OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – APRIL 2016
Contrary to what some might desire of this column, such as highlighting social inadequacies, championing Liberal gunk or promoting inanity for the sake of masking incompetence and browning one’s nose; well, this will never happen. However, should our beloved Über Führer wish it; ‘Can I warm your bed pan Sir’? He muttered while removing said lips from the inside of his master’s bellybutton, then the way of Jeremy Clarkson it goes. Surely that warrants another disclaimer block?
Alternatively, we could just repeat or regurgitated old jokes which you’ve all heard before. Such as; ‘I went to the zoo yesterday and to my surprise there were no animals, only a single dog. It was a Shih Tzu!’ Or; son asked dad what ‘gay’ means and dad replies that it means happy, to which the son asked; ‘Are you gay dad’? ‘No’ said dad; ‘I’m married’. (Don’t think about it too long).
Or err to ‘almost’ complete safety and try fruitlessly to convince billions that we are not alone. What with an abundance of methane found on Pluto recently we could get all jiggy and interestingly go scientific After all, it is obvious to anyone with half a brain that Pluto must have been ‘The Planet of the Cows’. (One cow farts more in an hour than a full Walmart cafeteria serving only baked beans).
Oh no, the ‘Great Conundrum’ is upon us, so we rant and put reality into perspective by highlighting the escalating deviance in power and the demise of competitive education with the ever increasing fit and healthy masses breeding kids up the ying-yang, with no means of supporting them – other than demanding the wholly appeasing better equipped to feed them, give them shelter and defend them. Now-now, who will begrudge a little nooky here and there, even if it means so many weeping into BBC and France 24 cameras bleating that their wives are 3 months pregnant having lived with absolutely no shelter or privacy, in the squalor of jungle migrant camps in Calais for 5 months? It sort of brings a whole new perspective to the trend of ‘dogging’.
‘This is life Jim, but not as we knew it’. A Marxist, a Marxist-Leninist and a Marxist-Leninist-Maoist took their seats in the European parliament; it was wonderful to see such a variety of attendees. Pseudo-equality ‘luvvie Illuminati ideology’ for self-inflated egos, cloaked narcissism and sex which champion morons NOT to better themselves. ‘How dare you say that? ‘Totally unacceptable. Vile!’ screams the BBC corridors, echoed by other infected media and almost all other clanspersons (Note: PC correct insert), but not the back page of ‘Bahrain This Month’ or Britain’s Daily Express, neither of which are owned by Murdoch (yet), so sit down at the back! This blind arrogant dismissal of all opposition has created a bubbling black-lash which will end in violent mayhem of catastrophic proportions.
Most of us are liberal, but not fascist rubber Trotskyites cloaked in sexually permissive totalitarianism which now has firm control over generations. History will label this era as ‘The Great Divide’ and whether religion or politics, this massive polarization is manifesting itself ever more volatile. Revolution or anarchy brought on by Liberals, a very dangerous so-called conciliatory movement steeped in emollient from the neck up and KY from the waist down.
Imagine Trump as President; we might see Russian troops sent to the U.S. as ‘peace-keepers’ – armed only with ‘plutonium teabags’ of course. Surely he will soon be bumped off by these so-called ‘peacefully passive’, loathing aggressive lefty Liberals with their pacifier removed.
It is all very well to pit videos of Obama’s forgiving retorts against Trump’s brashness of which the Internet is now full of. It only makes Trump stronger and Obama more wimp. Anti Trumper Hilaryites claim to be civilized passive (aggressive more like), but serial activists nonetheless and violent! Many passionately psychopathic, oozing charm as they pontificate that; ‘It is everyone one else’s fault but not ours’. Now where have we come across that before? The guilty get clean away nowadays, but factually, the majority of us feel there are no rights, thoughts or positive action for victims. Most support capital punishment but are not allowed to say it. Out of hand empathy is always directed at the perpetrator, molly coddled by warped human rights, brainwashed by agenda, unless of course the perp, mentioned Trump then it’s off to the Tower.
What was the covert back-hand fee for lamping Trump at his conventions my bruddah? Oh there is a lot more to come. The ludicrous rhetoric showered at Trump has him already instigating pogroms laced with heinous slaughter. We saw black people wading into Trump supporters with fists, course gob and boots blazing. Astonishingly whiter than white (Cough) Clinton and Bernie Saunders, both immediately took to the podiums and outrageously admonished Trump in every which way. They displayed the sincerity of Fred and Rosemary West or a ferocious female Black Window courting an impotent suitor while completely condoning the real violent culprits. What a farcical, (nodding as usual) face she made, but even her faithful dulled the applause because they were embarrassed by the reality. Wait! Then the other two Republican candidates jumped on the bandwagon. How can you trust politicians?
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – MARCH 2016
‘My Facebook password was cracked, now I have to change my birthday’. Duh! Don’t worry, the NSA, GCHQ, the Illuminati and no doubt Daésh will have already stored all your exploits, and rated your ‘intelligence cachet’ which is PC for dumbness. Yahoo is gasping its last breath and as big as it is, Facebook addiction will wane as does all other fads the moment something interestingly new and positively inane comes along. Quite what that might be is anyone’s guess but it won’t be a re-born ‘MySpace’ which actually required individual creativity.
With data bandwidths and speeds begging to get better, perhaps some web-based form of self-made tedious ‘Reality TV’ upload might struggle to emerge; that is if our friendly politicians don’t continue to try and ban everything; which questions the very soul and purpose of a smart-phone in the first place. Maybe those will be banned too and Bahrain will have its own unique identity like Cuba, where cars from the 1950s are the only vehicles and we will be toddling around with an old 1994 Nokia 232 refurbished forever. At risk of thoroughly offending our deluded great friends, nice people and dear colleagues in the broadcast media; let’s face it, in Bahrain we really have such nonexistent broadcast platforms drowned by blind incompetence so what else can we do? Then again, in utter despair there’s nonsensical talk of un-clarified laws being introduced, if not already in place, “Banning the upload of video and audio”. So what, we can still log on to Facebook, Instagram or whatever, but only as voyeurs?
Google + is out as that is the great failure which we are all forced to join but so few ever use. Facebook has overtaken entire lives, but at least you and only you are responsible for exposing yourself on it, whereas Google + exposes your entire life to the world if you don’t disable the automatic upload and share buttons which you had no idea about and which are set to ‘on’ by default. It eats your bandwidth as saucy ‘selfies’, tasteless ‘Whatsapp’ exchanges, kinks and classifieds are Androided to the cloud with you utterly oblivious. Data harvesting in full swing, your profile has been established and depending what pix were posted on Google +, ‘targeted advertising’ pushes you a message offering you an Anne Summers enlargement kit or worse.
‘Behind every successful person there’s a deactivated Facebook account’. Endless regurgitation of the same videos and banners and you get possessive and post; ‘I already posted that last year’, as if you were the intellectual and originator! Inane comments and pictures of your breakfast gets 250 likes, but post a riveting, well-crafted missive about psychopaths in our midst and only your sister gives you a single like. Low self-esteem, depression, even suicide could prevail. ‘Death by Facebook’ will be written into law within the next ten years for sure. Besides, before Social Media, did we ever photograph what we were about to eat, then run around and get the film developed making 2,000 copies and sending the picture off to all your friends? Umm…..no!
Then on a roll with your wit or compassion, like a berk you respond to a friend’s post without reading the previous comments. Sadly 40 other friends just posted exactly the same thing before you. Not to offend, each receives a ‘like’ of course.
‘What kills you makes you stronger’. Ugh? Even amoeba has a voice because some illogical collection of words perceived to be cognitive were posted elsewhere so it must be right, so share it! ‘Wow, all my friends had birthdays this year’. Really, what about next year? Then there’s the deluded brave heart; ‘oo really fancies this geezer’ so posts; ‘I love sniffing ‘iz colon when ‘ee comes in the room, I fink its Brut’ Thankfully millions of animal lover videos make up for the dirge and wealth of bad grammar, spelling and otiose Facebook content which we are all addicted to. To remove yourself from this inanity sees cold turkey-virtual isolation set in. Your assumed importance to life soon nags – so log-on you must. But, as the smarter among us disable our Facebook accounts this targeted advertising will still be pushing new caravan accessories to the trailer park brigade or special offers for Walmart intellectuals and Zuckerberg will still be a godzillionaire .
The ‘who’s been looking at you’ feature has yet to be implemented on Facebook deliberately (Linkedin do it for a fee), otherwise all the virtual perving of your pix would stop. Yes, Facebook can be cruel and lonely too if you have so few friends and Facebook keeps reminding you. Then, when no amount of make-up is going to cut the mustard, as in this wall post from someone called Sharron.
Darren Smith: ‘You look sexy…’
Sharron: ‘Thank you Dad’.
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – FEBRUARY – 2016
As rare as a second hand coffin, you are about to read a very serious column indeed. It has never been more serious and we mean serious as we speak of your hard earned cash which is about to be whisked away from you as payment for your basic needs.
Sure, something has to be done but it is a vicious circle and if gambling were legal, go for the kill, bet your entire life’s savings that your boss will not increase your salary to compensate. Oh my God! Within a few months, there might be no expatriates here to read this column. Don’t worry; you would not have missed anything, because the writer of the same will be two perk cheeks going yonder. Gonski! Most of us having no choice but to saddle up.
We can’t win can we? Some survey banded about on the news channels during January, stated that about 10 people in the world possess more wealth than the combined amount held by the rest of us plebs in their billions with sod all and piggy banks which echo louder than the Grand Canyon; add it all up and still it doesn’t match the pile that some like George Soros and his cocktail friends have stashed in Swiss banks. Digging Karl Marx up is looking ever more favorable.
Well ahead of its time, a new joke was posted on-line early last year and goes something like:
The phones are ringing across Arabia – this French-accented lady can be heard to say; ‘Your days of reckless spending on all and sundry and gadgets made by others are over’!
‘Who is this’?
‘Christine’. Then completely to the contrary, France 24 and the BBC slip in a report that the IMF has stated that low oil prices are a blight on the world. Are we all mere pawns in this big game? Conspiracy – how very dare you?
Let’s go back a few decades. Allegedly crime didn’t happen much and because there were vastly less people the odds of winning the ‘football pools’ much greater. Now it is the lottery and you have two chances of winning that; a dog’s chance and no chance at all! It is the very same with endowment and insurance policies with benefits. When oil prices were very low, most of us could bank on good returns with our investments. Are they related – who knows?
Do not get confused with financial institutions which handle billionaire’s funds. They NEVER LOSE! For the past couple of decades, well-known names with huge assets send out their ‘commission based’, well suited robots to court us the plebs, bombarding us with smooth talk, having plied Linkedin and any other social media to gain a ‘first name’ and telephone number to call, ever hopeful of securing a punter to invest in managed funds with massive returns. These days, they are as fictitious as a Nigerian scam, but we are all so desperate to survive so try what we believe to be honest and legitimate channels to enhance our own small spoils. However, those managing your personal funds are shameless. It is a vile culture that has spread through financial institutions, some of which have been bailed out only to repeat their sins all over.
After faithfully investing for 20 or 25 years many are presented with the cruel reality that the return is far less than deposited. You are hoping for a pension or nest egg reasonable enough to live on. To your surprise, you find that had you put your money in an old mattress and thrown it on a land-fill, you would have gained more. You would not have paid gross amounts of commissions to highfalutin suits parading around expensive offices claiming film star salaries each of which has done absolutely zero for you. During the 90s this behaviour was rife with people losing half their savings or more and no recourse to the law. The British government stepped in and under duress ordered a pittance in compensation (but were sparse with the publicity), which the banks and insurance companies challenged as if hard done by, but had to pay out as they sniggered at the penance. Isn’t this why we pay those commissions for them to ‘manage’ our money?
It should be a law and strict law at that, that investment, insurance, banks and the like who offer these endowment policies should clearly state by audit, exactly how much they made during your 20 odd year slog, compared to your own payout and match it. They might state their commissions if asked, but they never reveal how they used ‘YOUR’ money to make far more than you get in return.
One might even be inclined to call it ‘fraud’, but we couldn’t possibly say that could we?
See now! You were warned that the column was serious this month!
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – JANUARY 2016
The January issue; so while we still can, let’s joyously wish everyone a ‘very Happy New Year’ before it is removed from society as offensive, being deemed ‘Politically Incorrect’ to reference the ‘Gregorian’ or dare it be said – Christian calendar as an entity (yes, the one named after Pope Gregory XIII in 1582). As yet it has not experienced too many tyrannical PC bashings, but it no doubt will soon enough despite such a tiny weeny minority not adhering to or recognizing it. Booooooo! ‘Donald, stop that’!
To the point; with Donald on the march, will it be a happy new year? A dilemma perhaps, because secretly so many outside of the pseudo Illuminati reluctantly agrees with some bits of Trump’s Politically Incorrect tirade. Seriously though if 9-11 was one big conspiracy, then the Trump Triumph smacks of ginormous collusion.
Concentrate on ‘real reality’ now, stop watching inane pap and start looking at the irony of our existence laterally. Forget OMG & LOL; December 2015 jerked the semi intelligent of the world into WW3 fears starting with ‘fearless’ Russia and um…. Turkey – and it wasn’t because a Turkish astronaut asked a Russian cosmonaut if he really wanted to live in a barren, lifeless landscape, to which the Russian replied; ‘No! That’s why we want a moon base’. It was an extremely nail biting incident which is by no means over, but the cowering silence from Europe is deafening as they er… lead us. Yet ‘ROFL’ (not), Trump (NATO for now) and Putin have never been closer.
A viral article by Bill Bennett of ‘Morning in America’ predicts Trump will be ‘accidentally’ topped (literally), long before he could ever become President because there are far too many dirty little fingers in the pot. Whacked by a colour-seeking ‘surface to hair missile’ perhaps? Imagine the fallout? Get in the queue Hilary and Jeb take your finger off that button.
Hilary is now desperately dolloped upon us daily by global degenerate media and deviant egotists in so-called democratic governments, just as they ‘dervishly’ Messiah’d Obama to one and all before. They incessantly project her as this ‘White Knight- Saint like’ philanthropist, but she has zero credibility with the American public at large. Then Trump caused the birth of ‘Saint Kardashian’ to be ignored completely. As yet, no Christians up in arms, but radicalized Jehovah Witnesses are refusing to take their fingers off door bells. Described as; ‘A painful and traumatic birth’ (don’t worry Kim; the baby will get over it), is anyone surprised, plopping a Saint out like that? Coming soon at Amazon; “The Gobspiel according to Saint Kardashian”? Wake up!
Until Trump highlighted widespread reality and ‘inadvertently’ put his foot right in it (the threat of which he never intends to carry out), we would have been bombarded with the latest gay extravaganza to be blown (hardly said the Bishop) out of all realms of credible objectiveness; bizarrely winning these concocted, meaningless awards on supposed content merit. The latest being “Carol” and yet another “I Broke My Back Up That Mountain Doing That” scenario. The film is about a woman who visits a department store; ostensibly to buy ‘Tridixagen’ but Carol (Cate Blanchett) refuses to sell it without a prescription, offering an alternative pleasure instead.
Social media has challenged pap media as it dares to mention the tide of discontent brewing.
Outside of the region, mainstream media ply migrant woes, but rarely if at all mention the daily occurrence of hundreds being blown up in neighboring countries or Africa. Of course, this is a ‘Catch 22’ Islamic problem which naturally most Muslims deny as being Islamic, but in reality only Muslims can sort out. Oddly, Trump seems aware of this, merely sounding a deliberate ‘smell the roses’ call but knows full well that a US Muslim ban is a ludicrous non-starter.
Because he’s loaded and doesn’t need them, the establishment hates The Donald as ‘all mouth (and certainly the…) trousers’. Trump has absolutely nothing to do with Hitler, killing of Jews, ostracizing decent Muslims or anything like, but the ‘political elite’ know full well that Trump is no joke and the woodwork is bursting with endless regurgitated clichéd ‘left’ media hate spew itself, which only strengthens Trump. Politically Incorrect, had Trump carefully re-phrased the real intention, he would have had the establishment scurrying and squeezing into their well-worn orifices in fear of his somewhat ‘reality’ rhetoric which has seriously exposed this den of iniquity which has ruled for so long. Good game!
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – DECEMBER 2015
Write something about the migrant crisis in Europe was the order of the day from the Editor. Well that could be done using one word; ‘Excrescence’, said Donald Trump and a vast majority of around 400 million other folk who don’t want it but are silenced! OK, the end – satisfied?
Oh wait! Europe is hideously going to give Africa a couple of billion Dollars to entice immigrants to return home. No conflict of interest there then- cough! Excuse the pun, it’s all whitewash as media and Eurocrats still focus on Arabs, yet Arabs always go home and will without aid, even if oil dropped to $1 a barrel, it just means the shops on London’s Edgeware Road and Queensway will be empty for a while
Give billions to ‘who(m)’ exactly? With several countries within Europe on the bones of their arse financially, rumour has it all new Euros are being printed on Greece proof paper and that some countries within are so desperate for dosh they are answering Nigerian emails. Do taxpayers, already taxed for just breathing agree Mr. Illuminati?
If you promise not to sing Mr. Geldof, you can step in as accountant for the despots again. Quoting Geldof while scalding the BBC and Daily Mail: ‘Produce one shred of evidence that Live Aid money purchased guns!’ Um….er…. Bobby boy, no! You produce one shred of evidence that it didn’t and that food wasn’t being nicked by the shed load by scum bags while you got egotistically knighted. Ah but Bono, Sir Paul, Dido without an ‘l’ and all the usual luvvies will join in. All the way to Hollywood, this decadence blatantly awards itself ad nauseam within its closeted closed shop whereby they all blow smoke and praise the bejeezus out of each other at these glitzy shows of canker.
If you are reading this from afar, don’t you wish you lived in Bahrain? With ‘swarms’ having avoided drowning; now drowning Europe, the holocaust of freedom cometh. The official Fabian line and irony is that these (sectarian) people are running from violence but not the faith which is above everything and even demanding with audacity as if God’s own edict that they have a right to be there. Europe is drowning in appeasement also as alien protocol is forced upon the indigenous.
So what’s it all about? Note, this December issue is the ‘Gay Lords á Leepin’ edition so let’s get to the real nitty-gritty. Laugh all you like, for sure there is always an ulterior motive and one does suspect the entire ruling elite are bound by simple sordid sex as deviant and basic as that is. It is such a weird conspiracy nobody would associate immigrants with high-level deviance.
We all really know deep down that there is ‘nothing’ for free in this decrepit, ‘de-moralized’ and demoralized world where a TV programme or film cannot go more than a few minutes without debase profanity or ‘Brokeback Mountain’ content. ‘Homo On the Range’ (sing along now). It is all agenda in the extreme to garner acceptance.
This dilution of society is oppression and an obscene obsession with disproportionate privilege for the minority, fast becoming the majority. Many suspect it will not be long before the BBC and governments of Europe officially ban Christmas as offensive, replacing it with Gay Pride in antipathy. ‘I’m dreaming of a white mistress’ is definitely on the wane and one suspects most will be rubbing their grubby little hands together with a lure for the darker, hoping for new ‘trade’ and ‘friends of Doris’ among the mass flooding the EU; totally neglecting the need to have heterosexual stockings filled. Even Starbucks have forbade a stroke of white and suggestion that it snows in winter in the Northern Hemisphere by producing ‘simply red’ all over cups this Christmas. Why bother?
Yes, for those of us here, aren’t you glad you live in Bahrain?
Of course, ‘live and let live’ should be paramount and who cares what you do behind closed doors as long as it doesn’t physically hurt (unless one shops at the dyslexic Marks & Spencer store). One has to remain breathing a least. As with religion, nobody has the right to put one’s kinks above another, but crying the ‘offensive’ ticket for every little thing has got so out of hand, said the bishop!
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – NOVEMBER 2015
Hollywood to the British Bumbastic Service, vehemently deny that sex and violence on our screens influence the public in anyway. “We are all far too intelligent for that”. What a crock! Then why do politicians use the media to campaign?
How on earth did Che Guevara protégé Jeremy Corbyn get elected then? Maybe he is a murdering psychopath just like Guervara which millions sickly worship. Unless another Illuminati conspiracy, what could have influenced this catastrophic debacle? It is all media sensation! Let’s vote for anyone called Jeremy, after the relentless media coverage of Jeremy Clarkson, who is more famous than World Wars or the Titanic? Guffaw all you like; this clan of pseudo Marxists in the vast media beyond, along with the well-worn BBC sphincters are twitching nervously, fearing that Donald Trump might get elected too. Don’t be surprised if the Democrats seriously consider putting blissfully unaware Republican Kim Kardashian up to counter.
Corbyn is living proof that suicide is fashionable. ‘Is that a nuclear deterrent in your pocket or are you having an election’? Nothing is ever straight is it – said the urologist. Furthermore, it could have been Tony Blair in a David Cameron mask making the speech at the recent Conservative Conference, demonizing both left and right. They all cave in to their massive egos and the vote. Will the real Slim Shady please stand up.
Decent people have lost their way; swamped by a minority of massively egotistical deviants who patronize and oppress the majority, turning Political Correctness into a religion of force as they control governments and the entire media. Meanwhile, Edmund Burke’s sad lot sat back and did nothing. (Burke apparently didn’t say it either, but we must have heroes).
Feeling had yet? Sardonic at best, having been likened to Jeremy Clarkson in many more physical ways than just gob, regally speaking, one should ascertain whether or not one believes everything one writes, or if one does it purely to get up one’s nose – are ‘YOU’ the chosen ‘ONE’ this month? But seriously, with several reports of the last page of this very magazine mysteriously disappearing at letter boxes, one suspects a BBC fatwa is at play. Just in case the CIA or GCHQ get wind of this article and decide to deploy the vanishing cream, let’s add an ‘Elephant to the room’.
To reiterate, the BBC is one great big cottage industry discriminately recruiting the likeminded. You are highly unlikely to get a job with this bastion of agenda unless you teasingly speak with a ‘lisp’ off microphone or are a member of the fur trade. Broadcast media in particular, are rife with this out-of-control control all across the European Union; dictated to by the least purchased paper of all, the piddly Guardian which endlessly pouts its own credence. This minority cartel of obliviously indoctrinated journalists along with barracudas in government have infiltrated every nook and cranny of society since suspected reptilian and covert Bolshevik ‘Arold Wilson crawled out from under his red bed in the late 60s.
Character assassination is endemic and permitted aimed at those who don’t eat the same cake, but you try and do it back. Example: “The million-plus fans who petitioned the BBC to recall Clarkson should be ashamed of themselves”, wrote journalist Christopher Stevens. A statement that is convolutedly acceptable! It’s also wholly contradictory, advocating (Burke’s) million to one minority rule. “Thankfully no racial slurs” (during the last Top Gear Programme) wrote another luvvy from the ‘hang Clarkson’ citadel. The comment was typically nasty and pointed. So it’s a racial slur if we try to teach pigmies ‘limbo dancing’ because it goes above their head. Of course, it’s Kosher to make fun of Clarkson’s colleague tiny Richard Hammond who turns into a three-legged midget when on Viagra.
Clarkson will never be knighted since he’s not spent time in paediatric wards or become a member of The Central Station Club in Kings Cross unlike so many of the rest of the BBC. Are we ever going to see that great Satan disbanded and all assets sold off? Ok, those in agreement stop shouting; ‘Clarkson for Prime Minister’. Donald Trump would be much better…………..Cough!
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – OCTOBER 2015
Constant trivia and inanity is perpetrated to take our minds off reality and controlled by a very scary Socialist gang in Europe, who are quite possibly lizards. Life as we know it Jim is going through some very dark conspiracy times while manipulating the youth of nations. How inane? Well, incessantly promulgating Illuminatus, no talent Jay-Z’s mythical ability to sing as a rapper for a start. Of course, he definitely had a leg-up if not over self-exposed Illuminati icon Beyonce who sees herself on the next design of the Dollar bill. Yet nobody takes notice, or it could be that everyone has their oblivious head down looking at their mobile phones.
Big Brother et al, endless condescending drivel, the only other choice being yet another programme presented by Richard Hammond all designed to keep us docile. To prevent us showing signs of individuality, this ruling cult has created such a frightening stigma making it illegal to challenge in plain language or we are deemed ‘racist’.
Dangerously oppressing us all today, in these so-called liberal societies, clueless politicians aberrantly speak for us all, oblivious to their folly and continue to take the most astonishing actions which are completely against the will of the natural silent majority. This is done with impunity because they have infiltrated the assumed ‘intellectual sect’ and just about all media (except BTM)!
Remarkably, the word ‘brainfart’ (one word) has now been added to the Oxford Dictionary and as the real 1984 approaches with the Illuminati still dripping down the walls of Oxford University, it brings us to the migrant crisis. Self-inflicted disaster or not, most of us are fairly companionate, some generous and unless you are a sociopath, psychopath or just called Tony, by default we all have an ingrained element of concern for others. However, Europe has an epidemic of brainfarting at the moment as the clash of civilizations materializes unheeded. As sad as the situation is; human nature dictates an extremely violent ride. Karl Marx will surely be jumping in his grave waving a blunt sickle desperately trying to get out shouting; ‘I said hammer and a chisel not….’
Empowered pseudo-Socialism is an order and a fairytale rather than compassion. This agenda swamped ideology gradually became extreme during the 70s, but now it has become positively fascist with generations indoctrinated and oblivious to its totalitarian aspect. Even our closest lovable relative the chimpanzee is known to kill another for territory or clanship.
Whatever, brainfarting as an adjective will become diverse and severely political but for now remains in the derogatory such as blonde jokes or similar: ‘Atlanta Emergency which service’? ‘There’s a man in my garden, he’s been shot’. ‘Mamm, do you have an address’? ‘No! I’m wearing jeans and sweater duh’! In the developing world brainfarting has always been a prolific pastime and everyday occurrence. In fact, in many incidences a couple of English idioms might be well placed alongside it; a brainfart ‘follow through’ comes to mind as it describes much of the pile of derision we so often have to endure – all in the name of perceived ‘social welfare’. Of course, journalistically the word will not be appearing for several years yet and in Europe it will be banned completely, with the BBC leading.
Fabian-ism is an inherent medical condition, determined to be an airborne virus mainly radiated by the BBC and absorbed through unprotected ears. The virus can enter via the eyes if one reads The Guardian or The Huffington (com)Post. Originally cultivated in the London School of Economics and quickly spreading to the London School of Journalism the virus mutated into colonies, such as the one in Falmouth – South West England. The disease boosts the ego system, affecting one’s dialectic red cerebral empathy neurons (called Republicans) and tends to make us all gay with the ability to spout clichés. The cloning syndrome mechanism contains several adhesive and sickly white corpuscles – and over generations the ‘fuzzy logic’ of these cells becomes corrupt. The only treatment is war and genocide, after which there is a calming period, but there is no complete cure, for history will repeat.
To be continued/….
SOAP BOX FOR THE OLD NO. 7 – AUGUST 2015
[As featured in Bahrain This Month August 2015]
Bless buxomly Politically Correct good old U.S. of A which still celebrates experience and allows the very old to keep their jobs until they drop. Veteran radio broadcasters are propped up daily; TV announcers might get cosmetic surgery allowance, unlike the BBC who keep the ancient on for other reasons Jimmy; ask Rolf. Fly any American airline and you’ll be forgiven for thinking (the late) Cayetana Fitz is pushing the trolley. Flying to Kuwait recently, there was a party atmosphere on board as the youngest member of the crew celebrated her 70th birthday. Passengers are taught CPR in case they need to resuscitate the crew and all died happily ever after. Working relics maybe, but it makes us proud!
This column has previously covered the notion that some upstarts in today’s political arena across Britain and Europe wish to intangibly exterminate old people. It is not some organized secret plot to gas us all or anything like (allegedly), but a desire to put us out to pasture in that great abstract concentration camp in the void by removing our vote and critique. ‘The Village of the Damned’ is not a patch on the reality and the older among us are shocked at the controlled, adverse, fascist liberalism which has subliminally besieged nations in the last few decades with none now allowed to question or dare say mock it humorously or otherwise.
Let’s consider all things deemed ‘offensive’ nowadays – cultural stabs unacceptable, Irish jokes no longer kosher; gay jokes criminal. This generation of weirdo Fabians now curtailing society’s freedoms and gagging every utterance have not as yet condemned Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, claiming it offensive to infertile women or impotent men who have no kids, but it is coming. Old folk are still good for a hit, but there really are only two main-stream avenues of humour, one is sexual or crude, the other considered racist. Grandma has no idea what you are talking about when you tell a dirty joke, if you even dare, while Granddad’s still trying to lip read. Young people have a burning question for senior citizens and that is; ‘Do you still do it’? Well go ahead and ask any old couple if they have sexual relations and the most likely response would be; ‘I think we do, but we haven’t heard from them in years, they are probably dead’; like the gist of the question. Feigned pseudo offense is now endemic for the smallest slight. Gladly, Bahrainis couldn’t give a rat’s nipple and tell some crackers. With culture and language entwined, oddly, some large nations appear to be near humourless. Nonetheless, appeasement will win the day and humour will be removed from society. With its rapidly changing façade, one suspects Canada will be the first without realising it, dismissing the notion that Germany has already acquired such sophistication.
These days the ancient among us are confused when pre-emptive apologies spew forth before someone tells a joke. Racist jibe is endemic across cultures but Fabians choose denial. Societies can still legally tell jokes about themselves, but many refute jibes from others because that is considered ‘racist’ never mind the only difference being the post code. Some jibes are hilarious but old codgers over 70 don’t understand. Ask your granddad why he should be very nervous of a white man in prison; he’d just look dumfounded at you. ‘So why’? ‘Well you know for sure he did it! Such sarcasm is still legal but not if the other way around. But then, it wouldn’t be funny would it?
More than half the world is not so liberal and as much as the BBC and their clones have pushed it down our throats so to speak, still older folk don’t refer to homosexuals as being ‘gay’; this hijacked word used in this context is double Dutch to them, so old Joe inadvertently and ‘innocently’ breaks the law by casually introducing his gay friend as being ‘batty’ or a ‘jobby jabber’. Likewise, with so many ‘fashionably outted’ lesbians in parliaments across Europe and Britain and indeed now heading up big industry, sporting a Windsor knot , heaven forbid a Green Party member peddling her way to work and being referred to as a ‘dyke on a bike’. That would surely mean prison, albeit it being said in blissful ignorance.
Still, reminiscing the old now banned Alf Garnett days or ‘It ‘Aint Half Hot Mum’, is all one has really when age cripples, because nothing is ever going to get physically better and utopia pure fantasy – as with sexual prowess. But joke about old age is still legal? A wife asking her husband to be romantic again and to give her those old love bites of ownership she once protested were unsightly; so hubby agrees and goes to the bathroom to get his teeth.
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – SEPTEMBER 2015
The world’s troubles cause fallout everywhere and despite rosy editorial, many of us know the reality with business being so bad we’re heading to Calais. There’s an old joke which goes; ‘When I was a kid, I prayed everyday asking God for a new bicycle, but my mentors kept telling me that it doesn’t work that way and the Good Lord offers redemption to those who seek forgiveness. So I stole the bicycle and asked him to forgive me’. Society at large appears to have adopted this mantra demanding everything be given to them on a plate, and then blame anything and everything else but themselves when it doesn’t happen. Oh! That’s a bit like terrorism in reverse. And then there’s always the housemaid if all else fails.
Where does the blame lie? Our assumed utterly polarized society and politics today muddles through, but we are in a mess to say the least and the big sort out is just around the corner. There are some very cruel people in the world but as for being polarized, well this is fiction and merely the imperious politicians creating this ideology as ‘divide and rule’. Deluded of course, but one hopes the reality is that most of us think much the same. You know; have humanitarian hearts, believes cabbage is good for you, don’t eat children, love animals, hang murderers and anyone who shoots a lion or goes to dog fights. After all, politicians are the only ones to reject capital punishment fearing one less vote. However, try to physically take our money and see what happens. Absolutely nothing in this world is free so Governments giving aid to third world countries is merely a bribe but perceived as ok and not your own dosh, but if someone knocks at your door asking for a couple of grand to feed Africa, you’ll tell them to give Bob Geldof a call, that he has plenty and you bought the CD to prove it.
As Margret Thatcher said; ‘The problem with socialism is that; ‘Eventually, you run out of other people’s money’. (See the hate mail that that generated. It’s a good job Facebook wasn’t around then or we might well have had organized troll terrorism financed by Russell Brand’s publicist). Brainwashing British politics could be blamed for European ideology now or perhaps it is something to do with the English language which has spread all over the world in all its forms, much of it with an Indian accent, so maybe it wasn’t the advent of television after all. Just like communism this big Fabian-Marxist trip since the 60s is heading for a major disaster but egocentric politicians polarize in their endless endeavour to be noticed and just like Hitler, employ YouTube like thugs to get the ball rolling; trolls who spread verbal hate knowing full well that the masses believe everything they read half the time – if they can read that is.
More than a few say there really is no difference between all parties or politicians and absolutely ‘all’ politician are driven by their alter ego. Look at Gordon Brown, an unelected Prime Minister who didn’t want to go. Knock knock! ‘Whose there’? ‘David’! ‘David who? ‘David Cameron, get out of my house’. With their only qualification being able to memorize ‘yuckspeak’ catchphrases, it has to be the alter ego, because that’s the bits that stay hidden, but underneath it all it is this massive ego bigger than Bono’s which drives them.
The hedonistic Greeks invented democracy according to the Greeks and the Greek word for ‘I’ is ‘Ego’, so maybe they are to blame for everything. Let’s rest our case here. Baroness Thatcher will be turning in her grave quoting Churchillisms; ‘Never have so few paid so much for so many who won’t take care of themselves’. Why would you, if there is always someone else ready to cough up? Surprisingly, of David Cameron’s ‘swarms of immigrants plying the channel’, how many are Greeks? None for three reasons; they don’t need visas, Greeks like Greece better and they hold the world record for bank holidays.
Still, apart from Greece, the so-called socialists are out now. In Britain, they’re running around like ‘edless chickens with both Miliband and Balls gone. As one party member said; ‘There’s a sense of great loss over Balls’. For sure, the tomcat next door had the same feeling coming back from the vets the other day. Laughable, Harriot Harmon, says she doesn’t want to be Prime Minister; well the feeling is very mutual.
OLD MAN’S RANT – JULY 2015 – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH MAGAZINE
It’s Ramadan….. so be careful what you say as people are very touchy about food at certain times of the day. Most not and couldn’t care less, but we do have bigots and snitches, so Ramadan Kareem to all who supposedly practice and for those who pretend, I’ll see you for a bacon butty and a coffee at the studio for indulging.
Certain countries (names of which cannot be revealed until prison food improves) block questioning web sites, especially those containing alarming subjects such as we speak of today. So at risk of being burned at the stake, we bring you news of life’s termination as we know it Jim. No jokes, no funny lines, this edition of the Old Man’s rant is a stunner, frightening and seriously serious, so don’t bother to write a will.
Judging by the dates of some of the old magazines we see in waiting rooms especially barber shops, it might be too late and your awareness posthumous as you flick through pages while sitting on Cloud Nine waiting to go in, wondering what the hell happened! Well, a massive asteroid from hell hit earth September 2015 and we are all gone. Google it! (Edit – March 2016 – um er!). Maybe even those arrogant white Toyota Land Cruisers owners who think they rule the road are rid of. A drastic measure but hey! Coming back to now, the news is front page of the UK’s Daily Mirror in full colour, so it must be true. If Fox News starts reporting it as well, really fear for your life.
It has been almost 3 months since the word ‘Illuminati’ and the associated conspiracy theory rants appeared in this column, yet there was a solemn promise to include something about it in each article. No scientific facts collaborate the reality of this uber catastrophe, but it is thought to be some conspiracy the Illuminati has scammed it up. It even pre-empts Armageddon, of which at least some are supposed to survive. That would be all Virgos then.
Like being locked in a dominatrix’s dungeon, this magazine is strapped to philanthropy, forfeiting their own well-being to warn others less able. No expense has been spared with Skype calls around the world warning one and all to prepare. A pacifist’s solution might be to immediately uproot to Denver Colorado where people gather in huddles and converse in ‘wow’ speak with the invisible, as they smoke the envisaged horror away. Claiming drug use as a recreation is just denial anyway, but now business on the streets will be booming, all lighting up to block out the pending doom. Imagine the state of the place; a stoned dude walks along the railroad track believing it to be the stairway to heaven but wonders why the hand rail is so low. A quick warning was communicated to a commune and caused an instant stampede to the coke shop. Heeding our plea to focus and stay well away from this evil powder they agreed and now use 5 meter long straws.
Being pedantic, let’s call it a bucket shop legacy, but there is a scientific boo-boo here. The headline; ‘Asteroid will hit earth in September’ is just so wrong, so don’t panic. Asteroids are orbiting something and become meteors once they start going off the rails. This is hardly surprising, with all that Denver air and shisha from here wafting to the stratosphere and beyond. Any alien that descends will already be stoned. If a meteor is not completely destroyed by the earth’s atmosphere and actually lands on earth, they become ‘meteorites’. So it will be a meteorite maybe 100 times smaller which destroys us, not an asteroid. Now don’t you feel better having cleared that small matter up in your final seconds? OK, so the original asteroid was bigger than Jupiter and could be about the size of the moon as it enters our atmosphere. Relax; even if it is one hundred times smaller, it would make no difference, we are gonners.
For now, asteroid…. what asteroid? This is insignificance compared to the fears sweeping through the expatriate community dreading the moment government subsidies are removed and we are forced to pay on average something like BD 150 a month for electricity during peak summer demand. Most labourers in Bahrain will wish the Asteroid came sooner. So chill and gulp more shisha as fast as you can, don’t bother about buying in bulk at the supermarket or ordering anything on Amazon after August this year. Don’t even bother buying the ultra large bags of soap powder to wash your soiled underwear, because where we are going, you won’t need any.
Not only beating out Armageddon this baby even tops the BBC’s desired finality of having an ethnic, disabled, lesbian President, which sounds like as much fun as an asteroid hitting earth.