THE PHILOSOPHY OF SEX
Question: In this obsessive, very sick, full-on martyrdom, Politically Correct, offended ‘Millennial’ world; do over 60s (even 50s) still spend up to 15 minutes or much longer in every hour thinking about sex? Even more acute, do we still um..er… do it! Or perhaps just ‘pretend’ we do? The question begs; do we become less perverted as we get older, not that all of us were perverted or aware of being perverted during our younger years.
Who but the more extrovert among us will admit to anything? It is pointless asking really, thus pointless too blogging it really, but then it is pointless blogging in general, full stop! That is unless you want to make money, then sex is a money making commodity.
Every magazine, TV programme et al. will be including something about sex no matter what. Not all, but most men mention in jest or talk about something do with with sex every 2 minutes. Women are generally more reserved and quite possibly keep those thoughts to themselves, but again not all in the 21st Century. By all accounts Victorian times were pretty raunchy and the more clothes a women had on, the more fun it must have been getting them off.
In many societies and cultures, sex is above everything and religion above that, hence the religion is based on sexual behaviour for most.
Sex is everywhere! MTV to sport, it is what makes the world go around. There are not many trades that will never die and always make money. Food is one and sex is the other, can you think of any more?
Men by and large are disgusting beings who are more often than not driven by their urge and certainly their visual surroundings. More than a good few are pathetic in their inability to think straight if the potential of a bit sex is put before them. Women are not so different, they like it too, especially if they have gone past the stage of virginity and know what to expect, but society dictates that women are not allowed to openly act cougar and go for it. The latter has now created the victim of sexual harassment.
Think about it; most of us no doubt wish to describe ourselves as – ‘normal people’, detached from the what seems to be an inordinate number of deviants in the world. But tell a dirty joke; parody any element from paedophilia to homosexuality and this barrage of ‘simulated offence’ will often greet you. Pass on a funny picture or video, or even the ludicrous example of ‘third world hilarious folly which stifled cultures abundantly produce, often in ‘barbaric innocence’, completely unaware of the sexual element and if the narrow mind receives it, you are labelled a deviant and should be restrained from approaching. Inadvertent lavatorial shop signs, to an hilarious anti masturbation letter currently circulating the Gulf. (It looks to be a scam targeting a certain large offshore company. If so, whoever generated it is bloody funny), but those who duth protesteth scream offence. It is everywhere, yet we allow ourselves to be lobbied and forced to cower in a corner, or thought of as a dark disgusting cretin because we dared to laugh at life as it ‘really is’.
With an abundance of women and men who were ostensibly ‘innocent’ young 30 years ago, now coming out of the woodwork with their accusations has somehow started to detract from having any credible substance. The fashionably ‘offended’ among them overpowers the harsh reality. Nowadays, to be offended or devastated by a dark past, real or imaginary is an indoctrination by the PC dogooders, and pseudo evangelical swamp of deluded righteousness who insist the victims are ‘damaged goods’ and need to be nursed now, three decades or so on. Unless of course you are an actor/actress whose ego sees yet another opportunity for the limelight. Oh hush your gob Hopkins.
These are the same people who opened the stable doors and actually allow this Fabian doctrine to proliferate in the first place. The reality is that gross paedophilia, sexual aggression and abuse of all types has been around since Sodom and Gomorrah but now the perpetrators are the victims to be nurtured and real victims objectified with the so-called offended to offend everyone else.
Raped, sexually abused or assaulted, is so often a grey area with no witnesses, but it is not so difficult to profile the offender when all is said and done. Catch 22 rules on decency. The ‘offended army’ has made it an offence in itself to the offended to be profiled. That being that it infringes on their human rights to privacy. ‘Probability’ is not a legal reason to convict, but it can be pretty bloody convincing. In such cases, the offender should be surgically neutralized. What is the loss? To the sexually over active, it is worse than losing your life perhaps, since their life is sex full stop! To the few normal, me being one, I see no issues. But then, I see no issues with the death penalty either.
Oh but wait; ‘How dare you you take someone’s life – it’s not a deterrant’. Oh but wait again; ‘It certainly does stop it… um..er… dead’!
‘NO’ means NO to decent people, but by default that only applies to men, for it is men that are forever overstepping the threshold. Mistakes are made, so too are misread signals, but if you can slaughter a man psychologically because he interpreted a short-short skirt and bulging vulva with see-through bra or no bra at all as being ‘up for it’, then go for it!
Instead, we who spread humour even in dire circumstances are directly accused of being a sociopath with dark sexual obsession. Not actual said out loud always, but covertly labelled. A crime is a crime by morals and law and must be punished accordingly, but the western world are creating martyrs for just passing a compliment or making a lewd remark in fun. In truth, many of us have given up and can no longer sympathize with this constant desire for martyrdom and protest when the very same people have absolutely zero compassion or even awareness of two horrendous world wars in which tens of tens of millions were barbarically killed. Innocent civilians and so many soldiers who were ‘forced’into doing a job trembling with fear to defend these ungrateful Millennials which dominate society now.
Oh what a pig I am.. Anyone for coffee?
THE VERY LAST OLD MAN’S RANT – NOVEMBER 2017
Forward:
An explanation is now required. This is the magazine article which got me banned. I no longer write for said magazine. In the news, is the blatant obsession America currently has with sexual nuance and overtones. Plainly obvious is the relished embellishment which the media who carry the stories and the teller of, appear to almost get some sort sexual pleasure out of being the apparent victim as they reveal details, many decades after the so-called incident occurred. To top that, the credibility of an ego drenched actress is to say the least suspect. Before brandishing a poker in soaked Political Correct anger at the writer, try and drop the martyrdom first and look through the haze. A crime is a crime and sexually related crimes should see some sort of clinical retribution if proven. Rape (though often hard to prove) invariably entails violence thus the perpetrator breaks two laws – the death penalty is too good for them. Sexual harassment is a sickness no matter which way it manifests itself. Cultural backwardness, sociopathic or just vanity and desire, no matter, it must be severely dealt with. However, circumstances cannot be hearsay, those facts the affected bleat must indeed be factual and here lies the rub. Did anyone die, was violence used? Money and fame is a very coercive force, it is not criminal.
Despite the likes of the main-stream media propagating obsessive homosexuality and now working very hard to promote paedophilia and normalize it, as they indoctrinate their Millennial sheep; it is deemed thoroughly inappropriate to make say a paedophile joke. This is utter hypocrisy to protect the shady. ‘Thus duth protestuth too muchuth’. Victims are victims, it is a very sad fact of life, but the entire world is not to blame. Empathy, sympathy, compassion where it is due, but life goes on creating more victims no matter how offended some might be. The dark side of all this is that victims are being victimized by this ‘Common Purpose’ – Fabian cult who manipulate and indoctrinate and thus are perpetrators by their actions. The truth is, their manifesto champions perpetrators while diminishing all rights to the true victim. To combat critique and smoother this abominable doctrine, they create ‘the offended’. It is so hard to see through it if one grew up in it.
Having been asked to make ‘Harvey’ the subject of the month, the writing is tongue in cheek as they are all supposed to be, however it was deemed offensive by one Millennial daughter, who spoke up for ‘all those poor actresses’ who ostensibly suffered so greatly at the hand or hands of Harvey Weinstein. This is the power of Political Correctness gone absolutely mad. One deluded voice can frighten a nation if it pulls the race or offense card.
The article:
The pathetically frustrated media fruitlessly trying to destroy The Donald obviously needed a new news-worthy stool pigeon; ‘Oh hello Harvey! What a nice bathroom you have, that’s an odd-looking loofah you’re holding’, said the actress. What a filthy Shrek he turned out to be.
Call we rare, cynical reality gems old fashioned and merely sceptical, but how strange is it that all these women now coming forward are or were wanna-be famous actresses? Ostensibly in the name of ‘art’ those same moaning thespians whose distended egos are so desperately prepared to nakedly simulate a good rogering with more suspiciously accurate moaning, in full HD on our screens hourly. With obscene hypocrisy they now come out in their droves, to garner even more ego drenched publicity, by hammering Weinstein, the very man they courted to get the part. Fame without shame. Darling, how far were you prepared to go, casually flaunting your bottom cheeks with a such a tight-fitting G-string so far up the Khyber as cruelly painful as a carthorse’s mouth bit’?
Society is very sick. We now have the stalwart 1950’s BBC “RADIO” play ‘The Archers’, depicting homosexuals french kissing with gross slurpy mouth made sound effects. We have explicit language and sexual connotation in everything from the ‘Shopping Channel’ to the ‘Muppets’. We have every single twerking and writhing pop video displaying teenage debauchery. We have schools in the UK and the USA building toilets for trans and so-called latest craze ‘liquid’ gender kids, plus homosexuality utterly romanticized in the school classrooms for 5-year olds with never a mention of the unnatural messy enema. Top that with adolescent boys allowed to wear dresses in class and undecided 8-year-old girls lovingly donning strap-ons so as not to be discriminated against. And you thought smoking in the toilets at school was bad.
As it is, nobody from ‘normality’ has popped up claiming; ‘Harvey made me perform oral sex, threatening me with a blunt dildo held to my throat’. This is society as it is in the 21st Century and as always was in 20th Century Fox. Yet boisterous Harvey still lives in the 70s when ‘free love’ and penicillin came gratis and soap was something one used only for lubrication. Meanwhile Hilary Clinton still blames the Russians for Bill’s endless indiscretions. Oddly, if some guys came out screaming; ‘Harvey buggered me in the barn after promising a gay part in the follow up to “Brokeback Mountain – Homo on the Range”, it would be supressed.
Murder, violence, rape, paedophilia; none of it is remotely funny and this column has no issues permanently terminating the guilty, however, when all is said and done, jokes pertaining to it are often hilarious so lighten up – oh, unless you happen to be the victim of course, but that applies to life’s challenges full stop and no amount of forced PC will ever change cruel human nature.
Next, of the 2 million women Hugh Hefner claims to have wanged, half will claim ‘assault’. His estate must be worth a lie or two. What the hell is the difference between luvvie Hefner and Weinstein other than a red dressing gown and the size of their etchings? A brilliant pun and thoroughly hilarious, was ‘The Onion’s’ headline: ‘Officials investigating Hugh Hefner’s death suspect foreplay’. If English is your mother tongue then you are now rolling on the floor peeing yourself with absolutely no offence taken, despite speaking ill of the dead
‘I was made to watch him shower’ spews Ashley Judd. Um…er.. just how was that achieved Ash? You are the victim here, please show us the dastardly rope burns of the bondage which held you there. Then there’s the Italian actress who we have never heard of, maintaining that she was forced to perform trumpet practice on Weinstein’s chosen instrument, describing it as ‘onanistic’. My God, that’s a big word for a 21 year old, or she can’t spell ‘organ’
Sadly or deluded, we know in full denial the rich and famous and abhorrent politicians know no bounds when it comes to sexual pleasure at any age (one suspects). Sir Jimmy Saville on the other hand didn’t care if his assault victim was breathing or not and the entire hierarchy of the BBC and much of government were well aware, thus indeed complicit, so knighted him. That my friends is worthy of the death penalty, just to rid the earth of such deviance. But then the House of Lords would look a little too empty perhaps.
‘Harvey Weinstein claims it was a mistake to assault a dozen women. That’s not a mistake, that’s a whole season of “Law and Order Special Victims Unit”’ spews a comedian. A funny line, but the boilers come out the woodwork, ooooing and aaahing; with their clichéd offended diatribe as if victims themselves and the media milk it.
There are so many millions who really do suffer horrendous, heinous abuse in this warped world, which is totally appeased by the very same disingenuous lizard activists, depraved politicians and chameleon ego maniacs called showbiz
SOAPBOX: OLD MAN’s RANT 29 – JUNE 2017
Despite Khrushchev, we flower-power, braless, ‘free-love era’ accidents of the 60 – 70s had the best life could offer, with Juicy Lucy to Pink Floyd rock, original filthy jokes, head hair indistinguishable from pubic, Blue Nun, wondering if Harold Wilson was really a commie or did Lyndon B Johnson do it. White women started going with black men, but not much the other way around, until primitive social media convinced us ‘we’d never go back’.
Now we have fake watches, fake caller IDs, fake emails, fake friends and ‘Fake News’. Endless, inane and repetitive ‘Fakebook’ posts which is worse than fake orgasms. Yes! You pretend agreement to your friends by giving them ‘Likes’, answering yawning post which ask if you can answer or match 5 out of 10 questions or scenarios, so now you are asking yourself how many of the above you’ve experienced. Oh really? Was it Oscar worthy?
The never-never land ‘millennial’ phantasm brats of today are optimistically blind believing we are heading for better things. It is hip to be radical and destructive but blame everyone else. They would rather cull wise foxes or club seals than useless human proliferation which now swamps us. Back in the 60s hippies had ‘love ins’, ‘together ins’ and even ‘wad ins’ whatever that was. One favourite old joke was the guy walks into a library and asks for a list of standard novels which were not available, so a little exasperated snapped at the hippy librarian; ‘What about Dicken’? to which she replied; ‘I don’t know, I’ve never been to one’.
You feel empowered by posting pro Jeremy Corbin like ideology and anything anti Trump all over Facebook because you think you are influential. You believe you are abstractly more intelligent than selfish reality, which you abhor as amoral capitalism? Your attitude is your God given right to impose ‘your’ dogma and indeed sexual appetite on the rest of the world and have a posse of kids who you will condition and whose welfare you fully believe everyone else should support. Fair enough! Maybe you should write a monthly column for a magazine then.
Once you radicals are potty trained into ‘reality’ perhaps you will actually question this constant, perverted media brainwashing, get off your fake moral arses and contribute by parting with your own hard earned dosh to feed this demented ‘I deserve – you owe me’ ‘churn ‘em out’ ideology of equality. What you support contributes nothing back and will eventually drain all resources until we physically eat each other.
Radical ‘ANYTHING’ is a cerebral-cortex sickness more prevalent than Ebola. Just look at the state of some countries today steeped in ideology gone viral. Victims of hunger are fawned over pinning blame on the buoyant. In our first world, victims of heinous crime have no say, no rights, yet perpetrators are heroes and mollycoddled. It is all so ‘Twin Peaks’ like – where he says; ‘The urge to be bad is so overwhelming’.
‘It really is a sin to be white now’. This perverted ideology, bloated and obsessive Political Correctness tries so hard to kill off humour, forcing us into oblivious delusion. It’s like the ‘free world’ is now emulating the Third World for control with apologists and appeasers taking us back. We can no longer make simple puns without fear of media wrath and parrots regurgitating a lynching or receiving heavy fines or jail just for being funny.
Even the dearly loved ‘double entendre’ has been relegated to the; ‘That’s so offensive’ filthy cesspit of unacceptable dalliances, yet TV and films propagate more filth, violence and despicable language. Homosexuality is taught in schools at age 5. Nobody is ‘allowed’ to argue. Thankfully in Bahrain we are still in the 60s PC wise and by default, religion is wholly partisan and indeed racist in so many ways, yet cosmopolitan personified at the same time. Sure, most language puns will go high over the abiya or ghutra, but don’t underestimate the humour! Can you imagine, somewhere in Europe, a Bahraini accidently walking into a multi-racial Lesbian bar called ‘Quality Street’. There in glorious colour is a poster proclaiming ‘Clitoris Allsorts’ and curiosity becomes an urge. A butch Martina Navratidykeski bars him at the door exclaiming; ‘We are lesbians’! In broken English, he’d retort; ‘I am from Bahrain, which part of Lesbainia are you from’?
If you think that bad or risqué, 14th century ideology would have got you headless just for suggesting the world was round, despite Facebook telling us that it could not be flat or cats would push everything off it. Bawdy saucy Chaucer with his ‘Canterbury Tales’certainly pushed buttons and more with his classic double entendre ‘Queynte’ being used throughout. Utterly lost on 21st century society, but then it meant women’s work as well as slang for their genitalia. Who’d have thought? If you say it fast, you see where today’s word comes from.
Oh yes, Charlie Dicken’s would have no doubt parodied his own name had Dicken’s Cider been invented during his time. As it was, who on earth would now dream of calling a character ‘Master Bates’ in a TV series or novel, as he did in Oliver Twist?
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – SEPTEMBER 2016
There is nothing more inaccurate than the notion that ‘English is the international language’. It is NOT English, it is a concoction of ‘pidgin’ droppings and bad grammar which is fine and dandy in conversation or buying something in a shop but it should be kept well away from influential broadcast/media, schools or nannies for that matter. Why is gold so precious? Well, it takes a large population of millions to produce just one artistic genius or any vocation for that matter, but when there is no perceived qualification required for the intangible arts or product, then standards disintegrate to dust eventually. Advertising (an art) and broadcasting (an art) in all its forms in Bahrain and across the region so often produces hideous embarrassment. “FEELING STATION NOW OPEN” – sounds like an interesting place. Sing song news readers and old but gold; ‘A navy jet crashed in the North Sea this afternoon but the pilot ejaculated to safety’, well lucky him. We have presenters, spieling nonsensical garbage and zero content respectively about the time and frequency aimed at 5 year-olds. Welcome to Bahrain. It wasn’t like this 25 years ago.
Sadly, awareness is near zero too. Huge banners on every lamppost proclaiming; ‘NEWER AIRCRAFTS”, shop signs with “WELCOM ENGLISH SPORKEN HERE” – “KNOW BARKING ON BAYMUNT” and newspaper classifieds; “SOFA AND BED SHIT FOR SELLING”. Familiar? We even have ‘MILF TAILORING’? Now the mind boggles. It is not just Bahrain;BUT WE SHOULD BE RISING ABOVE THIS with so much more pride. That is difficult when a huge chunk of the population are expatriates many of which can’t write their own language let alone speak a modicum of Arabic or English.
There is not a mother tongue English speaker who understands what ‘brosted’ means, but whatever it is they do it to chickens. The British or American DO NOT ‘avail’ themselves of anything except in a massage parlour perhaps- and please don’t call us ‘pumpkins’ with your endless pishy, same script radio commercials. This bastardized English is all over the world, on every street and in all households now, with the Indian accent the most dominant. How quick was that? It was just a short decade ago, that only the dexterous Dutch spoke English fluently enough for commerce, without the aid of American movies. The British were so grateful especially if they just shouted louder to be understood in foreign countries. The rest of world were still singing Frère Jacques and struggling with ‘Dick and Dora’. Fortunately, most Bahrainis speak an amount of English and the Arabic flavor compared to some country accents is quite pleasing to hear ‘in conversation’, especially soft-spoken female.
At great risk of shattering the egos and delusions of some of the nicest guys one could meet – having this heavy accented farrago broadcast-pumped into one’s ears by the likes of the BBC or our own local radio and TV, generally and tediously tires one out as quaint as it sometimes sounds. The ‘IFOLD TOWWER’ and ‘ION FISHER’ sort of have a ring to them. The appalling IVR systems (Interactive Voice Response) are just atrocious, but nobody cares or perceives it as bad and culprits innocently can’t hear themselves. Conversely, a foreign presenter speaking broken Arabic has more chance of Stealing Mozart’s Yamaha synthesizer from the back seat of his Lamborghini in a shopping mall, than being accepted to broadcast on an Arabic channel. So why torture the English?
We now have Radio Bahrain amateurishly advertising on its own airwaves for DJs and presenters, knowing full well they mean only Bahraini need apply. This will not improve quality, professionalism or bring the art to any perceived standard ‘to aspire to’ whatsoever. In fact, having to advertise for talent on your own airwaves, is totally unheard of and unethical anywhere else and really does depict the level of absent professionalism.
All major countries have ‘professional’ English channels with native language speakers anchoring. It is all for international ‘POLITICAL CREDIBILITY’, not just because a few expats are resident. If there is to be an English language station, then hire proficient, professional, “talented” English speakers (of any nationality) and stop all the inept jingoism.
Bottom line; slick professionalism and boodles of content are what’s needed to create something to aspire to, not more mumbo jumbo, which so few listen to, especially with the might of the Internet crushing radio and TV to insignificance if it doesn’t compete at extraordinary levels of competence. Sadly, there is about as much chance of attaining such a desired mature platform here as seeing a transgender toilet installed in the City Centre.
Radio Bahrain was a tower in its heyday (not a towwer), until that fell down one day – and loved to death with an air of freedom and wellbeing and fabulous for tourism. But wannabe amateurs and wholly incompetents, flying the National Flag, given gauche positions in authority reigned. Naturally intimidated by the few sitting competent they gradually committed a sort of genocide, cleaning out any potential threats. It is now an oblivious embarrassment so just close it down if you can’t provide the goods.
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – APRIL 2016
Contrary to what some might desire of this column, such as highlighting social inadequacies, championing Liberal gunk or promoting inanity for the sake of masking incompetence and browning one’s nose; well, this will never happen. However, should our beloved Über Führer wish it; ‘Can I warm your bed pan Sir’? He muttered while removing said lips from the inside of his master’s bellybutton, then the way of Jeremy Clarkson it goes. Surely that warrants another disclaimer block?
Alternatively, we could just repeat or regurgitated old jokes which you’ve all heard before. Such as; ‘I went to the zoo yesterday and to my surprise there were no animals, only a single dog. It was a Shih Tzu!’ Or; son asked dad what ‘gay’ means and dad replies that it means happy, to which the son asked; ‘Are you gay dad’? ‘No’ said dad; ‘I’m married’. (Don’t think about it too long).
Or err to ‘almost’ complete safety and try fruitlessly to convince billions that we are not alone. What with an abundance of methane found on Pluto recently we could get all jiggy and interestingly go scientific After all, it is obvious to anyone with half a brain that Pluto must have been ‘The Planet of the Cows’. (One cow farts more in an hour than a full Walmart cafeteria serving only baked beans).
Oh no, the ‘Great Conundrum’ is upon us, so we rant and put reality into perspective by highlighting the escalating deviance in power and the demise of competitive education with the ever increasing fit and healthy masses breeding kids up the ying-yang, with no means of supporting them – other than demanding the wholly appeasing better equipped to feed them, give them shelter and defend them. Now-now, who will begrudge a little nooky here and there, even if it means so many weeping into BBC and France 24 cameras bleating that their wives are 3 months pregnant having lived with absolutely no shelter or privacy, in the squalor of jungle migrant camps in Calais for 5 months? It sort of brings a whole new perspective to the trend of ‘dogging’.
‘This is life Jim, but not as we knew it’. A Marxist, a Marxist-Leninist and a Marxist-Leninist-Maoist took their seats in the European parliament; it was wonderful to see such a variety of attendees. Pseudo-equality ‘luvvie Illuminati ideology’ for self-inflated egos, cloaked narcissism and sex which champion morons NOT to better themselves. ‘How dare you say that? ‘Totally unacceptable. Vile!’ screams the BBC corridors, echoed by other infected media and almost all other clanspersons (Note: PC correct insert), but not the back page of ‘Bahrain This Month’ or Britain’s Daily Express, neither of which are owned by Murdoch (yet), so sit down at the back! This blind arrogant dismissal of all opposition has created a bubbling black-lash which will end in violent mayhem of catastrophic proportions.
Most of us are liberal, but not fascist rubber Trotskyites cloaked in sexually permissive totalitarianism which now has firm control over generations. History will label this era as ‘The Great Divide’ and whether religion or politics, this massive polarization is manifesting itself ever more volatile. Revolution or anarchy brought on by Liberals, a very dangerous so-called conciliatory movement steeped in emollient from the neck up and KY from the waist down.
Imagine Trump as President; we might see Russian troops sent to the U.S. as ‘peace-keepers’ – armed only with ‘plutonium teabags’ of course. Surely he will soon be bumped off by these so-called ‘peacefully passive’, loathing aggressive lefty Liberals with their pacifier removed.
It is all very well to pit videos of Obama’s forgiving retorts against Trump’s brashness of which the Internet is now full of. It only makes Trump stronger and Obama more wimp. Anti Trumper Hilaryites claim to be civilized passive (aggressive more like), but serial activists nonetheless and violent! Many passionately psychopathic, oozing charm as they pontificate that; ‘It is everyone one else’s fault but not ours’. Now where have we come across that before? The guilty get clean away nowadays, but factually, the majority of us feel there are no rights, thoughts or positive action for victims. Most support capital punishment but are not allowed to say it. Out of hand empathy is always directed at the perpetrator, molly coddled by warped human rights, brainwashed by agenda, unless of course the perp, mentioned Trump then it’s off to the Tower.
What was the covert back-hand fee for lamping Trump at his conventions my bruddah? Oh there is a lot more to come. The ludicrous rhetoric showered at Trump has him already instigating pogroms laced with heinous slaughter. We saw black people wading into Trump supporters with fists, course gob and boots blazing. Astonishingly whiter than white (Cough) Clinton and Bernie Saunders, both immediately took to the podiums and outrageously admonished Trump in every which way. They displayed the sincerity of Fred and Rosemary West or a ferocious female Black Window courting an impotent suitor while completely condoning the real violent culprits. What a farcical, (nodding as usual) face she made, but even her faithful dulled the applause because they were embarrassed by the reality. Wait! Then the other two Republican candidates jumped on the bandwagon. How can you trust politicians?
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – MARCH 2016
‘My Facebook password was cracked, now I have to change my birthday’. Duh! Don’t worry, the NSA, GCHQ, the Illuminati and no doubt Daésh will have already stored all your exploits, and rated your ‘intelligence cachet’ which is PC for dumbness. Yahoo is gasping its last breath and as big as it is, Facebook addiction will wane as does all other fads the moment something interestingly new and positively inane comes along. Quite what that might be is anyone’s guess but it won’t be a re-born ‘MySpace’ which actually required individual creativity.
With data bandwidths and speeds begging to get better, perhaps some web-based form of self-made tedious ‘Reality TV’ upload might struggle to emerge; that is if our friendly politicians don’t continue to try and ban everything; which questions the very soul and purpose of a smart-phone in the first place. Maybe those will be banned too and Bahrain will have its own unique identity like Cuba, where cars from the 1950s are the only vehicles and we will be toddling around with an old 1994 Nokia 232 refurbished forever. At risk of thoroughly offending our deluded great friends, nice people and dear colleagues in the broadcast media; let’s face it, in Bahrain we really have such nonexistent broadcast platforms drowned by blind incompetence so what else can we do? Then again, in utter despair there’s nonsensical talk of un-clarified laws being introduced, if not already in place, “Banning the upload of video and audio”. So what, we can still log on to Facebook, Instagram or whatever, but only as voyeurs?
Google + is out as that is the great failure which we are all forced to join but so few ever use. Facebook has overtaken entire lives, but at least you and only you are responsible for exposing yourself on it, whereas Google + exposes your entire life to the world if you don’t disable the automatic upload and share buttons which you had no idea about and which are set to ‘on’ by default. It eats your bandwidth as saucy ‘selfies’, tasteless ‘Whatsapp’ exchanges, kinks and classifieds are Androided to the cloud with you utterly oblivious. Data harvesting in full swing, your profile has been established and depending what pix were posted on Google +, ‘targeted advertising’ pushes you a message offering you an Anne Summers enlargement kit or worse.
‘Behind every successful person there’s a deactivated Facebook account’. Endless regurgitation of the same videos and banners and you get possessive and post; ‘I already posted that last year’, as if you were the intellectual and originator! Inane comments and pictures of your breakfast gets 250 likes, but post a riveting, well-crafted missive about psychopaths in our midst and only your sister gives you a single like. Low self-esteem, depression, even suicide could prevail. ‘Death by Facebook’ will be written into law within the next ten years for sure. Besides, before Social Media, did we ever photograph what we were about to eat, then run around and get the film developed making 2,000 copies and sending the picture off to all your friends? Umm…..no!
Then on a roll with your wit or compassion, like a berk you respond to a friend’s post without reading the previous comments. Sadly 40 other friends just posted exactly the same thing before you. Not to offend, each receives a ‘like’ of course.
‘What kills you makes you stronger’. Ugh? Even amoeba has a voice because some illogical collection of words perceived to be cognitive were posted elsewhere so it must be right, so share it! ‘Wow, all my friends had birthdays this year’. Really, what about next year? Then there’s the deluded brave heart; ‘oo really fancies this geezer’ so posts; ‘I love sniffing ‘iz colon when ‘ee comes in the room, I fink its Brut’ Thankfully millions of animal lover videos make up for the dirge and wealth of bad grammar, spelling and otiose Facebook content which we are all addicted to. To remove yourself from this inanity sees cold turkey-virtual isolation set in. Your assumed importance to life soon nags – so log-on you must. But, as the smarter among us disable our Facebook accounts this targeted advertising will still be pushing new caravan accessories to the trailer park brigade or special offers for Walmart intellectuals and Zuckerberg will still be a godzillionaire .
The ‘who’s been looking at you’ feature has yet to be implemented on Facebook deliberately (Linkedin do it for a fee), otherwise all the virtual perving of your pix would stop. Yes, Facebook can be cruel and lonely too if you have so few friends and Facebook keeps reminding you. Then, when no amount of make-up is going to cut the mustard, as in this wall post from someone called Sharron.
Darren Smith: ‘You look sexy…’
Sharron: ‘Thank you Dad’.
OLD MAN’S RANT – JULY 2015 – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH MAGAZINE
It’s Ramadan….. so be careful what you say as people are very touchy about food at certain times of the day. Most not and couldn’t care less, but we do have bigots and snitches, so Ramadan Kareem to all who supposedly practice and for those who pretend, I’ll see you for a bacon butty and a coffee at the studio for indulging.
Certain countries (names of which cannot be revealed until prison food improves) block questioning web sites, especially those containing alarming subjects such as we speak of today. So at risk of being burned at the stake, we bring you news of life’s termination as we know it Jim. No jokes, no funny lines, this edition of the Old Man’s rant is a stunner, frightening and seriously serious, so don’t bother to write a will.
Judging by the dates of some of the old magazines we see in waiting rooms especially barber shops, it might be too late and your awareness posthumous as you flick through pages while sitting on Cloud Nine waiting to go in, wondering what the hell happened! Well, a massive asteroid from hell hit earth September 2015 and we are all gone. Google it! (Edit – March 2016 – um er!). Maybe even those arrogant white Toyota Land Cruisers owners who think they rule the road are rid of. A drastic measure but hey! Coming back to now, the news is front page of the UK’s Daily Mirror in full colour, so it must be true. If Fox News starts reporting it as well, really fear for your life.
It has been almost 3 months since the word ‘Illuminati’ and the associated conspiracy theory rants appeared in this column, yet there was a solemn promise to include something about it in each article. No scientific facts collaborate the reality of this uber catastrophe, but it is thought to be some conspiracy the Illuminati has scammed it up. It even pre-empts Armageddon, of which at least some are supposed to survive. That would be all Virgos then.
Like being locked in a dominatrix’s dungeon, this magazine is strapped to philanthropy, forfeiting their own well-being to warn others less able. No expense has been spared with Skype calls around the world warning one and all to prepare. A pacifist’s solution might be to immediately uproot to Denver Colorado where people gather in huddles and converse in ‘wow’ speak with the invisible, as they smoke the envisaged horror away. Claiming drug use as a recreation is just denial anyway, but now business on the streets will be booming, all lighting up to block out the pending doom. Imagine the state of the place; a stoned dude walks along the railroad track believing it to be the stairway to heaven but wonders why the hand rail is so low. A quick warning was communicated to a commune and caused an instant stampede to the coke shop. Heeding our plea to focus and stay well away from this evil powder they agreed and now use 5 meter long straws.
Being pedantic, let’s call it a bucket shop legacy, but there is a scientific boo-boo here. The headline; ‘Asteroid will hit earth in September’ is just so wrong, so don’t panic. Asteroids are orbiting something and become meteors once they start going off the rails. This is hardly surprising, with all that Denver air and shisha from here wafting to the stratosphere and beyond. Any alien that descends will already be stoned. If a meteor is not completely destroyed by the earth’s atmosphere and actually lands on earth, they become ‘meteorites’. So it will be a meteorite maybe 100 times smaller which destroys us, not an asteroid. Now don’t you feel better having cleared that small matter up in your final seconds? OK, so the original asteroid was bigger than Jupiter and could be about the size of the moon as it enters our atmosphere. Relax; even if it is one hundred times smaller, it would make no difference, we are gonners.
For now, asteroid…. what asteroid? This is insignificance compared to the fears sweeping through the expatriate community dreading the moment government subsidies are removed and we are forced to pay on average something like BD 150 a month for electricity during peak summer demand. Most labourers in Bahrain will wish the Asteroid came sooner. So chill and gulp more shisha as fast as you can, don’t bother about buying in bulk at the supermarket or ordering anything on Amazon after August this year. Don’t even bother buying the ultra large bags of soap powder to wash your soiled underwear, because where we are going, you won’t need any.
Not only beating out Armageddon this baby even tops the BBC’s desired finality of having an ethnic, disabled, lesbian President, which sounds like as much fun as an asteroid hitting earth.
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – JUNE 2015
OK, how many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Of course, old joke; firstly one has to assess if the light bulb wants to be changed. This is just the sort of analogy we need to enhance scientific leaning and career prospects – not!
Just so you know where we are going, let’s assess the nuance of this article. Finding the perfect job is as rare as unicorn sh*t, but life ostensibly begins in our late teens with that sole goal in mind. Amazingly, so called studies show that among the worst university degrees to obtain are within the arts, which according to this research are close on a complete waste of time. Shockingly, criminology is also high up the pile of pointlessness if this list of defeatism is to be believed. Speechless!
Just like media hype for inanity and without being too sesquipedalian about it, most of these long winded surveys are just that, tosh! Wait a minute! Who are you to incinerate that I don’t know big words? But if authentic, then music and graphic design or degrees centred around these subjects are ostensibly as useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy bum and below the status of stuff like marketing or Social Studies which every man and his gold fish seem to have. That and Psychology. Ah, but ask yourself who carries out these studies? Oh! That would be marketing people and psychology students trying to justify and validate their own existence on degree courses. What they fail to remotely intimate is that there are more psychologists working in McDonalds than wannabe actors in Hollywood.
Apparently only some 20 percent of degree holders actually carry their qualification through to a related vocation with most just wanting the acknowledgement and credence of degree level intelligence when applying for jobs. What jobs….where? Yale degrees in hip-hop and black rap or street talk are commanding high paying positions within corporations, simply because the Curriculum Vitae lists a ‘degree’. Yes, some American universities even offer degrees in what can only be labelled pornography and one suspects a super-graphic memory helps with IQ tests. Indeed, the Proprietor of this ‘ere bastion of literary works wishes to bring to our attention that there is currently a large (using the word very sparingly) shortage (using the word lovingly) of male employees in the Japanese adult movie industry. Lots of openings apparently!
With physics, the ‘s’ and the ‘y’ are in the wrong order so avoid that, but because it begins with ‘psycho’, psychological profiling is way up the must have degree desires. After all the CBS series ‘Criminal Minds’ portrays most of us as chain saw murderers and none too clever because the profilers know exactly how we think and have this uncanny ability to guess which brand of chain saw will be used by all. The profilers go down the hardware store, which miraculously has a list of purchasers and bingo, perp. arrested! By this time, 20 souls minced but hey they know who did it. So the question is; how come these psychologists can’t perform in ‘Minority Report’ mode and go to the store earlier? Or is that too deep?
If psychology is credible and factual, then life as we know it is nothing but organized ideology. Analytical comedians like Emo Phillips tend to test psychology to its inner or outer limits by going against teachings and asking God for a new car or something material, but we know it doesn’t work like that. So just go out and steal the car and then ask God for forgiveness. That apparently does work. Then we have those who somehow look out from the inside and we call that philosophy. Dare we mention the psychotherapist! Apart from the word itself being made up of ‘psycho the rapist’, who the hell is psychoanalysing the assessor?
Don’t despair; jobs are out there. A lot of say highly educated ladies from ex-communist blocks holding doctorates in rocket science are walking around gainfully employed. They could quite possibly land a rover on Mars, but earn far more on a much smaller scale guiding pocket rockets around Juffair in Bahrain.
As a footnote; before the Internet, Plymouth University in Southern England has or had infinitely more wannabe psychologists swarming and swamping the place compared to the number of light bulbs in the entire building. For those on complex mathematical and technical degree courses, seeing this entire abstract curriculum in play exasperated them to the Nth – Y degree. The psychologists had umpteen free periods and no lecture days, so continuously filled the top floor library blocking access to those hard working geeks who got no free periods at all yet were desperate to get a shot at the books but couldn’t. Catching this Bombay like train lift crammed with twittering anal retentive Freudies was a nightmare, so drastic tactics were employed by the geeks. One would force his way into the lift squeezing among the mass, while his colleagues would walk up one flight of stairs. Pressing floor one, once the doors had closed and the lift started moving, said geek would covertly let out an enormous fart (through his mouth we think) which resulted in a rapid mass exodus at the first stop. Needless to say, waiting geeks would quickly jump in, shutting out the psychologists. Who knows, maybe they started to study this methodology as ‘contra-deviance’?
OLD MAN’S RANT MARCH 2015
Bahrain this Month – March issue 2015 (Page 176)
SOAPBOX FOR OLD CODGERS 2 – For March 2015
Opinions expressed in this column in no way reflect those of Santa Claus, the country, the magazine, the Editor, any particular company or anything you might find in the closet.
Everything gravitates to sea level when you hit the senior years except time. You slow down but the clock speeds up. More everyday things annoy the hell out of you. Even life in general is a struggle, like trying to heave oneself out of bed 50 times during the night. The pseudo carefree younger generation has no idea as they waltz through the days accepting and appeasing everything thrown at them, with us older folk baffled as to why. It is across the board from agenda indoctrination in the media to computers and Google googling your insides even behind closed doors.
The technology doesn’t really bother us, but the likes of say Sir William Gates does. He who with his software in the mid 80s found a legitimate way of inducing heart attacks, nervous breakdowns, chronic eczema and baldness in upwardly nubile young ladies. As the old adage goes; If Bill Gates had a cent for every time Windows crashed…. Oh Wait! He already has.
The almighty ‘Operating system software’ can be classified as a basic need these days as we cannot do without it. When it works, it is there to control our very existence in every way and who knows what is going on in the background?
Regrettably no software was injured during the construction of this epic, but if it was perfectly legal to seriously maim responsible programmers, Silicon Valley would quite likely be a serial killer’s paradise.
Unstable software has become a health hazard for us old ‘uns. Imagine some poor lonely old soul, orphaned at 50 and spouse no more, all alone in the world, his spirits perked up on a dating site and just as ‘Google’ condescends to find the perfect match – Windows crashes. As the late Joan Rivers describes romance in later life; ‘An affair of the heart is a bypass’,
Of course it is all Illuminati deciding everything for us. Stop laughing at the back. It is, they are everywhere! Be on the lookout for anyone in a space ship or something equally telling, they shouldn’t be hard to spot. Now seemingly meandering off the plot; This chap walks into a library and asked the librarian if she had any books on suicide. The librarian dismissed him immediately saying that they stopped lending them, because people were not bringing them back. Tasteless or not this joke is pure Illuminati and stems from a home grown original which was covertly removed from Facebook. ‘A civil servant walked into a library and asked if they had any books on the ‘Illuminati in Europe’. The librarian said; ‘Triangular Merkal’.
Not Illuminati? Did you know that many of the first few batches of the iPhone 5 were shockingly defective, yet nobody moaned and the world’s media stayed silent? Up to 8 million were quietly returned to Taiwan in early 2013 for re-engineering and the other 28 million of us suffered, having paid a small fortune only to experience the ‘no network’ syndrome and ‘Wi-Fi forget hell’. The world believed it to be our telecom provider on both counts. Worse still, the telecoms companies went along with it keeping their mouths well shut or be forced to replace thousands upon thousands of handsets which were handed out so-called free with packages. The iPhone 5S fixed the problem and Apple came out smelling of roses with no signs of blight. In fact, in true Illuminati format, Apple actually deflected any potential adverse publicity by announcing that their CEO was joyfully gay. Just sayin’….
Rumours abound that Google has reversed engineered Windows. Talk about ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ or ‘Wag The Dog’, it really is Hollywood come true and the Illuminati, now a massive conglomerate is obsessed with eyeballing you and clocking which soap you use in the shower. Smart TV? Ho Ho Ho! It is listening to your every word.
Bizarrely we are forced to tick the ‘AGREE’ button before we can even try the product and they have then got you by the short-cut and cursors. If you think this is actually fraud, then join the club. Oops! Not a good turn of phrase
There is a toothless army of dissatisfied, frustrated folk out there who know the operating system software is defective at sale, but can do absolutely nothing about it. Sure it loads, it runs – sort of, exasperating us old codgers to the point of violence. Macs are generally the more stable of the two staple options, but don’t hold your breath; Apple has gotten away with some blinders too as mentioned above.
It’s Murphy’s Law in a box and our precious lives ebbing away. We just don’t have time for this. Every day we endure those constant imposing updates which drive you crazy as we endlessly wait for the computer to switch off or even start now. It is always when you are in a rush but you fear stopping the process in case it screws something up or worse, fire breaking out if you leave it because of the cheap Chinese fans in the cheap Chinese case, not to mention taking up our costly bandwidth in gigabytes. Like a bad romance, Windows is also quite capable of hanging just on the stroke. This ritual continues until the new software version comes out which we are all forced to pay premium for again and again and the whole palaver repeats itself. ‘The Hills have Eyes’ is less of a horror story. Seriously, if a car manufacturer or any other industry for that matter sold a defective product, then a recall would be ordered or a refund, but not anything under the control of the Illuminati.
RADIO KHALEEJI GA GA
I am a loss as to find any more news on this issue, other than what I read on Arabian Biz. So the question is, where did they get their information from? I have a few loyal and trusty ears and eyes within the Ministry and there was no hint of this in the wind leading up to this announcement. Has this ‘really’ been thought through?
There is such a huge misconception and indeed perception to the contrary that there are ‘qualified’ broadcasters of standing within the local media. There are a few nice voices if you like, but there are no characters, no real professionals and how can there be? Despite whatever the existing media says, there is no such thing as ‘free media’ in the entire Islamic world, never mind the Gulf itself. There just cannot be because to have such talent, one needs to be a free spirit and the culture is not ready to hear alternative thought as such. Those that do realize the poor showing cannot come up against the masses, so just give up. By doing so, we have a vicious circle spiraling into the abyss.
Since it all began, it was just lip service. there has really been no understanding of the art, thus no progress, no respect or discerning the principal in the first place. Besides, those above who are put in a position of power or management have no real notion of broadcast media or the arts either for that matter. Nice people maybe, good friends of mine to say the least, but it is all smoke blowing and say the right thing. National pride and the desire to believe that everything local is professional and sound (no pun intended) goes without saying, but we all know really that this is delusion personified.
Some come and they quickly go. For most the eviction was not of their choice. Others are removed because of intimidation, whereby they literally make monkeys of the talent-less offerings sitting beside them and so easily and willingly put in place. For a few others, they take one look and say; ‘Sod this’.
Nobody gets trained in the art, nobody cares, nobody perceives the industry as a profession which requires qualification. Even then, the qualification is intangible.
So here they go, a commercial dream for some, one might think. After all, MBC has had such outrageous privilege for years now, being the ‘ONLY ONES’ given rights to broadcast commercially regionally. That in itself is the epitome of ignorance of the profession. Just as Group Plus were given the status of a Monopoly running a Monopoly. They have NEVER paid a single penny in royalties, to the artists who make the platform possible and attract the listeners for their advertising to be heard. It is ludicrous really.
Orbit Showtime, or OSN are prime examples of the notion that there must be money to be made in media. So get a monopoly and coin it. OSN to my knowledge has NEVER put a cent back into the industry. They have never nurtured the art of which feeds them. So what can we expect?
Until I get more details, I can only post here what I did on Face Book and perhaps some of the comments returned as I go. So far, nobody really cares.
**************