THE PRONOUN VIRUS – MY PET HATE
So I am nearly famous: I am locally more infamous for my often direct approach to Advertising Agencies and those manipulating the media and more about that as this blog matures and I am sure it will get juicy so have no fears. I have plenty of pet media hates, but upfront ‘THE PRONOUN VIRUS’ is my biggest campaign to date. Sometimes I get a little short with clients when they insist on streams of unnecessary, pointless information within a script, such as this endless patronizing clap-trap experienced these days and telephone numbers etc. YOU KNOW IT, YOU HATE IT TOO, when it is not your own service, because you think ‘you are the best’, so naively, (I would say ‘stupidly’ but it upsets people) go right out there and follow suit and do the same. “YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US”. ‘VISIT OUR WEB SITE ON…’ ‘CALL US’ ‘ABOUT US’. It is NOTHING BUT VOMIT. Who the hell is ‘US’? It is endemic though and dreadfully lacks credibility, creativity, just everything! My bitching about it so often intimidates some clients, but surprisingly most will agree to it as being superfluous as if a light in their creative cavity within their brain got switched on. Retorts like; ‘But this is what I see and hear all the time, is that not what we should do also?’ In a word; ‘NO!’ So rather than rattle on for now and I got plenty to say and lots which will intimidate some into hate and elate others into love. Firstly, I got some recognition and accreditation and the word is obviously spreading, so I will point you to another site and another media blog where you can read THE PRONOUN VIRUS saga and how they accredit my comments. The site is ‘Bollix Media‘ and has a lot of visitors, so good exposure from a media standpoint, but might not always be my personal viewpoint.
This page is open to all and although your post has to be approved, very little if any will not be, no matter what you say and the folks at ADmaze Media will approve it (or not) as fast as possible. Behave! Be factual! Like you, I accept that creative art is wholy abstract so without patronizing you, your opinion is totally valued. But unlike every sickly IVR system in the world (except our’s) ‘your call is NOT important to US’‘ and nobody cares whether you participate or not, but it would be nice if you did.
USUAL RULES: If you slag me or someone/anyone, an individual or a company, you had better have your facts on your key board or shut the **** up, because we’ll be taking names and want the full gorey juice on it. If it is bollix, don’t waste your time. Debate is fine, Political Correctness, racial harmony and all that bumf is entirely optional but we’ve all been so dumbed down that most of us will surely adhere. In the worst case scenario, don’t accuse someone of being a shirt lifter if in fact they are a pillow biter for example.
Registrations are really welcome as I’d like a bit of a voice-over and advertising family, community thing going if I can. So your real name and email is preferred but not essential, eitherway, NOBODY will ever find out who you are unless you yourself, thee, the bloggee prints your name – yourself! Torture me all they like, I will never personally know as the site is administered in far off lands that have not been discovered yet. Geggyboy
GOD’S LIVINGROOM
Again I failed to make good on my updates. (telecom) I keep saying that I have articles written which only need proofing and I could post them, then sit back and let all the critics have a field day. Like Christmas, they are coming, like all the music I want to make – it is coming. For now though……………….. As a quick filler, here is a bit of a disguised telecom rant. If some of you do not understand the technical bits, don’t worry, just read between the lines and you’ll live longer
So many times I have said it – ‘I am a telecom man’! Not through choice, but by necessity and I support all telecom companies just as any loyal employee would their own industry. Especially if the telecom company keeps paying me money. I actually get on very well with telecom people, but sometimes I want to shake some art and creativity into them.
Telecom companies have had their day though. Read more
HE WHO PAYS THE PIPER CALLS THE TUNE
Oh boy! Bahrain, what have you done? Sadly such a lot of what you hear through media is sensational, ‘licensed journalistic’ fabrication… and most all of what you ‘DON’T hear is more likely the truth. Meantime: Telecom companies are the only ones to continue making a fortune out of personal misery as if they actually sponsor wars *** Dubai thanks us for bringing it out of recession 15 years earlier than predicted *** Religion continues to be an instilled way of life rather than a belief *** and we are all still being tortured by Radio Bahrain advertising. End of blog!!!!
radio bahrain ads bad export edit
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You want more? Well ok, under Bahrain’s own National Action Charter of 2001 and in particular; ‘Chapter 1 – Forth Element’ I can almost say what I like about you and worse still, you can say what you like about me. I do have some serious b*tches to get off my chest and most of it, if not all, concerns media. Oh…. You know that already and the intimidated hate builds up. The poor horse, that was so cruel.
Local Government controlled media is progressing in leaps and bounds at the moment. A few leaps, but mostly still bound. All due to the situation in Bahrain of course and at last, more of an interest has now been taken in it from the top, thus it has become a lot more open and somewhat more interesting. The rest of Gulf stays the same, yawn.
Professionalism wise, no improvement, but with time and training and a firm hand, Bahrain’s media could be great for a little Island, as it was back in the late 70s and early 80s. Since then, output in Bahrain has been dire and NOBODY cares, nobody controls it, nobody contributes. Will we see more options any time soon? I am not counting my chickens, but then again, I am not interested in political based radio or TV anyway, there is gallons of that on satellite, full of talking heads all sprouting absolute dung. I want quality entertainment and information, professional advertising and if you did but know it, SO DO YOU!
The Dude from ‘let’s blame society’ blog describes his tirades as ‘rantathons’ and he/she is right. My posts are just that, massive juicy rantathons and I love getting on my box. As I always say, I pay for the space, I love you to read it, I love you even more if you agree with me and I love you still if you don’t. Well a little bit anyway – just for coming here in the first place.
EXACTLY WHERE IS THIS PLACE CALLED ‘TIME AND A PLACE’?
I’ll get the point in a minute, hang on. The British Club of Bahrain just sent around a missive threatening to disbar any member who discusses politics in the ‘social’ club. Bizarre and although worded as such to generalize, I thought it probably related to some punchy under-the-influence misdemeanor or something, but apparently not. Rather it seems someone or many obviously tried to take unethical advantage. I reacted because the audacity and wording of the missive initially raised my hackles, as it did a few other folk who read it. Imagine, we are currently under ‘Safety Law’ in Bahrain and the world’s media is chomping at the bit to have a go at us and ‘nobody’ is talking about it at ‘social’ gatherings! (Their highlight).
On similar lines, Bahrainis and Bahraini-ates in number read my missives when I get time to post and there are currently a lot of raised eyebrows pointing at me, wondering why I am not on Facebook for now (which I use as a blog) and no new posts here recently. Is Facebook the place? I guess why not! Is my little website blog here the place? I guess why not! Obviously the British Club who might feel more comfortable dictating what we can’t say, would prefer not to be. Bravely, Mr. Andrew Savage the Chairman of the Club’s Executive Committee (give order) promptly replied putting my mind at rest and indeed admitting it was his wording. A ‘good hand’ as they say in the Navy. I don’t know him, but I think I like him.
Besides, as I said, I am not particularly interested in endless debate about how to run a country or persuade someone to think beyond religion when it is an utterly fruitless task. No… no… no, the real reason for my silence is TIME!! TIME!! TIME!! Oh! Did I say TIME? And besides, who needs yet ‘another’ opinion right now?
Had we had better ‘local media’ here in the first place, it could have been on a plate for the International Media. Hell, a lot of what did go down, might not have happened in the first place if only……
No, I have not had time, but ‘times’ and feelings are extremely sensitive around the Island at present, with most of the world utterly confused as to what Bahrain is all about and just the motions of trying to explaining it to someone will upset one side or the other. To me, ‘The sound of an opposing mind, is the first endurance test for democracy’ whatever that democracy relates to or covers, but I think we might be a long way off that psyche yet. Its funny really, because in these so-called democracies, rarely does elected authority do the right thing anyway. It’s like a Praying Mantis or a Black Window; to consummate elected promises, the candidate will for sure be eaten by the public. Ironically, ‘Democracy is more about the safety and rights of the *MINORITY* than the status quo of the *MAJORITY*’ but that doesn’t seem to apply in theocratic states. If an autocratic government relents and allows ‘free’ or ‘freer’ media, the theocratic element will not. Dilemma!
Time is something I am short of and I don’t get paid for times when I am making a nuisance of myself and upsetting the incompetent with my words, so I have to work for a living and fortunately, happily and shamefully for my home Bahrain, right now, as always we have a very full order book from afar. I am not so much a God person, but now I thank God for small mercies as for sure the media industry in Bahrain is going to be severely bruised for a while if not wiped out for some, unless this perfect opportunity is grasped and we create new media platforms in good old fashioned competition and make it open and fair – and in particular radio.
The country cannot commercially sustain more than one or two independent entities despite numerous ‘connected’ upstarts who think they know it all and want to saturate the market to a standstill with their deluded ideas. Just how many sharwarma stands can we sustain? Good God, one only needs look at the number of Advertising Agencies in Bahrain and across the Middle East. Well that is what they call themselves, but the pressure on each to make money for sustainability is cheap labour, no skills, knock it out at the lowest price. In the broadcast field, it is all aimed at near ‘monopoly’, all Government controlled platforms’, no choice, no level to aspire to. It is not much different with print or what can be placed on a billboard. So the lowest price is ***tendering*** and you cannot tender for art, it must be pitched and at a price. Nonetheless, there seems to be plenty of takers if you look at the standards up on billboards, in the press or OMG on the radio.
To be profitable locally in a level playing field is near impossible, so they have to look further. Looking further means even greater pressure on professionalism, greater pressure on accuracy and indeed freedoms and above all – trusted responsibility, which comes with the territory. Then just let’s sit back and see how many ‘real’ takers we get. It would be great for Bahrain if it led the way and at least left it open for those that want to try. Oh stop! Some serious training and talent is needed first though.
CRYSTAL BALLS
Coming right back at you, I live for media, I love radio and I absolutely crave professional advertising which is the only way I can make any living in media around these parts. I used to make my living entirely by radio production and placement, but locally that dried up 6 years ago, as it did for anyone else not prepared to get in bed and scam. We thought we had boycotted local radio of our own accord out of protest; so from what could have maybe been a million Dollars or so per year of independent revenue for them, we divert and spend elsewhere. Oh Lord! How deluded we are. We were at first prevented from contributing and then our clients told that they had been told that ‘we were not allowed to’. Some very dubious ethics. Not even production according to the Mafia as all our old clients were channeled off and dictated to – to use the cheapest player who is all part of the nest. Of course that was/is utter bunkum and cruel deceit but clients believed it. Who wants to pay for quality anyway?
How many times do I say it? How many times do many others say it? The quality of broadcast has declined to abysmal over the last 20 odd years culminating in the last six very long years of pure torture with excruciatingly bad advertising incessantly repeated minute by minute, banged at us by a monopoly running a monopoly whose only criteria is to cash in during their contracted time. They knew they would be rumbled (found out) on the very first day by people like me, but that doesn’t matter, they have that piece of paper which reads ‘6 years’ uninterrupted. Bizarrely advertisers, not to mention authorities are sucked into this and from what I can see nobody from top to tea maker complains. Ah but look at my earlier posts. I have said it all before and I will continue to say it, even if they destroy another horse to make a point.
THE TOBOGGAN RUN
Not perceiving or being even remotely aware of the cause of the decline in broadcasting as a viable platform and consequent loss of revenue, new – out of their depth – replacement Civil Servants are sold this scam and see a dream coming true with an offer of money pouring in and having to do nothing for it. They all fall beautifully into the Venus Fly Trap absolutely oblivious to the damage they caused and the absolute denial of opportunity to any other long time, loyal patron. ‘Oblivious’ is not a strong enough word really for they are ‘benighted’.
HEAR HERE NO EVIL – SPEAK-WEAK NO EVIL – SEE NOTHING
With the current situation and no doubt many demands still floating about, I have absolutely no idea what thoughts are mulling around the authorities regarding competitive free media platforms if any, but it seems the Lebanese ideas I posted of earlier might not now be too favourable after all. I am under no illusion though, because the group has deep routes and large threads and they are home to roost.
Right now, it is so difficult to get an ear, although I do have some very good suggestions and a lot of experience and none of those avenues lead to the selling off of assets to ONE ENTITY – a monopoly in exchange for a fee or percentage. That is criminal! Yet rumours abound that such plans are afoot to do just that again and I mean from credible sources within. Sadly, these sources are oblivious to such a massive faux pas. I have been told on more than one occasion now that this time, it is to be a tender, which is the authority’s ludicrous idea of appeasement for those who complain or don’t get a look in. Can you believe it, once again there is talk of not only all airtime on English Radio Bahrain, the most viable and potentially popular channel for advertising, but all Arabic channels including television. Does anybody read history or look at notes?
I even doubt the tender will go out as only the absolutely ignorant of reality will respond with no thoughts for professionalism, quality or content, merely dazzling monopolistic opportunity to make a few bucks. In the end, the authorities will probably default to what exists without any consideration for others. I hope I am so wrong.
The whole idea is just a giant NO NO, the antichrist of all norms, but twice we have endured such folly with someone waving a wad under their noses, so there is an extremely high risk of signatures being exchanged and another potential 10 years of thorough hell. Pray, pray pray it is only rumour, but sadly I fear not and I stand corrected with a scalding if necessary. Worse still, I am not allowed near the place to lobby.
GIMME A BREAK – A COMMERCIAL ONE
In between my devotion to the studio and 50 cups of coffee a day, all regulars know that I also spend a lot of time challenging the likes of Main Stream Media, often having a go at Sky News, CNN or similar. My pet hate is the ’non commercial’ BBC and for donkey’s years I have stalked this pile to the extent they delete my comments and just don’t answer my complaints. Same with the UK Guardian. I use different names to get around it, but I think they guess who it is. In the next missive, (currently being sanitized to closely following this) I will indeed share a few Main Stream Media thoughts with you and in particular the BBC agenda which clearly a lot more of us have suddenly become aware of. But for now I am more concerned about the future of local media because I don’t intend going anywhere soon unless someone upstairs decides to throw me out.
You all know, a lot of people think I am barking mad and eccentric. I hear it sometimes as if I am not standing in the room. Yes, I bark on and on about local media and its standards or thorough lack of. Time is now ‘critical’ and God help us if he is the only one listening because I fear an even bigger disaster is about to befall Radio Bahrain and the rest of the Government platforms, more so than we have torturously endured during the last 6 years. How would you feel it if was your life, passion and loyalty to a country and its radio industry was just wiped out in a blink by an uncaring, unaware eye; allowing a new monopoly being given carte blanche over a monopoly simply because of more incompetence? An utterly unfair business practice which smacks of mafia like corruption which literally deleted local radio as an industry from anyone else’s reach. Total disregard for those who whole heartedly supported it or relied on it for work and income? You’d get a blog like this and try and fight it!
Coming up: THE SILENCE OF THE BAHRAIN LAMBS – International Media - “Until recently, I thought I was on my own in a padded cell fighting this massive International Media Machine agenda”.
WILL WISHING YOU A HAPPY NEW YEAR CHANGE ANYTHING?
LIGHT YEARS OF SURPRISES
QATAR AIRWAYS TO BUENOS AIRES
(September 2010)
When some Mid U.S. based Facebook friends put out a plea for ‘an unusual, something different – more exciting, honeymoon’ idea, they probably received about 400 suggestions, 401 including mine then. I suggested ‘Kabul’, but few take me seriously anyway. Surprisingly, nobody came up with any place in South America either, not even Brazil’s Rio and the Copacabana. To be honest, I never even thought about it. As for Kabul, well it might shock rather than surprise you to learn that Afghanistan apparently has an active tourist board and according to recent BBC World Service documentaries I have been hearing, a woman whose name I did not catch has been revisiting her ‘beautiful city’, waxing lyrical that Kabul rocks. No bias there then?
Afghanistan apart, one only needs to keep a bit of an adventurer’s open mind to assume there are still some very pleasant ‘surprises’ on the horizon where you don’t need a Humvy and a flack jacket. Looking from the Arabian Gulf this horizon can be a very long way away indeed especially if one thinks of South of the Equator and Argentina as a destination – where your bath water is supposed to run out clockwise. (Ask a pilot).
Argentina! Someone shouts and your mind probably goes blank for a minute, until you picture the football colours and Maradona. Then you think about Eva Peron, the Catholic religion and continue to rack your brains until you come up with corned beef. All those things are true, but you are in for one of the above-mentioned huge surprises if you have never been to Buenos Aires and decide to risk it. Of course, from a British perspective, if you say you are going to Argentina, the first thing your friends will say is; ‘Don’t mention the Malvinas’.
Your next thought might be; ‘How the hell am I going to get there from here’? Read more
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
The local Agencies in the area are probably the only ones who criticize me and have an unhealthy dislike of me, because they see themselves in the criticism I highlight and can’t take the hit, so in retaliation dish out plenty on me. Fortunately, the general public who happen across my vitriol invariably agree with me.
There is no such thing as ‘constructive criticism’ in media in this part of the world. The closest you will get to it is perhaps religious concerns whereby a billboard shows a half naked lady (man ok) whereby some will obviously make the point that this ‘will’, (not ‘could’) offend people. Rightly so and any Agency trying to sell their product with sex in this part of the world will surely run the gauntlet of the reverse of their intension happening. A total boycott maybe. But having said that, a little bit of sex goes well, if there is some very subtle ambiguity attached. I don’t really mean like the new Etihad TV campaign – ’She likes it full on’ - whereby they give the run down of how their passengers ‘Like it’ in the ‘mile high club’. Sounds very Hogan to me. That is effective, but rather blatant and over the top of heads here anyway, as it doesn’t translate well into Arabic.
Here, artistic criticism comes in the form of ’NO, DO IT LIKE THIS’, emanating from minds and mouths of disastrously unqualified people in the business of art currently swamping the industry. English language is at fault because no matter how badly it is spoken, everyone thinks they speak is well. Then that gobble-de-gook gets translated in the Arabic. Furthermore, when these ideas and scripts are done by expatriates who have this worrying boss adornment, it often appears as they are more patriotic to the their host country than say 5,000 nationals put together might be; so we get this incredibly sycophantic mush which makes me vomit. How many times do you hear; ’Dear Customer – Enjoy…etc.’ Then end the message with something about ‘Life being great’. Ok ok.. I’ll stop now before you smash your screen.
THE THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE
Saying that, some of the bigger Agencies have been known to hire the odd genius, yeah! Even in this area. Problem is, they stay about 3 months and throw in the towel because they are so frustrated with the inane crap that circulates this media and constantly having their scripts and ideas rejected in favour of the endless dirge spewed up by equally inane creatives or patronizing clients who think they know best. Why do they think they know best? That is easy, because it is all they see and hear in this ‘take the money and run – no qualification’ environment.
Of course, if you grow up with no standards to aspire to, then you think that must be the law of existence, the status quo, the way it is, thus so easy to call yourself an ‘instant expert’. This badness is perpetual, because most lovable folk out there subconsciously think “I can do that”. Yet in that subconscious of ours, we all have a built in ability to actually perceive what is good or bad. It goes bad because; what you see and hear is generally the pits and since media might not be your field, you don’t live it, breath it in the forefront of your mind, so you don’t care.
Deep down, we all want good, which is why good movies make zillions and bad ones flop. So it goes without saying that so few of us are anything like experts, but we all have something which recognizes expertize, be it subliminal or otherwise.
FATAL ATTRACTION
As I said, occasionally touches of brilliance do a appear, but it seems so much less so these days. Same thoroughly inane scripts, same concepts, same same. I reiterate, because with so many huge ego, instant experts out there, creative art is given no values. Results; ’intimidation’ far outflanks ‘aspiration’ and is a much greater force perpetuating the dirge that we so often witness. Make excuses, hide behind language barrier, culture or religion, this is all a mask to hide inadequacy and that very intimidation because when good stuff does appear, we ALL KNOW IT IS GOOD!
If you are in this business and have managed to established yourself as being somewhat autonomous; meaning you are perceived as an entity, such as a photographer, fashion designer, hair dresser, even director of films, or may I say the producer of some kick-ass radio or audio, then you are lucky. It means you have stuck it out and there is a smattering of intelligent life out there who perceive your worth
If you can, you’ll go for the BIG ONE, a bank or telecom company or something of which you delude yourself into thinking: “Hey, they came to me, they must be smart, this is going to be great – the portfolio I need. You think, what a brilliant bunch of guys they are . Oh no! This is fatal too.
As an individual, invariably, the reason this big client came to you is probably because someone who knows, discerns and trusts your work, went to work for this client in question and recommended you. This is normal. 100% of my work is achieved this way. If it is a new company, you are handed over to this client’s new marketing team or ‘communication boffins’ (as they egotistically tag themselves), who all think they are the dog’s bits, ‘the team’ – ‘the headhunted’ – ’the policy generators’ – the image makers. It is egg before the chicken. Who hired this ‘dream ooze’? Easy, someone in the almighty HR who has no inkling or idea about art and creative thought.
Now then, since you have been recommended and your contact is now accepted as part of the ‘dream team’, recommending you must have been kosher as this new ooze ‘only go for the best’. Sadly, this is their deluded ‘Andy Warhol‘ moment and they proceed to tell you – ‘the recommended one’ – exactly what to do and say or in my case, even how to actually record something. It happens every time as if a law. It is a vicious circle, so they might just as well have gone to some ‘say nothing’, quietly obliging, jobbing slumdog at the cheapest, lowest, unrealistic price in the first place, because that is the output which invariably ends up in the media. No shame, they love it, because they did it, so see nothing wrong with it. Welcome to the current abyss now. The blind leading the blind with no discerned fault.
Art is abstract, one man’s meat and all that, so it is out there to be loved or hated or at worse just ok’d. It is not there for someone to create ‘your’ art for you. How many times have you been on an all time high with what is probably a very novel, creative idea, artwork, script, or piece of music? Say you take a brilliantly abstract picture and this is the one for the job and the first thing you want to do is get it out there. You present these elements of genius and there is no reaction, no reaction at all. You wait a day or so, you wait weeks, chomping at the bit knowing deep down that ‘silence is NOT golden’ around here. You wait, the deadline closes, then someone calling themselves “Marketing Specialist” sends a communiqué through your contact along with their own absolutely childish, pro-noun drenched script or instructions on ‘what to change’ to the detriment of your art. You are so mad, you immediately surf for the nearest terrorism training camp with a view totally obliterating this unwieldy lumpen molasses of nothingness. It happens all the time.
THE PASSION OF THE ANTI-CHRIST
The problems come when you also need to supplement your income in recessionary or ‘corrupt times’ , so venture outside the intelligentsia in your circle of clients, with a need to start taking the odd walk-in. Deluded yourself, you give this ‘walk-in’ the benefit of doubt and think you are going to dazzle them with your brilliance once they clock your portfolio. ’Walk-ins’ are the bane of the industry’s life. The destroyers of the art. The reason they are a walk-in is because they have the Kelvin scale of absolute zero perception of what is good or bad, they have no respect for the art and nor do they care. They want cheap and very very cheap at that. If they could do it themselves on their lap top, they would. There is money in muck and prostitution, but there is so much muck out there, even muck has become competitive and eventually history will repeat itself and good creative people will be sent to the loony bin,
From my side, if I was a billionaire and owned radio stations for example, I would flatly refuse to accept this garbage, thus not only saving my image, but the advertiser’s as well. Screw the money. Sadly, the advertiser wouldn’t see it like that (as is the case with radio in the Middle East), they would just hate you. But if the station stuck to their guns for professional, quality content, in time, the tide will turn and aspiration to higher levels should prevail.
DIRTY SEXY MONEY
Don’t despair, I reiterate, there is still money to be made if you cater for these bottom feeders producing this muck, just setup a web site; www.creativecretins.com.
In my industry we have lots of them and patronizing they are. For example; www.voice123.com is a full take-away and often brings the whole industry to not a lot more than a laboratory full of caged monkeys. Oh I bet that hurt, but if Simon Cowell was auditioning half of you, the truth would bite and the reality hurt.
ENGAGEMENT
RULE NUMBER ONE: Never ask someone to critique something you have done. If it is good, you’ll probably hear nothing. If it is bad you’ll probably hear more. Live and die on your conviction. Live and do not let live those deluded, tell them. This sorts the men from the boys as all those deluded so called professionals will keep their mouths firmly shut as they cannot compete. Simply present what you obviously think is the finished piece as the finished object.
Whenever, if ever you do ask an opinion, it is the natural reaction for the target to assume you are asking for comment ’how it should be’ rather than ‘whether they simply like it or not” and thus offer up an absolute load of irrelevant changes as if they are qualified to do so. It wasn’t what you asked but that is how it goes.
RULE NUMBER TWO; If you have a hint or even slight suspicion that your client is of dubious ability to recognize or even remotely perceive that you know what you are doing, get the hell out of Dodge. Don’t be afraid to say no! Most will come back and agree with you, those that don’t were obviously intimidated and will not keep quiet and just leave it, because you have caused an affront to their inability or inadequacy, so will slag you off anyway.
I quite often just say no, thus suffer the slag often! For example; I’m asked for a 30 second script, something I have been doing for donkey’s years, tight, snappy and attention grabbing. The script gets presented with the warning; ‘This is 30 seconds tight and precise’. Low and behold, someone in marketing or the client him/herself comes back with something complete superfluous – adding another 30 seconds to it, absolutely oblivious to the superfluous trash they have offered up. You explain that 30 seconds is 30 seconds and they come back to you saying; ‘We read it in the officer, it was 30 seconds’ – or ‘take out a word – that should do it’. You explain that the script is now 45 seconds and taking out one word will only save less than a second, they still insist. I don’t paint, so no comment, but I imagine it must be devastating when some bozo tells you how it should have been created.
If it is music, then it is totally soul destroying and I just go ape. The complexities of putting a catchy piece of music down with all the technical aspects required to balance it – are in addition to the skills of an musician to play it and above all to be able to conceive it in the first place, as the artist thought it should be. Not every musician is an artist by the way. Everyone thinks ‘they’ could have done it after it has been done. I call it the ‘Barby Girl’ syndrome. A brilliant piece of classic, catchy pop, perfectly executed. Nope, it is not my favourite song or even style of music, but it was brilliant. So many will say; “Oh that’s crap, I could have done that’! NO YOU COULDN’T OR YOU WOULD HAVE.
As I have written before; quaintly, the Arabs are better at admitting their inability to finalize something because they have the expression “Put two Arabs in a room and they agree to disagree’, which is subtlety quite different to pontificating one’s ability if one doesn’t have any.
33 IS SEXY
The original article has been removed – now updated (Draft 5 – 30th June 2010 )
With number portability about to be unleashed upon the nation of Bahrain, I am busy doing a multi piece on Telecommunications Companies in all their glory – so WAIT!!
Talking about putting the cat among the pigeons, being able to strap your favourite, long time held, number to any of the providers is going to really set off a typhoon of incentives one hopes. Imagine, you have a great ’3333xxxx’ number, which you don’t want to lose but you don’t happen to like the provider; then simply port your existing number to a competitive carrier. Of course, there has to be a catch coming for sure, nothing in telecoms is done without it being a potential honey trap; like if you want a ’33′ number for example but you are not a Viva subscriber, then we might have to pay big bucks to get one from the original provider – or – will all providers be able to issue any string. Hmmmmm! Deep and meaningless written like that, so read on.
As for the ’33′ thing; this post was all about ‘start-up privilege which as of June 2010, still exists, but if number portability hits Read more
SAUDI A GO-GO – UNVEILED
I posted here some time back that Saudi was issuing 4 FM frequencies on a ‘Private basis. Well, you can read about it now.
It takes little imagination to understand the politics (or more like maneuvering) behind this, but the number of folk who asked me how I knew about this and completely dismissed it as my fantasy somewhat belittles my existence. Personally, I think it is the most positive move I have encountered in this area and hopefully will start some sort of avalanche throughout the region. I am not going to say how I knew, but enough to tell you that I know one very savvy guy involved.
Of course, it has yet to be seen just how professional the stations will be – or should we say -’perceived as professional’. I am not sure on this front, because I do know that it could take us by surprise. Like Radio Bahrain’s new offering, nobody expects the likes of the BBC standards because it is just not in the make up of the area. No, not the BBC, not XFM, not KISS, not Virgin (bless them) not anything like you might hear elsewhere. The answer will be; ‘In keeping with the culture and rigid religious framework – what YOU perceive as professional in the West is not what WE perceive here’. That is just clichéd rapport and a ‘believed’ excuse Read more
RADIO SHAMBLES
NEWS-NEWS-NEWS!
I don’t know what makes me think of the legendary King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, when I think of the radio authority in Bahrain and the distribution – or not - of frequencies on this friendly – ‘Ich bin eine Bahraini’ island.
‘Must be the non reality of the legend, the ‘Once upon a time’ , the fantasy of it all, I really don’t know. Whoever can pull “Excrementbur” from the stone, gets to rule for a while; then heroically defends and protects from infidels; then goes out and conquers all around as far afield as Never Neverland. Not without the help of trusty Knight Sir Lebalot though and faithful Queen Notalot. Many battles are glorious and victoriously won without contest, except the very last battle in which they are eventually slain and miraculously buried in a non existent grave in an Abbey which millions visit every year to pay homage. And we all live happily ever after. NOT! Because a new realm of so-called experts pop up and source their cadre from reputed hair dressing salons across the Island and never beyond – and it all starts again – going absolutely nowhere. (To understand this rant if you are from far off places like – er.. Greenland, then you have to read all that goes before – and probably watch a few Youtube videos of Bahraini Parliamentarians complaining about the hiring of a Lebanese barber and friends to run the Radio and Television Corporation.)
FORBIDDEN FRUITS
Still no new ‘independent’ radio yet, but while we wait we can all enjoy the new pastime of………. guessing which half of the world’s web sites have been banned. The ‘UK Lottery’ is one, but it comes and goes. ‘The Bahrain Fair’ got whacked and by the time you complain or explain, the Fair has long gone. Maybe someone on the hill thought they might be selling those Chinese gossamer film hymen kits that squirt a little red dye as she screams ‘OH GOD”!!! Of course, shhh! We know why. There must be a tab that reads; “ABOUT BAHRAIN” and contained within is an innocent description of the lovely people of this sand pile and their leanings. Great for Tourism isn’t it? A corporation, a tour company or whatever, so proudly puts up a web site and a tab; ‘about Bahrain’ and you click on it and there is no content. I have actually seen this on some Government sites and always wondered why it contains um! er! ’nothing’. That in itself leaves stacks of material for the comedians. Where was I? Oh yeah! ‘Debbie Does Duraz’ type highly educational sites are classified just the same way. Even Google Translate at times, so you cannot look up words like ‘imbecile’. There is just nothing one can do.
Granted, as an expat (still), it is not my business, but it affects my business. Besides, I don’t believe it, I KNOW IT… You make something mysterious and more want to know. Banning something is a very very good way to recruit followers.
It gets worse! Orbit Satellite channel is now Showtime and the Showtime Network is now Orbit and now branded under the stunningly creative name ‘OSN’. I bet nobody can guess what that means. Good move MTC (Mobile Telephone Company) to Zain. How this OSN lot managed to persuade those on the hill to sweep and kill millions and millions of IP addresses to ban just one or two, even three naughty boys who give out Dreambox codes. I don’t care what the weirdest of nerd says in its defense; IT SLOWS DOWN OUR INTERNET to a stand still at times. Let alone block zillions of legitimate sites. All because of a bunch of privileged opportunists losing a few dollars of their billions. If OSN gave back to the community, produced quality ‘original’ local material or even financed or nurtured the art in any miniscule way, I and millions of others might have a grain of sympathy. I loathe the BBC, but there is no denying the corporation has contributed to creative arts more than any other. Even if it is the Bombay Broadcasting Company now.
Anyway: Sorry, I got on my soap there. So what else has been happening up on Cedar Hill? Well apart from the Lebanese continuing to “”sell dreams”" to the Gulf Arabs, someone convinced someone higher up to open up an new frequency. They didn’t give it to me, despite my continuous lobbying for 400 years.
YOU SHOW ME YOURS’ AND I’LL SHOW YOU MINE
Funny enough, I heard a good line today from my good Bahraini in-the-know friend and confidant while talking about the Lebanese onslaught. He too, said that they (Lebanese) are somehow brilliant at selling dreams to the Arabs, but then you wake up; outside your house – naked.
I don’t know how much Sir Lebalot had to do with it, but one of the old frequencies which used to carry news feeds is being turned into a pop ‘Youth station’, for launch on February 15th, 2010. Why again I have such thoughts I really cannot fathom, but the quaint old English phrase ‘Honour among thieves’ comes to mind, but obviously takes on a new twist here, since this is all designed to show some action and mainly counteract Group Plus who are the current monopoly running the monopoly. So do we have Sir Lebalot and brethren against brethren, because for sure they have more than a couple of hands in it , but are fronting it as Bahraini.
That is the story today, but how someone can set up a real radio station with ”””new””’ DJ’s and get everything organized in 2 weeks is pretty spectacular, but that is what is happening and they are selling radio advertising space already. By the way, if you are over nine and half years old, you will be banned from listening.
New DJs? From where? They are apparently queuing up and each and every one carefully selected from the crème de la crème of Bahrain’s youth. Except maybe veteran broadcaster, entrepreneur, impresario, pub and Samajam filler, colour blind and clown to all Mr. Krazy Kevin heading up the talent list. Does that mean he will also broadcast on 96.5 Radio Bahrain as well? Two doses of him each day? But hang on, isn’t he or wasn’t he on the Hindi Channel as well?
I wonder, is David Bloomer (he who was snatched in a dingy type yacht, boat sailing thing to entertain the troops in Iran recently) looking for a spinning spot back? With his new found notoriety and his challenging music choice this could be a scoop for the new channel. They will have to contract him and pay him handsomely as all famous stars enjoy, such as Jonathan Roff’ (ex BBC now). So Dave, settle for nothing less than a 3 year contract and a total package of Four Million Lebanese Pounds.
Well, if Kevin goes, Dave will have to fill in and who knows, maybe out Fisher or something.
To the current regime this represents CHANGE!!!!!!!!! There has to be change. It is like the old tasteless wartime concentration camp jokes. “Today is underwear changing day! (Loud cheer). Block 13 will change underwear with block 14″
Ah, I love old Kevin, he never loses his temper and keeps going in among it all and makes five times what I ever did in week, so he knows exactly what he is doing.
Alas, this new station will emulate Radio Sawah it seems, except perhaps the heavier and no doubt more prolific M.Fkr content?
It is going nowhere folks!
THE LONE RANGER (NOT)
Well wonders never cease. I fight for you the public, or at least the public with a gram of sophistication who deserve, demand and wish for better media. I dream of the day when the masses will discern the difference between absolute crap and get what you pay for. I take a lot of criticism and according to some I even take considerable risk in this warm, closed society for there still remains some of the old small time ”I HATE GEG HOPKINS” brigade out there. Those very same people who in their intimidated bigotry created more and more interest in me.
When all is said and done, I do it alone……… or do I? Go here and read this: I have to say that going through Read more
THE LEBANESE LOVE FEST
So what is happening with radio in Bahrain? The score so far:
Lebanese 4 – The Rest 0.
Well, what can I say? As predicted in these columns over the past few months – but when I first said it, some laughed me out of the room as not possible.
As I reported, a representative claiming to be from Rotana along with his Saudi investor descended on Bahrain last week (mid November 09) allegedly boasting their claim that they have the concession to open up FM channels in Bahrain. Of course, implicitely trust me to ‘hold my peace’ and never say a word, I immediately told anyone prepared to listen. Most I told didn’t believe me and immediately dug deeper into their religion, praying that I got it wrong – but if I got it right are dumfounded and just can’t believe it.
As the months passed from the announcement early summer (09) that new licenses would be issued to ‘reputed media’ companies within the following month, not a lot seemed to have happened or consultations taken place other than an assumed red herring that Parliament would first have to approve any deregulation. Well, what do I know, other than there is no hope and there really never was, which is an outcome that was pretty much wholey predictable. I too hope that all this is bravado and someone high-up has the foresight to see things differently and better for standards and image.
I like so very many no longer listen to or support radio in Bahrain! In fact during a shouting match with ‘Group Plus’ – the current operators – we were told that ‘ADmaze Media’ – the company I work for – is banned’ because we take them to task over their constant underhand business ethics. Not that being banned makes any difference as we would still not support it and instead direct any clients we have to other platforms. Truly and without silly vindictiveness, I can safely say that so very few now actually tune to the ‘supposed to be’ English language channel which has become a national embarrassment with its zero content, presentation and gruesome advertising standards: ‘The time is brought to you by… ‘ – ‘The weather is brought to you by…’ – ‘The news is brought to you by…’. It is absolutely ridiculous and so very tacky amateur with nothing but greed the motive. Perhaps all a little too advanced for me and not that I would want to create animosity anywhere (Moi??) and auto suggest the ‘where is God’ mine field in all this? Can you imagine the potential viper’s pit reaction if someone got petty and niggled away telling tales? Didn’t they just sentence a Lebanese man to death in Saudi for ‘witchcraft’ for broadcasting predictions? No no no, please forget I said that as it will open a real can of worms if Read more