OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH (February 2015)
Bahrain This Month – Old Man’s Soap Box Rant:
The old adage goes something like; ‘To cut a long story short – just don’t tell it!’ But senior citizens love to reminisce with the clichéd; ‘When I was a lad’, or; ‘As girls we use to….’ Unfortunately, most things old people come out with now is considered grossly politically incorrect. With communication between us now predominantly in text form, it is a tad difficult for old timers to manipulate all this changing technology, but don’t underestimate us. It is our faculties that let us down, not our brains. Sure we get slower to respond to things physically, but not mentally. Think about it; all that knowledge accumulated over the years is like a million gigabyte disk drive full of data. It just takes a little longer to access it and we only do a working week in our heads, with those in Europe under the impression that there’s no email delivery on Sundays.
Sure, the body processor slows down a bit as well, but we all become lovable until you get on our nerves and the new bloated PC generation can certainly do that, so we rant and as we get older and there is good reason to get grumpy.
Now women generally get quieter as they reach their golden years with the rampant, wanton cougar in them diminished or at least diminishing. But there’s not an old man who hasn’t got a good lengthy yarn to spiel, true, false or somewhat embellished. Life’s experiences will do that to you, plus we all tend to get much less shy as we slow down and are quite happy to yap away to anyone who will listen as if the last day might be tomorrow. Alas, with everyone on their mobile phones texting, it is difficult to find an audience. There again, even if we manage, it is most likely another older person, so all this new found desire to communicate is often a fruitless aspiration because your new old friends can no longer hear you anyway . For the wrinkled, ‘let it all hang out’ takes on a whole different meaning verbally, particularly for blokes, but the proverbial mobile phone selfie is definitely not on the menu. Now that’s not sexist in anyway – moi sexist? Gossip is not a story and the reality is that unlike men, few women sit reminiscing and blathering tales of exploits best of times. As the years clock up, the fairer sex tend to more ‘tch tch’ as a disenchanted, ‘mature’ response rather than throw the blarney stone at you. Mind you, most had plenty to say while getting there. The fact is, so many married blokes have had to wait until they are over sixty five to get a word in. So verbal is the order of day because texting pretty much becomes impossible without a couple of glass pebbles over your eyes, LOL.
Older readers might be ROTFL as they scan this missive, thinking how true. Only now, they will respond with ROTFLACGU! (Rolling on the floor laughing and can’t get up). BTW doesn’t mean ‘by the way’, it means; ‘Bring the wheelchair’. LMAO is adapted to become LMDO, or to be more precise; ‘Laughing my dentures out’. It is a whole new language and meaning we have to learn. ‘Talk to you later’ or TTL stays the same, but between old folk it means; ‘Talk to you louder’.
But hey, men get so much more romantic after retirement and more imaginative, which is extremely odd because most marriages go through phases where either party would be quite happy if they could literally get away with murder; so the companionship grows more intense, or is that needy? Old couples see more beauty in each other, even if men still see more beauty in….um.. anything that moves in a skirt or a tight T shirt pair of jeans. As mentioned, they come out of their shell and become bolder, believing they are more loveable, funny and forgivable, sitting there in retirement watching the world go by. Of course, they’ve not only lost the touch and ability but any possibility of getting out the chair fast enough, if in the extremely remote chance that some willing potential conquest happened to walk past the window.
Old age is the déjà vu that you are having a bad attack of déjà vu. You’ve been there, done it, wrote the book and sent the postcard.
So back to the grumpy insinuation and stereotyping an entire generation of anyone with a liver spot; let’s make this perfectly clear and with some glee. Disregard, dismiss or just dis the old codger’s outpourings as just another pathetic rant at your peril, for each is a masterpiece of experience. To do so is actually offensive in its essence, rather than the content of old folk’s outpourings. This hypocrisy is not perceived by the now wide-spread ultra-orthodox Politically Correct, deluded, confused or just oblivious among us, wallowing in their misguided appeasement. Calling us old folk ‘out of touch’ or even worse accusing us of being ‘offensive’ because we tell it like it is, is outrageous. Just back off! Furthermore, I’ll worry about my own health and safety not you!
The best part about it is; being an old git with probably only a few years left on earth, (a debatable, contentious statement in itself) you don’t care what you say anymore, so my next rant will address the pseudo majority Illuminati who these days instantly object to anything and everything.
RADIO KHALEEJI GA GA
I am a loss as to find any more news on this issue, other than what I read on Arabian Biz. So the question is, where did they get their information from? I have a few loyal and trusty ears and eyes within the Ministry and there was no hint of this in the wind leading up to this announcement. Has this ‘really’ been thought through?
There is such a huge misconception and indeed perception to the contrary that there are ‘qualified’ broadcasters of standing within the local media. There are a few nice voices if you like, but there are no characters, no real professionals and how can there be? Despite whatever the existing media says, there is no such thing as ‘free media’ in the entire Islamic world, never mind the Gulf itself. There just cannot be because to have such talent, one needs to be a free spirit and the culture is not ready to hear alternative thought as such. Those that do realize the poor showing cannot come up against the masses, so just give up. By doing so, we have a vicious circle spiraling into the abyss.
Since it all began, it was just lip service. there has really been no understanding of the art, thus no progress, no respect or discerning the principal in the first place. Besides, those above who are put in a position of power or management have no real notion of broadcast media or the arts either for that matter. Nice people maybe, good friends of mine to say the least, but it is all smoke blowing and say the right thing. National pride and the desire to believe that everything local is professional and sound (no pun intended) goes without saying, but we all know really that this is delusion personified.
Some come and they quickly go. For most the eviction was not of their choice. Others are removed because of intimidation, whereby they literally make monkeys of the talent-less offerings sitting beside them and so easily and willingly put in place. For a few others, they take one look and say; ‘Sod this’.
Nobody gets trained in the art, nobody cares, nobody perceives the industry as a profession which requires qualification. Even then, the qualification is intangible.
So here they go, a commercial dream for some, one might think. After all, MBC has had such outrageous privilege for years now, being the ‘ONLY ONES’ given rights to broadcast commercially regionally. That in itself is the epitome of ignorance of the profession. Just as Group Plus were given the status of a Monopoly running a Monopoly. They have NEVER paid a single penny in royalties, to the artists who make the platform possible and attract the listeners for their advertising to be heard. It is ludicrous really.
Orbit Showtime, or OSN are prime examples of the notion that there must be money to be made in media. So get a monopoly and coin it. OSN to my knowledge has NEVER put a cent back into the industry. They have never nurtured the art of which feeds them. So what can we expect?
Until I get more details, I can only post here what I did on Face Book and perhaps some of the comments returned as I go. So far, nobody really cares.
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RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
The local Agencies in the area are probably the only ones who criticize me and have an unhealthy dislike of me, because they see themselves in the criticism I highlight and can’t take the hit, so in retaliation dish out plenty on me. Fortunately, the general public who happen across my vitriol invariably agree with me.
There is no such thing as ‘constructive criticism’ in media in this part of the world. The closest you will get to it is perhaps religious concerns whereby a billboard shows a half naked lady (man ok) whereby some will obviously make the point that this ‘will’, (not ‘could’) offend people. Rightly so and any Agency trying to sell their product with sex in this part of the world will surely run the gauntlet of the reverse of their intension happening. A total boycott maybe. But having said that, a little bit of sex goes well, if there is some very subtle ambiguity attached. I don’t really mean like the new Etihad TV campaign - ‘She likes it full on’ – whereby they give the run down of how their passengers ‘Like it’ in the ‘mile high club’. Sounds very Hogan to me. That is effective, but rather blatant and over the top of heads here anyway, as it doesn’t translate well into Arabic.
Here, artistic criticism comes in the form of ‘NO, DO IT LIKE THIS’, emanating from minds and mouths of
THE LONE RANGER (NOT)
Well wonders never cease. I fight for you the public, or at least the public with a gram of sophistication who deserve, demand and wish for better media. I dream of the day when the masses will discern the difference between absolute crap and get what you pay for. I take a lot of criticism and according to some I even take considerable risk in this warm, closed society for there still remains some of the old small time “I HATE GEG HOPKINS” brigade out there. Those very same people who in their intimidated bigotry created more and more interest in me.
When all is said and done, I do it alone……… or do I? Read more
THE LEBANESE LOVE FEST
So what is happening with radio in Bahrain? The score so far:
Lebanese 4 – The Rest 0.
Well, what can I say? As predicted in these columns over the past few months – but when I first said it, some laughed me out of the room as not possible.
As I reported, a representative claiming to be from Rotana along with his Saudi investor descended on Bahrain last week (mid November 09) allegedly boasting their claim that they have the concession to open up FM channels in Bahrain. Of course, implicitely trust me to ‘hold my peace’ and never say a word, I immediately told anyone prepared to listen. Most I told didn’t believe me and immediately dug deeper into their religion, praying that I got it wrong – but if I got it right are dumfounded and just can’t believe it.
As the months passed from the announcement early summer (09) that new licenses would be issued to ‘reputed media’ companies within the following month, not a lot seemed to have happened or consultations taken place other than an assumed red herring that Parliament would first have to approve any deregulation. Well, what do I know, other than there is no hope and there really never was, which is an outcome that was pretty much wholey predictable. I too hope that all this is bravado and someone high-up has the foresight to see things differently and better for standards and image.
I like so very many no longer listen to or support radio in Bahrain! In fact during a shouting match with ‘Group Plus’ – the current operators – we were told that ‘ADmaze Media’ – the company I work for – is banned’ because we take them to task over their constant underhand business ethics. Not that being banned makes any difference as we would still not support it and instead direct any clients we have to other platforms. Truly and without silly vindictiveness, I can safely say that so very few now actually tune to the ‘supposed to be’ English language channel which has become a national embarrassment with its zero content, presentation and gruesome advertising standards: ‘The time is brought to you by… ‘ – ‘The weather is brought to you by…’ – ‘The news is brought to you by…’. It is absolutely ridiculous and so very tacky amateur with nothing but greed the motive. Perhaps all a little too advanced for me and not that I would want to create animosity anywhere (Moi??) and auto suggest the ‘where is God’ mine field in all this? Can you imagine the potential viper’s pit reaction if someone got petty and niggled away telling tales? Didn’t they just sentence a Lebanese man to death in Saudi for ‘witchcraft’ for broadcasting predictions? No no no, please forget I said that as it will open a real can of worms if Read more
BAHRAIN’S PARLIAMENT ASKED TO APPROVE INDEPENDENT FM CHANNELS
Seriously though……… This is a back peddle and probably a very good thing regarding this BOLD move to open up the analogue channels if there really are any to be had that is. Plus it might make who gets what a bit more balanced. Did I just say that with a straight face?
I thought I might have to pad the post out quite a bit with my usual blarney because I could give you the heads up in two sets of three words and a question mark, separated by a hyphen; ‘Not happening yet – or is it?’ However, there is a little bit more to it than that, but I cannot reveal everything I am involved with, because it is all a bit Catch 22 and would certainly jeopardize certain plans.
Now let’s get down to the guts of this wonderful news. From ‘never going to happen’ to suddenly happening, the big question on most lips is; ‘How did this happen?’ Suffice to say I have a sneaky suspicion that the Crown Prince Sheik Salman had an awful lot to do with it ‘directly’. Many think I instigated it because I’m ultra passionate about the profession and the standards within, plus the trade knows well my quality. YEAH!!! And the Maronites loath me. You aint too popular with me either my brothers. As if by some miracle of expatriate influence I did have a little meddle then you will never know about it, because I would never betray the trust. Besides, Sheik Salman is respected by most and highly thought of and he is a radio man, so if anyone can push this through, it would only be him, but it might not quite be for the reasons some perhaps think. To elaborate more, fair trading, just fairness and openness has more to do with it than a desire to just have radio stations for the sake of it. I love the guy, he really is a Gent.
However, fair trading is the last thing on most excited opportunist’s mind and new rumours are flying every day and some with such conviction by people who have absolutely no idea whatsoever about radio and its true workings. These sudden connoisseurs were selling fish before or cutting hair but have somehow suddenly gotten close, mixing up with the clan ostensibly running the show now and we all know who thinks they are. Thus these dudes talk like they have a hot red phone right to the heart of the authority on this and confidently spout that there will be no English or Arabic channels allowed only other languages such as another Hindi channel and so on. They smirk with such a knowing ‘you aint got it pal’ look as they claim only 6 frequencies are available and each one has a price tag to the authorities of around US$ 633,000 a year for the privilege. HALLELUJAH! Six stations trying to generate that in a town that has absolutely no radio culture at all these days would definitely be divine intervention. If any of this is true and I have no idea, then good luck to whoever. Having to pay that much out each month should really be so crippling in a sophisticated market with excellent content being pumped out to a well established radio spending culture. That is not here I’m afraid and for the current level of professionalism, thirty second spots are going as cheap as $9 a pop.
At the end of play, Bahrainis and Arabs in general are in charge of their own destiny and never take too kindly to expatriates telling them what they should do anyway and even you are a hired consultants are mostly for show.
With FM analogue radio a dead duck for anyone younger than 60 and local telecom companies still looking at me with a cocky but totally blank ‘know it all’ ignorance as I present my bewildering plans to the board explaining that they alone hold the no-holes-barred future which no government or religious body can ‘legally’ really do anything about. It is hard to maintain a cool ‘forgive these prima donnas for they know not what they (are) do(ing)’ approach which greets me. But alas analogue FM is currently the big buzz in Bahrain because to the seemingly many other wanna beez, the sole criteria is that FM is still the only thing you can receive in your car. A terrible psychological hang-over from monopolistic government controlled, one station, red tape existence we’ve all endured since forever. As in the States and Europe, wouldn’t it be great to be able to get in the motor and cruise the entire length of this country while listening to a massive choice of crisp, clean, wide stereo content, something that would take you an entire 20 … ugh minutes in Bahrain, but hey, the thought counts.
In fact, unbeknown to er… EVERYONE in Bahrain, satellite radio is alive but not very well. World Space have a horizontal plane broadcast pumping out around 14 gigs from the top of one of the tallest towers in Manama. but to who? I do know a few wealthy beings with satellite radios in their cars (dual digital FM as well) and they tell me that they can receive nothing. ‘Um! Did you subscribe?’ ‘Ah! No, what is that and who to?’ Regardless, it is all the same as I have been going on and on about. Non-stop-music of one sort or another and good luck to them. You can get that off the Internet from 50 million sources these days free. Even more at home, ORBIT has had Virgin and so many other genres of non-stop-music streaming down for years and years now. I spoke to the big boys at Orbit just after they launched, thinking that the smart dudes would pick up on the magic facilities they actually have and if they wanted to market it properly. You won’t believe the answer I got from their decision maker; ‘Nah, we are a TV company, not radio”. Right over their heads and still is. Wrong people in the right jobs. I never saw the bloke again and assume he was moved as they shifted the marketing manager after that, he of a million hands and apparent skills, none of which I noticed. What TV company are they? They produce nothing, only the promos for their re-broadcast bought in programmes. Back to World Space and its contribution here, well I don’t get it, as I don’t get much of the perception these multitude of know-it-alls have. It is all flashing gold in the eyes, which is why they do it, missing the art of the art all together. Again, these opportunists think non-stop music is content.
Now the woodwork has opened and I am happy to say, nay delighted, that much to my surprise, those than can move, shift and finance are calling me. I feel a bit like a very poor Rupert Murdoch at the moment, but by hook or by crook, I am going to make something of this for all our sakes. Of course, I can really only speak for what is going on in my camp, but for sure there are many, frightfully deluded and none capable, convinced they are the chosen ones and ready to get their friends and cousins behind a mic pumping out what they perceive as the dog’s bits.
Bahrain has years to go before it can muster and sustain such a prolific advertising culture. I am sure there are many hopefuls but unless you have big Al Jazira budget and professional content, plus huge coverage like the very privileged MBC, you’ll all be broke in months as most will base their output and standards on that which exists because it has been the status quo and standard for so long. Sadly, at present, few understand or perceive the difference so will emulate in deep, blind belief that ‘they’, these self appointed gurus are on the ball but all they achieve is spread the dung thicker; worse still pontificate that it is; ‘what the people want’. WAIT!! There is much more coming.
For now, I must wait. Oh and yes, I do get emails, comments and a few slags (verbal that is) regarding the slow progress of my web site content, especially over the FM issue and recently a barrage from a one David Ryan of ‘RYAN BUSINESS SOLUTIONS’, who called for assistance with his ‘scouting’ activities. More on this man later, a good man at that and one that nobody can fail to love dearly for all his quirks and he’s got the award. David is worker in his ways and a huge supporter of FM radio and me, despite his seemingly humorous and vile rhetoric about me. Mr. Ryan is an aviation man like myself as well and hopefully will get us nice views at the upcoming Bahrain Air show. Was that a hint? What? Who? Where!
Radio GaGa – Dubai Part 2
More on my recent visit to Batmanville Dubai where it all happens; or maybe not these days as it is very quiet there now. Nothing is ever so openly revealed in the Islamic world but you can always bet from the outset; as Don Henley so eloquently puts it; ‘There are three sides to every story; there’s yours’, mine and the stone cold truth’.
With Channel 4 Ajman now running the defunct Coast and Virgin treading the boards trying so hard NOT to be noticed, the Dubai Radio scene is getting juicy again. Dubai Eye is convinced they are No. 1 as is Channel 4 FM and quite naturally, if you speak to Head of Gulf News Radio, Vikram Dhar, you will hear how the world wants to emulate the success of Radio 1 and 2, with wait for it…….. Read more