OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – SEPTEMBER 2016
There is nothing more inaccurate than the notion that ‘English is the international language’. It is NOT English, it is a concoction of ‘pidgin’ droppings and bad grammar which is fine and dandy in conversation or buying something in a shop but it should be kept well away from influential broadcast/media, schools or nannies for that matter. Why is gold so precious? Well, it takes a large population of millions to produce just one artistic genius or any vocation for that matter, but when there is no perceived qualification required for the intangible arts or product, then standards disintegrate to dust eventually. Advertising (an art) and broadcasting (an art) in all its forms in Bahrain and across the region so often produces hideous embarrassment. “FEELING STATION NOW OPEN” – sounds like an interesting place. Sing song news readers and old but gold; ‘A navy jet crashed in the North Sea this afternoon but the pilot ejaculated to safety’, well lucky him. We have presenters, spieling nonsensical garbage and zero content respectively about the time and frequency aimed at 5 year-olds. Welcome to Bahrain. It wasn’t like this 25 years ago.
Sadly, awareness is near zero too. Huge banners on every lamppost proclaiming; ‘NEWER AIRCRAFTS”, shop signs with “WELCOM ENGLISH SPORKEN HERE” – “KNOW BARKING ON BAYMUNT” and newspaper classifieds; “SOFA AND BED SHIT FOR SELLING”. Familiar? We even have ‘MILF TAILORING’? Now the mind boggles. It is not just Bahrain;BUT WE SHOULD BE RISING ABOVE THIS with so much more pride. That is difficult when a huge chunk of the population are expatriates many of which can’t write their own language let alone speak a modicum of Arabic or English.
There is not a mother tongue English speaker who understands what ‘brosted’ means, but whatever it is they do it to chickens. The British or American DO NOT ‘avail’ themselves of anything except in a massage parlour perhaps- and please don’t call us ‘pumpkins’ with your endless pishy, same script radio commercials. This bastardized English is all over the world, on every street and in all households now, with the Indian accent the most dominant. How quick was that? It was just a short decade ago, that only the dexterous Dutch spoke English fluently enough for commerce, without the aid of American movies. The British were so grateful especially if they just shouted louder to be understood in foreign countries. The rest of world were still singing Frère Jacques and struggling with ‘Dick and Dora’. Fortunately, most Bahrainis speak an amount of English and the Arabic flavor compared to some country accents is quite pleasing to hear ‘in conversation’, especially soft-spoken female.
At great risk of shattering the egos and delusions of some of the nicest guys one could meet – having this heavy accented farrago broadcast-pumped into one’s ears by the likes of the BBC or our own local radio and TV, generally and tediously tires one out as quaint as it sometimes sounds. The ‘IFOLD TOWWER’ and ‘ION FISHER’ sort of have a ring to them. The appalling IVR systems (Interactive Voice Response) are just atrocious, but nobody cares or perceives it as bad and culprits innocently can’t hear themselves. Conversely, a foreign presenter speaking broken Arabic has more chance of Stealing Mozart’s Yamaha synthesizer from the back seat of his Lamborghini in a shopping mall, than being accepted to broadcast on an Arabic channel. So why torture the English?
We now have Radio Bahrain amateurishly advertising on its own airwaves for DJs and presenters, knowing full well they mean only Bahraini need apply. This will not improve quality, professionalism or bring the art to any perceived standard ‘to aspire to’ whatsoever. In fact, having to advertise for talent on your own airwaves, is totally unheard of and unethical anywhere else and really does depict the level of absent professionalism.
All major countries have ‘professional’ English channels with native language speakers anchoring. It is all for international ‘POLITICAL CREDIBILITY’, not just because a few expats are resident. If there is to be an English language station, then hire proficient, professional, “talented” English speakers (of any nationality) and stop all the inept jingoism.
Bottom line; slick professionalism and boodles of content are what’s needed to create something to aspire to, not more mumbo jumbo, which so few listen to, especially with the might of the Internet crushing radio and TV to insignificance if it doesn’t compete at extraordinary levels of competence. Sadly, there is about as much chance of attaining such a desired mature platform here as seeing a transgender toilet installed in the City Centre.
Radio Bahrain was a tower in its heyday (not a towwer), until that fell down one day – and loved to death with an air of freedom and wellbeing and fabulous for tourism. But wannabe amateurs and wholly incompetents, flying the National Flag, given gauche positions in authority reigned. Naturally intimidated by the few sitting competent they gradually committed a sort of genocide, cleaning out any potential threats. It is now an oblivious embarrassment so just close it down if you can’t provide the goods.
THE LONE RANGER (NOT)
Well wonders never cease. I fight for you the public, or at least the public with a gram of sophistication who deserve, demand and wish for better media. I dream of the day when the masses will discern the difference between absolute crap and get what you pay for. I take a lot of criticism and according to some I even take considerable risk in this warm, closed society for there still remains some of the old small time “I HATE GEG HOPKINS” brigade out there. Those very same people who in their intimidated bigotry created more and more interest in me.
When all is said and done, I do it alone……… or do I? Read more
A LITTLE SARDONIC LOOK AT ME AND SHITSPEARE
Now please don’t get me wrong; there are many great creatives walking this planet. Granted, most of them strutting around Hollywood. We still have some stunning creatives in certain Advertising Agencies and although rare these days, sometimes some of the output is allowed to fly. However, most is not and like such a lot of media it is ‘take the money and run – do whatever the client comes up with. So many in agencies are really just in a job which they hold no qualifications for, because the industry is seen as ‘easy money’ and those running the show don’t see creativity as having any qualifications needed. Worse still, Read more
RECESSIONARY BUSY WITH MEDIA -OCTRITY
It really does seem to be bad for many in the arts right now. I would like to say ‘creative media’, but I must have missed any that might have been lurking about in the last few years. Locally it is as dire as ever and in the Gulf, if not government owned radio, it would all be in deep deep dollops of it now. Outside of America the story is pretty much the same, yet ridiculous, childish, arrogantly incapable and naive cliques are running the radios with heavily formatted, massively boring output just the same and nobody but nobody can tell them different. Hollywood is still the first and last bastion of everything clever and the plethora of mediocrity out there in the form of TV satellite channels leech onto anything going. What the hell would they do without it?
Across the Middle East (where I am), there are loads of channels all doing what I don’t know, but the larger Showtime and Orbit, must be so proud to boast that they produce absolutely nothing of value Read more
BAHRAIN’S PARLIAMENT ASKED TO APPROVE INDEPENDENT FM CHANNELS
Seriously though……… This is a back peddle and probably a very good thing regarding this BOLD move to open up the analogue channels if there really are any to be had that is. Plus it might make who gets what a bit more balanced. Did I just say that with a straight face?
I thought I might have to pad the post out quite a bit with my usual blarney because I could give you the heads up in two sets of three words and a question mark, separated by a hyphen; ‘Not happening yet – or is it?’ However, there is a little bit more to it than that, but I cannot reveal everything I am involved with, because it is all a bit Catch 22 and would certainly jeopardize certain plans.
Now let’s get down to the guts of this wonderful news. From ‘never going to happen’ to suddenly happening, the big question on most lips is; ‘How did this happen?’ Suffice to say I have a sneaky suspicion that the Crown Prince Sheik Salman had an awful lot to do with it ‘directly’. Many think I instigated it because I’m ultra passionate about the profession and the standards within, plus the trade knows well my quality. YEAH!!! And the Maronites loath me. You aint too popular with me either my brothers. As if by some miracle of expatriate influence I did have a little meddle then you will never know about it, because I would never betray the trust. Besides, Sheik Salman is respected by most and highly thought of and he is a radio man, so if anyone can push this through, it would only be him, but it might not quite be for the reasons some perhaps think. To elaborate more, fair trading, just fairness and openness has more to do with it than a desire to just have radio stations for the sake of it. I love the guy, he really is a Gent.
However, fair trading is the last thing on most excited opportunist’s mind and new rumours are flying every day and some with such conviction by people who have absolutely no idea whatsoever about radio and its true workings. These sudden connoisseurs were selling fish before or cutting hair but have somehow suddenly gotten close, mixing up with the clan ostensibly running the show now and we all know who thinks they are. Thus these dudes talk like they have a hot red phone right to the heart of the authority on this and confidently spout that there will be no English or Arabic channels allowed only other languages such as another Hindi channel and so on. They smirk with such a knowing ‘you aint got it pal’ look as they claim only 6 frequencies are available and each one has a price tag to the authorities of around US$ 633,000 a year for the privilege. HALLELUJAH! Six stations trying to generate that in a town that has absolutely no radio culture at all these days would definitely be divine intervention. If any of this is true and I have no idea, then good luck to whoever. Having to pay that much out each month should really be so crippling in a sophisticated market with excellent content being pumped out to a well established radio spending culture. That is not here I’m afraid and for the current level of professionalism, thirty second spots are going as cheap as $9 a pop.
At the end of play, Bahrainis and Arabs in general are in charge of their own destiny and never take too kindly to expatriates telling them what they should do anyway and even you are a hired consultants are mostly for show.
With FM analogue radio a dead duck for anyone younger than 60 and local telecom companies still looking at me with a cocky but totally blank ‘know it all’ ignorance as I present my bewildering plans to the board explaining that they alone hold the no-holes-barred future which no government or religious body can ‘legally’ really do anything about. It is hard to maintain a cool ‘forgive these prima donnas for they know not what they (are) do(ing)’ approach which greets me. But alas analogue FM is currently the big buzz in Bahrain because to the seemingly many other wanna beez, the sole criteria is that FM is still the only thing you can receive in your car. A terrible psychological hang-over from monopolistic government controlled, one station, red tape existence we’ve all endured since forever. As in the States and Europe, wouldn’t it be great to be able to get in the motor and cruise the entire length of this country while listening to a massive choice of crisp, clean, wide stereo content, something that would take you an entire 20 … ugh minutes in Bahrain, but hey, the thought counts.
In fact, unbeknown to er… EVERYONE in Bahrain, satellite radio is alive but not very well. World Space have a horizontal plane broadcast pumping out around 14 gigs from the top of one of the tallest towers in Manama. but to who? I do know a few wealthy beings with satellite radios in their cars (dual digital FM as well) and they tell me that they can receive nothing. ‘Um! Did you subscribe?’ ‘Ah! No, what is that and who to?’ Regardless, it is all the same as I have been going on and on about. Non-stop-music of one sort or another and good luck to them. You can get that off the Internet from 50 million sources these days free. Even more at home, ORBIT has had Virgin and so many other genres of non-stop-music streaming down for years and years now. I spoke to the big boys at Orbit just after they launched, thinking that the smart dudes would pick up on the magic facilities they actually have and if they wanted to market it properly. You won’t believe the answer I got from their decision maker; ‘Nah, we are a TV company, not radio”. Right over their heads and still is. Wrong people in the right jobs. I never saw the bloke again and assume he was moved as they shifted the marketing manager after that, he of a million hands and apparent skills, none of which I noticed. What TV company are they? They produce nothing, only the promos for their re-broadcast bought in programmes. Back to World Space and its contribution here, well I don’t get it, as I don’t get much of the perception these multitude of know-it-alls have. It is all flashing gold in the eyes, which is why they do it, missing the art of the art all together. Again, these opportunists think non-stop music is content.
Now the woodwork has opened and I am happy to say, nay delighted, that much to my surprise, those than can move, shift and finance are calling me. I feel a bit like a very poor Rupert Murdoch at the moment, but by hook or by crook, I am going to make something of this for all our sakes. Of course, I can really only speak for what is going on in my camp, but for sure there are many, frightfully deluded and none capable, convinced they are the chosen ones and ready to get their friends and cousins behind a mic pumping out what they perceive as the dog’s bits.
Bahrain has years to go before it can muster and sustain such a prolific advertising culture. I am sure there are many hopefuls but unless you have big Al Jazira budget and professional content, plus huge coverage like the very privileged MBC, you’ll all be broke in months as most will base their output and standards on that which exists because it has been the status quo and standard for so long. Sadly, at present, few understand or perceive the difference so will emulate in deep, blind belief that ‘they’, these self appointed gurus are on the ball but all they achieve is spread the dung thicker; worse still pontificate that it is; ‘what the people want’. WAIT!! There is much more coming.
For now, I must wait. Oh and yes, I do get emails, comments and a few slags (verbal that is) regarding the slow progress of my web site content, especially over the FM issue and recently a barrage from a one David Ryan of ‘RYAN BUSINESS SOLUTIONS’, who called for assistance with his ‘scouting’ activities. More on this man later, a good man at that and one that nobody can fail to love dearly for all his quirks and he’s got the award. David is worker in his ways and a huge supporter of FM radio and me, despite his seemingly humorous and vile rhetoric about me. Mr. Ryan is an aviation man like myself as well and hopefully will get us nice views at the upcoming Bahrain Air show. Was that a hint? What? Who? Where!
Radio GaGa – Dubai Part 2
More on my recent visit to Batmanville Dubai where it all happens; or maybe not these days as it is very quiet there now. Nothing is ever so openly revealed in the Islamic world but you can always bet from the outset; as Don Henley so eloquently puts it; ‘There are three sides to every story; there’s yours’, mine and the stone cold truth’.
With Channel 4 Ajman now running the defunct Coast and Virgin treading the boards trying so hard NOT to be noticed, the Dubai Radio scene is getting juicy again. Dubai Eye is convinced they are No. 1 as is Channel 4 FM and quite naturally, if you speak to Head of Gulf News Radio, Vikram Dhar, you will hear how the world wants to emulate the success of Radio 1 and 2, with wait for it…….. Read more
MATING CALL OF DUBAI
We cannot really say that it is history repeating itself, but there is a familiar smell and in the Arab world in general, there is no smoke without fire FULL STOP! Some time back, there were murmurs within the clan about Coast Radio (Fujeira) being in a spot of trouble; not only rumours of nonpayment of wages, but also the niggling transmission problems that has dogged the station. (For international readers; Fujeira is in the United Arab Emirates, over the black Al Hajar mountains from Dubai), I also suspected that the Murads out at Ajman, the current kings of ‘sock it to me baby’ independence and Channel 4 FM, had bunged Fujeira Media a wad and Emirates Neon Group (ENG) a wave Read more
ABOUT ME – MY PET HATES – THE PRONOUN VIRUS
Growing older:
I’m actually the Master/Slave at ADmaze Media WLL studio and www.whodoeswhat.tv for most of my life. My job, as it has always been is to write, direct and produce thousands more commercials and programmes than I voice. It is not only voice-overs, but with my best mate Allan Jennings, we have written loads of original music jingles and even songs, airline music, you name it.
I ‘was’ British before circumcision and Elvis Presley’s love child. Old now, but before a gorgeous, a 2.3 metre tall, 22 year old Adonis based in Outer Mongolia with a warm ISDN machine/codec. The first and for most the ONLY one in Bahrain, being the only one who understood such technology and the need to use world wide professional voice talent with my studio live linked to other studios around the globe. All real time baby . Then came Audio TX, then Source Connect, ipDTL and no more need to DHL heavy tape reels around the world. Tommy Vance (the deep voice BBC Radio One rock show DJ and VH1 stalwart) was actually my best mate (or so I thought – he was also my girl friend’s while I was away at the time as well. Hmmmm! Shhhh!) and in the hay days, we had up to 10 tapes a week going back and forth. Add all that to a rockin’ ‘kick ass’ studio in which we did all sorts of audio and video recording and times were sooooooooooooo good!
Those discerning among the business community (and there were many then) knew what quality was and my life was delightful murder, working 48 hours a day year after year, but by God I loved it. I invented strawberries as well – what an incredible guy I am! Ok, I lied slightly. I have the perfect face for radio and a bit of voice, but the ISDN and the studio bit is true.
USUAL RULES:
If you slag me or someone/anyone, an individual or a company, you had better have your facts on your key board or shut the **** up, because we’ll be taking names and want the full gorey juice on it. If it is bollocks, don’t waste your time. Debate is fine, Political Correctness, racial harmony and all that bumf is entirely optional but we’ve all been so dumbed down that most of us will surely adhere. Why? In the worst case scenario, don’t accuse someone of being a shirt lifter if in fact they are a pillow biter for example.
Registrations are really welcome as I’d like a bit of a voice-over and advertising family, community thing going if I can. So your real name and email is preferred but not essential, eitherway, NOBODY will ever find out who you are unless you yourself, thee, the bloggee prints your name – yourself! Torture me all they like, I will never personally know as the site is administered in far off lands that have not been discovered yet.
This page is open to all and although your post has to be approved, very little if any will not be, no matter what you say and the folks at ADmaze Media will approve it (or not) as fast as possible. Behave! Be factual! Like you, I accept that creative art is wholly abstract so without patronizing you, your opinion is totally valued. But unlike every sickly IVR system in the world (except our’s) ‘your call is NOT important to US’‘ and nobody cares whether you participate or not, but it would be nice if you did.
The Juice:
So I am nearly famous: I am locally more infamous for my often direct approach to Advertising Agencies and those manipulating the media and more about that as this blog matures and I am sure it will get juicy so have no fears. I have plenty of pet media hates, but upfront ‘THE PRONOUN VIRUS’ is my biggest campaign to date. Scroll, or better read to the bottom of this particular post and you will see how much I rant about it.
Sometimes I get a little short with clients when they insist on streams of unnecessary, pointless information within a script, such as this endless patronizing clap-trap experienced these days and telephone numbers etc. YOU KNOW IT, YOU HATE IT TOO, when it is not your own service, because you think ‘you are the best’, so naively, (I would say ‘stupidly’ but it upsets people) go right out there and follow suit and do the same. “YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US”. ‘VISIT OUR WEB SITE ON…’ ‘CALL US’ ‘ABOUT US’. It is NOTHING BUT VOMIT. Who the hell is ‘US’? It is endemic though and dreadfully lacks credibility, creativity, just everything! My bitching about it so often intimidates some clients, but surprisingly most will agree to it as being superfluous as if a light in their creative cavity within their brain got switched on. Retorts like; ‘But this is what I see and hear all the time, is that not what we should do also?’ In a word; ‘NO!’
So rather than rattle on for now – and I’ve got plenty to say and lots which will intimidate some into hate and elate others into love. Firstly, NOT ONE, NO MAJOR or even WELL READ site has ever given me credit, but the word is obviously spreading. The best I could do was some recognition and accreditation on another site and another media blog where you can read THE PRONOUN VIRUS saga and how they mentioned my comments. The site is ‘Bollix Media‘ and has a lot of visitors, it is considered radical, unlike this tribe, so good exposure from a media standpoint, but might not always be my personal viewpoint.
Me:
Just before we get into my favourite rant about the world’s infestation of the ‘PRONOUN VIRUS‘ and you being witness to my obsession, let’s get back to me! How’s that for narcissism? Who cares about me? If I had 3 eyes and 17 toes what difference would it make to the price of eggs? [I’ve actually got 4 eyes and only 15 toes]. It is probably the voice you want to hear and better still the type of product I produce. The End!
IVR – Telecom/Bank voice response systems:
More than music and radio ads, you can get the WORLD’S MOST BRILLIANT TELEPHONE & IVR SYSTEMS designed, programmed, recorded and installed. Yes! right down to; just stick ’em in your system, no conversions or changes needed. That is, unless it is a Nokia-Siemens core/network, then depending where you are, there might be some scum bag area representative managing it who will charge the telecom operator $100,000 to release a ‘special software’ which basically only changes the dot suffix. Oh yeah! Been there, experienced that. We know those old tricks, for in this little ‘ole shack, we have seen it all! Indeed, it comes as a bit of a surprise to operators using ADmaze Media for the first time, that when we attend initial briefings and we already know all the lines, the pitfalls, the work involved, the frustrations with pin-point accuracy. This is what you pay for I guess. The fact that the team can spew out a very professional system, be it Ring Tones, to Network from their heads and always to the highest standard, still doesn’t justify the price according to accountants and the uninitiated. The moral to the story; NEVER let accountants attend the project meetings!
It is sound, not the written word. Why are ADmaze Media award winning systems so good? More than good – probably the pièce de résistance of systems in the entire world – no boast! Output from ADmaze Media for telephone network and systems, be it Cisco, Avaya et al. is the aspiration level for the serious and talented and the bench-mark to beat. Unfortunately for copy-cats and opportunists it is a nightmare hoping that the client doesn’t know or notice the difference. Of course all cowboy facilities and Agencies think it is easy and profess to be experts. Absolute dirge! By and large, it seems to be all monkey see-monkey do and most clients know no better either, so blindly pay up and as cheap as they can get it with no perception of the art involved. There are very few good facilities who do this work well, very few indeed. (Are you getting the message?) . It is all in the direction and scripting and ‘Don’t bore us, get to the chorus’ flow, but so few attach importance to this work. A bad telephone or Call Centre system destroys your image instantaneously – SUBLIMINALLY and most out there are simply BAD! I actually hate this work, but I happen to be extremely good at it and few if any can beat the flow and quality, although it is extremely difficult to do if you want to do it well.
Yes, ADmaze Media WLL is your baby, but if you want a $10 system and your secretary reading the prompts, don’t come here.
Drum Millennium:
I mentioned songs and jingles above. Between Allan and I, we have not really bothered to write full songs, although Allan has written many for himself. Allan and I even wrote what many would say was the best, if not the only melodic ‘Millennium’ song of all the dirge that was put out there at the time. It was for a massive ‘live aid’ like concert to be staged in Cape Town on Dec. 31st 1999. It was called ‘Drum Millennium’ It all got rained out at the last moment and Nelson Mandela was rowed out to Robben Island in the end, from his house, since all the roads were totally flooded and the rain did not abate for days. Besides, I fell out with the ‘drum producer’ they hired at my request. His name; Cedric Samson. I am not so good with drum sequences and since this theme was heavy on drums, I thought I’d best get someone in who could play. Dear Cedric and I didn’t see eye to eye or ear to ear from the moment we met. He thought he was the ‘producer’ full stop. I didn’t like his, earring, pony tail or sari either. Cedric is quite brilliant no doubt, certainly far far more adept than me, but there are tiny nuances in vocals that to me mean everything and a singer with an incredible voice but with a strong South African accent trying to sing flat English, pronouncing all the consonants and vowels (or not) as one should my dear subjects – became a challenge. So Cedric attacked me yelling that he was going to;’Beat me’ for criticizing the man’s art (the rather very good black singer from a Cape Town township), while I was yelling to ‘stripe another tape’ and let’s get the pronunciations right. Good singers, slick production, to me is better than sex. I live it! I’d marry a hideous looking, fat hairy old lady with warts, if she had a good voice, or was musically talented. That is what turns me on. Anyway, it was fun (not so much).
Talking of sex (don’t we always?), the only assets I had with SBC studios, was the man putting up the money Jean Marie Jullienne,… Oh! And a young girl who seemed to be training or something… or something with the engineer. Well I thought she was more warm to my humour and chattiness. Obviously not, since I invited her to dinner with my family and was promptly accused of being a paedophile by the studio crew. Good game folks! No Sir! I like ’em old and mature, but it was sort of funnily sad at the time. Eventually, the recording and the event all got dropped and we are poorer for it. (You can hear the demo on the ‘production demo’ tab).
Sales and Public Relations:
What is it they say about the ‘sincerest form of flattery’? We used to hear many upstarts ‘trying to emulate’ but not so much these days as what we hear or see out there is mostly done on an iPhone. I/ADmaze Media still produce slick, professional documentary or light entertainment type video for television. Events and reports too when we get it. Maybe your company or concern has never heard of ADmaze Media doing video? If you go to www.whodoeswhat.tv you will see plenty. Or it could be because we do not have sales reps knocking on your door claiming to be the greatest! There is little point actually as those who commission need an appreciation and perceive the difference creatively, artistically and in overall standard rather than rub their hands together at a stupidly low price they might be offered. If you want one of those bouncing, thumping fast frame, jumping videos which you are led to believe is the trend, then we can do that too, but our staple is ‘Broadcast style’ and that has much more staying power.
Reputation precedes (locally in particular) and before we walk in the door many clients have already been primed by self assumed competitors with the notion that ‘ADmaze Media (especially the name Geg Hopkins) is good, but rather expensive’. One gets used to this onslaught while others are pitching for the sale, but I guess it is does get a bit annoying, but tolerated as a sort of back handed compliment. So sometimes we are a half a dollar more than the rest. What you get is noticeably superior. If an IVR system, then constant commitment and awareness of everything about your system. But if you cannot perceive the difference as a client, then you will never warrant the price so go for the cheap and kill your image.
However, as with audio, everyone with a computer and a bedroom is an instant expert these days, so sadly it is a waste of time competing at the lowest common denominator price, but that is what has happened, so ADmaze has become a little closeted itself concentrating on only in-house stuff. Maybe it is time to GET OUT THERE! Ho Ho Ho!
Clients who get on board, be it Telephone IVR systems, radio, video or even TV; once with ADmaze Media, most never leave unless they are taken over by our Lebanese friends for example, then it is normally goodbye as they appear to have their own clique and methods of spending their client’s money.
The Studio:
There are a few pictures on one of the tabs. They need updating, but what to show? Nowadays a studio is a computer. That is it. Put up some curtains in your bedroom to deaden the sound, have a good computer with professional sound interface, good studio speakers, quality mic (expensive) and a relatively expensive audio or video editing programme and you need nothing else. It is not the kit, it is the eyes and ears with a bit of creative brain.
Saying that though, if anyone is interested in the more physical studio equipment from high-end digital mixers to very old, great sounding analogue multi tracks, along with dozens of outboards racks all worth a million Dollars when new…………..then come and look in our cupboards. Bring your wallet and you can buy it. I will still make better output that you with our macs or PCs.
More on the ‘PRONOUN VIRUS’:
Needless to say, I even hate the Google search essential on pronoun requirements for the ‘ABOUT US’ tab. Ridiculous! Who is ‘Us’ – Who is ‘We’- Who is ‘Our’? But on every single advertisement or copy you will see; ‘Call Us’. Listen to your radio and hear probably the same silly, girly voice shouting out a commercial for different cars, different banks, different stores and so on, yet end each ad with ‘Call Us now on’. Even more incredulous yet abundantly swamped (tautology), is the outrageous claim by one and all companies from tiny one person operation (who just copies) to huge corporations is the tag line; only in existence for YOU!!! It is everywhere and I was lambasted and taken off stage at a conference one day because I did a skit on Hyundai when they sponsored the Olympics in 2012 (was it?), whereby I lampooned their corporate sign off. I said that my Mother was still a prostitute at 65, my eldest sister followed suit and is now terminally ill, as is my gay brother who suffers from aids. My father is in prison for robbery, my younger brother for murder. I lost my job 2 years ago and nobody will employ me. My wife sold the house without my knowledge, took all the money and left me to sleep under cardboard boxes beneath ‘Charing Cross Bridge’ and they wont let me in the soup kitchens because I smell. What the hell am I supposed to do? Pause, looking skyward, then it dawns. ‘I know, call Hyundai, ‘HERE FOR YOU’. This was their sign off absolutely everywhere you looked or listened during that period.
It is the same with IVR telephone systems. You don’t know which entity you are dealing with half the time, because it is the same voice who shouts out the Departure flights at an airport as you hear on 5 of the Telephone company Call Centre IVRs and more and more. Inexperienced, incompetent, nervous PR and marketing personnel in companies are afraid to be ‘INDIVIDUAL’. Again, who is ‘US’… Who is ‘OUR’… Who is ‘WE’. It makes no sense but these amateur (and even so called top professionals) advertising agencies are run by the Account Executives who just want your money. Even if the rare, but decent copywriter decides not to put a Pronoun in the copy, someone within will brainwash the client that; ‘Use ‘WE’, it is more personal, warmer and interacts with the reader, viewer or listener’. What a crock! It is like Fabian or ‘Common Purpose’ indoctrination. Stop it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Any professional voice actor/over should absolutely refuse to read a pronoun associated with the script. They don’t work for the company they are advertising, yet we see many famous actors mouthing; ‘Call us’, “We can help’. As of 2017 we have Morgan Freeman sitting in a Turkish Airlines jet waxing lyrical about the airline and beckoning viewers to ‘Fly with us’. Take the money Morgan honey. I know why you do it.
Using famous actors can be fun, but not for literal ‘ENDORSEMENT’, it has no credibility whatsoever. Nespresso do a good one with that luvvie clown ‘George Clooney’. Indeed Turkish used ‘Kevin Coster” whereby people thought they recognized him at airports. Yeah, that’s fun and memorable. It endorses the airline by association, but Coster is not heard to say stupid incredulous lines pertaining to him owning or working for the airline. [By the way, I suspect that wherever you are in the world, if you Google for ‘Nespresso’, which is part of the huge Nestlé network, you are automatically directed to your local Nespresso web site to the orders page. Nice touch! Nice stuff, we have two machines in the house and it saves about $600 a month from the family budget which I might have spent in Starbucks with my addition].
Yes, the ‘PRONOUN VIRUS‘ is but one phrase I have inadvertently coined in the pursuit of my passion, but apparently I’ve coined a few others as well. which I have heard people use, one being; “AUDIO MAKES VIDEO – NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND’. Again, if you cannot see or should we say ‘hear’ that, then you should NOT be considering a career in this line of work nor be interfering in its progress as a client.
If you care to ask those top names that have worked with ADmaze Media or me, I’m confident that you’ll get good feedback. When I was based in London (I’m not now), loads of well known actors with good voices (or they thought so) got to hear of me and came knocking on my apartment door asking me to voice direct them. It was quite bizarre because I am nobody, just an acquired, ‘non’ formatted radio DJ known by a few million ‘non’ main stream people. I can’t dance, can’t cook, horizontal jogging is a big iffy and I can’t sing, but I CAN stick good radio programmes together, do voice-overs for myself and have an ear to direct to near perfection if not perfection itself.
All of the crew at ADmaze Media and www.whodoeswhat.tv are dab hand at each other’s specialties, just in case. I use the camera a lot as does Svetlana Prodanova the Operations Manager (NYIP trained). I edit and well, but my strength is audio, AND TELEPHONE SYSTEMS. Julian (The third degree) is a brilliant cameraman and editor, with audio a side-line. So we are all dab-hand, well at least my mother always thought so, but I think it is true!
I like doing documentaries, but so do all voice-overs if they can get the job and they all think they are the best, so why pick me? Well it is like this; I can make even the others sound better if I was directing it and that applies to your secretary if you still want to go that way, so surely I should be able to make myself sound perfect. Cough cough!
The demise of ISDN:
ADmaze media works world wide and we now have sophisticated (not cheap) software to implement the studio to studio facilities. ISDN is still around but dead. It is a shame as it was so stupendously perfect in every way. So why mention it?
Good question I suppose. I did not consider it a vision, more technical logic, but if you search for my many blogs around the web about the demise of ISDN, due to Chinese ability to produce all singing all dancing (asynchronous) , very pretty rubbish and a great inability to fix something that is not broken, then you will be (slightly) amazed at my insight, but more shocked at the troll comments I got hit with. Professional, very well known voices in full oblivious denial telling me to ‘get off’ and that I did not know what I was talking about. Of course now, those same big-heads are boasting they were the first with ‘asynchronous’ links although none knew and still don’t know what the hell is the difference or why ISDN died.
During the transition period, several banks and brokers in Bahrain ‘who depended on ISDN disastrously went off line for a week or two and the telecom company had no idea why. Costing bucks and having to use the normal telephone lines instead of their multiplex boxes which linked them to several other banks around the world, they sat there waiting for the telecom company to sort it out. Little ‘ole Geggyboy in his studio was pulling his hair our wondering why our ISDN was off line. I had no idea, I just reported the fault. New cables were rapidly run, new routing, you name it, but still nothing. I thought that this was a bit funny, why would the telco be attentive to me, the ONLY ONE in Bahrain using ISDN for anything other than bank to bank. Eventually, one old mate who worked with me during the early days at the telco mentioned quietly in conversation that this only happened when they installed the new Huawei network a week or so earlier. DING DING DING! The light came on.
To me it was obvious. This is now what is commonly known as ADSL and not SDN. Without boring the pants of readers more than I already have, there is a thing in telecommunications and computer networks called ‘protocol’. We can all now make international calls free with ‘Whatsapp’ and the like. (See my other posts – ahead of their time). Telecom companies can not longer extort us all with high cost international calling. They are in the INTERNET just the same as we are, but using their networks.
The Chinese are a bit insular when it comes to catering for all the backend nitty-gritty elements. Nobody in the Telco could fathom why the banks or me went off line. Millions being lost. Why oh why oh why did I tell them free of charge? It ended up with me physically chasing a Chinese anorak around the huge telecom network switch and pinning him to the ground begging him to go back to Beijing immediately and send a software patch to match the European protocols for ISDN. Pretty basic when all is said and done, but nobody could believe that they installed an entire network without the correct protocol. Huawei learned and saved millions as they ooze across Africa. They saved face in Bahrain. I made nothing from the reveal. It took them a day or so to work it out and suddenly, all banks and so on came back on line.
But or course, sad for voice over or music to music studios, some more complex multiplex coding does not work with ADSL. Mpeg2 or Mpeg4 for example. This is point to point real time. The banks are OK as it is simple eight pole multiplex (now probably 64 or 128 pole who knows), but Geggyboy was stuffed. Magic software had to be developed to accommodate ADSL. We never really recovered.
Geggyboy