OLD MAN’S RANT JANUARY 2017 – No 24

Awfully sorry for the delay.  I’ve been a little … well no.. a hell of a lot… poorly of late.  Allergy from hell.  So here now I catch up.

With much disdain from many quarters, this ‘blogarrhea’ clearly and confidently predicted throughout 2016 that The Donald would become President. It had nothing to do with support for Trump, rather the rumbling (as in caught) of the lying, conniving, fascist left, agenda swamped, mostly fake, totally out of control mainstream media, which so many millions blindly follow. That and a non-vodka drinking Russian mole mate who confirmed it was all ‘GO’ last summer. After all, Mr. Putin is getting blamed for everything. Is he really so important?  Well, if you can reach his pedestal you can ask him. Granted, it is Pantomime season so expect anything, even unicorn sightings or white athletes breaking the world record for the 100 metres. In the case of the latter two examples, drugs would most certainly be involved.

Bored yet? Oh get over it!  There is another four years of good material to come and ‘Fakebook’ is in overdrive still as with the rest of the discredited media. No visible climb down from that lot yet, but as reported in last month’s column, let’s see if the utterly deluded big mouths carry out their pontificating chants of; ‘If Donald Trump gets in, I’m leaving for Canada’!

OH CANADA!  The land of unknown inventions, patronizing excess as concern for others, while totally dismissing its own original white settlers. Will the UN send a force to protect you from Rosie and Co? You don’t deserve this, nonetheless you will open your doors with welcoming mittens! Canada is probably the nicest country in the world next to everywhere else.

Now we will see who really is lying. ‘The great Showbiz escape’! Those unhappy with Trump will surely dishonour their promises to move to Kanataka….. Sorry, Fart Free Canada. Barbra Streisand, Cher, Samuel L Jackson and even John Stewart say they’re off. What the hell did Canada do to deserve this?  On the other hand; what does Canada ever do?

Miley Cyrus, Whoopi Goldberg, Al Sharpton and the entire LGBTQ community (short for SLPBFT & Confused) have threatened to mince northward. America will rejoice if it no longer has the dystopian dyke and unfunny comedienne Rosie O’Donnel, who is indeed a product of this deluded hypocrisy. Take Russell Brand with you. Hopefully she will be medically checked at the border. They can test for anorexia, but results will come back negative. O’Donnel can mouth off and dish it out BIG TIME in what she thinks are jokes, but when it comes back; ‘Oh you are so moronically offensive… blah blah blah’.  It’s vile no matter which end she expels it. Talk about global warming, Rosie’s flatulence causes Black Holes.  If she ever does get to Canada, the Mounties wont breathalyze suspect motorists, they’ll just show pictures of Rosie and ask if they find her attractive?

Mind you, what a wonderful gesture – free up some US oxygen and end the baby oil shortage!  How can we put it? Canada is a great place – for year-round winter sport. Christmas trees are replaced in July with the new one up for decoration in August. Canada is a Star Wars bar of every creed, wart and colour.  A land of mammoths and dinosaurs whose frozen, tundra-covered fossils have yet to be discovered. At least Rosie will be kept busy excavating for giant ‘Likaloddapus’.

If they thought bloated Political Correctness was ebbing in the States, Canada will handsomely compensate. There’s more PC up there than snow. A new Venezuela will be born on the Northern Border.  What does ‘Oh Kanada’ have to say about this? Justin will be having damp dreams in ecstasy (that’s ‘in’ not ‘on’, but who knows?).  Now, at least more than ten people know who Justin Trudeau is, because for the last 50 odd years, nobody in the rest of the world knew who the hell was running Canada. However, one suspects Canada’s current PC fascism gone stark raving mad might soon wane and be offering sanctity to two million Bangladeshi masons (of the trowel type) to see how quick they can build their own wall.

A Canadian joke would go something like:  Lance Armstrong got such a raw deal.  ‘When I’m on drugs, I can’t even find my bike’. Vancouver, with its entrepreneurial Chinese contingent, is better known as ‘Sichuan Valley’. At least the summer lasts more than a week there and Mohamed is not the most common name given to newborn. ‘Sudden Lee’ crops up a lot though.

Where is Canada? Asked the American.  ‘Eh aboot….’ Answered the Canadian.  ‘It’s a soda – la’? Questioned the Arab. ‘It’s full of xxxx all’!  Said the Duke of Edinburgh. ‘I’m emigrating there 3 months from now.  My entire family will join me next year’. Gleefully boast most Indians. You ask a Canadian if they are looking forward to spring and they will answer; ‘I live in Canada FFS!’

Why? Why? What’s white and covers the streets 11 months of the year in Canada?  Unemployed people! Canadians barbarically pummel each other and call it hockey; club baby seals to death and shoot anything with four legs and fur, yet say ‘Thank you’ to ATM machines when it spews the cash.  Canadians, those that don’t speak Algonquin would happily allow a man to have 17 wives (17 being the limit as 18 would make it a Golf course and Donald would find that is too competitive). Criminals get told off and axe murderers get 3 years with colour TV. A mime artist did ‘unspeakable’ things to a lady in an igloo and received a severe wagging finger and told not to do it again. Liberal, polite Canada, you are in trouble because those Americans migrants will NOT understand your British based humour.. ugh.. humor!

 

 

OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – DECEMBER 2016

Happy National Day! What a wonderfully glittering consideration afforded to cosmopolitan Bahrain, so close to the commeth of Christmas and the time for gifts, drunken parties and New Year wishes with predictions. With Hillary now extinct, new born girl’s birth certificates are hurriedly being changed to Milania, her being one among the most well-formed and beautiful women of the world. Yet the main-stream media continues its suicidal, hideously biased and often petty quest at an astonishing rate and Social Media is choking itself. Still, Obama will probably be the second most popular name – over Mohammed in countries like the UK and across Europe while the name ‘George’ is gaining popularity within the Middle East. We will probably discover new Indian cold stores somewhere in the Universe and Gary Glitter will be released from jail and join the Vatican. Talking of which, on his first day in prison, his cell-mate asked him why his trousers looked so small, to which Glitter replied; ‘They’re not mine’.

With Trump in, many will be depressed and some on medication under the doctor, or on top in the case of Bill. Boldly and commendably, The Donald has offered olive branches, but one suspects there will be no marriage made in heaven between him and many of his own party, especially Mitt (The Mormon – that’s MORMON) Romney. It will be more akin to the tender love expressed between two gays with haemorrhoids.
Trump’s victory was a blatant public reaction, a kick in the media’s teeth. ‘CNN’ were and still are on massive doses of Viagra for Hillary as if inciting a violent uprising. They are not alone; ‘France 24’ openly express consolation for rioters and so it goes. The arrogance is seemingly divine for they never learn. Despite their bloody noses, the BBC high among them, the absolutely pathetic CNN (along with the rest), are not so subliminally wishing for a Donald Trump fatality in the new year; that in between bleating on and on about the heathen Brexiteers. After all, if Donald Trump was such the misogynist, fornicator and grabber of parts the others cannot reach, as he has been ‘falsely’ vilified to be – and actually does get whacked (God forbid), then imagine the queue of inadequates grabbing the bits listed on his ‘donor card’. He can’t win either way. If he’d saved the life of a drowning lady by administering CPR, she’d have him in court for pressing on her angina. What a lynch story that would be for the scurrilous, cesspit media.
Talk about indoctrination; even Pidgin English speakers (that will be the rest of the world then) have learned a new word; ‘misogynist’. No, not only can’t they say it properly, they don’t know what it means, but for the record it goes something like; ‘If a man talks dirty to a woman, that’s sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man, that’ll be $10 a minute’.
Media and advertising in the Gulf is generally so bland, so poor, so biased, so sycophantic and just inane food for the masses, thus the temperate laureates among us take little notice. It is pretty much the same in the rest of the world these days. Each platform or newspaper regurgitate the same old agenda, picking on flaccid nothingness desperate to generate a reaction. As with the giant ego of pop stars and actors who will do absolutely anything for attention, even commit suicide (we wish! Sit down at the back Mr.Limbaugh).
Enter a smattering of smut. If the column began with a gripping story line such as; “I felt shattered, it had been a trying day on the catwalk. I showered and crawled into bed, leaving my bra and panties scattered about the floor. Knowing my fiancé would return any time, I was comfortable and switched off the light. I was asleep as soon as my feet hit the pillow. Suddenly I was awakened by the sound of shuffling coming from the passage. I was drowsy, I tried to focus, I felt vulnerable as I fumbled for the side light; and there he was, this towering three-legged Negro’. Just sayin’.
In fact to improve the old hacks standards, we introduced Betty a couple of months back and she is still on probation. However, she inadvertently left her locker door open and we noticed hanging inside was a nurse’s outfit, a French Maid’s costume and to our disbelief even a police woman’s uniform. Well Mr. Middleton (Chairman) is right to assume that if she can’t hold a job down, how long is she going to last here?
So where do we go now? During ‘Obama’s last stand’ back in April, when addressing the smug faces of the journalists fraternity at the “White House Correspondents’ Dinner Roast”; ‘Roast’ being the double entendre, the hacks were mega confident that Hillary would walk it. Nonchalantly swinging his head to one side, Obama came out with; ‘Journalism is a respected trade and often requires bravery, integrity and putting oneself on the line. And then there’s CNN’! Jeers! Obama was almost funny as he praised Michelle saying that; ‘Imagine Trump as President with his First Lady sitting where Michelle is now. It’s anyone’s guess who she will be…but…’ to hoots of laughter. Imagine Trump coming back at him with; ‘Don’t worry, Michelle is being replaced by an immigrant’.
Next month; “The Great Showbiz Migration to Karnataka…. Sorry Kanada… tch! CANADA!!! The land that wants to ban farting and all reference to it. You just can’t wait!

OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – NOVEMBER 2016

NOV 2016

Well It is all over bar the riots as the endless sewerage spill sloshes down the gutters outside the Whitehouse over the next four years. Sentiments still run savage like a hurricane called ‘Haemo’ through partisan veins. What fun!
Just a thought, why didn’t Chuck Norris join the fray, he’s a red-blooded Texan Republican, a saint, virtuous to the Nth and all things super and wouldn’t recognize a fine rack if they were resting on his nose. We are talking about the man who can hear sign language. When Chuck Norris was born, he cut and knotted his own umbilical. He once punched an unruly horse on the chin which created the giraffe. Chuck is the only man who can count to infinity – twice. He makes onions cry and Big Foot claims to have seen him. Chuck Norris makes Simon Cowell cower and he sleeps with a pillow under his gun. What better man to be President?
Oddly, the expected last minute putsch to save us all by Kanye West and Kim Kardashian didn’t materialise, but don’t worry four years will pass quite quickly and the next candidate holding agenda credentials will surface. Rumour has it that all forgiven OJ Simpson will stand; or at the other end of the scale – by a universe, the brilliant Stephen Hawking who is currently being groomed and his birth certificate forged. Up against them will be a one-legged lesbian midget of Hispanic and Inca descent who holds no birth certificate; who raped and murdered 10 people in self-defence; having obtained early release on compassionate grounds – that being she suffers with Downs’s syndrome, but nonetheless was once the Financial Controller of the Clinton Foundation. Betty, who we introduced last month, puts her money on the latter. After all, Lola is the only mentally and physically challenged lesbian left in the world without a job as the BBC and CNN have employed the rest.
What was the ethical difference between Hillary and Donald? Well it was like asking how one tells the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer. They simply taste different. A woman making suggestive remarks or jokes about a man or otherwise is considered perfectly acceptable, but for a man to strut his stuff as almost EVERY man has since the Big Bang, it becomes derogatory and OMG; ‘so offensive’. Help! Cried the vestal apocryphal virgins. I’m being objectified! There they were, thousands of unfortunately unattractive, dumpy ladies, full of silicon or Botox and walking adverts for Max Factor, bleating their disdain for this monster. Many skimpily dressed at that, sporting cleavages Brunel would be proud to build a suspension bridge across. ‘Mirror mirror on the wall, who is fairest of them all’? ‘Um…The Klu Klux Klan has vacancies’.
Such sick hypocrisy! What was Bill’s proposal line to Hillary? ‘YOU’RE WHAT?’ Someone should ask Hillary if she’s reached her fiftieth read through ’50 Shades of Grey’ yet.
PC yuckspeak has successfully turned Western Nations into wussies (in public anyway). The bloated catharsis set off the pathetic frenzy; they came out the woodwork by the bandwagon and the cesspit sucking media drove it home; richly glamourizing themselves first to go before the camera with their gutter shovelling credentials. ‘Don’t look at my well-packaged breasts but I might occasionally uncross my legs’. ISIS were denied airtime and the very loud bang off North Korea didn’t get a look in.
So proud is Hillary of her support group, such as despised mouth piece, well-fed fur trader Rosie O’Donnel, who desperately wishes she had a pair, who had the gall to constantly make disparaging remarks about Donald the downtrodden. O’Donnel isn’t, has never been, will never be remotely witty in any sense. However, another full-blown hypocritical mouthy comedienne, Canadian Samantha Bee, who certainly can be funny, gets her tirade against Trump well-publicized and then happily emulates him by clocking a gentleman’s wedding tackle and expressing wanton awe at the size. She says; ‘Look at the clackers on him, I could reach in and grab them! I bet they clack like a Newton’s cradle’. To ridicule her hypocrisy further, her show is called ‘Full Frontal’. Now what on earth does that imply? Stop Laughing Hillary!
Even richer than caviar coated molasses; Republican Terminator ‘I vill be bach’ Arnold Schwarzenegger, had the stallion sized cajones to come out against Trump, condemning his desirous dalliances when there are endless examples (some in video) of his own very grubby male prowess harassing the fairer sex. Probably on the same network.
America; you certainly are the land of opportunity. With the bowel movements of a giant wind farm slung at you day after day, it ‘aint fun being a Presidential Candidate, but their egos adore it. Trump’s ‘mandate’ was exactly that; ‘Me man – you date’ and he courted it, but Hillary perseveres with any notion of shame removed through lobotomy and an ego as big as the sun’s aura and gonads to match. Thick skinned? Well, contriteness just doesn’t compute. Even our very own David Bloomer or Ian Fisher couldn’t take that sort of critique without at least wincing just a little bit.

OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – OCTOBER 2016

In this month’s drivel, we introduce Betty. Betty is now the spokesperson for this column for many reasons; it’s to save one’s arse around these parts, being able to blame someone else for just about anything really; ‘He/she said it/did it, not me’. Betty exists, she is real and Betty has inadvertently become society’s barometer, an advocate of reason, a discerning light in the blind darkness which has descended upon the last few generations due to political manipulation. Another reason for Betty is that a ‘Pronoun’ is needed to garner simplicity and speed of composition; a first person in other words. It is a journalistic cakewalk, yet criminally discreditable and indeed inane to write in the first person as an article or report. It just depicts that ever spreading fatal infection of the ego overload ‘Pronoun Virus’. ‘I did’ – ‘I think’ – ‘I am’ – ‘I was’, as in the story line, as witnessed in the many (always left wing) columns in our daily rags. Besides, who gives a toss what ‘I’ thinks or ‘I’ does, such as endless talking heads on makeshift TV programmes?
So getting back to content; the Olympics over, and the American Presidential elections upon us. No! We’ve been down that road already and the candidate choices have so much baggage, it belies reality or further comment. Although, the most satirically funny and acceptable Social Media hate post to date was actually blogged by our own anti-Trump Gaffer (he who ‘proprietor-ates’ this ‘ere mag). ‘The only reason Donald Trump watches the Olympics is because he is assessing how high the Mexicans can jump’. Then there’s Hilary who is completely bereft of credibility for sooooooo many reasons. If you asked a thousand women in Washington if they would have sex with Bill Clinton, most would say; ‘Not again’! But never a squeak about it anymore from the media or her ladyship for that matter. The world is watching and those who have no right, no business, yet claim to be affected by American politics are spouting such irreverence against the nation itself assuming all this hate will destroy Trump, when he actually stands against the very PC issue which created this levelling and dumbing of society. The only nation we have heard zip all from is perhaps reserved Japan, but then the word ‘election’ comes as ‘erection’ in their accent and no doubt means the same thing; that some dick will rise to power.
It is all so bizarre and to the few, so blatantly obvious that indoctrination of the masses has been prevalent for decades by the sheer idiocy that so many need an idol, something to worship, to glorify and create heroes, no matter how decadent or depraved that hero might be. Charles Manson still gets love letters; there is an army of ill-informed, deluded Che Guevara worshipers out there with their chorus of approval which amounts to paying homage to a psychopath who glorified genocidal ideology. Hence the TV is full of Jerry Springer type garbage which the masses orgasm over – and MTV running endless videos of violent destruction and near kiddy porn. But hey, we can all distinguish between reality and art can’t we? The famous last words of the victims of ‘Natural Born Killer’ copycats.
The no respite ‘throw away’ society grows ever bigger. It’s like an alcoholic attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting for the first time; stands up and says; ‘Hi, my name is Bacchus and I have a problem’ (a witty tweet discovered deep in the dirge).

‘Your column is very Cryptic Geg’, says Betty. It’s a language thing darling and helps one avoid prison cuisine. ‘To digest your rants I sit privately reading over and over’. You are truly royal Mrs. B and incredibly gifted, but for many it’s merely an oxy-moronic discerning unawareness. As for that quiet place, it is said that ‘Hanebisho’ toilet paper is the only roll fit for such a botty. At $17 a pop who else could afford it? (“Pop”! No, it is not a spelling mistake).

Betty belongs to an extremely over-populous nation which has spread itself by the billion to every radius and soon the moon. Yet she makes profound statements. On European immigration; ‘To accommodate someone’s culture, one has to change their own’. In other words, bliss off back to whence you came and stop imposing on others, forcing often stifled ideology on the advanced because of self-insecurities. My God she’s a philosopher. She says of Western politics; ‘It’s all controlled, covert accident’. ‘Help, I can’t feel my legs’, said the mermaid. Betty is a protector, a sort of whistle-blower in her own right. Ironically her thoughts about the likes of say Julian Assange and Edward Snowden depicts them as incredibly brave as they are foolish. She is however very positive about the NSA (National Security Agency) – She tells us that it is the only government department that really listens to is people.

OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – SEPTEMBER 2016

There is nothing more inaccurate than the notion that ‘English is the international language’. It is NOT English, it is a concoction of ‘pidgin’ droppings and bad grammar which is fine and dandy in conversation or buying something in a shop but it should be kept well away from influential broadcast/media, schools or nannies for that matter. Why is gold so precious? Well, it takes a large population of millions to produce just one artistic genius or any vocation for that matter, but when there is no perceived qualification required for the intangible arts or product, then standards disintegrate to dust eventually. Advertising (an art) and broadcasting (an art) in all its forms in Bahrain and across the region so often produces hideous embarrassment. “FEELING STATION NOW OPEN” – sounds like an interesting place. Sing song news readers and old but gold; ‘A navy jet crashed in the North Sea this afternoon but the pilot ejaculated to safety’, well lucky him. We have presenters, spieling nonsensical garbage and zero content respectively about the time and frequency aimed at 5 year-olds. Welcome to Bahrain. It wasn’t like this 25 years ago.
Sadly, awareness is near zero too. Huge banners on every lamppost proclaiming; ‘NEWER AIRCRAFTS”, shop signs with “WELCOM ENGLISH SPORKEN HERE” – “KNOW BARKING ON BAYMUNT” and newspaper classifieds; “SOFA AND BED SHIT FOR SELLING”. Familiar? We even have ‘MILF TAILORING’? Now the mind boggles. It is not just Bahrain;BUT WE SHOULD BE RISING ABOVE THIS with so much more pride. That is difficult when a huge chunk of the population are expatriates many of which can’t write their own language let alone speak a modicum of Arabic or English.
There is not a mother tongue English speaker who understands what ‘brosted’ means, but whatever it is they do it to chickens. The British or American DO NOT ‘avail’ themselves of anything except in a massage parlour perhaps- and please don’t call us ‘pumpkins’ with your endless pishy, same script radio commercials. This bastardized English is all over the world, on every street and in all households now, with the Indian accent the most dominant. How quick was that? It was just a short decade ago, that only the dexterous Dutch spoke English fluently enough for commerce, without the aid of American movies. The British were so grateful especially if they just shouted louder to be understood in foreign countries. The rest of world were still singing Frère Jacques and struggling with ‘Dick and Dora’. Fortunately, most Bahrainis speak an amount of English and the Arabic flavor compared to some country accents is quite pleasing to hear ‘in conversation’, especially soft-spoken female.
At great risk of shattering the egos and delusions of some of the nicest guys one could meet – having this heavy accented farrago broadcast-pumped into one’s ears by the likes of the BBC or our own local radio and TV, generally and tediously tires one out as quaint as it sometimes sounds. The ‘IFOLD TOWWER’ and ‘ION FISHER’ sort of have a ring to them. The appalling IVR systems (Interactive Voice Response) are just atrocious, but nobody cares or perceives it as bad and culprits innocently can’t hear themselves. Conversely, a foreign presenter speaking broken Arabic has more chance of Stealing Mozart’s Yamaha synthesizer from the back seat of his Lamborghini in a shopping mall, than being accepted to broadcast on an Arabic channel. So why torture the English?
We now have Radio Bahrain amateurishly advertising on its own airwaves for DJs and presenters, knowing full well they mean only Bahraini need apply. This will not improve quality, professionalism or bring the art to any perceived standard ‘to aspire to’ whatsoever. In fact, having to advertise for talent on your own airwaves, is totally unheard of and unethical anywhere else and really does depict the level of absent professionalism.
All major countries have ‘professional’ English channels with native language speakers anchoring. It is all for international ‘POLITICAL CREDIBILITY’, not just because a few expats are resident. If there is to be an English language station, then hire proficient, professional, “talented” English speakers (of any nationality) and stop all the inept jingoism.
Bottom line; slick professionalism and boodles of content are what’s needed to create something to aspire to, not more mumbo jumbo, which so few listen to, especially with the might of the Internet crushing radio and TV to insignificance if it doesn’t compete at extraordinary levels of competence. Sadly, there is about as much chance of attaining such a desired mature platform here as seeing a transgender toilet installed in the City Centre.
Radio Bahrain was a tower in its heyday (not a towwer), until that fell down one day – and loved to death with an air of freedom and wellbeing and fabulous for tourism. But wannabe amateurs and wholly incompetents, flying the National Flag, given gauche positions in authority reigned. Naturally intimidated by the few sitting competent they gradually committed a sort of genocide, cleaning out any potential threats. It is now an oblivious embarrassment so just close it down if you can’t provide the goods.

OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – AUGUST 2016

We live in an age of absolute denial mimicking the ostrich. Nobody but nobody wants to take responsibility for anything, no matter how petty or terroristic. Besides, by and large many pretend it doesn’t really happen, or if so, always to someone else. Realistically and the planet’s great dilemma, there is just too much no-value stifled fodder on earth which we all know deep down, seriously needs addressing. The oblivious brigade of appeasers (who dictate the precedent) pontificate; ‘Aw, leave them alone; they are entitled to their deviance, cubic metre of air, Neanderthal existence and sizeable squadron of offspring’, endlessly support this self-helpless pluralism. We throw massive so-called development funds into their sewers, most of which so often gets filtered away by crooks. Regardless, the bottom line is that nothing changes and no advances are ever really made, other than numbers doing exactly the same all over again.
These do-gooder luvvies have exacerbated the penned ‘civilized world’s’ woes. But who decides to cut the umbilicals? Well, human nature will decide and we are headlong into the abyss already with terrorism the norm and folk by and large anaesthetized to it these days. It is sick both ways. Mainstream Media in full denial reports a hatchet job on a wife in Berlin as an ‘immigrant crime of passion’ while totally ignoring the thousands frequently massacred in other atrocities from whence they came. It is all to save face within their own oblivion of this bubbling Armageddon. After all, heinous, hideous religious atrocities can also be termed ‘Crimes of Passion’.
As fodder for the Illuminati, we bury our heads in inanity, such as Facebook or Android games; ‘Click like and share – once you see the answer’. The more inane the more it trends. Oh -Kill me now! Bizarrely, no matter how ridiculous the scenario is, so few look inwards thus it is always a CIA baby-killer plot or we perceive this skulduggery and conspiracy as beyond one’s existence – ‘What to do habeebee’? To opine such bunkum can be done in safety, but suggest that certain cultures or beliefs carry a mandate within gets one labelled a Nazi, a racist, an infidel or whatever else suits and cannot be done without fear. Sure, the BBC chooses sides and often exacerbates situations to the Nth degree, but ‘they didn’t start it’.
Perhaps an electronic past-time is the answer to all our woes? ‘Pokémon Go’ seems to have phallic heritage by name (Doesn’t everything?) and occupying our very existence, hopefully replacing the obsession with horizontal jogging which ostensibly dominated our lives before it.
By all accounts ‘Da’esh’ are slicker with the mobile phones than most and hypocritically depend wholly on the net, but do you think less heads and hands will be severed as its psychopathic members settle down to take on ‘Pokémon Go’ rather than using the technology solely to spread oppression and fear. Those who have thieved under Sharia Law can’t speak out, because they have no fingers to manipulate their phones. However, there’s hope; any ‘Pokémon Go’ mellowing might even see successful judicial appeals and players appearing sporting stitch-marks around their wrists.
The world is in real fear and no happy ending. A gynaecologist examining a ventriloquist and being taken by surprise is shock, not fear – there is a huge difference. It is subliminal fear calling the shots in the world today and politicians are just headless chickens without a clue what to do and besides they spend most of their waking day feeding their egos, scheming and twisting, planning the next box office thriller- ‘Hatchet Jobs’ rather than doing what they were elected to do. You can’t make it up, the events and shifts since mass immigration and Brexit are so bizarre it’s like we have become another planet. In fact, it is all so dark and dishonest from Washington to Beijing when a politician should be the most “honest” beings on earth and for the people.
Fear creates blanket Stockholm Syndrome and we are exposed to potential and extreme anarchy within nations with religious and racial disharmony screaming at us, but it is all ok, we now have the viral pandemic of ‘Pokémon Go’ to take our minds off it in our desperation to be numbed by entertainment.
Fear not; ‘Pokémon Go’ now begins the extermination of the human race by senseless traffic accidents, each becoming legitimate appeasement as an acceptable binding clause, like manslaughter through drunk or drug infested driving. Next month we’ll investigate a new phenomenon; ‘Poke-Pervs’, those depraved men charging into some lady’s bedroom, mobile phone in one hand……. with the um..er.. limp excuse that; ‘I was after a “Pokémon” Your Honour’. ‘Well at least half of that’, berates the Judge.
But then what else is this column other than a channel of so-called entertainment? Hypocrisy – we love you!

OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – JULY 2016

Heard at No.10 Downing Street the morning after the bad hair day Referendum:
Knock knock!
‘Who’s there’?
‘To.. ‘
‘To who’?
‘No, to whom! But you can call me Boris!
‘How very dare you? Ok Boris get lost and hurry before (Sir- no choice now) Nigel Farage comes knocking!
Astounding as the result was with so much unchecked pro bias across all media and hierarchy, those who see through the haze of ‘yuckspeak’ spewed forth by the Fabian clans, had resigned themselves to a ‘fixed’ result. Now the colour blind chameleon skins are working overtime to somehow keep a grip on their well-established Stockholm Syndrome across Europe (as alluded to previously in this column). ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ is actually the Euro-Fabian written manifesto. Read it! The first few chapters are horrendous, but you love it in the end.
The REMAIN voters were fortunate enough to score what they did and can thank Euro 2016 and the Russian supporters for that. With England being so inept and not actually able to play anything that resembles football these days, sending the same infirmed Fabian selection they’ve had for the last millennium was an embarrassment anyway. Bobby More making a comeback; six feet to go. Exactly how many more OUT votes would that have been had the BREXIT fans not still been in France breaking the place up and bravado fantasising that they can make mincemeat of the ogre-us Russians in revenge? Of course, knowing full well the pathetic nature of English football hooligans, the Rooskies who have a sporting pastime of urban fist fighting in swarms had sent an assault army of mutant beefcakes blowing intimidating gay kisses as a poofy Euro-gesture at the well-seasoned drunken English yobs before deliberately pasting them. Astoundingly but in typical Euro PC conditioned style, the British media then made heroes of the English Yobs as if so sweetly innocent. On the morning of the E.U. OUT result being declared, Jeremy Corbin (Labour Leader… well…still!) hogged the BBC cameras squirming – and at last made reference to immigration, something that has been politically suppressed with black hole gravity until now. In defence of mass immigration – no, no, no, call it deluded justification, Corbin bleats that millions of Brits were in Europe at that moment. Um…. doing what exactly Jeremy – throwing chairs and paving stones at anyone nearby?
How come Australian didn’t have a referendum to leave the EU? As stated last month, they had an entry in the Eurovision Song contest, so what went wrong? Is Scotland still there? During Donald Trump’s visit to his Golf Course on which he has spent the Gross National Product of a South American country, the bonny lads and lassies were asking him to save a few bricks from his proposed Mexican wall and send them over as they indeed have their own rebuilding to do. What a conundrum for them; or is it? Scotland by and large wants to be Scottish it seems and always has, which means not being ruled by London or anyone in Europe, so where is this ‘contradiction in terms’ going now? Their current leader is obviously on some very toxic haggis bi-product with not only delusional properties by highly hallucinogenic too.

‘Je Suis IN’ was bandied about rather a lot. T-shirts with; ‘I AM IN’ blazoned across them filling the streets of London. The Brexit crowd running around with magic markers trying to scribble the words ‘The Sh*t’ under it. The jokes were actually played out in reality with people desperately squeezing into a crowded underground train as the doors shut, squashed but in relieved anguish gasp: ‘It’s ok I’m in’! Instantly 300 other passengers except one shouts; ‘I’m in too’! There are umpteen reports of close-knit family break ups due to opposing views within! Husbands and wives denying conjugal rights because hubby romantically exclaims; ‘I’m in’ and she vehemently opposing a Brexit has a momentary fit.
Long before the results, the BBC reported that the higher than normal turnout was due to huge numbers of council estates unusually voting. Talking heads even had the condescending gall to suggest that this element mostly voted IN. If fact, then it was probably because they feared not being able to play the EURO LOTTERY if Britain opted out.
As for Scotland, Just do the vote on Twitter. What an inane stream of ego-mad drivel that is and they all think they are funny and contributing to some imaginary intellectual’s club and influencing the world at large. Laughing at their own pathetically unfunny non-jokes. With Denmark, Holland and maybe Austria up next, possibly the only funny referendum joke on Twitter and hilarious it was, was the banner tweet from Beirut which read; ‘Can Lebanon have a referendum to leave the Middle East’?

OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – JUNE 2016

It was fixed! It was fixed! As everything about Europe is. Soppy, blatantly political, sentimental appeasing agenda, It’s a good job Vlad was busy with his own ego and dumbbells, cruisin’ on his Shetland pony Harley while the ‘Eurovision Song Contest’ (never heard of it) was on or he might have accidently on purpose leaned on the button.
What has the Eurovision Song Contest (never heard of it) got to do with life on earth anyway? God was cruel for what a dank bunch of contestants they were at that. Backstage barking was even heard. Someone tweeted that all the songs sounded like they were written by Cold Play but never mind, cop the ludicrous costumes. The only thing missing for most was a herd of lamas.
Pathetically voting Ukraine the best song when it was anything but, there is a huge petition to have the result annulled. Get a life! Well call it diversity if you want and equality for the less privileged/underdog/afflicted but Reality TV has obviously gone too far as have the oblivious Fabian Reich, Nazi Liberal Europe in general. Constantly kowtowing, appeasing and descending to the lowest common denominator to equalize (except them).
It is official; Australia is now in Europe, not that the song presented by Dami IM (Never heard of her) stood a chance. Only pervs and fur trade votes floated her way due to several tasteless up-skirt shots desperately displayed… um… ostensibly designed to show off the tailoring draped around this Korean singer. Yes, a European Korean from European Australia. We can’t wait for Bangladesh’s entry next year.
More banal than a country and western song where; ‘she ran off with a cowboy and blinded by tears he ran over the kids and the puppy’, the pish Ukraine song might as well have been about the Malaysian 777 that was shot down by Russian separatists – allegedly. Oh – it was? Obama with the Nobel Peace Prize just for breathing and now the Ukraine entry glorified. What a desperate arrogant bunch who rule us.
You never thought it possible but it was worse than Bahrain TV. Whoever directed this Euro garbage needs to learn the art. It ranks Amateur Ville Horror (as does the TV ads for Brussels Air). It was more amateur than CNN’s ludicrous zooms and ridiculous face turns to the camera as they incessantly promote their egomaniac under-par journalism. Not one single zoom-in shot of these ham artists was complementary yet the crowds cheered on and on…. and on. It proves the fodder of this world are firmly in control and now working in media. Martin Österdahl (never heard of him) was the Executive Producer and one can only assume by his name and umlauts that he is not Korean.
Minus the Windsor-knot, but perhaps sporting a jock strap, supposed comedienne (that’s a laugh for a start) and main host Swede Petra Mede Måns Zelmerlöw (never heard of her), oh wait – that’s two people, came out towering over her mousy little friend. Draped in coruscating (never heard of it) painter’s overalls, obviously covering lumpy Kevlar, she looked positively monstrous against her, by comparison wimpy looking co-host. Zelmerlöw apparently won the 2015 epic (never heard of it) with an equally naff attempt to rouse the Y fronts and mummy knickers off us – called ‘Heroes’. “We are the heroes of our time – dancing with demons in our minds”. Roget’s Rhyming dictionary has a lot to answer for.
Mede’s unfunny scripted, cornball, nonsensical, drily lines were read staccato from a crib card she so openly held. Rave revues and the moronic crowd cheered every single syllable and cried along with the Ukrainian winner as she took the stand for the biggest con in television this year.
What a bunch they were; Zaa Sanja Vucic from Serbia actually came on as a Korean dressed as Bat Woman. Bulgaria showed some pleasing looks draped in what appeared to be engine parts from a space ship as she whacked her legs in and out like a good cello player. A jiggy little song too, albeit wholly Turkish – who are NOT in Europe yet!
Jesus from Poland resurrected as Michat Szpak (never heard of him either and don’t try saying his name) literally displayed his tonsils. Choreographed by the Filipino band in the local hotel, he didn’t stand a chance with all that deep and meaningless hand motion obviously learned from the European Highway Code as did most of the other singers, especially ‘Bare’ from Spain. She would have passed her test first time. Mary had a little lamb, she also had a bear, we often saw her lamb, but never saw her bear.
Cyprus’s entry ‘Alter Ego’ by ‘Minus One’ (or was it the other way around) rocked along very nicely, but it was like watching the Muppets mimicking Def Leppard with less hair.
Then Hovi Star of Israel displayed his obsession and leanings as he pointlessly appeared in replica to Adam Lambert. Remember the brilliant Lambert made second place in the 2009 ‘American Idol’ but should have come first. Middle America would not have approved his pillow biting exploits in colour if he had (worse than Paris Hilton), all disclosed a week or two before the final. Fixed – of course! Now if Star had done the same, ‘let’s make everyone gay’ Europe must surely have voted him No.1. What a dilemma for the politics that would have been, so they might just as well ‘stayed home.

OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – MAY 2016

A couple of worrying earthquakes, a Fly Dubai pilot error plane crash and the Oscars. It was a boring month for the Marxist media after the preceding months of plenty when Paris and Belgium were under attack and its everyone else’s fault. Headline news; ‘U2 Cancels Paris Concert’. Thankful for small mercies in such heinous times, ‘Paris Had Suffered Enough’ without that prat Bono adding his little red book philosophy. Bored out of their pseudo bolshie Trotsky wits Chris Rock almost lit the media up for the most innocuous and inane of remarks but rumour is he’s black and underprivileged and one of their luvvie boys anyway, so tread carefully. Other than that, we are led to believe that no one in Europe, UK or USA, made not even one racist remark, nor did we hear of a migrant being shot, so it was very quiet all round and utopia reigns. What mosques burning in Sweden are you talking about or the massive brawls between Syrians and Afghanis breaking out everywhere? How dare you suggest that our fair and balanced media are selective and manipulative with what they report?
Then the ‘Panama Papers’ upheaval. Someone you know or you know someone that knows someone who has an offshore stash and so what! This palaver is nothing more than a rather pathetic grab at any little thing to create division and champion this sea of so-called underprivileged. It is the hypocrisy of the polarized Left condemning dosh stashed abroad which they feel they should have having done nothing for it. Who wouldn’t invest tax-free if they could? It’s a bit like asking a native if they have ever been car-jacked at gunpoint in South Africa? Maybe not, but they will know someone who knows someone who knows someone who has been.
Those that have avoided tax will probably list a couple of million reasons why they did it anyway. One strong motive might be that If you have a few bob to spare why should you be forced to plough it back into a heavily laden immigrant society or warped socialist ideology which constantly hands out unending payments to the mindset who believe they are entitled to it just because you have money and they don’t! Dole hacks and breeders whose numbers increase by the coefficient of the number of penises in the neighbourhood every nine months. It is a dilemma, because the same politicians and party members think in parallel, having absolutely no compunction about spending ‘someone else’s’ money in order to court those masses purely to feed their ego and the subsequent vote and membership to the ‘Leg Over Club’. Eventually this growing blob will even overpower the offshore banks as the coefficient becomes so large that times ‘X’ equals an ever increasing minus figure.
Who the hell cares about what’s innocently in Panama? Get to the source of the funds if laundering; do something constructive and beneficial to law and order, not hit dudes who are just looking for a nifty savings account which the bloated socialists demand ‘give me – me – me’.
However, drives to bring the government down like this are expected from the least read Guardian ruled BBC, but it is a shock really to note that the once conservative Telegraph has stooped to poop. There’s something to be said for the tabloids, with page 3 and boobs in your porridge which is frankly better than all this endlessly vile and trivial posturing which is nothing more than sour grapes. Can we get back to; reports like in the ‘Gypsy Gazette’ such as; ‘Chap has vasectomy, thinking it would stop his wife getting pregnant, but all it did was change the colour of the baby’. Stories about incest are now ‘relatively’ boring so they don’t make headlines anymore either.
Yes, it is all very selective! One must ask the question; if luvvie J K Rowling had parked a few of her billions in an offshore tax haven of which she might well have, would the public chastise her? Of course not since she is worshipped by millions of ‘strange’ people who derive phenomenal pleasure from incomprehensible fairy tales. Among this odd bunch there is an army of seat sniffers competing to furnish her (pun) with even more millions just to buy the chair she apparently sat on while writing the Harry Potter series. Why else? Would the same number of enthusiasts buy David Cameron’s office chair? No! But exactly what is the difference?
What a score Cameron was for Corbyn, known to those close as Richard Head. ‘Gottcha’! Not really, but his victim speaks with an undetectable English dialect delivered grammatically perfect, so he must be bad. Sure, the Oxbridge lot deserve all they get when they lodge together like Illuminati gravity, but sometimes they are obliviously innocent.
Besides, who actually likes David Cameron? The likes of the ‘Huffington Post’ or ‘New York Times’ would protect Obama and his endearing treacle oozing weaknesses even if he was a Mafia hit man laundering zillions. It seems to be only Britain’s ridiculously bitter crony filled pseudo-intellectual media who loathe anything entrepreneurial and realistic.
Imagine, Sir Elton John and his side-back-kick David Furnish having funds out there? They have ostensibly been cavorting in a swimming pool of olive oil with other like-minded friends only to successfully have the media gagged about the exploit. The main essence of the story being Furnish’s huge unstoppable diamond cutter like boner as he recounted to someone his WD40 moment of the ménage à trois, but no mention of any funds in Panama so nothing to write about.

OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – APRIL 2016

Contrary to what some might desire of this column, such as highlighting social inadequacies, championing Liberal gunk or promoting inanity for the sake of masking incompetence and browning one’s nose; well, this will never happen. However, should our beloved Über Führer wish it; ‘Can I warm your bed pan Sir’? He muttered while removing said lips from the inside of his master’s bellybutton, then the way of Jeremy Clarkson it goes. Surely that warrants another disclaimer block?

Alternatively, we could just repeat or regurgitated old jokes which you’ve all heard before. Such as; ‘I went to the zoo yesterday and to my surprise there were no animals, only a single dog. It was a Shih Tzu!’ Or; son asked dad what ‘gay’ means and dad replies that it means happy, to which the son asked; ‘Are you gay dad’? ‘No’ said dad; ‘I’m married’. (Don’t think about it too long).

Or err to ‘almost’ complete safety and try fruitlessly to convince billions that we are not alone. What with an abundance of methane found on Pluto recently we could get all jiggy and interestingly go scientific After all, it is obvious to anyone with half a brain that Pluto must have been ‘The Planet of the Cows’. (One cow farts more in an hour than a full Walmart cafeteria serving only baked beans).

Oh no, the ‘Great Conundrum’ is upon us, so we rant and put reality into perspective by highlighting the escalating deviance in power and the demise of competitive education with the ever increasing fit and healthy masses breeding kids up the ying-yang, with no means of supporting them – other than demanding the wholly appeasing better equipped to feed them, give them shelter and defend them. Now-now, who will begrudge a little nooky here and there, even if it means so many weeping into BBC and France 24 cameras bleating that their wives are 3 months pregnant having lived with absolutely no shelter or privacy, in the squalor of jungle migrant camps in Calais for 5 months? It sort of brings a whole new perspective to the trend of ‘dogging’.

‘This is life Jim, but not as we knew it’. A Marxist, a Marxist-Leninist and a Marxist-Leninist-Maoist took their seats in the European parliament; it was wonderful to see such a variety of attendees. Pseudo-equality ‘luvvie Illuminati ideology’ for self-inflated egos, cloaked narcissism and sex which champion morons NOT to better themselves. ‘How dare you say that? ‘Totally unacceptable. Vile!’ screams the BBC corridors, echoed by other infected media and almost all other clanspersons (Note: PC correct insert), but not the back page of ‘Bahrain This Month’ or Britain’s Daily Express, neither of which are owned by Murdoch (yet), so sit down at the back! This blind arrogant dismissal of all opposition has created a bubbling black-lash which will end in violent mayhem of catastrophic proportions.

Most of us are liberal, but not fascist rubber Trotskyites cloaked in sexually permissive totalitarianism which now has firm control over generations. History will label this era as ‘The Great Divide’ and whether religion or politics, this massive polarization is manifesting itself ever more volatile. Revolution or anarchy brought on by Liberals, a very dangerous so-called conciliatory movement steeped in emollient from the neck up and KY from the waist down.

Imagine Trump as President; we might see Russian troops sent to the U.S. as ‘peace-keepers’ – armed only with ‘plutonium teabags’ of course. Surely he will soon be bumped off by these so-called ‘peacefully passive’, loathing aggressive lefty Liberals with their pacifier removed.

It is all very well to pit videos of Obama’s forgiving retorts against Trump’s brashness of which the Internet is now full of. It only makes Trump stronger and Obama more wimp. Anti Trumper Hilaryites claim to be civilized passive (aggressive more like), but serial activists nonetheless and violent! Many passionately psychopathic, oozing charm as they pontificate that; ‘It is everyone one else’s fault but not ours’. Now where have we come across that before? The guilty get clean away nowadays, but factually, the majority of us feel there are no rights, thoughts or positive action for victims. Most support capital punishment but are not allowed to say it. Out of hand empathy is always directed at the perpetrator, molly coddled by warped human rights, brainwashed by agenda, unless of course the perp, mentioned Trump then it’s off to the Tower.

What was the covert back-hand fee for lamping Trump at his conventions my bruddah? Oh there is a lot more to come. The ludicrous rhetoric showered at Trump has him already instigating pogroms laced with heinous slaughter. We saw black people wading into Trump supporters with fists, course gob and boots blazing. Astonishingly whiter than white (Cough) Clinton and Bernie Saunders, both immediately took to the podiums and outrageously admonished Trump in every which way. They displayed the sincerity of Fred and Rosemary West or a ferocious female Black Window courting an impotent suitor while completely condoning the real violent culprits. What a farcical, (nodding as usual) face she made, but even her faithful dulled the applause because they were embarrassed by the reality. Wait! Then the other two Republican candidates jumped on the bandwagon. How can you trust politicians?

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