose. Those with more skeletal wallets only managed the brilliantly perfect Tom Jones concert just beforehand. Thoughtful organizers installing substantially large fans right of stage to parachute flying objects away from the artist, thus avoiding any parliamentary antagonism. Ex Radio Bahrain DJs could be seen mingling with the estrogen set desperately trying to persuade them to part with their panties; only this time so they could pointlessly throw them at Jones.  All this excitement and nobody noticed another 80s movie star Linda Lovelace who was in Bahrain judging a sausage contest just down the road”.

Talking of which, let’s not forget the imminent demise of Radio Bahrain in our imaginary showbiz rag. It has been easier to sell time-share on the moon than effective advertising on that for the past 20 years. No surprise, for understanding sign language or brail is a breeze compared to the on-air verbal dyslexia we endure these days.  Yes, A TMZ Bahrain might have merit.

OLD MAN’S RANT – No. 27 – APRIL 2017

With oil-prices low and indeed the endless troubles in the Arab world, the last few months… ok years… ok you win, decades… have been so disappointing. How disappointing? Well, you’ve reached your 50s and wake up with a morning glory, but looking down with pride, you see your nose is blocking it out.  Yeh, that disappointing! Or you have 3 mates turn up and you open your fat bloated, expensive bag of Lays potato crisps to offer them one and you have to go without.

The GDN tells us daily that; ‘Bahrain is on the crest of prosperity and it is only moments away’. If you believe that, you surely believe Herpes was a Greek God. Low oil prices and on-going troubles in the Middle East and at home, trying to earn even enough to pay the grossly exorbitant rents that landlords are still trying to charge causes enough stress to give us all giant aneurysms. The only rent adjustments Bahrain has ever seen are stupendously upwards. You’d have more luck trying to persuade your landlord to have sex with Lorena Bobbitt than get him to lower your rent. Likewise, lady landlords too and there are plenty, so that smile, concocted flirt and pleasantries are utterly wasted. Their time is soon though and it won’t be just 10% off rents; their buildings will be unoccupied.

Maybe it is only media that is in trouble, with hundreds of thousands of iPhones or similar out there clicking away. Yep, everyone is now an instant video expert or interviewer. ‘Screw the quality!’ shouts the client, social media is free and we seem to have a society which cannot tell the difference between levels of professionalism or quality creative art. Well, without good professional media baby, you ain’t really got a credible country.

The government of Bahrain are building houses for their nationals at a phenomenal rate compared to many other governments around the world. None of that helps the expatriates who still believe in Santa Claus and continue to pour in looking for that pot of gold. Just the electricity and water charges as high as the towers they supply is enough to contradict that notion. With wages stagnant at rock-bottom, we have as much chance of getting a pay rise as one would fulfilling a dream of farting in Buckingham Palace.

Demographics have changed drastically since the boom time 80s with so many expats now just basically cheap labour and the like, thus the level of sophistication has dropped dramatically.  That is not good for the bigger picture and certainly not good for artistic, creative media as witnessed with the appalling standards on show out there and on radio. Few see or perceive anything wrong with it, so take the money and run. What money? Or is it that the nation doesn’t care because that is what they have been fed for so long now and if; ‘You give the people crap, they want more crap, if you give them quality, they want better’, said some ranting artist once upon a time.

How can we put this without upsetting the PC apple cart?  Oh who cares?  Just claim you suffer from Tourette’s syndrome and loudly shout FXXX IT! Really though, looking around it is quite frightening. George Lucas and Disney could find enough oddities to cast Star Wars #204 and Beauty and Beast #2 respectively. Incidentally, the latter cartoon has been banned in Kuwait because one of the characters is homosexual. Quite why Disney felt compelled to ‘bend’ even a cartoon character as such is beyond PC obsession, but hey he won’t miss the million or so revenue. Anyway, that’s by the by.

Getting back on track; what will Bahrain do when the milch cow can no longer survive and the church charity coffers are empty having supported so many who stupidly hung on, deluded that it will surely get better. ‘Expatriates earn big bucks’! That is a fallacy, but a very few get a good wad and some do get their rent paid which goes with utilities thrown in, but that is just another excuse now for landlords to increase rents. Of course, what seems like a very low wage here, was considered a good pocket from whence they came and the Bahraini ‘Arbabs ‘ have cashed in plenty. However, with the current situation, new intakes might find themselves as disappointed as a bald Sikh.

Do you remember when the first Russians started arriving, just after Glasnost. Poor they were, but not anymore and now represent the more affluent among the tribes. There was a spoof radio show done at the time, which in those days could NOT be aired for fear of having no more use for nail varnish. The scene was in an aeroplane and the so-called main character was sitting next to a Russian. In conversation it was mentioned that so many Russians were heading in and he asked the guy; ‘Why are so many Russians flocking here’? To which the heavily accented Russian replied; ‘Because “flocking” for Dollars better is’.

Nothing ever comes down in Bahrain, except trousers in one of the million massage parlours now clocking up the number of new business setups that we so frequently hear boasted about. The business acumen in Bahrain generally follows what he or she did down the road, since rocket science is not so much part of the school curriculum on Fantasy Island. Very little outside the government or privileged few invest in manufacturing or science technology, which of course creates industry and jobs, even if you have to employ expatriates to run it, it generates business all round. Well, a lot more than a single watchman at the bottom of your high-rise apartment block.  Anybody see a ‘Catch 22’ here?  Anything that is considered no qualifications required, such as advertising agencies and obviously massage parlours of which there are just as many, is the way to make bucks with no real expenditure.  So open another sharwarma shop and fill roads and gardens with more wasted flyers. Good Tamkeen money to the wind.  OR, like a leggy synchronized swimmers aerial foot fest, build yet another 200-apartment high-rise and snag at least one big budget American from the base and cash in.  Curious as to just who is taking up this mass amount of residential and office space; as dusk falls, we all so often look skyward to see how many lights are on in the blocks, thinking; ‘Is there anyone living there or has anyone taken office space’. You spot one light, maybe two and think; ‘My God! It’s like those Lays crisps packs (mentioned earlier)’.

 

GRIZZ THE CROSS COLLIE SHOT IN AUCKLAND AIRPORT THUG FEST

March 17th 2017:

A giant Tyrannosaurus Rex cross collie called Grizz, a fire breathing monster paced the perimeter of Auckland airport and grounded planes, as it swung in its huge arms and attempted to rip passengers from their seats on aircraft waiting to taxi. There it was, clawing off wings, engines and tails, carting maidens off in their blood swilling mouths. Pilots panicked and demanded the beast be shot, begging passengers stay calm while the intrepid New Zealand authorities ‘COMPETENTLY” dealt with this horrifying situation. Marvel comics eat your heart out!

Staff had done “everything they could”, spokeswoman Lisa Mulitalo told Fairfax New Zealand. “We’re really upset about it”.

Um…. NO YOU DIDN’T you slimy arsed psycho, PC obsessed dingbat; to you and your’s.

So someone shot little Grizz the puppy! Obviously Tyrannosaurus Rex cross breed with collie, bred to threaten and destroy.

As some are saying in NZ today: “I am ashamed to be a Kiwi”. You reap what you sew!

It probably all boils down to the incessant desires of Mr and Miss Nobody’s craving for attention and a subconscious need to be noticed among society as we know it today. It is nothing new, it is just that we have so many means of achieving this now, so jump on. Get a Facebook page and type shit like I do, You’ll soon get noticed without shooting defenseless puppies.

Plus it is all tied to obsessive PC indoctrination, which gives everyone absolute opportunity to get in on it. Health and Safety obsessions and the plethora of gestapo like vacant ‘security’ individuals in the name of ‘look at me’, rather that the true essence of the requirement and the people these pseudo manufactured, near quango existences attract. It simply allows their Andy Warhol moments to be easily presented to them all too often.

Let’s get this right.. Somehow a small friendly, clever, useful doggy, managed to delay several flights, because what? Quite how that could happen is cartoon at most. Pilots got concerned according to some reports!! Or….. Mr and Miss Nobody saw opportunity for a bit of power to dictate and edict to “GROUND ALL PLANES’ until doggy was apprehended.

Did anyone try simply calling it back? A trained doggy, it would know it’s name. Obviously not. The heat of the moment, the opportunity to create a ‘situation’ was far too great. Call out the cavalry instead!

‘It got a little scared apparently’ and like most dogs do, did a runner for a few minutes. A little doggy who by then was even more scared with the ‘I wanna be noticed and famous and I’ve got a gun’ chasing it.

There are probably 20 dogs at any one time sniffing the perimeter of the airport pissing against posts. But no, you guys chose this little one’s life to so easily extinguish.

Oh you’ve been noticed alright – sleep well on that thought!

Insist they line each and every one of them up in front of cameras in a blaze of glory to show the world just how macho they all are.

OLD MAN’S RANT – No. 26 – March 2017

Politics lends itself to such ridicule unless of course you live in the Gulf then it’s best not to put anything in writing. Not that you will ever get an answer even if you did, but you might get a knock on the door. Politicians who get paid extremely well for doing so little leave themselves wide open to ridicule, so why not pillory them? Unlike The Donald, Obama was schooled in the American version of Oxford, so the influence is much the same and it totally controls all political thinking from LA to London and no doubt the Bosphorus. It is the ‘PPE graduate’ from Oxford University and the reality is that those holding it, hold high positions everywhere. Not a single grad. having this esteem power has any idea whatsoever as to what it actually means. Nigel Farage of the UK Independent party (UKIP) has the closest understanding when he refers to it as “PPE BOLLOCKS”.

Oddly, Obama’s version allowed a sense of humour which must have gone against the grain somewhat. There is not much else to laugh about in the real world these days as most of it is against the PC imposed law. If sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, then stop peeing your pants at some of the occasional chuckle lines in this column or you will be deemed a racist. No more mimicking accents, no more cultural observations – if you didn’t watch Harry Potter, you are Nazi, if you thought Lord of the Rings was a gay bar- you are ‘offensive’. If we dare to look at a fat person and cringe or pretend we are not colour blind, then you get arrested. You cannot make fun of the uneducated (when it is wholly self-inflicted) and you can’t tell a joke like; A hillbilly is going through the formalities opening a savings account at the bank and the teller mentions ‘interest’.  The hillbilly says; ‘Hush now, y’all gonna git me in trouble agin’. Or; ‘There wuz only room fer one on the tractor, so I lit me Ma – and sister drive’.

Now the Trump onslaught………… just joking….. we’ll get back to that later. Let’s probe the hypocrisy we are all forced to live by should the burgeoning anti-PC revolution fail.

What is an oxy-moron? Life?  Nope!  That is an ‘oxymoron’.  An oxy-moron relates to bozos who dictate life to us the moment they leave Oxford. The oxymoron of ‘life’ means ‘death’ – for sure (at some stage). Some may have noticed that we stay dead a very long time and nobody has ever come back to dispute such wisdom; not that we know of. Um… let’s not get into religion here with a barrage from the devout protesting that ‘on the third day’ and so on. Pap, repetitious monkey see, monkey do media and amateur advertising is so often riddled with oxymoron.  ‘Your call is important to us’ iteration and irritation. ‘Our staff care about you’. The falseness of it contradicts the sentence. ‘No animals were harmed during the testing of our products’ by the makers of the best microwave ovens in the world.

For a start, the very actions of those masked or curtain rail Fascists rioting in the name of protest, while calling non-conformists morons for not towing the indoctrinated Fabian line is the current most worrying oxy-moron.  Yes, we know that so many campus professors fit this bill with their condescending approach to us all if we don’t follow their deluded intellectual thesis.

The British Government and indeed the BBC are both an an oxy-moron and an oxymoron.  THE BRITISH BROADCASTING CORPORATION. What is British now? It is diluted identity, levelling to the lowest common denominator. One could be forgiven for assuming it is the Voice of Africa or India or something, spewing it’s rather unsavoury, indeed Fascist Left-Wing doctrine to the world, flavoured by gayness. For some absurd reason, it is common knowledge and ostensibly fully accepted by society that the BBC houses an inordinate number of homosexuals, disabled, ineloquent and sadly a noticeable palate of considerably ugly presenters, who are given priority over perfectly gracious, good-looking, well-heeled, hetro indigenous. It is certainly the antipathy of Fox News, if one excludes Sheppard Smith that is! (Oh, you are confused? Look it up!  If it is on the Internet it must be true).

Factually, many BBC (and several others) presenters are incapable of picking up English mother-tongue nuance, so unaware read out and regurgitate as they blindly follow the closet format. Each mimics what they think is the kosher delivery, convinced the world is desperately hanging on to their every BBC word as they wave their hands about like a deranged sign language impersonator, or a distressed sailor frantically using ‘semaphore’ to warn you a large albatross is about to crap on your head. A devilish news editor could have a field day with ambiguous scripts, full of double entendre and it would all get read out, just as it does in Bahrain with presenters none the wiser.  It happens – take note! In BBC land, a story about a ‘cock fight’ in Thailand has nothing to do with chickens. We now have to say ‘cheers’ when making a toast as the old fashioned ‘bottoms up’ might lead to an orgy in their corridors.

Imagine an interview on the ‘Travel Programme’ which is so often hosted by a dreadlock clad rather pleasing fellow who happens to be black and confined to a wheelchair; quite possibly practicing backgammon, sporting the diction of a welder; whereby if the BBC can wiggle in something about homosexuality, even with the remotest association –  they will. ‘Yeah, my parents are going to India for meditation and sexual enlightenment’.  Curious as to where in India the reporter asks; ‘Mumbai’?  ‘Yes’ says the guest; ‘Both my mum and dad are’.  (It will take you a few moments to absorb that; don’t worry, you are not alone).

The British nation has itself been oblivious to it for decades and even pay for it like a porn channel.  Like a religion, it is all around, but one suspects people are eventually waking up to it now. Trump…  (Ok, that’s only twice we mention him this month) as with his upcoming European counterparts (as fanaticized by the corrupt media) one could hopefully see ‘normality’ re-emerge.  It will be wonderful to rub it in their faces – said the actress to the bishop.

OLD MAN’S RANT NO. 25 FEBRUARY 2017

So what did you initially find attractive in billionaire Donald Ms. Knavs? Who could blame Donald when he first clocked Her Gorgeousness.  ‘Premature Congratulation’ comes to mind in more ways than one though, as it is going to be all out war with the mainstream media and the ‘Useful Idiots’ and political sulkers on the Trump offensive for the next 4 years. Citizens might even die and Betty’s guess is more white than black. It always has been that way, but the Luvvies nurture the contrary because it generates far more reaction. Maybe Detroit will sprout new life and ‘Je suis black people’ (no longer ridiculously termed ‘African Americans), will flourish.  A new generation of babies uttering their first half sentences; ‘Mother…………..’ Life is going to be ‘Donald GREAT’ again. Or not!

George Soros oiled the inferno, covertly out of sight but financing dissent through his bottomless pit of NGOs. This he does rather than giving some of his zillions back to society. With the media KGB and debase cloaked politicians far more obsessed with sexual preference than mushroom clouds over North Korea, one suspects the LGBTPaeds acronym created by this ruling closet will be shortened to just LGB again during The Donald domain. Just as the BBC thought they had it in the bag to ‘normalize’ and even legalize paedophilia, having successfully bombarded and brainwashed nations over the past 40 odd years with gayness from the age of five in schools, we might instead find child killers on death row.

CNN and others will fade to oblivion, with the ego-drenched journalists and reporters changing spots and networks as their credibility is shot to pieces. Sadly, the BBC will still be forced upon us for just a few more years.  That same BBC would love to ask Donald openly what his bent is but dare not. For sure, one outrageous a-hole will not be able to resist.  Imagine the interview; ‘Truthfully Mr. Trump, What is your sexual orientation? Trump: ‘Horizontal mostly, but occasionally I go rodeo’, without a hint of humour or perception because The Donald is not a witty person in the least it seems.

It was never rocket science to expect this pathetically hypocritical violence and spoilt rage by the brash, outrageously arrogant and oblivious who have had it far too good for far too long. These ‘Useful Idiots’ have to be ‘de-programmed’ and that was not in Lenin’s manifesto, nor Saul Alinksy’s dissertation thus Hilary’s (sealed) one either, or the assemblage occupying Europe. So this is new territory for the world. The Russians might have had something to do with it in the early part of last century but now?  Ho Ho Ho!  Although Betty – our intrepid spokesman – er women (This silly PC is about to change and the apparel lumps which might have been politically Photoshopped out in the past, will re-appear), has inroads to the Russian elite. The very day after Trump’s inauguration, she asked one of her Kremlin contacts when they were moving into the White House. ‘Yesterday’ he answered.

Across Europe and the UK similar Tumpets are a foregone conclusion and it has nothing to do with indoctrination as is the case with the Fabian debased. Folk are simply fed up with it. But be aware, very aware, this displaced closet will create Mad Max and still blame everyone else, yet when all is said and done, it is this lot who created Trump in the first place.  Claims that we the awoken, previously comatose are ‘unreasonably violent’ with Nazi tendencies is as disingenuous as those who perpetrate it. Deemed ‘Right Wing Fascist’ if you don’t agree with the Euro-Hilary-Obamacrats, yet really most of us are just .. um.. just.. er.. easy going, not categorized in any slot. This self-proclaimed ‘elite’ have actually spread the fear and not Trump, Farage or Marie le Penn et al. Then there are the hippy retreads, who blindly follow this imaginary peace and love, non-nationalistic, appeasement and preferential sexual habits and ‘that’s so cool’ to everyone everywhere, even Charles Manson and ISIS. This babble contributes less than zero to society. Actually, a lot of them useless professors in universities or manning the turrets at the London School of Economics, when they are not dipping caviar at Davos along with massive amounts of Viagra for the rich in the form of oysters and the like slithering down throats. One suspects even tiger’s testicles are also on the buffet to please the Asian appetite in their exclusive hotel rooms. Hypocrisy beyond as Trump gets the heat for just looking. Without alcohol, the most decadent thing Trump ‘might’ have partaken in is the odd ménage à trois. That’s doubtful too, for his vanity (although not vain) would probably not allow,

Except a few parrot flavoured ostensibly male morons who joined the misconceived Star Wars bar of agenda generated female miscreants marching as to war, men in their billions all over the world ogled in ecstasy at the ravishing, undisputable beauty and composure of Melania at the inauguration – and this is just the tip of the iceberg. Move over -and make room darling Kate, as aura pure and magnificently natural as you are, for if Melania comes up.. um..er.. trumps as a lot expect her to, she will be the biggest trump card Trump could have ever wildly imagined.

Still, unable to match the glamour inadvertently playing out on stage, old school degenerate politicians were seething as were the Che Guevara tee-shirt clad news editors. Vindictive mainstream media cameras with wide angles lens removed desperately panned to seek out empty space to create another pathetic deceitful story. Hopeful that the streets will create mayhem, news teams mingled among this frightful bunch of so many unsightly specimens with their xylophone pierced extremities rattling as they chanted ridicule. Judging by the unkempt size of them, they hadn’t taken a step in years so the walk was doing them good.

OLD MAN’S RANT JANUARY 2017 – No 24

Awfully sorry for the delay.  I’ve been a little … well no.. a hell of a lot… poorly of late.  Allergy from hell.  So here now I catch up.

With much disdain from many quarters, this ‘blogarrhea’ clearly and confidently predicted throughout 2016 that The Donald would become President. It had nothing to do with support for Trump, rather the rumbling (as in caught) of the lying, conniving, fascist left, agenda swamped, mostly fake, totally out of control mainstream media, which so many millions blindly follow. That and a non-vodka drinking Russian mole mate who confirmed it was all ‘GO’ last summer. After all, Mr. Putin is getting blamed for everything. Is he really so important?  Well, if you can reach his pedestal you can ask him. Granted, it is Pantomime season so expect anything, even unicorn sightings or white athletes breaking the world record for the 100 metres. In the case of the latter two examples, drugs would most certainly be involved.

Bored yet? Oh get over it!  There is another four years of good material to come and ‘Fakebook’ is in overdrive still as with the rest of the discredited media. No visible climb down from that lot yet, but as reported in last month’s column, let’s see if the utterly deluded big mouths carry out their pontificating chants of; ‘If Donald Trump gets in, I’m leaving for Canada’!

OH CANADA!  The land of unknown inventions, patronizing excess as concern for others, while totally dismissing its own original white settlers. Will the UN send a force to protect you from Rosie and Co? You don’t deserve this, nonetheless you will open your doors with welcoming mittens! Canada is probably the nicest country in the world next to everywhere else.

Now we will see who really is lying. ‘The great Showbiz escape’! Those unhappy with Trump will surely dishonour their promises to move to Kanataka….. Sorry, Fart Free Canada. Barbra Streisand, Cher, Samuel L Jackson and even John Stewart say they’re off. What the hell did Canada do to deserve this?  On the other hand; what does Canada ever do?

Miley Cyrus, Whoopi Goldberg, Al Sharpton and the entire LGBTQ community (short for SLPBFT & Confused) have threatened to mince northward. America will rejoice if it no longer has the dystopian dyke and unfunny comedienne Rosie O’Donnel, who is indeed a product of this deluded hypocrisy. Take Russell Brand with you. Hopefully she will be medically checked at the border. They can test for anorexia, but results will come back negative. O’Donnel can mouth off and dish it out BIG TIME in what she thinks are jokes, but when it comes back; ‘Oh you are so moronically offensive… blah blah blah’.  It’s vile no matter which end she expels it. Talk about global warming, Rosie’s flatulence causes Black Holes.  If she ever does get to Canada, the Mounties wont breathalyze suspect motorists, they’ll just show pictures of Rosie and ask if they find her attractive?

Mind you, what a wonderful gesture – free up some US oxygen and end the baby oil shortage!  How can we put it? Canada is a great place – for year-round winter sport. Christmas trees are replaced in July with the new one up for decoration in August. Canada is a Star Wars bar of every creed, wart and colour.  A land of mammoths and dinosaurs whose frozen, tundra-covered fossils have yet to be discovered. At least Rosie will be kept busy excavating for giant ‘Likaloddapus’.

If they thought bloated Political Correctness was ebbing in the States, Canada will handsomely compensate. There’s more PC up there than snow. A new Venezuela will be born on the Northern Border.  What does ‘Oh Kanada’ have to say about this? Justin will be having damp dreams in ecstasy (that’s ‘in’ not ‘on’, but who knows?).  Now, at least more than ten people know who Justin Trudeau is, because for the last 50 odd years, nobody in the rest of the world knew who the hell was running Canada. However, one suspects Canada’s current PC fascism gone stark raving mad might soon wane and be offering sanctity to two million Bangladeshi masons (of the trowel type) to see how quick they can build their own wall.

A Canadian joke would go something like:  Lance Armstrong got such a raw deal.  ‘When I’m on drugs, I can’t even find my bike’. Vancouver, with its entrepreneurial Chinese contingent, is better known as ‘Sichuan Valley’. At least the summer lasts more than a week there and Mohamed is not the most common name given to newborn. ‘Sudden Lee’ crops up a lot though.

Where is Canada? Asked the American.  ‘Eh aboot….’ Answered the Canadian.  ‘It’s a soda – la’? Questioned the Arab. ‘It’s full of xxxx all’!  Said the Duke of Edinburgh. ‘I’m emigrating there 3 months from now.  My entire family will join me next year’. Gleefully boast most Indians. You ask a Canadian if they are looking forward to spring and they will answer; ‘I live in Canada FFS!’

Why? Why? What’s white and covers the streets 11 months of the year in Canada?  Unemployed people! Canadians barbarically pummel each other and call it hockey; club baby seals to death and shoot anything with four legs and fur, yet say ‘Thank you’ to ATM machines when it spews the cash.  Canadians, those that don’t speak Algonquin would happily allow a man to have 17 wives (17 being the limit as 18 would make it a Golf course and Donald would find that is too competitive). Criminals get told off and axe murderers get 3 years with colour TV. A mime artist did ‘unspeakable’ things to a lady in an igloo and received a severe wagging finger and told not to do it again. Liberal, polite Canada, you are in trouble because those Americans migrants will NOT understand your British based humour.. ugh.. humor!

 

 

OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – DECEMBER 2016

Happy National Day! What a wonderfully glittering consideration afforded to cosmopolitan Bahrain, so close to the commeth of Christmas and the time for gifts, drunken parties and New Year wishes with predictions. With Hillary now extinct, new born girl’s birth certificates are hurriedly being changed to Milania, her being one among the most well-formed and beautiful women of the world. Yet the main-stream media continues its suicidal, hideously biased and often petty quest at an astonishing rate and Social Media is choking itself. Still, Obama will probably be the second most popular name – over Mohammed in countries like the UK and across Europe while the name ‘George’ is gaining popularity within the Middle East. We will probably discover new Indian cold stores somewhere in the Universe and Gary Glitter will be released from jail and join the Vatican. Talking of which, on his first day in prison, his cell-mate asked him why his trousers looked so small, to which Glitter replied; ‘They’re not mine’.

With Trump in, many will be depressed and some on medication under the doctor, or on top in the case of Bill. Boldly and commendably, The Donald has offered olive branches, but one suspects there will be no marriage made in heaven between him and many of his own party, especially Mitt (The Mormon – that’s MORMON) Romney. It will be more akin to the tender love expressed between two gays with haemorrhoids.
Trump’s victory was a blatant public reaction, a kick in the media’s teeth. ‘CNN’ were and still are on massive doses of Viagra for Hillary as if inciting a violent uprising. They are not alone; ‘France 24’ openly express consolation for rioters and so it goes. The arrogance is seemingly divine for they never learn. Despite their bloody noses, the BBC high among them, the absolutely pathetic CNN (along with the rest), are not so subliminally wishing for a Donald Trump fatality in the new year; that in between bleating on and on about the heathen Brexiteers. After all, if Donald Trump was such the misogynist, fornicator and grabber of parts the others cannot reach, as he has been ‘falsely’ vilified to be – and actually does get whacked (God forbid), then imagine the queue of inadequates grabbing the bits listed on his ‘donor card’. He can’t win either way. If he’d saved the life of a drowning lady by administering CPR, she’d have him in court for pressing on her angina. What a lynch story that would be for the scurrilous, cesspit media.
Talk about indoctrination; even Pidgin English speakers (that will be the rest of the world then) have learned a new word; ‘misogynist’. No, not only can’t they say it properly, they don’t know what it means, but for the record it goes something like; ‘If a man talks dirty to a woman, that’s sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man, that’ll be $10 a minute’.
Media and advertising in the Gulf is generally so bland, so poor, so biased, so sycophantic and just inane food for the masses, thus the temperate laureates among us take little notice. It is pretty much the same in the rest of the world these days. Each platform or newspaper regurgitate the same old agenda, picking on flaccid nothingness desperate to generate a reaction. As with the giant ego of pop stars and actors who will do absolutely anything for attention, even commit suicide (we wish! Sit down at the back Mr.Limbaugh).
Enter a smattering of smut. If the column began with a gripping story line such as; “I felt shattered, it had been a trying day on the catwalk. I showered and crawled into bed, leaving my bra and panties scattered about the floor. Knowing my fiancé would return any time, I was comfortable and switched off the light. I was asleep as soon as my feet hit the pillow. Suddenly I was awakened by the sound of shuffling coming from the passage. I was drowsy, I tried to focus, I felt vulnerable as I fumbled for the side light; and there he was, this towering three-legged Negro’. Just sayin’.
In fact to improve the old hacks standards, we introduced Betty a couple of months back and she is still on probation. However, she inadvertently left her locker door open and we noticed hanging inside was a nurse’s outfit, a French Maid’s costume and to our disbelief even a police woman’s uniform. Well Mr. Middleton (Chairman) is right to assume that if she can’t hold a job down, how long is she going to last here?
So where do we go now? During ‘Obama’s last stand’ back in April, when addressing the smug faces of the journalists fraternity at the “White House Correspondents’ Dinner Roast”; ‘Roast’ being the double entendre, the hacks were mega confident that Hillary would walk it. Nonchalantly swinging his head to one side, Obama came out with; ‘Journalism is a respected trade and often requires bravery, integrity and putting oneself on the line. And then there’s CNN’! Jeers! Obama was almost funny as he praised Michelle saying that; ‘Imagine Trump as President with his First Lady sitting where Michelle is now. It’s anyone’s guess who she will be…but…’ to hoots of laughter. Imagine Trump coming back at him with; ‘Don’t worry, Michelle is being replaced by an immigrant’.
Next month; “The Great Showbiz Migration to Karnataka…. Sorry Kanada… tch! CANADA!!! The land that wants to ban farting and all reference to it. You just can’t wait!

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