GOD’S LIVINGROOM
Again I failed to make good on my updates. (telecom) I keep saying that I have articles written which only need proofing and I could post them, then sit back and let all the critics have a field day. Like Christmas, they are coming, like all the music I want to make – it is coming. For now though……………….. As a quick filler, here is a bit of a disguised telecom rant. If some of you do not understand the technical bits, don’t worry, just read between the lines and you’ll live longer
So many times I have said it – ‘I am a telecom man’! Not through choice, but by necessity and I support all telecom companies just as any loyal employee would their own industry. Especially if the telecom company keeps paying me money. I actually get on very well with telecom people, but sometimes I want to shake some art and creativity into them.
Telecom companies have had their day though. Read more
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
The local Agencies in the area are probably the only ones who criticize me and have an unhealthy dislike of me, because they see themselves in the criticism I highlight and can’t take the hit, so in retaliation dish out plenty on me. Fortunately, the general public who happen across my vitriol invariably agree with me.
There is no such thing as ‘constructive criticism’ in media in this part of the world. The closest you will get to it is perhaps religious concerns whereby a billboard shows a half naked lady (man ok) whereby some will obviously make the point that this ‘will’, (not ‘could’) offend people. Rightly so and any Agency trying to sell their product with sex in this part of the world will surely run the gauntlet of the reverse of their intension happening. A total boycott maybe. But having said that, a little bit of sex goes well, if there is some very subtle ambiguity attached. I don’t really mean like the new Etihad TV campaign - ‘She likes it full on’ – whereby they give the run down of how their passengers ‘Like it’ in the ‘mile high club’. Sounds very Hogan to me. That is effective, but rather blatant and over the top of heads here anyway, as it doesn’t translate well into Arabic.
Here, artistic criticism comes in the form of ‘NO, DO IT LIKE THIS’, emanating from minds and mouths of
RADIO SHAMBLES
(First posted – 2010 - no longer current, but it is still accurate because history has um…er… repeated itself – Oh, and some have died )
NEWS-NEWS-NEWS!
I don’t know what makes me think of the legendary King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, when I think of the radio authority in Bahrain and the distribution – or not - of frequencies on this friendly – ‘Ich bin eine Bahraini’ island.
‘Must be the non reality of the legend, the ‘Once upon a time’ , the fantasy of it all, I really don’t know. Whoever can pull "Excrementbur" from the stone, gets to rule for a while; then heroically defends and protects from infidels; then goes out and conquers all around as far afield as Never Neverland. Not without the help of trusty Knight Sir Lebalot though and faithful Queen Notalot. Many battles are glorious and victoriously won without contest, except the very last battle in which they are eventually slain and miraculously buried in a non existent grave in an Abbey which millions visit every year to pay homage. And we all live happily ever after. NOT!
As if history repeating itself….. no… history does repeat itself, a new realm of so-called experts pop up and source their cadre from reputed hair dressing salons across the Island and never beyond – and it all starts again – going absolutely nowhere.
STOP! Before I get on my soap. So what else has been happening up on Cedar Hill? Well apart from our Lebanese friends continuing to ""sell dreams"" to the Gulf Arabs, someone convinced someone higher up to open up an new frequency. They didn’t give it to me, despite my continuous lobbying for 400 years.
(To understand this rant if you are from far off places like – er.. Greenland, then you have to read all that goes before – and probably watch a few Youtube videos of Bahraini Parliamentarians complaining about the hiring of a Lebanese barber and friends to run the Radio and Television Corporation.)
FORBIDDEN FRUITS
Still no new ‘independent’ radio yet, although promised no more than 2,592 times. No wait! 2,593 times. Hell, there is not ‘new radio’ at all, but there is a filling of frequency which perhaps should be advertised with the picture of a farmer standing next to a new, fancy dung spreader. Bless! I suspect, although I don’t really know who thought of it, but it might of been an idea, nay the only idea from a good man, a very nice man who cannot be mentioned here, who meant good. Sadly though, ultra deluded, put his faith in a void. I don’t know how much Sir Lebalot had to do with it, but it will never succeed with the present management. Of course, on-line alternatives abound beyond reality, subsidized in most cases by their FM parent, so while we wait for our own bouquet of chancers we can all enjoy the new pastime of………. guessing which half of the world’s web sites have been banned. The ‘UK Lottery’ is one, but it comes and goes.
Since Bahrain really hit the headlines for all the wrong reasons in 2011, web site access has improved as much as it has become restricted. At least now, if one Googles Bahrain, there is plenty to read. Whether many noticed at the time, the holier than thou ‘Bahrain Fair’ got whacked, but by the time you complain or explain, the Fair has long gone. Maybe someone on the hill thought they might be selling those Chinese gossamer film hymen kits that squirt a little red dye as she screams ‘OH GOD"!!! Of course, shhh! We know why. There must be a tab that reads; "ABOUT BAHRAIN" and contained within is an innocent description of the lovely people of this sand dune and their leanings. Great for Tourism isn’t it? A corporation, a tour company or whatever, so proudly puts up a web site and a tab; ‘about Bahrain’ and you click on it and there is no content. I have actually seen this on some Government sites and always wondered why it contains um! er! ‘nothing’. That in itself leaves stacks of material for the comedians.
Where was I? Oh yeah! ‘Debbie Does Duraz’ (A village in Bahrain) type highly educational sites are classified just the same way, so without tricks, you ‘aint gonna get off on it. Even ‘Google Translate’ gets whacked at times, so you cannot look up words like ‘imbecile’, to find a suitable description for the bigots who insist of this pointless exercise. I don’t believe it, I KNOW IT… You make something mysterious and more want to know. Besides, banning something is a very very good way to recruit followers.
ONE MAN SACK RACE
It is often so hard to fathom or even believe the perceived solutions some of these vacant administrators come up with. Orbit Satellite channel is now Showtime and the Showtime Network is now Orbit and branded under the stunningly creative name ‘OSN’ (Orbit Showtime Network) . I bet nobody can guess what that means. Creative genius! (At least the unbelievably named ‘MTC’ [Mobile Telephone Company] eventually filled their lobotomy hole and came up with ‘Zain’, which predominantly means ‘good’ in Arabic). How OSN managed to persuade those on the hill to sweep and kill millions and millions of IP addresses in order to ban just one or two used by three or four naughty boys who give out ‘Dreambox’ codes is dubiously dodgy to say the least. I don’t care what the weirdest of nerd or nun says in its defense; IT SLOWS DOWN OUR INTERNET to a stand still at times – let alone block zillions of legitimate sites. All because of a bunch of privileged opportunists losing a few dollars of their billions. If OSN gave back to the community, produced quality ‘original’ local material or even financed or nurtured the art in any miniscule way, I and millions of others might have a grain of sympathy. Seemingly dominated by Lebanese operators with Saudi money, I am pretty sure we can find a few hypocritical ethics slithering around the surface. I loathe the BBC, which has been nicknamed the ‘Bombay Broadcasting Corporation’, but there is no denying it has consistently contributed to the creative arts; probably second only to Murdoch’s Fox Network.
YOU SHOW ME YOURS’ AND I’LL SHOW YOU MINE
Funny enough, I heard a good line today from my good Bahraini in-the-know friend and confidant while talking about the Lebanese onslaught. He too, said that they (Lebanese) are somehow brilliant at selling dreams to the Arabs, but then you wake up; outside your house – naked.
Ostensibly showing some action on the hill among what must be a growing lobby of complaints, one of the old frequencies which used to carry news feeds is being turned into a pop ‘Youth station’ (launch February 15th, 2010). So do we have Sir Lebalot and brethren against brethren, because for sure they have more than a couple of hands in it , but are fronting it as Bahraini. That is the story today, but how someone can set up a real radio station with ”””new””’ DJ’s (from where) and get everything organized in 2 weeks is pretty spectacular. Oh but then, Bahrain is bursting at the seams with creative ultra professional talent, or deluded, so we are led to believe. But that is what is happening and they are selling radio advertising space already. By the way, if you are over nine and half years old, you will be banned from listening.
‘Al Shabab’ FM (Youth in Arabic) was designed primarily to counteract ‘Group Plus’ who are the current monopoly running the monopoly, legally destroying an entire industry, rendering all competition and fair trading totally extinct. Oh don’t worry, if Al Shabab lasts (I cannot see it myself), as new administrations come, it will surely get swallowed by Group Plus or their mentor as incompetence and palms prevail. Why again I have such thoughts I really cannot fathom, but the quaint old English phrase ‘Honour among thieves’ comes to mind, but obviously takes on a new twist here, Besides, when this heinous contract is up in 2012, it will be renewed without objections being considered, or even heard and our cedars will NOT leave that on off the new contract.
Krazy Kevin is not only on the English 95.6, I have heard him on the Hindi channel as well. Could he be doing a filler on Youth too? I wonder, is David Bloomer (he who was snatched in a dingy type yacht thing and sent to entertain the troops in Iran recently) looking for a spinning spot back? With his new found notoriety and his challenging music choice this could be a scoop for the new channel. They will have to contract him and pay him handsomely as all famous stars enjoy – and he is ‘famous now’ – he’s been mentioned outside of Bahrain. So Dave, settle for nothing less than a 3 year contract and a total package of Four Million Lebanese Pounds (if they ask).
To the current regime this represents CHANGE!!!!!!!!! There has to be change. It is like the old tasteless wartime concentration camp jokes. "Today is underwear changing day! (Loud cheer). Block 13 will change underwear with block 14"
Alas, this new station will emulate Radio Sawah it seems, except perhaps the heavier and no doubt more prolific M.Fkr content?
It is going nowhere folks!
THE LONE RANGER (NOT)
Well wonders never cease. I fight for you the public, or at least the public with a gram of sophistication who deserve, demand and wish for better media. I dream of the day when the masses will discern the difference between absolute crap and get what you pay for. I take a lot of criticism and according to some I even take considerable risk in this warm, closed society for there still remains some of the old small time “I HATE GEG HOPKINS” brigade out there. Those very same people who in their intimidated bigotry created more and more interest in me.
When all is said and done, I do it alone……… or do I? Read more
RECESSIONARY BUSY WITH MEDIA -OCTRITY
It really does seem to be bad for many in the arts right now. I would like to say ‘creative media’, but I must have missed any that might have been lurking about in the last few years. Locally it is as dire as ever and in the Gulf, if not government owned radio, it would all be in deep deep dollops of it now. Outside of America the story is pretty much the same, yet ridiculous, childish, arrogantly incapable and naive cliques are running the radios with heavily formatted, massively boring output just the same and nobody but nobody can tell them different. Hollywood is still the first and last bastion of everything clever and the plethora of mediocrity out there in the form of TV satellite channels leech onto anything going. What the hell would they do without it?
Across the Middle East (where I am), there are loads of channels all doing what I don’t know, but the larger Showtime and Orbit, must be so proud to boast that they produce absolutely nothing of value Read more
Radio GaGa – Dubai Part 2
More on my recent visit to Batmanville Dubai where it all happens; or maybe not these days as it is very quiet there now. Nothing is ever so openly revealed in the Islamic world but you can always bet from the outset; as Don Henley so eloquently puts it; ‘There are three sides to every story; there’s yours’, mine and the stone cold truth’.
With Channel 4 Ajman now running the defunct Coast and Virgin treading the boards trying so hard NOT to be noticed, the Dubai Radio scene is getting juicy again. Dubai Eye is convinced they are No. 1 as is Channel 4 FM and quite naturally, if you speak to Head of Gulf News Radio, Vikram Dhar, you will hear how the world wants to emulate the success of Radio 1 and 2, with wait for it…….. Read more
RADIO GA GA – DUBAI -PART 1
The name Geg Hopkins was pretty much the be all and end all of radio and production across the Gulf in 80s and even through until now really, although the aspects of the industry have changed considerably. I came in just after Graham Carter Dimmock, he of Episode Six the forerunners to Gillan, Deep Purple and on. Graham was Eagle Studios and was and probably still is quite brilliant and had an excellent radio voice, but left the area in the early 80s. Not only technically, but direction wise, Graham Dimmock knew exactly what he was doing and a hard act to follow. Everything he did sounded FAT and I still have the old 16 channel mixer he used out in my back shed. Wanna buy it? So that was a sort of benchmark in the area for a while. Read more
ABOUT ME – MY PET HATES – THE PRONOUN VIRUS
Growing older:
I’m actually the Master/Slave at ADmaze Media WLL studio and www.whodoeswhat.tv for most of my life. My job, as it has always been is to write, direct and produce thousands more commercials and programmes than I voice. It is not only voice-overs, but with my best mate Allan Jennings, we have written loads of original music jingles and even songs, airline music, you name it.
I ‘was’ British before circumcision and Elvis Presley’s love child. Old now, but before a gorgeous, a 2.3 metre tall, 22 year old Adonis based in Outer Mongolia with a warm ISDN machine/codec. The first and for most the ONLY one in Bahrain, being the only one who understood such technology and the need to use world wide professional voice talent with my studio live linked to other studios around the globe. All real time baby . Then came Audio TX, then Source Connect, ipDTL and no more need to DHL heavy tape reels around the world. Tommy Vance (the deep voice BBC Radio One rock show DJ and VH1 stalwart) was actually my best mate (or so I thought – he was also my girl friend’s while I was away at the time as well. Hmmmm! Shhhh!) and in the hay days, we had up to 10 tapes a week going back and forth. Add all that to a rockin’ ‘kick ass’ studio in which we did all sorts of audio and video recording and times were sooooooooooooo good!
Those discerning among the business community (and there were many then) knew what quality was and my life was delightful murder, working 48 hours a day year after year, but by God I loved it. I invented strawberries as well – what an incredible guy I am! Ok, I lied slightly. I have the perfect face for radio and a bit of voice, but the ISDN and the studio bit is true.
USUAL RULES:
If you slag me or someone/anyone, an individual or a company, you had better have your facts on your key board or shut the **** up, because we’ll be taking names and want the full gorey juice on it. If it is bollocks, don’t waste your time. Debate is fine, Political Correctness, racial harmony and all that bumf is entirely optional but we’ve all been so dumbed down that most of us will surely adhere. Why? In the worst case scenario, don’t accuse someone of being a shirt lifter if in fact they are a pillow biter for example.
Registrations are really welcome as I’d like a bit of a voice-over and advertising family, community thing going if I can. So your real name and email is preferred but not essential, eitherway, NOBODY will ever find out who you are unless you yourself, thee, the bloggee prints your name – yourself! Torture me all they like, I will never personally know as the site is administered in far off lands that have not been discovered yet.
This page is open to all and although your post has to be approved, very little if any will not be, no matter what you say and the folks at ADmaze Media will approve it (or not) as fast as possible. Behave! Be factual! Like you, I accept that creative art is wholly abstract so without patronizing you, your opinion is totally valued. But unlike every sickly IVR system in the world (except our’s) ‘your call is NOT important to US’‘ and nobody cares whether you participate or not, but it would be nice if you did.
The Juice:
So I am nearly famous: I am locally more infamous for my often direct approach to Advertising Agencies and those manipulating the media and more about that as this blog matures and I am sure it will get juicy so have no fears. I have plenty of pet media hates, but upfront ‘THE PRONOUN VIRUS’ is my biggest campaign to date. Scroll, or better read to the bottom of this particular post and you will see how much I rant about it.
Sometimes I get a little short with clients when they insist on streams of unnecessary, pointless information within a script, such as this endless patronizing clap-trap experienced these days and telephone numbers etc. YOU KNOW IT, YOU HATE IT TOO, when it is not your own service, because you think ‘you are the best’, so naively, (I would say ‘stupidly’ but it upsets people) go right out there and follow suit and do the same. “YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US”. ‘VISIT OUR WEB SITE ON…’ ‘CALL US’ ‘ABOUT US’. It is NOTHING BUT VOMIT. Who the hell is ‘US’? It is endemic though and dreadfully lacks credibility, creativity, just everything! My bitching about it so often intimidates some clients, but surprisingly most will agree to it as being superfluous as if a light in their creative cavity within their brain got switched on. Retorts like; ‘But this is what I see and hear all the time, is that not what we should do also?’ In a word; ‘NO!’
So rather than rattle on for now – and I’ve got plenty to say and lots which will intimidate some into hate and elate others into love. Firstly, NOT ONE, NO MAJOR or even WELL READ site has ever given me credit, but the word is obviously spreading. The best I could do was some recognition and accreditation on another site and another media blog where you can read THE PRONOUN VIRUS saga and how they mentioned my comments. The site is ‘Bollix Media‘ and has a lot of visitors, it is considered radical, unlike this tribe, so good exposure from a media standpoint, but might not always be my personal viewpoint.
Me:
Just before we get into my favourite rant about the world’s infestation of the ‘PRONOUN VIRUS‘ and you being witness to my obsession, let’s get back to me! How’s that for narcissism? Who cares about me? If I had 3 eyes and 17 toes what difference would it make to the price of eggs? [I’ve actually got 4 eyes and only 15 toes]. It is probably the voice you want to hear and better still the type of product I produce. The End!
IVR – Telecom/Bank voice response systems:
More than music and radio ads, you can get the WORLD’S MOST BRILLIANT TELEPHONE & IVR SYSTEMS designed, programmed, recorded and installed. Yes! right down to; just stick ’em in your system, no conversions or changes needed. That is, unless it is a Nokia-Siemens core/network, then depending where you are, there might be some scum bag area representative managing it who will charge the telecom operator $100,000 to release a ‘special software’ which basically only changes the dot suffix. Oh yeah! Been there, experienced that. We know those old tricks, for in this little ‘ole shack, we have seen it all! Indeed, it comes as a bit of a surprise to operators using ADmaze Media for the first time, that when we attend initial briefings and we already know all the lines, the pitfalls, the work involved, the frustrations with pin-point accuracy. This is what you pay for I guess. The fact that the team can spew out a very professional system, be it Ring Tones, to Network from their heads and always to the highest standard, still doesn’t justify the price according to accountants and the uninitiated. The moral to the story; NEVER let accountants attend the project meetings!
It is sound, not the written word. Why are ADmaze Media award winning systems so good? More than good – probably the pièce de résistance of systems in the entire world – no boast! Output from ADmaze Media for telephone network and systems, be it Cisco, Avaya et al. is the aspiration level for the serious and talented and the bench-mark to beat. Unfortunately for copy-cats and opportunists it is a nightmare hoping that the client doesn’t know or notice the difference. Of course all cowboy facilities and Agencies think it is easy and profess to be experts. Absolute dirge! By and large, it seems to be all monkey see-monkey do and most clients know no better either, so blindly pay up and as cheap as they can get it with no perception of the art involved. There are very few good facilities who do this work well, very few indeed. (Are you getting the message?) . It is all in the direction and scripting and ‘Don’t bore us, get to the chorus’ flow, but so few attach importance to this work. A bad telephone or Call Centre system destroys your image instantaneously – SUBLIMINALLY and most out there are simply BAD! I actually hate this work, but I happen to be extremely good at it and few if any can beat the flow and quality, although it is extremely difficult to do if you want to do it well.
Yes, ADmaze Media WLL is your baby, but if you want a $10 system and your secretary reading the prompts, don’t come here.
Drum Millennium:
I mentioned songs and jingles above. Between Allan and I, we have not really bothered to write full songs, although Allan has written many for himself. Allan and I even wrote what many would say was the best, if not the only melodic ‘Millennium’ song of all the dirge that was put out there at the time. It was for a massive ‘live aid’ like concert to be staged in Cape Town on Dec. 31st 1999. It was called ‘Drum Millennium’ It all got rained out at the last moment and Nelson Mandela was rowed out to Robben Island in the end, from his house, since all the roads were totally flooded and the rain did not abate for days. Besides, I fell out with the ‘drum producer’ they hired at my request. His name; Cedric Samson. I am not so good with drum sequences and since this theme was heavy on drums, I thought I’d best get someone in who could play. Dear Cedric and I didn’t see eye to eye or ear to ear from the moment we met. He thought he was the ‘producer’ full stop. I didn’t like his, earring, pony tail or sari either. Cedric is quite brilliant no doubt, certainly far far more adept than me, but there are tiny nuances in vocals that to me mean everything and a singer with an incredible voice but with a strong South African accent trying to sing flat English, pronouncing all the consonants and vowels (or not) as one should my dear subjects – became a challenge. So Cedric attacked me yelling that he was going to;’Beat me’ for criticizing the man’s art (the rather very good black singer from a Cape Town township), while I was yelling to ‘stripe another tape’ and let’s get the pronunciations right. Good singers, slick production, to me is better than sex. I live it! I’d marry a hideous looking, fat hairy old lady with warts, if she had a good voice, or was musically talented. That is what turns me on. Anyway, it was fun (not so much).
Talking of sex (don’t we always?), the only assets I had with SBC studios, was the man putting up the money Jean Marie Jullienne,… Oh! And a young girl who seemed to be training or something… or something with the engineer. Well I thought she was more warm to my humour and chattiness. Obviously not, since I invited her to dinner with my family and was promptly accused of being a paedophile by the studio crew. Good game folks! No Sir! I like ’em old and mature, but it was sort of funnily sad at the time. Eventually, the recording and the event all got dropped and we are poorer for it. (You can hear the demo on the ‘production demo’ tab).
Sales and Public Relations:
What is it they say about the ‘sincerest form of flattery’? We used to hear many upstarts ‘trying to emulate’ but not so much these days as what we hear or see out there is mostly done on an iPhone. I/ADmaze Media still produce slick, professional documentary or light entertainment type video for television. Events and reports too when we get it. Maybe your company or concern has never heard of ADmaze Media doing video? If you go to www.whodoeswhat.tv you will see plenty. Or it could be because we do not have sales reps knocking on your door claiming to be the greatest! There is little point actually as those who commission need an appreciation and perceive the difference creatively, artistically and in overall standard rather than rub their hands together at a stupidly low price they might be offered. If you want one of those bouncing, thumping fast frame, jumping videos which you are led to believe is the trend, then we can do that too, but our staple is ‘Broadcast style’ and that has much more staying power.
Reputation precedes (locally in particular) and before we walk in the door many clients have already been primed by self assumed competitors with the notion that ‘ADmaze Media (especially the name Geg Hopkins) is good, but rather expensive’. One gets used to this onslaught while others are pitching for the sale, but I guess it is does get a bit annoying, but tolerated as a sort of back handed compliment. So sometimes we are a half a dollar more than the rest. What you get is noticeably superior. If an IVR system, then constant commitment and awareness of everything about your system. But if you cannot perceive the difference as a client, then you will never warrant the price so go for the cheap and kill your image.
However, as with audio, everyone with a computer and a bedroom is an instant expert these days, so sadly it is a waste of time competing at the lowest common denominator price, but that is what has happened, so ADmaze has become a little closeted itself concentrating on only in-house stuff. Maybe it is time to GET OUT THERE! Ho Ho Ho!
Clients who get on board, be it Telephone IVR systems, radio, video or even TV; once with ADmaze Media, most never leave unless they are taken over by our Lebanese friends for example, then it is normally goodbye as they appear to have their own clique and methods of spending their client’s money.
The Studio:
There are a few pictures on one of the tabs. They need updating, but what to show? Nowadays a studio is a computer. That is it. Put up some curtains in your bedroom to deaden the sound, have a good computer with professional sound interface, good studio speakers, quality mic (expensive) and a relatively expensive audio or video editing programme and you need nothing else. It is not the kit, it is the eyes and ears with a bit of creative brain.
Saying that though, if anyone is interested in the more physical studio equipment from high-end digital mixers to very old, great sounding analogue multi tracks, along with dozens of outboards racks all worth a million Dollars when new…………..then come and look in our cupboards. Bring your wallet and you can buy it. I will still make better output that you with our macs or PCs.
More on the ‘PRONOUN VIRUS’:
Needless to say, I even hate the Google search essential on pronoun requirements for the ‘ABOUT US’ tab. Ridiculous! Who is ‘Us’ – Who is ‘We’- Who is ‘Our’? But on every single advertisement or copy you will see; ‘Call Us’. Listen to your radio and hear probably the same silly, girly voice shouting out a commercial for different cars, different banks, different stores and so on, yet end each ad with ‘Call Us now on’. Even more incredulous yet abundantly swamped (tautology), is the outrageous claim by one and all companies from tiny one person operation (who just copies) to huge corporations is the tag line; only in existence for YOU!!! It is everywhere and I was lambasted and taken off stage at a conference one day because I did a skit on Hyundai when they sponsored the Olympics in 2012 (was it?), whereby I lampooned their corporate sign off. I said that my Mother was still a prostitute at 65, my eldest sister followed suit and is now terminally ill, as is my gay brother who suffers from aids. My father is in prison for robbery, my younger brother for murder. I lost my job 2 years ago and nobody will employ me. My wife sold the house without my knowledge, took all the money and left me to sleep under cardboard boxes beneath ‘Charing Cross Bridge’ and they wont let me in the soup kitchens because I smell. What the hell am I supposed to do? Pause, looking skyward, then it dawns. ‘I know, call Hyundai, ‘HERE FOR YOU’. This was their sign off absolutely everywhere you looked or listened during that period.
It is the same with IVR telephone systems. You don’t know which entity you are dealing with half the time, because it is the same voice who shouts out the Departure flights at an airport as you hear on 5 of the Telephone company Call Centre IVRs and more and more. Inexperienced, incompetent, nervous PR and marketing personnel in companies are afraid to be ‘INDIVIDUAL’. Again, who is ‘US’… Who is ‘OUR’… Who is ‘WE’. It makes no sense but these amateur (and even so called top professionals) advertising agencies are run by the Account Executives who just want your money. Even if the rare, but decent copywriter decides not to put a Pronoun in the copy, someone within will brainwash the client that; ‘Use ‘WE’, it is more personal, warmer and interacts with the reader, viewer or listener’. What a crock! It is like Fabian or ‘Common Purpose’ indoctrination. Stop it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Any professional voice actor/over should absolutely refuse to read a pronoun associated with the script. They don’t work for the company they are advertising, yet we see many famous actors mouthing; ‘Call us’, “We can help’. As of 2017 we have Morgan Freeman sitting in a Turkish Airlines jet waxing lyrical about the airline and beckoning viewers to ‘Fly with us’. Take the money Morgan honey. I know why you do it.
Using famous actors can be fun, but not for literal ‘ENDORSEMENT’, it has no credibility whatsoever. Nespresso do a good one with that luvvie clown ‘George Clooney’. Indeed Turkish used ‘Kevin Coster” whereby people thought they recognized him at airports. Yeah, that’s fun and memorable. It endorses the airline by association, but Coster is not heard to say stupid incredulous lines pertaining to him owning or working for the airline. [By the way, I suspect that wherever you are in the world, if you Google for ‘Nespresso’, which is part of the huge Nestlé network, you are automatically directed to your local Nespresso web site to the orders page. Nice touch! Nice stuff, we have two machines in the house and it saves about $600 a month from the family budget which I might have spent in Starbucks with my addition].
Yes, the ‘PRONOUN VIRUS‘ is but one phrase I have inadvertently coined in the pursuit of my passion, but apparently I’ve coined a few others as well. which I have heard people use, one being; “AUDIO MAKES VIDEO – NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND’. Again, if you cannot see or should we say ‘hear’ that, then you should NOT be considering a career in this line of work nor be interfering in its progress as a client.
If you care to ask those top names that have worked with ADmaze Media or me, I’m confident that you’ll get good feedback. When I was based in London (I’m not now), loads of well known actors with good voices (or they thought so) got to hear of me and came knocking on my apartment door asking me to voice direct them. It was quite bizarre because I am nobody, just an acquired, ‘non’ formatted radio DJ known by a few million ‘non’ main stream people. I can’t dance, can’t cook, horizontal jogging is a big iffy and I can’t sing, but I CAN stick good radio programmes together, do voice-overs for myself and have an ear to direct to near perfection if not perfection itself.
All of the crew at ADmaze Media and www.whodoeswhat.tv are dab hand at each other’s specialties, just in case. I use the camera a lot as does Svetlana Prodanova the Operations Manager (NYIP trained). I edit and well, but my strength is audio, AND TELEPHONE SYSTEMS. Julian (The third degree) is a brilliant cameraman and editor, with audio a side-line. So we are all dab-hand, well at least my mother always thought so, but I think it is true!
I like doing documentaries, but so do all voice-overs if they can get the job and they all think they are the best, so why pick me? Well it is like this; I can make even the others sound better if I was directing it and that applies to your secretary if you still want to go that way, so surely I should be able to make myself sound perfect. Cough cough!
The demise of ISDN:
ADmaze media works world wide and we now have sophisticated (not cheap) software to implement the studio to studio facilities. ISDN is still around but dead. It is a shame as it was so stupendously perfect in every way. So why mention it?
Good question I suppose. I did not consider it a vision, more technical logic, but if you search for my many blogs around the web about the demise of ISDN, due to Chinese ability to produce all singing all dancing (asynchronous) , very pretty rubbish and a great inability to fix something that is not broken, then you will be (slightly) amazed at my insight, but more shocked at the troll comments I got hit with. Professional, very well known voices in full oblivious denial telling me to ‘get off’ and that I did not know what I was talking about. Of course now, those same big-heads are boasting they were the first with ‘asynchronous’ links although none knew and still don’t know what the hell is the difference or why ISDN died.
During the transition period, several banks and brokers in Bahrain ‘who depended on ISDN disastrously went off line for a week or two and the telecom company had no idea why. Costing bucks and having to use the normal telephone lines instead of their multiplex boxes which linked them to several other banks around the world, they sat there waiting for the telecom company to sort it out. Little ‘ole Geggyboy in his studio was pulling his hair our wondering why our ISDN was off line. I had no idea, I just reported the fault. New cables were rapidly run, new routing, you name it, but still nothing. I thought that this was a bit funny, why would the telco be attentive to me, the ONLY ONE in Bahrain using ISDN for anything other than bank to bank. Eventually, one old mate who worked with me during the early days at the telco mentioned quietly in conversation that this only happened when they installed the new Huawei network a week or so earlier. DING DING DING! The light came on.
To me it was obvious. This is now what is commonly known as ADSL and not SDN. Without boring the pants of readers more than I already have, there is a thing in telecommunications and computer networks called ‘protocol’. We can all now make international calls free with ‘Whatsapp’ and the like. (See my other posts – ahead of their time). Telecom companies can not longer extort us all with high cost international calling. They are in the INTERNET just the same as we are, but using their networks.
The Chinese are a bit insular when it comes to catering for all the backend nitty-gritty elements. Nobody in the Telco could fathom why the banks or me went off line. Millions being lost. Why oh why oh why did I tell them free of charge? It ended up with me physically chasing a Chinese anorak around the huge telecom network switch and pinning him to the ground begging him to go back to Beijing immediately and send a software patch to match the European protocols for ISDN. Pretty basic when all is said and done, but nobody could believe that they installed an entire network without the correct protocol. Huawei learned and saved millions as they ooze across Africa. They saved face in Bahrain. I made nothing from the reveal. It took them a day or so to work it out and suddenly, all banks and so on came back on line.
But or course, sad for voice over or music to music studios, some more complex multiplex coding does not work with ADSL. Mpeg2 or Mpeg4 for example. This is point to point real time. The banks are OK as it is simple eight pole multiplex (now probably 64 or 128 pole who knows), but Geggyboy was stuffed. Magic software had to be developed to accommodate ADSL. We never really recovered.
Geggyboy