OLD MAN’S RANT – No. 28 – MAY 2017
OLD MAN’S RANT – No.28 MAY 2017
‘Dag the wog’, with Spoonerism beauty utters Betty our now revealed source of sourness. But then again, she is dyslexic or she’d write her own column. On agreeing that ‘Wag the Dog’ is very much a reality right now, and by the way they’ve found a cure for dyslexia, she says’ ‘Well that’s music to my arse’.
Well, if nothing else, we’ve always been well ahead and pretty much spot on in this column even if that ‘epiphany’ moment never quite reaches a climax. Of course, rather than read it, many would rather administer mouth to mouth on a dying cockroach, but hey!
In absolute denial, the stud clad, dope smoking programmed masses have gone completely delirious and now regurgitating media scaremongering with ‘World War III’ chants. ‘Oh poor despotic North Korea’, or any other totalitarian murderous state; ‘Trump is such a bully’, they cough up like an owl pellet (Trump had no idea). Nation after nation gather in swooning awe and blindly elect wannabe dictators, crooks or imbeciles (and it was a close shave with Hillary). Don’t forget, Hitler was ostensibly ‘voted’ into power. The ‘sheeple’ who allow themselves to be manipulated by these – um… ‘elected charlatans’ are far and wide and they all suffer from ‘Thought constipation’. Yes, a cull is necessary but how we ‘legally’ do that is debatable. Educational reform is contaminated, so let’s perhaps experiment with a new herbal remedy that ‘clears’ one’s mind. Test rats display remarkable genius after ingesting the ominous and very popular flower ‘Clitoria Ternatea’ which is now in full bloom. On viewing the flower, many might yearn to take it orally post haste, though the less perverted simply make tea with it or possibly smoke it. It’s very easy to fathom what Darwin was thinking when he first named it. Well the essence of this ‘Asian pigeonwings’ (Darwin pea) has an ‘Antihyperglycemic’ effect; which not only shifts constipation, it has beneficial organ supplements too. Hmmm!
This unforgivable, out of control, agenda soaked, media causes most of the world’s stupidity -and the ludicrously left, gay, Fabian, debauched (did we miss anything?) BBC, CNN et al are frightening the living crap out of their flock with the imaginary apocalypse. Oh don’t worry and no need to don your tin helmets yet, for suddenly, after a bout of flu, nuclear breasted Kim Kardashian, wearing skin tight nothing is spotted leaving her house riding, or more like smothering a rather tiny camel. At least 40 kilos appears to have shifted from her waist to her well-rounded buttocks – and suddenly there’s not a care in the world – war over, peace and tranquillity reigns. To top that, Bill O’Reilly was pushed from Fox News, so the luvvie brigade were on fire. CNN headlined that story faster than a cheetah with diarrhea. Serena Williams discovered she was 52 weeks pregnant and she nor anybody else noticed. Then to keep North Korea out of the picture indefinitely, Illuminati shepherd Beyonce, or ‘Bey’ to her sheep (puke), is also 5 minutes away from the drop zone and Maria Carey was seen swaying in as wet-nurse. This tranquillity will ensue until after the British elections, so you still have time to empty supermarket shelves and build an underground shelter and fill it with canned baked beans and rice.
Even the glut of ‘United’ jokes didn’t stop the saber rattling. Sadly, the American media would not have appreciated one of the funniest slaps at the airline, that being a ‘Ryan Air’ crew trying to drag a passenger ‘onto’ one of their planes. Talk about ‘Stretcher seats’ now in United economy, which is worse; a Chinaman being dragged off a 70 seat Embraer 170, or you sardined into a Far Eastern equivalent crammed with 140 seats in the same space? The average sized European man emerges from a Chinese flight speaking in a very high voice and completely sterilized.
Maybe we should just drop all this political piss-taking and just create our own TMZ type column depicting Bahrain’s privileged. You can image the editorial from our jail cell:
“There it was, the elite of Formula 1 displaying copious drool as the glamour of Naomi Campbell strutted the paddock having voluntarily not eaten since March – along with Enrique packing a garden hose. Those with more skeletal wallets only managed the brilliantly perfect Tom Jones concert just beforehand. Thoughtful organizers installing substantially large fans right of stage to parachute flying objects away from the artist, thus avoiding any parliamentary antagonism. Ex Radio Bahrain DJs could be seen mingling with the estrogen set desperately trying to persuade them to part with their panties; only this time so they could pointlessly throw them at Jones. All this excitement and nobody noticed another 80s movie star Linda Lovelace who was in Bahrain judging a sausage contest just down the road”.
Talking of which, let’s not forget the imminent demise of Radio Bahrain in our imaginary showbiz rag. It has been easier to sell time-share on the moon than effective advertising on that for the past 20 years. No surprise, for understanding sign language or brail is a breeze compared to the on-air verbal dyslexia we endure these days. Yes, A TMZ Bahrain might have merit.
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – NOVEMBER 2016
NOV 2016
Well It is all over bar the riots as the endless sewerage spill sloshes down the gutters outside the Whitehouse over the next four years. Sentiments still run savage like a hurricane called ‘Haemo’ through partisan veins. What fun!
Just a thought, why didn’t Chuck Norris join the fray, he’s a red-blooded Texan Republican, a saint, virtuous to the Nth and all things super and wouldn’t recognize a fine rack if they were resting on his nose. We are talking about the man who can hear sign language. When Chuck Norris was born, he cut and knotted his own umbilical. He once punched an unruly horse on the chin which created the giraffe. Chuck is the only man who can count to infinity – twice. He makes onions cry and Big Foot claims to have seen him. Chuck Norris makes Simon Cowell cower and he sleeps with a pillow under his gun. What better man to be President?
Oddly, the expected last minute putsch to save us all by Kanye West and Kim Kardashian didn’t materialise, but don’t worry four years will pass quite quickly and the next candidate holding agenda credentials will surface. Rumour has it that all forgiven OJ Simpson will stand; or at the other end of the scale – by a universe, the brilliant Stephen Hawking who is currently being groomed and his birth certificate forged. Up against them will be a one-legged lesbian midget of Hispanic and Inca descent who holds no birth certificate; who raped and murdered 10 people in self-defence; having obtained early release on compassionate grounds – that being she suffers with Downs’s syndrome, but nonetheless was once the Financial Controller of the Clinton Foundation. Betty, who we introduced last month, puts her money on the latter. After all, Lola is the only mentally and physically challenged lesbian left in the world without a job as the BBC and CNN have employed the rest.
What was the ethical difference between Hillary and Donald? Well it was like asking how one tells the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer. They simply taste different. A woman making suggestive remarks or jokes about a man or otherwise is considered perfectly acceptable, but for a man to strut his stuff as almost EVERY man has since the Big Bang, it becomes derogatory and OMG; ‘so offensive’. Help! Cried the vestal apocryphal virgins. I’m being objectified! There they were, thousands of unfortunately unattractive, dumpy ladies, full of silicon or Botox and walking adverts for Max Factor, bleating their disdain for this monster. Many skimpily dressed at that, sporting cleavages Brunel would be proud to build a suspension bridge across. ‘Mirror mirror on the wall, who is fairest of them all’? ‘Um…The Klu Klux Klan has vacancies’.
Such sick hypocrisy! What was Bill’s proposal line to Hillary? ‘YOU’RE WHAT?’ Someone should ask Hillary if she’s reached her fiftieth read through ’50 Shades of Grey’ yet.
PC yuckspeak has successfully turned Western Nations into wussies (in public anyway). The bloated catharsis set off the pathetic frenzy; they came out the woodwork by the bandwagon and the cesspit sucking media drove it home; richly glamourizing themselves first to go before the camera with their gutter shovelling credentials. ‘Don’t look at my well-packaged breasts but I might occasionally uncross my legs’. ISIS were denied airtime and the very loud bang off North Korea didn’t get a look in.
So proud is Hillary of her support group, such as despised mouth piece, well-fed fur trader Rosie O’Donnel, who desperately wishes she had a pair, who had the gall to constantly make disparaging remarks about Donald the downtrodden. O’Donnel isn’t, has never been, will never be remotely witty in any sense. However, another full-blown hypocritical mouthy comedienne, Canadian Samantha Bee, who certainly can be funny, gets her tirade against Trump well-publicized and then happily emulates him by clocking a gentleman’s wedding tackle and expressing wanton awe at the size. She says; ‘Look at the clackers on him, I could reach in and grab them! I bet they clack like a Newton’s cradle’. To ridicule her hypocrisy further, her show is called ‘Full Frontal’. Now what on earth does that imply? Stop Laughing Hillary!
Even richer than caviar coated molasses; Republican Terminator ‘I vill be bach’ Arnold Schwarzenegger, had the stallion sized cajones to come out against Trump, condemning his desirous dalliances when there are endless examples (some in video) of his own very grubby male prowess harassing the fairer sex. Probably on the same network.
America; you certainly are the land of opportunity. With the bowel movements of a giant wind farm slung at you day after day, it ‘aint fun being a Presidential Candidate, but their egos adore it. Trump’s ‘mandate’ was exactly that; ‘Me man – you date’ and he courted it, but Hillary perseveres with any notion of shame removed through lobotomy and an ego as big as the sun’s aura and gonads to match. Thick skinned? Well, contriteness just doesn’t compute. Even our very own David Bloomer or Ian Fisher couldn’t take that sort of critique without at least wincing just a little bit.
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – JANUARY 2016
The January issue; so while we still can, let’s joyously wish everyone a ‘very Happy New Year’ before it is removed from society as offensive, being deemed ‘Politically Incorrect’ to reference the ‘Gregorian’ or dare it be said – Christian calendar as an entity (yes, the one named after Pope Gregory XIII in 1582). As yet it has not experienced too many tyrannical PC bashings, but it no doubt will soon enough despite such a tiny weeny minority not adhering to or recognizing it. Booooooo! ‘Donald, stop that’!
To the point; with Donald on the march, will it be a happy new year? A dilemma perhaps, because secretly so many outside of the pseudo Illuminati reluctantly agrees with some bits of Trump’s Politically Incorrect tirade. Seriously though if 9-11 was one big conspiracy, then the Trump Triumph smacks of ginormous collusion.
Concentrate on ‘real reality’ now, stop watching inane pap and start looking at the irony of our existence laterally. Forget OMG & LOL; December 2015 jerked the semi intelligent of the world into WW3 fears starting with ‘fearless’ Russia and um…. Turkey – and it wasn’t because a Turkish astronaut asked a Russian cosmonaut if he really wanted to live in a barren, lifeless landscape, to which the Russian replied; ‘No! That’s why we want a moon base’. It was an extremely nail biting incident which is by no means over, but the cowering silence from Europe is deafening as they er… lead us. Yet ‘ROFL’ (not), Trump (NATO for now) and Putin have never been closer.
A viral article by Bill Bennett of ‘Morning in America’ predicts Trump will be ‘accidentally’ topped (literally), long before he could ever become President because there are far too many dirty little fingers in the pot. Whacked by a colour-seeking ‘surface to hair missile’ perhaps? Imagine the fallout? Get in the queue Hilary and Jeb take your finger off that button.
Hilary is now desperately dolloped upon us daily by global degenerate media and deviant egotists in so-called democratic governments, just as they ‘dervishly’ Messiah’d Obama to one and all before. They incessantly project her as this ‘White Knight- Saint like’ philanthropist, but she has zero credibility with the American public at large. Then Trump caused the birth of ‘Saint Kardashian’ to be ignored completely. As yet, no Christians up in arms, but radicalized Jehovah Witnesses are refusing to take their fingers off door bells. Described as; ‘A painful and traumatic birth’ (don’t worry Kim; the baby will get over it), is anyone surprised, plopping a Saint out like that? Coming soon at Amazon; “The Gobspiel according to Saint Kardashian”? Wake up!
Until Trump highlighted widespread reality and ‘inadvertently’ put his foot right in it (the threat of which he never intends to carry out), we would have been bombarded with the latest gay extravaganza to be blown (hardly said the Bishop) out of all realms of credible objectiveness; bizarrely winning these concocted, meaningless awards on supposed content merit. The latest being “Carol” and yet another “I Broke My Back Up That Mountain Doing That” scenario. The film is about a woman who visits a department store; ostensibly to buy ‘Tridixagen’ but Carol (Cate Blanchett) refuses to sell it without a prescription, offering an alternative pleasure instead.
Social media has challenged pap media as it dares to mention the tide of discontent brewing.
Outside of the region, mainstream media ply migrant woes, but rarely if at all mention the daily occurrence of hundreds being blown up in neighboring countries or Africa. Of course, this is a ‘Catch 22’ Islamic problem which naturally most Muslims deny as being Islamic, but in reality only Muslims can sort out. Oddly, Trump seems aware of this, merely sounding a deliberate ‘smell the roses’ call but knows full well that a US Muslim ban is a ludicrous non-starter.
Because he’s loaded and doesn’t need them, the establishment hates The Donald as ‘all mouth (and certainly the…) trousers’. Trump has absolutely nothing to do with Hitler, killing of Jews, ostracizing decent Muslims or anything like, but the ‘political elite’ know full well that Trump is no joke and the woodwork is bursting with endless regurgitated clichéd ‘left’ media hate spew itself, which only strengthens Trump. Politically Incorrect, had Trump carefully re-phrased the real intention, he would have had the establishment scurrying and squeezing into their well-worn orifices in fear of his somewhat ‘reality’ rhetoric which has seriously exposed this den of iniquity which has ruled for so long. Good game!