THE PRONOUN VIRUS – MY PET HATE

So I am nearly famous: I am locally more infamous for my often direct approach to Advertising Agencies and those manipulating the media and more about that as this blog matures and I am sure it will get juicy so have no fears.  I have plenty of pet media hates, but upfront ‘THE PRONOUN VIRUS’ is my biggest campaign to date.  Sometimes I get a little short with clients when they insist on streams of unnecessary, pointless information within a script, such as this endless patronizing clap-trap experienced these days and telephone numbers etc.  YOU KNOW IT, YOU HATE IT TOO, when it is not your own service, because you think ‘you are the best’, so naively, (I would say ‘stupidly’ but it upsets people)  go right out there and follow suit and do the same. “YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US”. ‘VISIT OUR WEB SITE ON…’  ‘CALL US’   ‘ABOUT US’. It is NOTHING BUT VOMIT. Who the hell is ‘US’? It is endemic though and dreadfully lacks credibility, creativity, just everything!  My bitching about it so often intimidates some clients,  but surprisingly most will agree to it as being superfluous as if a light in their creative cavity within their brain got switched on. Retorts like; ‘But this is what I see and hear all the time, is that not what we should do also?’ In a word; ‘NO!’ So rather than rattle on for now and I got plenty to say and lots which will intimidate some into hate and elate others into love.  Firstly, I got some recognition and accreditation and the word is obviously spreading, so I will point  you to another site and another media blog where you can read THE PRONOUN VIRUS saga and how they accredit my comments. The site is   ‘Bollix Media‘  and has a lot of visitors, so good exposure from a media standpoint, but might not always be my personal viewpoint.

This page is open to all and although your post has to be approved, very little if any will not be,  no matter what you say and the folks at ADmaze Media will approve it (or not) as fast as possible. Behave! Be factual! Like you, I accept that creative art is wholy abstract so without patronizing you,  your opinion is totally valued. But unlike every sickly IVR system in the world (except our’s)  ‘your call is NOT important to US’‘  and nobody cares whether you participate or not, but it would be nice if you did.

USUAL RULES: If you slag me or someone/anyone,  an individual or a company, you had better have your facts on your key board or shut the **** up, because we’ll be taking names and want the full gorey juice on it.  If it is bollix, don’t waste your time.  Debate is fine,  Political Correctness, racial harmony and all that bumf is entirely optional but we’ve all been so dumbed down that most of us will surely adhere.  In the worst case scenario, don’t accuse someone of being a shirt lifter if in fact they are a pillow biter for example.

Registrations are really welcome as I’d like a bit of a voice-over and advertising family, community thing going if I can. So your real name and email is preferred but not essential, eitherway, NOBODY will ever find out who you are unless  you yourself, thee, the bloggee prints your name – yourself! Torture me all they like, I will never personally know as the site is administered in far off lands that have not been discovered yet.   Geggyboy

SOAPBOX: OLD MAN’s RANT 29 – JUNE 2017


Despite Khrushchev, we flower-power, braless, ‘free-love era’ accidents of the 60 – 70s had the best life could offer, with Juicy Lucy to Pink Floyd rock, original filthy jokes, head hair indistinguishable from pubic, Blue Nun, wondering if Harold Wilson was really a commie or did Lyndon B Johnson do it. White women started going with black men, but not much the other way around, until primitive social media convinced us ‘we’d never go back’.
Now we have fake watches, fake caller IDs, fake emails, fake friends and ‘Fake News’. Endless, inane and repetitive ‘Fakebook’ posts which is worse than fake orgasms. Yes! You pretend agreement to your friends by giving them ‘Likes’, answering yawning post which ask if you can answer or match 5 out of 10 questions or scenarios, so now you are asking yourself how many of the above you’ve experienced. Oh really? Was it Oscar worthy?
The never-never land ‘millennial’ phantasm brats of today are optimistically blind believing we are heading for better things. It is hip to be radical and destructive but blame everyone else. They would rather cull wise foxes or club seals than useless human proliferation which now swamps us. Back in the 60s hippies had ‘love ins’, ‘together ins’ and even ‘wad ins’ whatever that was. One favourite old joke was the guy walks into a library and asks for a list of standard novels which were not available, so a little exasperated snapped at the hippy librarian; ‘What about Dicken’? to which she replied; ‘I don’t know, I’ve never been to one’.
You feel empowered by posting pro Jeremy Corbin like ideology and anything anti Trump all over Facebook because you think you are influential. You believe you are abstractly more intelligent than selfish reality, which you abhor as amoral capitalism? Your attitude is your God given right to impose ‘your’ dogma and indeed sexual appetite on the rest of the world and have a posse of kids who you will condition and whose welfare you fully believe everyone else should support. Fair enough! Maybe you should write a monthly column for a magazine then.
Once you radicals are potty trained into ‘reality’ perhaps you will actually question this constant, perverted media brainwashing, get off your fake moral arses and contribute by parting with your own hard earned dosh to feed this demented ‘I deserve – you owe me’ ‘churn ‘em out’ ideology of equality. What you support contributes nothing back and will eventually drain all resources until we physically eat each other.
Radical ‘ANYTHING’ is a cerebral-cortex sickness more prevalent than Ebola. Just look at the state of some countries today steeped in ideology gone viral. Victims of hunger are fawned over pinning blame on the buoyant. In our first world, victims of heinous crime have no say, no rights, yet perpetrators are heroes and mollycoddled. It is all so ‘Twin Peaks’ like – where he says; ‘The urge to be bad is so overwhelming’.
‘It really is a sin to be white now’. This perverted ideology, bloated and obsessive Political Correctness tries so hard to kill off humour, forcing us into oblivious delusion. It’s like the ‘free world’ is now emulating the Third World for control with apologists and appeasers taking us back. We can no longer make simple puns without fear of media wrath and parrots regurgitating a lynching or receiving heavy fines or jail just for being funny.
Even the dearly loved ‘double entendre’ has been relegated to the; ‘That’s so offensive’ filthy cesspit of unacceptable dalliances, yet TV and films propagate more filth, violence and despicable language. Homosexuality is taught in schools at age 5. Nobody is ‘allowed’ to argue. Thankfully in Bahrain we are still in the 60s PC wise and by default, religion is wholly partisan and indeed racist in so many ways, yet cosmopolitan personified at the same time. Sure, most language puns will go high over the abiya or ghutra, but don’t underestimate the humour! Can you imagine, somewhere in Europe, a Bahraini accidently walking into a multi-racial Lesbian bar called ‘Quality Street’. There in glorious colour is a poster proclaiming ‘Clitoris Allsorts’ and curiosity becomes an urge. A butch Martina Navratidykeski bars him at the door exclaiming; ‘We are lesbians’! In broken English, he’d retort; ‘I am from Bahrain, which part of Lesbainia are you from’?
If you think that bad or risqué, 14th century ideology would have got you headless just for suggesting the world was round, despite Facebook telling us that it could not be flat or cats would push everything off it. Bawdy saucy Chaucer with his ‘Canterbury Tales’certainly pushed buttons and more with his classic double entendre ‘Queynte’ being used throughout. Utterly lost on 21st century society, but then it meant women’s work as well as slang for their genitalia. Who’d have thought? If you say it fast, you see where today’s word comes from.
Oh yes, Charlie Dicken’s would have no doubt parodied his own name had Dicken’s Cider been invented during his time. As it was, who on earth would now dream of calling a character ‘Master Bates’ in a TV series or novel, as he did in Oliver Twist?

OLD MAN’S RANT – No. 28 – MAY 2017

OLD MAN’S RANT – No.28 MAY 2017

‘Dag the wog’, with Spoonerism beauty utters Betty our now revealed source of sourness. But then again, she is dyslexic or she’d write her own column.  On agreeing that ‘Wag the Dog’ is very much a reality right now, and by the way they’ve found a cure for dyslexia, she says’ ‘Well that’s music to my arse’.

Well, if nothing else, we’ve always been well ahead and pretty much spot on in this column even if that ‘epiphany’ moment never quite reaches a climax. Of course, rather than read it, many would rather administer mouth to mouth on a dying cockroach, but hey!

In absolute denial, the stud clad, dope smoking programmed masses have gone completely delirious and now regurgitating media scaremongering with ‘World War III’ chants. ‘Oh poor despotic North Korea’, or any other totalitarian murderous state; ‘Trump is such a bully’, they cough up like an owl pellet (Trump had no idea). Nation after nation gather in swooning awe and blindly elect wannabe dictators, crooks or imbeciles (and it was a close shave with Hillary). Don’t forget, Hitler was ostensibly ‘voted’ into power.  The ‘sheeple’ who allow themselves to be manipulated by these – um… ‘elected charlatans’ are far and wide and they all suffer from ‘Thought constipation’.  Yes, a cull is necessary but how we ‘legally’ do that is debatable.  Educational reform is contaminated, so let’s perhaps experiment with a new herbal remedy that ‘clears’ one’s mind. Test rats display remarkable genius after ingesting the ominous and very popular flower Clitoria Ternatea which is now in full bloom. On viewing the flower, many might yearn to take it orally post haste, though the less perverted simply make tea with it or possibly smoke it. It’s very easy to fathom what Darwin was thinking when he first named it.  Well the essence of this ‘Asian pigeonwings’ (Darwin pea) has an ‘Antihyperglycemic effect; which not only shifts constipation, it has beneficial organ supplements too. Hmmm!

This unforgivable, out of control, agenda soaked, media causes most of the world’s stupidity -and the ludicrously left, gay, Fabian, debauched (did we miss anything?) BBC, CNN et al are frightening the living crap out of their flock with the imaginary apocalypse. Oh don’t worry and no need to don your tin helmets yet, for suddenly, after a bout of flu, nuclear breasted Kim Kardashian, wearing skin tight nothing is spotted leaving her house riding, or more like smothering a rather tiny camel. At least 40 kilos appears to have shifted from her waist to her well-rounded buttocks – and suddenly there’s not a care in the world – war over, peace and tranquillity reigns. To top that, Bill O’Reilly was pushed from Fox News, so the luvvie brigade were on fire. CNN headlined that story faster than a cheetah with diarrhea. Serena Williams discovered she was 52 weeks pregnant and she nor anybody else noticed. Then to keep North Korea out of the picture indefinitely, Illuminati shepherd Beyonce, or ‘Bey’ to her sheep (puke), is also 5 minutes away from the drop zone and Maria Carey was seen swaying in as wet-nurse. This tranquillity will ensue until after the British elections, so you still have time to empty supermarket shelves and build an underground shelter and fill it with canned baked beans and rice.

Even the glut of ‘United’ jokes didn’t stop the saber rattling. Sadly, the American media would not have appreciated one of the funniest slaps at the airline, that being a ‘Ryan Air’ crew trying to drag a passenger ‘onto’ one of their planes. Talk about ‘Stretcher seats’ now in United economy, which is worse; a Chinaman being dragged off a 70 seat Embraer 170, or you sardined into a Far Eastern equivalent crammed with 140 seats in the same space? The average sized European man emerges from a Chinese flight speaking in a very high voice and completely sterilized.

Maybe we should just drop all this political piss-taking and just create our own TMZ type column depicting Bahrain’s privileged. You can image the editorial from our jail cell:

“There it was, the elite of Formula 1 displaying copious drool as the glamour of Naomi Campbell strutted the paddock having voluntarily not eaten since March – along with Enrique packing a garden hose. Those with more skeletal wallets only managed the brilliantly perfect Tom Jones concert just beforehand. Thoughtful organizers installing substantially large fans right of stage to parachute flying objects away from the artist, thus avoiding any parliamentary antagonism. Ex Radio Bahrain DJs could be seen mingling with the estrogen set desperately trying to persuade them to part with their panties; only this time so they could pointlessly throw them at Jones.  All this excitement and nobody noticed another 80s movie star Linda Lovelace who was in Bahrain judging a sausage contest just down the road”.

Talking of which, let’s not forget the imminent demise of Radio Bahrain in our imaginary showbiz rag. It has been easier to sell time-share on the moon than effective advertising on that for the past 20 years. No surprise, for understanding sign language or brail is a breeze compared to the on-air verbal dyslexia we endure these days.  Yes, A TMZ Bahrain might have merit.

OLD MAN’S RANT – No. 27 – APRIL 2017

With oil-prices low and indeed the endless troubles in the Arab world, the last few months… ok years… ok you win, decades… have been so disappointing. How disappointing? Well, you’ve reached your 50s and wake up with a morning glory, but looking down with pride, you see your nose is blocking it out.  Yeh, that disappointing! Or you have 3 mates turn up and you open your fat bloated, expensive bag of Lays potato crisps to offer them one and you have to go without.

The GDN tells us daily that; ‘Bahrain is on the crest of prosperity and it is only moments away’. If you believe that, you surely believe Herpes was a Greek God. Low oil prices and on-going troubles in the Middle East and at home, trying to earn even enough to pay the grossly exorbitant rents that landlords are still trying to charge causes enough stress to give us all giant aneurysms. The only rent adjustments Bahrain has ever seen are stupendously upwards. You’d have more luck trying to persuade your landlord to have sex with Lorena Bobbitt than get him to lower your rent. Likewise, lady landlords too and there are plenty, so that smile, concocted flirt and pleasantries are utterly wasted. Their time is soon though and it won’t be just 10% off rents; their buildings will be unoccupied.

Maybe it is only media that is in trouble, with hundreds of thousands of iPhones or similar out there clicking away. Yep, everyone is now an instant video expert or interviewer. ‘Screw the quality!’ shouts the client, social media is free and we seem to have a society which cannot tell the difference between levels of professionalism or quality creative art. Well, without good professional media baby, you ain’t really got a credible country.

The government of Bahrain are building houses for their nationals at a phenomenal rate compared to many other governments around the world. None of that helps the expatriates who still believe in Santa Claus and continue to pour in looking for that pot of gold. Just the electricity and water charges as high as the towers they supply is enough to contradict that notion. With wages stagnant at rock-bottom, we have as much chance of getting a pay rise as one would fulfilling a dream of farting in Buckingham Palace.

Demographics have changed drastically since the boom time 80s with so many expats now just basically cheap labour and the like, thus the level of sophistication has dropped dramatically.  That is not good for the bigger picture and certainly not good for artistic, creative media as witnessed with the appalling standards on show out there and on radio. Few see or perceive anything wrong with it, so take the money and run. What money? Or is it that the nation doesn’t care because that is what they have been fed for so long now and if; ‘You give the people crap, they want more crap, if you give them quality, they want better’, said some ranting artist once upon a time.

How can we put this without upsetting the PC apple cart?  Oh who cares?  Just claim you suffer from Tourette’s syndrome and loudly shout FXXX IT! Really though, looking around it is quite frightening. George Lucas and Disney could find enough oddities to cast Star Wars #204 and Beauty and Beast #2 respectively. Incidentally, the latter cartoon has been banned in Kuwait because one of the characters is homosexual. Quite why Disney felt compelled to ‘bend’ even a cartoon character as such is beyond PC obsession, but hey he won’t miss the million or so revenue. Anyway, that’s by the by.

Getting back on track; what will Bahrain do when the milch cow can no longer survive and the church charity coffers are empty having supported so many who stupidly hung on, deluded that it will surely get better. ‘Expatriates earn big bucks’! That is a fallacy, but a very few get a good wad and some do get their rent paid which goes with utilities thrown in, but that is just another excuse now for landlords to increase rents. Of course, what seems like a very low wage here, was considered a good pocket from whence they came and the Bahraini ‘Arbabs ‘ have cashed in plenty. However, with the current situation, new intakes might find themselves as disappointed as a bald Sikh.

Do you remember when the first Russians started arriving, just after Glasnost. Poor they were, but not anymore and now represent the more affluent among the tribes. There was a spoof radio show done at the time, which in those days could NOT be aired for fear of having no more use for nail varnish. The scene was in an aeroplane and the so-called main character was sitting next to a Russian. In conversation it was mentioned that so many Russians were heading in and he asked the guy; ‘Why are so many Russians flocking here’? To which the heavily accented Russian replied; ‘Because “flocking” for Dollars better is’.

Nothing ever comes down in Bahrain, except trousers in one of the million massage parlours now clocking up the number of new business setups that we so frequently hear boasted about. The business acumen in Bahrain generally follows what he or she did down the road, since rocket science is not so much part of the school curriculum on Fantasy Island. Very little outside the government or privileged few invest in manufacturing or science technology, which of course creates industry and jobs, even if you have to employ expatriates to run it, it generates business all round. Well, a lot more than a single watchman at the bottom of your high-rise apartment block.  Anybody see a ‘Catch 22’ here?  Anything that is considered no qualifications required, such as advertising agencies and obviously massage parlours of which there are just as many, is the way to make bucks with no real expenditure.  So open another sharwarma shop and fill roads and gardens with more wasted flyers. Good Tamkeen money to the wind.  OR, like a leggy synchronized swimmers aerial foot fest, build yet another 200-apartment high-rise and snag at least one big budget American from the base and cash in.  Curious as to just who is taking up this mass amount of residential and office space; as dusk falls, we all so often look skyward to see how many lights are on in the blocks, thinking; ‘Is there anyone living there or has anyone taken office space’. You spot one light, maybe two and think; ‘My God! It’s like those Lays crisps packs (mentioned earlier)’.

 

GRIZZ THE CROSS COLLIE SHOT IN AUCKLAND AIRPORT THUG FEST

March 17th 2017:

A giant Tyrannosaurus Rex cross collie called Grizz, a fire breathing monster paced the perimeter of Auckland airport and grounded planes, as it swung in its huge arms and attempted to rip passengers from their seats on aircraft waiting to taxi. There it was, clawing off wings, engines and tails, carting maidens off in their blood swilling mouths. Pilots panicked and demanded the beast be shot, begging passengers stay calm while the intrepid New Zealand authorities ‘COMPETENTLY” dealt with this horrifying situation. Marvel comics eat your heart out!

Staff had done “everything they could”, spokeswoman Lisa Mulitalo told Fairfax New Zealand. “We’re really upset about it”.

Um…. NO YOU DIDN’T you slimy arsed psycho, PC obsessed dingbat; to you and your’s.

So someone shot little Grizz the puppy! Obviously Tyrannosaurus Rex cross breed with collie, bred to threaten and destroy.

As some are saying in NZ today: “I am ashamed to be a Kiwi”. You reap what you sew!

It probably all boils down to the incessant desires of Mr and Miss Nobody’s craving for attention and a subconscious need to be noticed among society as we know it today. It is nothing new, it is just that we have so many means of achieving this now, so jump on. Get a Facebook page and type shit like I do, You’ll soon get noticed without shooting defenseless puppies.

Plus it is all tied to obsessive PC indoctrination, which gives everyone absolute opportunity to get in on it. Health and Safety obsessions and the plethora of gestapo like vacant ‘security’ individuals in the name of ‘look at me’, rather that the true essence of the requirement and the people these pseudo manufactured, near quango existences attract. It simply allows their Andy Warhol moments to be easily presented to them all too often.

Let’s get this right.. Somehow a small friendly, clever, useful doggy, managed to delay several flights, because what? Quite how that could happen is cartoon at most. Pilots got concerned according to some reports!! Or….. Mr and Miss Nobody saw opportunity for a bit of power to dictate and edict to “GROUND ALL PLANES’ until doggy was apprehended.

Did anyone try simply calling it back? A trained doggy, it would know it’s name. Obviously not. The heat of the moment, the opportunity to create a ‘situation’ was far too great. Call out the cavalry instead!

‘It got a little scared apparently’ and like most dogs do, did a runner for a few minutes. A little doggy who by then was even more scared with the ‘I wanna be noticed and famous and I’ve got a gun’ chasing it.

There are probably 20 dogs at any one time sniffing the perimeter of the airport pissing against posts. But no, you guys chose this little one’s life to so easily extinguish.

Oh you’ve been noticed alright – sleep well on that thought!

Insist they line each and every one of them up in front of cameras in a blaze of glory to show the world just how macho they all are.

OLD MAN’S RANT – No. 26 – March 2017

Politics lends itself to such ridicule unless of course you live in the Gulf then it’s best not to put anything in writing. Not that you will ever get an answer even if you did, but you might get a knock on the door. Politicians who get paid extremely well for doing so little leave themselves wide open to ridicule, so why not pillory them? Unlike The Donald, Obama was schooled in the American version of Oxford, so the influence is much the same and it totally controls all political thinking from LA to London and no doubt the Bosphorus. It is the ‘PPE graduate’ from Oxford University and the reality is that those holding it, hold high positions everywhere. Not a single grad. having this esteem power has any idea whatsoever as to what it actually means. Nigel Farage of the UK Independent party (UKIP) has the closest understanding when he refers to it as “PPE BOLLOCKS”.

Oddly, Obama’s version allowed a sense of humour which must have gone against the grain somewhat. There is not much else to laugh about in the real world these days as most of it is against the PC imposed law. If sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, then stop peeing your pants at some of the occasional chuckle lines in this column or you will be deemed a racist. No more mimicking accents, no more cultural observations – if you didn’t watch Harry Potter, you are Nazi, if you thought Lord of the Rings was a gay bar- you are ‘offensive’. If we dare to look at a fat person and cringe or pretend we are not colour blind, then you get arrested. You cannot make fun of the uneducated (when it is wholly self-inflicted) and you can’t tell a joke like; A hillbilly is going through the formalities opening a savings account at the bank and the teller mentions ‘interest’.  The hillbilly says; ‘Hush now, y’all gonna git me in trouble agin’. Or; ‘There wuz only room fer one on the tractor, so I lit me Ma – and sister drive’.

Now the Trump onslaught………… just joking….. we’ll get back to that later. Let’s probe the hypocrisy we are all forced to live by should the burgeoning anti-PC revolution fail.

What is an oxy-moron? Life?  Nope!  That is an ‘oxymoron’.  An oxy-moron relates to bozos who dictate life to us the moment they leave Oxford. The oxymoron of ‘life’ means ‘death’ – for sure (at some stage). Some may have noticed that we stay dead a very long time and nobody has ever come back to dispute such wisdom; not that we know of. Um… let’s not get into religion here with a barrage from the devout protesting that ‘on the third day’ and so on. Pap, repetitious monkey see, monkey do media and amateur advertising is so often riddled with oxymoron.  ‘Your call is important to us’ iteration and irritation. ‘Our staff care about you’. The falseness of it contradicts the sentence. ‘No animals were harmed during the testing of our products’ by the makers of the best microwave ovens in the world.

For a start, the very actions of those masked or curtain rail Fascists rioting in the name of protest, while calling non-conformists morons for not towing the indoctrinated Fabian line is the current most worrying oxy-moron.  Yes, we know that so many campus professors fit this bill with their condescending approach to us all if we don’t follow their deluded intellectual thesis.

The British Government and indeed the BBC are both an an oxy-moron and an oxymoron.  THE BRITISH BROADCASTING CORPORATION. What is British now? It is diluted identity, levelling to the lowest common denominator. One could be forgiven for assuming it is the Voice of Africa or India or something, spewing it’s rather unsavoury, indeed Fascist Left-Wing doctrine to the world, flavoured by gayness. For some absurd reason, it is common knowledge and ostensibly fully accepted by society that the BBC houses an inordinate number of homosexuals, disabled, ineloquent and sadly a noticeable palate of considerably ugly presenters, who are given priority over perfectly gracious, good-looking, well-heeled, hetro indigenous. It is certainly the antipathy of Fox News, if one excludes Sheppard Smith that is! (Oh, you are confused? Look it up!  If it is on the Internet it must be true).

Factually, many BBC (and several others) presenters are incapable of picking up English mother-tongue nuance, so unaware read out and regurgitate as they blindly follow the closet format. Each mimics what they think is the kosher delivery, convinced the world is desperately hanging on to their every BBC word as they wave their hands about like a deranged sign language impersonator, or a distressed sailor frantically using ‘semaphore’ to warn you a large albatross is about to crap on your head. A devilish news editor could have a field day with ambiguous scripts, full of double entendre and it would all get read out, just as it does in Bahrain with presenters none the wiser.  It happens – take note! In BBC land, a story about a ‘cock fight’ in Thailand has nothing to do with chickens. We now have to say ‘cheers’ when making a toast as the old fashioned ‘bottoms up’ might lead to an orgy in their corridors.

Imagine an interview on the ‘Travel Programme’ which is so often hosted by a dreadlock clad rather pleasing fellow who happens to be black and confined to a wheelchair; quite possibly practicing backgammon, sporting the diction of a welder; whereby if the BBC can wiggle in something about homosexuality, even with the remotest association –  they will. ‘Yeah, my parents are going to India for meditation and sexual enlightenment’.  Curious as to where in India the reporter asks; ‘Mumbai’?  ‘Yes’ says the guest; ‘Both my mum and dad are’.  (It will take you a few moments to absorb that; don’t worry, you are not alone).

The British nation has itself been oblivious to it for decades and even pay for it like a porn channel.  Like a religion, it is all around, but one suspects people are eventually waking up to it now. Trump…  (Ok, that’s only twice we mention him this month) as with his upcoming European counterparts (as fanaticized by the corrupt media) one could hopefully see ‘normality’ re-emerge.  It will be wonderful to rub it in their faces – said the actress to the bishop.

OLD MAN’S RANT NO. 25 FEBRUARY 2017

So what did you initially find attractive in billionaire Donald Ms. Knavs? Who could blame Donald when he first clocked Her Gorgeousness.  ‘Premature Congratulation’ comes to mind in more ways than one though, as it is going to be all out war with the mainstream media and the ‘Useful Idiots’ and political sulkers on the Trump offensive for the next 4 years. Citizens might even die and Betty’s guess is more white than black. It always has been that way, but the Luvvies nurture the contrary because it generates far more reaction. Maybe Detroit will sprout new life and ‘Je suis black people’ (no longer ridiculously termed ‘African Americans), will flourish.  A new generation of babies uttering their first half sentences; ‘Mother…………..’ Life is going to be ‘Donald GREAT’ again. Or not!

George Soros oiled the inferno, covertly out of sight but financing dissent through his bottomless pit of NGOs. This he does rather than giving some of his zillions back to society. With the media KGB and debase cloaked politicians far more obsessed with sexual preference than mushroom clouds over North Korea, one suspects the LGBTPaeds acronym created by this ruling closet will be shortened to just LGB again during The Donald domain. Just as the BBC thought they had it in the bag to ‘normalize’ and even legalize paedophilia, having successfully bombarded and brainwashed nations over the past 40 odd years with gayness from the age of five in schools, we might instead find child killers on death row.

CNN and others will fade to oblivion, with the ego-drenched journalists and reporters changing spots and networks as their credibility is shot to pieces. Sadly, the BBC will still be forced upon us for just a few more years.  That same BBC would love to ask Donald openly what his bent is but dare not. For sure, one outrageous a-hole will not be able to resist.  Imagine the interview; ‘Truthfully Mr. Trump, What is your sexual orientation? Trump: ‘Horizontal mostly, but occasionally I go rodeo’, without a hint of humour or perception because The Donald is not a witty person in the least it seems.

It was never rocket science to expect this pathetically hypocritical violence and spoilt rage by the brash, outrageously arrogant and oblivious who have had it far too good for far too long. These ‘Useful Idiots’ have to be ‘de-programmed’ and that was not in Lenin’s manifesto, nor Saul Alinksy’s dissertation thus Hilary’s (sealed) one either, or the assemblage occupying Europe. So this is new territory for the world. The Russians might have had something to do with it in the early part of last century but now?  Ho Ho Ho!  Although Betty – our intrepid spokesman – er women (This silly PC is about to change and the apparel lumps which might have been politically Photoshopped out in the past, will re-appear), has inroads to the Russian elite. The very day after Trump’s inauguration, she asked one of her Kremlin contacts when they were moving into the White House. ‘Yesterday’ he answered.

Across Europe and the UK similar Tumpets are a foregone conclusion and it has nothing to do with indoctrination as is the case with the Fabian debased. Folk are simply fed up with it. But be aware, very aware, this displaced closet will create Mad Max and still blame everyone else, yet when all is said and done, it is this lot who created Trump in the first place.  Claims that we the awoken, previously comatose are ‘unreasonably violent’ with Nazi tendencies is as disingenuous as those who perpetrate it. Deemed ‘Right Wing Fascist’ if you don’t agree with the Euro-Hilary-Obamacrats, yet really most of us are just .. um.. just.. er.. easy going, not categorized in any slot. This self-proclaimed ‘elite’ have actually spread the fear and not Trump, Farage or Marie le Penn et al. Then there are the hippy retreads, who blindly follow this imaginary peace and love, non-nationalistic, appeasement and preferential sexual habits and ‘that’s so cool’ to everyone everywhere, even Charles Manson and ISIS. This babble contributes less than zero to society. Actually, a lot of them useless professors in universities or manning the turrets at the London School of Economics, when they are not dipping caviar at Davos along with massive amounts of Viagra for the rich in the form of oysters and the like slithering down throats. One suspects even tiger’s testicles are also on the buffet to please the Asian appetite in their exclusive hotel rooms. Hypocrisy beyond as Trump gets the heat for just looking. Without alcohol, the most decadent thing Trump ‘might’ have partaken in is the odd ménage à trois. That’s doubtful too, for his vanity (although not vain) would probably not allow,

Except a few parrot flavoured ostensibly male morons who joined the misconceived Star Wars bar of agenda generated female miscreants marching as to war, men in their billions all over the world ogled in ecstasy at the ravishing, undisputable beauty and composure of Melania at the inauguration – and this is just the tip of the iceberg. Move over -and make room darling Kate, as aura pure and magnificently natural as you are, for if Melania comes up.. um..er.. trumps as a lot expect her to, she will be the biggest trump card Trump could have ever wildly imagined.

Still, unable to match the glamour inadvertently playing out on stage, old school degenerate politicians were seething as were the Che Guevara tee-shirt clad news editors. Vindictive mainstream media cameras with wide angles lens removed desperately panned to seek out empty space to create another pathetic deceitful story. Hopeful that the streets will create mayhem, news teams mingled among this frightful bunch of so many unsightly specimens with their xylophone pierced extremities rattling as they chanted ridicule. Judging by the unkempt size of them, they hadn’t taken a step in years so the walk was doing them good.

OLD MAN’S RANT JANUARY 2017 – No 24

Awfully sorry for the delay.  I’ve been a little … well no.. a hell of a lot… poorly of late.  Allergy from hell.  So here now I catch up.

With much disdain from many quarters, this ‘blogarrhea’ clearly and confidently predicted throughout 2016 that The Donald would become President. It had nothing to do with support for Trump, rather the rumbling (as in caught) of the lying, conniving, fascist left, agenda swamped, mostly fake, totally out of control mainstream media, which so many millions blindly follow. That and a non-vodka drinking Russian mole mate who confirmed it was all ‘GO’ last summer. After all, Mr. Putin is getting blamed for everything. Is he really so important?  Well, if you can reach his pedestal you can ask him. Granted, it is Pantomime season so expect anything, even unicorn sightings or white athletes breaking the world record for the 100 metres. In the case of the latter two examples, drugs would most certainly be involved.

Bored yet? Oh get over it!  There is another four years of good material to come and ‘Fakebook’ is in overdrive still as with the rest of the discredited media. No visible climb down from that lot yet, but as reported in last month’s column, let’s see if the utterly deluded big mouths carry out their pontificating chants of; ‘If Donald Trump gets in, I’m leaving for Canada’!

OH CANADA!  The land of unknown inventions, patronizing excess as concern for others, while totally dismissing its own original white settlers. Will the UN send a force to protect you from Rosie and Co? You don’t deserve this, nonetheless you will open your doors with welcoming mittens! Canada is probably the nicest country in the world next to everywhere else.

Now we will see who really is lying. ‘The great Showbiz escape’! Those unhappy with Trump will surely dishonour their promises to move to Kanataka….. Sorry, Fart Free Canada. Barbra Streisand, Cher, Samuel L Jackson and even John Stewart say they’re off. What the hell did Canada do to deserve this?  On the other hand; what does Canada ever do?

Miley Cyrus, Whoopi Goldberg, Al Sharpton and the entire LGBTQ community (short for SLPBFT & Confused) have threatened to mince northward. America will rejoice if it no longer has the dystopian dyke and unfunny comedienne Rosie O’Donnel, who is indeed a product of this deluded hypocrisy. Take Russell Brand with you. Hopefully she will be medically checked at the border. They can test for anorexia, but results will come back negative. O’Donnel can mouth off and dish it out BIG TIME in what she thinks are jokes, but when it comes back; ‘Oh you are so moronically offensive… blah blah blah’.  It’s vile no matter which end she expels it. Talk about global warming, Rosie’s flatulence causes Black Holes.  If she ever does get to Canada, the Mounties wont breathalyze suspect motorists, they’ll just show pictures of Rosie and ask if they find her attractive?

Mind you, what a wonderful gesture – free up some US oxygen and end the baby oil shortage!  How can we put it? Canada is a great place – for year-round winter sport. Christmas trees are replaced in July with the new one up for decoration in August. Canada is a Star Wars bar of every creed, wart and colour.  A land of mammoths and dinosaurs whose frozen, tundra-covered fossils have yet to be discovered. At least Rosie will be kept busy excavating for giant ‘Likaloddapus’.

If they thought bloated Political Correctness was ebbing in the States, Canada will handsomely compensate. There’s more PC up there than snow. A new Venezuela will be born on the Northern Border.  What does ‘Oh Kanada’ have to say about this? Justin will be having damp dreams in ecstasy (that’s ‘in’ not ‘on’, but who knows?).  Now, at least more than ten people know who Justin Trudeau is, because for the last 50 odd years, nobody in the rest of the world knew who the hell was running Canada. However, one suspects Canada’s current PC fascism gone stark raving mad might soon wane and be offering sanctity to two million Bangladeshi masons (of the trowel type) to see how quick they can build their own wall.

A Canadian joke would go something like:  Lance Armstrong got such a raw deal.  ‘When I’m on drugs, I can’t even find my bike’. Vancouver, with its entrepreneurial Chinese contingent, is better known as ‘Sichuan Valley’. At least the summer lasts more than a week there and Mohamed is not the most common name given to newborn. ‘Sudden Lee’ crops up a lot though.

Where is Canada? Asked the American.  ‘Eh aboot….’ Answered the Canadian.  ‘It’s a soda – la’? Questioned the Arab. ‘It’s full of xxxx all’!  Said the Duke of Edinburgh. ‘I’m emigrating there 3 months from now.  My entire family will join me next year’. Gleefully boast most Indians. You ask a Canadian if they are looking forward to spring and they will answer; ‘I live in Canada FFS!’

Why? Why? What’s white and covers the streets 11 months of the year in Canada?  Unemployed people! Canadians barbarically pummel each other and call it hockey; club baby seals to death and shoot anything with four legs and fur, yet say ‘Thank you’ to ATM machines when it spews the cash.  Canadians, those that don’t speak Algonquin would happily allow a man to have 17 wives (17 being the limit as 18 would make it a Golf course and Donald would find that is too competitive). Criminals get told off and axe murderers get 3 years with colour TV. A mime artist did ‘unspeakable’ things to a lady in an igloo and received a severe wagging finger and told not to do it again. Liberal, polite Canada, you are in trouble because those Americans migrants will NOT understand your British based humour.. ugh.. humor!

 

 

OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – DECEMBER 2016

Happy National Day! What a wonderfully glittering consideration afforded to cosmopolitan Bahrain, so close to the commeth of Christmas and the time for gifts, drunken parties and New Year wishes with predictions. With Hillary now extinct, new born girl’s birth certificates are hurriedly being changed to Milania, her being one among the most well-formed and beautiful women of the world. Yet the main-stream media continues its suicidal, hideously biased and often petty quest at an astonishing rate and Social Media is choking itself. Still, Obama will probably be the second most popular name – over Mohammed in countries like the UK and across Europe while the name ‘George’ is gaining popularity within the Middle East. We will probably discover new Indian cold stores somewhere in the Universe and Gary Glitter will be released from jail and join the Vatican. Talking of which, on his first day in prison, his cell-mate asked him why his trousers looked so small, to which Glitter replied; ‘They’re not mine’.

With Trump in, many will be depressed and some on medication under the doctor, or on top in the case of Bill. Boldly and commendably, The Donald has offered olive branches, but one suspects there will be no marriage made in heaven between him and many of his own party, especially Mitt (The Mormon – that’s MORMON) Romney. It will be more akin to the tender love expressed between two gays with haemorrhoids.
Trump’s victory was a blatant public reaction, a kick in the media’s teeth. ‘CNN’ were and still are on massive doses of Viagra for Hillary as if inciting a violent uprising. They are not alone; ‘France 24’ openly express consolation for rioters and so it goes. The arrogance is seemingly divine for they never learn. Despite their bloody noses, the BBC high among them, the absolutely pathetic CNN (along with the rest), are not so subliminally wishing for a Donald Trump fatality in the new year; that in between bleating on and on about the heathen Brexiteers. After all, if Donald Trump was such the misogynist, fornicator and grabber of parts the others cannot reach, as he has been ‘falsely’ vilified to be – and actually does get whacked (God forbid), then imagine the queue of inadequates grabbing the bits listed on his ‘donor card’. He can’t win either way. If he’d saved the life of a drowning lady by administering CPR, she’d have him in court for pressing on her angina. What a lynch story that would be for the scurrilous, cesspit media.
Talk about indoctrination; even Pidgin English speakers (that will be the rest of the world then) have learned a new word; ‘misogynist’. No, not only can’t they say it properly, they don’t know what it means, but for the record it goes something like; ‘If a man talks dirty to a woman, that’s sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man, that’ll be $10 a minute’.
Media and advertising in the Gulf is generally so bland, so poor, so biased, so sycophantic and just inane food for the masses, thus the temperate laureates among us take little notice. It is pretty much the same in the rest of the world these days. Each platform or newspaper regurgitate the same old agenda, picking on flaccid nothingness desperate to generate a reaction. As with the giant ego of pop stars and actors who will do absolutely anything for attention, even commit suicide (we wish! Sit down at the back Mr.Limbaugh).
Enter a smattering of smut. If the column began with a gripping story line such as; “I felt shattered, it had been a trying day on the catwalk. I showered and crawled into bed, leaving my bra and panties scattered about the floor. Knowing my fiancé would return any time, I was comfortable and switched off the light. I was asleep as soon as my feet hit the pillow. Suddenly I was awakened by the sound of shuffling coming from the passage. I was drowsy, I tried to focus, I felt vulnerable as I fumbled for the side light; and there he was, this towering three-legged Negro’. Just sayin’.
In fact to improve the old hacks standards, we introduced Betty a couple of months back and she is still on probation. However, she inadvertently left her locker door open and we noticed hanging inside was a nurse’s outfit, a French Maid’s costume and to our disbelief even a police woman’s uniform. Well Mr. Middleton (Chairman) is right to assume that if she can’t hold a job down, how long is she going to last here?
So where do we go now? During ‘Obama’s last stand’ back in April, when addressing the smug faces of the journalists fraternity at the “White House Correspondents’ Dinner Roast”; ‘Roast’ being the double entendre, the hacks were mega confident that Hillary would walk it. Nonchalantly swinging his head to one side, Obama came out with; ‘Journalism is a respected trade and often requires bravery, integrity and putting oneself on the line. And then there’s CNN’! Jeers! Obama was almost funny as he praised Michelle saying that; ‘Imagine Trump as President with his First Lady sitting where Michelle is now. It’s anyone’s guess who she will be…but…’ to hoots of laughter. Imagine Trump coming back at him with; ‘Don’t worry, Michelle is being replaced by an immigrant’.
Next month; “The Great Showbiz Migration to Karnataka…. Sorry Kanada… tch! CANADA!!! The land that wants to ban farting and all reference to it. You just can’t wait!

OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – NOVEMBER 2016

NOV 2016

Well It is all over bar the riots as the endless sewerage spill sloshes down the gutters outside the Whitehouse over the next four years. Sentiments still run savage like a hurricane called ‘Haemo’ through partisan veins. What fun!
Just a thought, why didn’t Chuck Norris join the fray, he’s a red-blooded Texan Republican, a saint, virtuous to the Nth and all things super and wouldn’t recognize a fine rack if they were resting on his nose. We are talking about the man who can hear sign language. When Chuck Norris was born, he cut and knotted his own umbilical. He once punched an unruly horse on the chin which created the giraffe. Chuck is the only man who can count to infinity – twice. He makes onions cry and Big Foot claims to have seen him. Chuck Norris makes Simon Cowell cower and he sleeps with a pillow under his gun. What better man to be President?
Oddly, the expected last minute putsch to save us all by Kanye West and Kim Kardashian didn’t materialise, but don’t worry four years will pass quite quickly and the next candidate holding agenda credentials will surface. Rumour has it that all forgiven OJ Simpson will stand; or at the other end of the scale – by a universe, the brilliant Stephen Hawking who is currently being groomed and his birth certificate forged. Up against them will be a one-legged lesbian midget of Hispanic and Inca descent who holds no birth certificate; who raped and murdered 10 people in self-defence; having obtained early release on compassionate grounds – that being she suffers with Downs’s syndrome, but nonetheless was once the Financial Controller of the Clinton Foundation. Betty, who we introduced last month, puts her money on the latter. After all, Lola is the only mentally and physically challenged lesbian left in the world without a job as the BBC and CNN have employed the rest.
What was the ethical difference between Hillary and Donald? Well it was like asking how one tells the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer. They simply taste different. A woman making suggestive remarks or jokes about a man or otherwise is considered perfectly acceptable, but for a man to strut his stuff as almost EVERY man has since the Big Bang, it becomes derogatory and OMG; ‘so offensive’. Help! Cried the vestal apocryphal virgins. I’m being objectified! There they were, thousands of unfortunately unattractive, dumpy ladies, full of silicon or Botox and walking adverts for Max Factor, bleating their disdain for this monster. Many skimpily dressed at that, sporting cleavages Brunel would be proud to build a suspension bridge across. ‘Mirror mirror on the wall, who is fairest of them all’? ‘Um…The Klu Klux Klan has vacancies’.
Such sick hypocrisy! What was Bill’s proposal line to Hillary? ‘YOU’RE WHAT?’ Someone should ask Hillary if she’s reached her fiftieth read through ’50 Shades of Grey’ yet.
PC yuckspeak has successfully turned Western Nations into wussies (in public anyway). The bloated catharsis set off the pathetic frenzy; they came out the woodwork by the bandwagon and the cesspit sucking media drove it home; richly glamourizing themselves first to go before the camera with their gutter shovelling credentials. ‘Don’t look at my well-packaged breasts but I might occasionally uncross my legs’. ISIS were denied airtime and the very loud bang off North Korea didn’t get a look in.
So proud is Hillary of her support group, such as despised mouth piece, well-fed fur trader Rosie O’Donnel, who desperately wishes she had a pair, who had the gall to constantly make disparaging remarks about Donald the downtrodden. O’Donnel isn’t, has never been, will never be remotely witty in any sense. However, another full-blown hypocritical mouthy comedienne, Canadian Samantha Bee, who certainly can be funny, gets her tirade against Trump well-publicized and then happily emulates him by clocking a gentleman’s wedding tackle and expressing wanton awe at the size. She says; ‘Look at the clackers on him, I could reach in and grab them! I bet they clack like a Newton’s cradle’. To ridicule her hypocrisy further, her show is called ‘Full Frontal’. Now what on earth does that imply? Stop Laughing Hillary!
Even richer than caviar coated molasses; Republican Terminator ‘I vill be bach’ Arnold Schwarzenegger, had the stallion sized cajones to come out against Trump, condemning his desirous dalliances when there are endless examples (some in video) of his own very grubby male prowess harassing the fairer sex. Probably on the same network.
America; you certainly are the land of opportunity. With the bowel movements of a giant wind farm slung at you day after day, it ‘aint fun being a Presidential Candidate, but their egos adore it. Trump’s ‘mandate’ was exactly that; ‘Me man – you date’ and he courted it, but Hillary perseveres with any notion of shame removed through lobotomy and an ego as big as the sun’s aura and gonads to match. Thick skinned? Well, contriteness just doesn’t compute. Even our very own David Bloomer or Ian Fisher couldn’t take that sort of critique without at least wincing just a little bit.

OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – OCTOBER 2016

In this month’s drivel, we introduce Betty. Betty is now the spokesperson for this column for many reasons; it’s to save one’s arse around these parts, being able to blame someone else for just about anything really; ‘He/she said it/did it, not me’. Betty exists, she is real and Betty has inadvertently become society’s barometer, an advocate of reason, a discerning light in the blind darkness which has descended upon the last few generations due to political manipulation. Another reason for Betty is that a ‘Pronoun’ is needed to garner simplicity and speed of composition; a first person in other words. It is a journalistic cakewalk, yet criminally discreditable and indeed inane to write in the first person as an article or report. It just depicts that ever spreading fatal infection of the ego overload ‘Pronoun Virus’. ‘I did’ – ‘I think’ – ‘I am’ – ‘I was’, as in the story line, as witnessed in the many (always left wing) columns in our daily rags. Besides, who gives a toss what ‘I’ thinks or ‘I’ does, such as endless talking heads on makeshift TV programmes?
So getting back to content; the Olympics over, and the American Presidential elections upon us. No! We’ve been down that road already and the candidate choices have so much baggage, it belies reality or further comment. Although, the most satirically funny and acceptable Social Media hate post to date was actually blogged by our own anti-Trump Gaffer (he who ‘proprietor-ates’ this ‘ere mag). ‘The only reason Donald Trump watches the Olympics is because he is assessing how high the Mexicans can jump’. Then there’s Hilary who is completely bereft of credibility for sooooooo many reasons. If you asked a thousand women in Washington if they would have sex with Bill Clinton, most would say; ‘Not again’! But never a squeak about it anymore from the media or her ladyship for that matter. The world is watching and those who have no right, no business, yet claim to be affected by American politics are spouting such irreverence against the nation itself assuming all this hate will destroy Trump, when he actually stands against the very PC issue which created this levelling and dumbing of society. The only nation we have heard zip all from is perhaps reserved Japan, but then the word ‘election’ comes as ‘erection’ in their accent and no doubt means the same thing; that some dick will rise to power.
It is all so bizarre and to the few, so blatantly obvious that indoctrination of the masses has been prevalent for decades by the sheer idiocy that so many need an idol, something to worship, to glorify and create heroes, no matter how decadent or depraved that hero might be. Charles Manson still gets love letters; there is an army of ill-informed, deluded Che Guevara worshipers out there with their chorus of approval which amounts to paying homage to a psychopath who glorified genocidal ideology. Hence the TV is full of Jerry Springer type garbage which the masses orgasm over – and MTV running endless videos of violent destruction and near kiddy porn. But hey, we can all distinguish between reality and art can’t we? The famous last words of the victims of ‘Natural Born Killer’ copycats.
The no respite ‘throw away’ society grows ever bigger. It’s like an alcoholic attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting for the first time; stands up and says; ‘Hi, my name is Bacchus and I have a problem’ (a witty tweet discovered deep in the dirge).

‘Your column is very Cryptic Geg’, says Betty. It’s a language thing darling and helps one avoid prison cuisine. ‘To digest your rants I sit privately reading over and over’. You are truly royal Mrs. B and incredibly gifted, but for many it’s merely an oxy-moronic discerning unawareness. As for that quiet place, it is said that ‘Hanebisho’ toilet paper is the only roll fit for such a botty. At $17 a pop who else could afford it? (“Pop”! No, it is not a spelling mistake).

Betty belongs to an extremely over-populous nation which has spread itself by the billion to every radius and soon the moon. Yet she makes profound statements. On European immigration; ‘To accommodate someone’s culture, one has to change their own’. In other words, bliss off back to whence you came and stop imposing on others, forcing often stifled ideology on the advanced because of self-insecurities. My God she’s a philosopher. She says of Western politics; ‘It’s all controlled, covert accident’. ‘Help, I can’t feel my legs’, said the mermaid. Betty is a protector, a sort of whistle-blower in her own right. Ironically her thoughts about the likes of say Julian Assange and Edward Snowden depicts them as incredibly brave as they are foolish. She is however very positive about the NSA (National Security Agency) – She tells us that it is the only government department that really listens to is people.

Next Page →