Geg Hopkins awarded Journalism recognition
October 2019: Geggyboy very recently received an award from His Royal Nibs. It was a Bahrain based award, not a Nobel Prize, but judging by the response, you’d be forgiven for thinking it was the latter.
Was I ecstatic? As a mere subject, the privilege of being up there and greeted by H,R,H. is always a belter of a thrill because it doesn’t happen very often at all! In the old days of a few hundred thousand population we got to see the Rulers a little more often and security was not an issue. But with a few million packed in now and world seemingly so much more upside down, these occasions are becoming very rare. Another nicety is that the PM will often have a personal little word to some of us by name (like his late brother and Amir; Sheikh Isa bin Salman Al Khalifa, they have uncanny memories and recall faces and names better than elephants). That personal touch makes me feel a bit special for being recognized, because I being far from Mr. Pushy, don’t expect it or even think about it, but I do know he knows me well and was a ‘fan’ so to speak from my heydays of radio.
I assume this award reflects some of those rather open and fun days before my tenancy was cut short by insidious intimidation from those not able to compete at my level, so ganged up and lowered the standard to the lowest common denominator to feed their deluded ego. (I went to TV afterwards, which unfortunately so few watch). This is what we have now with Broadcast Media in Bahrain at such an incredibly low ebb compared to the incredible openness, content full and fun days of the 80s and early 90s, that it was. Nowadays, it is inanity, twitter fed and absolute incompetently zero with an entire generation who know no different and actually believe it to be good still, having absolutely no inkling as to what entertaining radio should sound like. This is also happening all over the world as Political Correctness dominates and humour fades or becomes illegal and blandness prevails like a blanket of thick haze. Like banning something, it all goes underground and Social Media has provided that platform.
Radio was/is my passion though and I know many think it was the hierarchy who removed me, because of my antics and humour, but trust me, far far far from it… They were totally unaware, thinking it was me who resigned. If there is a God – retribution will surely prevail, for it was vicious! Though one man will be waiting for them upstairs, ready to dish out the divine punishment they um…er… gravely deserve. Mr. Ahmed Suleiman (father of Hala Ahmed Sulaiman) built Radio Bahrain to its earlier terrific standard, a standard which among us was wrongly diagnosed as amateur at the time, so striving for better content always, we were highly critical of ourselves. It was in fact world class, give or take the odd scruple. Oh, I made some crawl under a rock beauties, but we were aware. Today, it is the blinkered blind leading the blind with no perception of how amateur they come across having no qualified guidance to relate to. Ahmed loved my style from the start and ignored immense pressure to err to safety and blandness. For sure, he will never forgive those who manipulated and endlessly fought him to have me removed and indeed himself from time to time. He well knew the implications and future demise of the platform if he allowed the dirge to overpower him. Since his (forced) retirement and subsequent death (bless) many years ago now, mediocrity has all but destroyed his legacy, but he will always be remembered with great fondness.
But broadcast, be it right up to lunch time of the day of my demise, I guess I will be still at it. TV, Radio and now Social Media or whatever, is where I am and it is too late to change (unless someone offers a fat, no refusal salary vocation change, then I will empty bins, or sweep the streets – if my legs hold out, no worries).
Am I aware of how many follow my dribbles or mini reports or even the documentaries I do. Nah! I assume some incidental notice, here and there, but there is absolutely no delusion of this pseudo pap glitterati and new-fangled word; ‘Influencer’, some of which receive millions for just pointing at a lipstick in a selfie video shot whatever. It is all pish to me and iPhone level media.
Award? One perceives the so-called ‘broadcast standard’ or one doesn’t, it is art. I just love and at the same time hate what I do because of the time it takes to reach what I feel satisfied with. So to get a general award like this, along with the others, who also very much deserve recognition, albeit a very different avenue and style… Yep! It is bang on! I’ve got it and they are NOT having it back!
But did I realize the impact of it? NO! Not at all. I was oblivious until now. If you look at our Social Media accounts, they have gone slightly bananas. Just our Facebook Whodoeswhat.tv channel has lit up. Instagram likes are growing by the second. THANK YOU ALL!! THANK YOU – THANK YOU, we have read every single message and like!
Also a personal huge spot light up for Ahdiya Ahmed who is now leading the Bahrain Journalists Association and bringing them to the fore big time, where this has never really happened before. Ahdiya has always supported me (and others who might be lesser known) and often under some severe criticism and obstruction has had the biggest balls to ignore it and give me almost free reign at TV. With integrity, one must not knowingly break that trust. Of course it is par for the course to rattle someone’s cage in this business.
Many people; names I don’t actually know, all the way up to Royalty, who have gone out of their way to congratulate me, Numerous and incredibly personal congratulations have been received with the genuine warmth of ordinary citizens who may never come into diplomatic or royal circles. In this line of work we of course do by default as we make reports etc. for the Al Hilal Media group magazines and online channels and so on. Whatsapp messages have poured in, some telephoning me or indeed calling over at functions etc. along with others, then offering up congratulations. It is becoming astounding as to how the media surrounding this award has propagated.
Admittedly, I am a bit of a dinosaur when it comes to all this Social Media lingo – and although I might have a Twitter, Instagram et al account which I DON’T use, as I said before, it was NOT me that set them up but the IT wiz and (cough….Forbes Magazine featured photographer of Who Does What.TV,) namely Svetlana Prodanova who happens to be extremely proficient at it and she informed me today that we have gone a bit ‘viral’. I hope it doesn’t hurt. Wow!
THE PHILOSOPHY OF SEX
Question: In this obsessive, very sick, full-on martyrdom, Politically Correct, offended ‘Millennial’ world; do over 60s (even 50s) still spend up to 15 minutes or much longer in every hour thinking about sex? Even more acute, do we still um..er… do it! Or perhaps just ‘pretend’ we do? The question begs; do we become less perverted as we get older, not that all of us were perverted or aware of being perverted during our younger years.
Who but the more extrovert among us will admit to anything? It is pointless asking really, thus pointless too blogging it really, but then it is pointless blogging in general, full stop! That is unless you want to make money, then sex is a money making commodity.
Every magazine, TV programme et al. will be including something about sex no matter what. Not all, but most men mention in jest or talk about something do with with sex every 2 minutes. Women are generally more reserved and quite possibly keep those thoughts to themselves, but again not all in the 21st Century. By all accounts Victorian times were pretty raunchy and the more clothes a women had on, the more fun it must have been getting them off.
In many societies and cultures, sex is above everything and religion above that, hence the religion is based on sexual behaviour for most.
Sex is everywhere! MTV to sport, it is what makes the world go around. There are not many trades that will never die and always make money. Food is one and sex is the other, can you think of any more?
Men by and large are disgusting beings who are more often than not driven by their urge and certainly their visual surroundings. More than a good few are pathetic in their inability to think straight if the potential of a bit sex is put before them. Women are not so different, they like it too, especially if they have gone past the stage of virginity and know what to expect, but society dictates that women are not allowed to openly act cougar and go for it. The latter has now created the victim of sexual harassment.
Think about it; most of us no doubt wish to describe ourselves as – ‘normal people’, detached from the what seems to be an inordinate number of deviants in the world. But tell a dirty joke; parody any element from paedophilia to homosexuality and this barrage of ‘simulated offence’ will often greet you. Pass on a funny picture or video, or even the ludicrous example of ‘third world hilarious folly which stifled cultures abundantly produce, often in ‘barbaric innocence’, completely unaware of the sexual element and if the narrow mind receives it, you are labelled a deviant and should be restrained from approaching. Inadvertent lavatorial shop signs, to an hilarious anti masturbation letter currently circulating the Gulf. (It looks to be a scam targeting a certain large offshore company. If so, whoever generated it is bloody funny), but those who duth protesteth scream offence. It is everywhere, yet we allow ourselves to be lobbied and forced to cower in a corner, or thought of as a dark disgusting cretin because we dared to laugh at life as it ‘really is’.
With an abundance of women and men who were ostensibly ‘innocent’ young 30 years ago, now coming out of the woodwork with their accusations has somehow started to detract from having any credible substance. The fashionably ‘offended’ among them overpowers the harsh reality. Nowadays, to be offended or devastated by a dark past, real or imaginary is an indoctrination by the PC dogooders, and pseudo evangelical swamp of deluded righteousness who insist the victims are ‘damaged goods’ and need to be nursed now, three decades or so on. Unless of course you are an actor/actress whose ego sees yet another opportunity for the limelight. Oh hush your gob Hopkins.
These are the same people who opened the stable doors and actually allow this Fabian doctrine to proliferate in the first place. The reality is that gross paedophilia, sexual aggression and abuse of all types has been around since Sodom and Gomorrah but now the perpetrators are the victims to be nurtured and real victims objectified with the so-called offended to offend everyone else.
Raped, sexually abused or assaulted, is so often a grey area with no witnesses, but it is not so difficult to profile the offender when all is said and done. Catch 22 rules on decency. The ‘offended army’ has made it an offence in itself to the offended to be profiled. That being that it infringes on their human rights to privacy. ‘Probability’ is not a legal reason to convict, but it can be pretty bloody convincing. In such cases, the offender should be surgically neutralized. What is the loss? To the sexually over active, it is worse than losing your life perhaps, since their life is sex full stop! To the few normal, me being one, I see no issues. But then, I see no issues with the death penalty either.
Oh but wait; ‘How dare you you take someone’s life – it’s not a deterrant’. Oh but wait again; ‘It certainly does stop it… um..er… dead’!
‘NO’ means NO to decent people, but by default that only applies to men, for it is men that are forever overstepping the threshold. Mistakes are made, so too are misread signals, but if you can slaughter a man psychologically because he interpreted a short-short skirt and bulging vulva with see-through bra or no bra at all as being ‘up for it’, then go for it!
Instead, we who spread humour even in dire circumstances are directly accused of being a sociopath with dark sexual obsession. Not actual said out loud always, but covertly labelled. A crime is a crime by morals and law and must be punished accordingly, but the western world are creating martyrs for just passing a compliment or making a lewd remark in fun. In truth, many of us have given up and can no longer sympathize with this constant desire for martyrdom and protest when the very same people have absolutely zero compassion or even awareness of two horrendous world wars in which tens of tens of millions were barbarically killed. Innocent civilians and so many soldiers who were ‘forced’into doing a job trembling with fear to defend these ungrateful Millennials which dominate society now.
Oh what a pig I am.. Anyone for coffee?
THE VERY LAST OLD MAN’S RANT – NOVEMBER 2017
Forward:
An explanation is now required. This is the magazine article which got me banned. I no longer write for said magazine. In the news, is the blatant obsession America currently has with sexual nuance and overtones. Plainly obvious is the relished embellishment which the media who carry the stories and the teller of, appear to almost get some sort sexual pleasure out of being the apparent victim as they reveal details, many decades after the so-called incident occurred. To top that, the credibility of an ego drenched actress is to say the least suspect. Before brandishing a poker in soaked Political Correct anger at the writer, try and drop the martyrdom first and look through the haze. A crime is a crime and sexually related crimes should see some sort of clinical retribution if proven. Rape (though often hard to prove) invariably entails violence thus the perpetrator breaks two laws – the death penalty is too good for them. Sexual harassment is a sickness no matter which way it manifests itself. Cultural backwardness, sociopathic or just vanity and desire, no matter, it must be severely dealt with. However, circumstances cannot be hearsay, those facts the affected bleat must indeed be factual and here lies the rub. Did anyone die, was violence used? Money and fame is a very coercive force, it is not criminal.
Despite the likes of the main-stream media propagating obsessive homosexuality and now working very hard to promote paedophilia and normalize it, as they indoctrinate their Millennial sheep; it is deemed thoroughly inappropriate to make say a paedophile joke. This is utter hypocrisy to protect the shady. ‘Thus duth protestuth too muchuth’. Victims are victims, it is a very sad fact of life, but the entire world is not to blame. Empathy, sympathy, compassion where it is due, but life goes on creating more victims no matter how offended some might be. The dark side of all this is that victims are being victimized by this ‘Common Purpose’ – Fabian cult who manipulate and indoctrinate and thus are perpetrators by their actions. The truth is, their manifesto champions perpetrators while diminishing all rights to the true victim. To combat critique and smoother this abominable doctrine, they create ‘the offended’. It is so hard to see through it if one grew up in it.
Having been asked to make ‘Harvey’ the subject of the month, the writing is tongue in cheek as they are all supposed to be, however it was deemed offensive by one Millennial daughter, who spoke up for ‘all those poor actresses’ who ostensibly suffered so greatly at the hand or hands of Harvey Weinstein. This is the power of Political Correctness gone absolutely mad. One deluded voice can frighten a nation if it pulls the race or offense card.
The article:
The pathetically frustrated media fruitlessly trying to destroy The Donald obviously needed a new news-worthy stool pigeon; ‘Oh hello Harvey! What a nice bathroom you have, that’s an odd-looking loofah you’re holding’, said the actress. What a filthy Shrek he turned out to be.
Call we rare, cynical reality gems old fashioned and merely sceptical, but how strange is it that all these women now coming forward are or were wanna-be famous actresses? Ostensibly in the name of ‘art’ those same moaning thespians whose distended egos are so desperately prepared to nakedly simulate a good rogering with more suspiciously accurate moaning, in full HD on our screens hourly. With obscene hypocrisy they now come out in their droves, to garner even more ego drenched publicity, by hammering Weinstein, the very man they courted to get the part. Fame without shame. Darling, how far were you prepared to go, casually flaunting your bottom cheeks with a such a tight-fitting G-string so far up the Khyber as cruelly painful as a carthorse’s mouth bit’?
Society is very sick. We now have the stalwart 1950’s BBC “RADIO” play ‘The Archers’, depicting homosexuals french kissing with gross slurpy mouth made sound effects. We have explicit language and sexual connotation in everything from the ‘Shopping Channel’ to the ‘Muppets’. We have every single twerking and writhing pop video displaying teenage debauchery. We have schools in the UK and the USA building toilets for trans and so-called latest craze ‘liquid’ gender kids, plus homosexuality utterly romanticized in the school classrooms for 5-year olds with never a mention of the unnatural messy enema. Top that with adolescent boys allowed to wear dresses in class and undecided 8-year-old girls lovingly donning strap-ons so as not to be discriminated against. And you thought smoking in the toilets at school was bad.
As it is, nobody from ‘normality’ has popped up claiming; ‘Harvey made me perform oral sex, threatening me with a blunt dildo held to my throat’. This is society as it is in the 21st Century and as always was in 20th Century Fox. Yet boisterous Harvey still lives in the 70s when ‘free love’ and penicillin came gratis and soap was something one used only for lubrication. Meanwhile Hilary Clinton still blames the Russians for Bill’s endless indiscretions. Oddly, if some guys came out screaming; ‘Harvey buggered me in the barn after promising a gay part in the follow up to “Brokeback Mountain – Homo on the Range”, it would be supressed.
Murder, violence, rape, paedophilia; none of it is remotely funny and this column has no issues permanently terminating the guilty, however, when all is said and done, jokes pertaining to it are often hilarious so lighten up – oh, unless you happen to be the victim of course, but that applies to life’s challenges full stop and no amount of forced PC will ever change cruel human nature.
Next, of the 2 million women Hugh Hefner claims to have wanged, half will claim ‘assault’. His estate must be worth a lie or two. What the hell is the difference between luvvie Hefner and Weinstein other than a red dressing gown and the size of their etchings? A brilliant pun and thoroughly hilarious, was ‘The Onion’s’ headline: ‘Officials investigating Hugh Hefner’s death suspect foreplay’. If English is your mother tongue then you are now rolling on the floor peeing yourself with absolutely no offence taken, despite speaking ill of the dead
‘I was made to watch him shower’ spews Ashley Judd. Um…er.. just how was that achieved Ash? You are the victim here, please show us the dastardly rope burns of the bondage which held you there. Then there’s the Italian actress who we have never heard of, maintaining that she was forced to perform trumpet practice on Weinstein’s chosen instrument, describing it as ‘onanistic’. My God, that’s a big word for a 21 year old, or she can’t spell ‘organ’
Sadly or deluded, we know in full denial the rich and famous and abhorrent politicians know no bounds when it comes to sexual pleasure at any age (one suspects). Sir Jimmy Saville on the other hand didn’t care if his assault victim was breathing or not and the entire hierarchy of the BBC and much of government were well aware, thus indeed complicit, so knighted him. That my friends is worthy of the death penalty, just to rid the earth of such deviance. But then the House of Lords would look a little too empty perhaps.
‘Harvey Weinstein claims it was a mistake to assault a dozen women. That’s not a mistake, that’s a whole season of “Law and Order Special Victims Unit”’ spews a comedian. A funny line, but the boilers come out the woodwork, ooooing and aaahing; with their clichéd offended diatribe as if victims themselves and the media milk it.
There are so many millions who really do suffer horrendous, heinous abuse in this warped world, which is totally appeased by the very same disingenuous lizard activists, depraved politicians and chameleon ego maniacs called showbiz
OLD MAN’S RANT – No. 28 – MAY 2017
OLD MAN’S RANT – No.28 MAY 2017
‘Dag the wog’, with Spoonerism beauty utters Betty our now revealed source of sourness. But then again, she is dyslexic or she’d write her own column. On agreeing that ‘Wag the Dog’ is very much a reality right now, and by the way they’ve found a cure for dyslexia, she says’ ‘Well that’s music to my arse’.
Well, if nothing else, we’ve always been well ahead and pretty much spot on in this column even if that ‘epiphany’ moment never quite reaches a climax. Of course, rather than read it, many would rather administer mouth to mouth on a dying cockroach, but hey!
In absolute denial, the stud clad, dope smoking programmed masses have gone completely delirious and now regurgitating media scaremongering with ‘World War III’ chants. ‘Oh poor despotic North Korea’, or any other totalitarian murderous state; ‘Trump is such a bully’, they cough up like an owl pellet (Trump had no idea). Nation after nation gather in swooning awe and blindly elect wannabe dictators, crooks or imbeciles (and it was a close shave with Hillary). Don’t forget, Hitler was ostensibly ‘voted’ into power. The ‘sheeple’ who allow themselves to be manipulated by these – um… ‘elected charlatans’ are far and wide and they all suffer from ‘Thought constipation’. Yes, a cull is necessary but how we ‘legally’ do that is debatable. Educational reform is contaminated, so let’s perhaps experiment with a new herbal remedy that ‘clears’ one’s mind. Test rats display remarkable genius after ingesting the ominous and very popular flower ‘Clitoria Ternatea’ which is now in full bloom. On viewing the flower, many might yearn to take it orally post haste, though the less perverted simply make tea with it or possibly smoke it. It’s very easy to fathom what Darwin was thinking when he first named it. Well the essence of this ‘Asian pigeonwings’ (Darwin pea) has an ‘Antihyperglycemic’ effect; which not only shifts constipation, it has beneficial organ supplements too. Hmmm!
This unforgivable, out of control, agenda soaked, media causes most of the world’s stupidity -and the ludicrously left, gay, Fabian, debauched (did we miss anything?) BBC, CNN et al are frightening the living crap out of their flock with the imaginary apocalypse. Oh don’t worry and no need to don your tin helmets yet, for suddenly, after a bout of flu, nuclear breasted Kim Kardashian, wearing skin tight nothing is spotted leaving her house riding, or more like smothering a rather tiny camel. At least 40 kilos appears to have shifted from her waist to her well-rounded buttocks – and suddenly there’s not a care in the world – war over, peace and tranquillity reigns. To top that, Bill O’Reilly was pushed from Fox News, so the luvvie brigade were on fire. CNN headlined that story faster than a cheetah with diarrhea. Serena Williams discovered she was 52 weeks pregnant and she nor anybody else noticed. Then to keep North Korea out of the picture indefinitely, Illuminati shepherd Beyonce, or ‘Bey’ to her sheep (puke), is also 5 minutes away from the drop zone and Maria Carey was seen swaying in as wet-nurse. This tranquillity will ensue until after the British elections, so you still have time to empty supermarket shelves and build an underground shelter and fill it with canned baked beans and rice.
Even the glut of ‘United’ jokes didn’t stop the saber rattling. Sadly, the American media would not have appreciated one of the funniest slaps at the airline, that being a ‘Ryan Air’ crew trying to drag a passenger ‘onto’ one of their planes. Talk about ‘Stretcher seats’ now in United economy, which is worse; a Chinaman being dragged off a 70 seat Embraer 170, or you sardined into a Far Eastern equivalent crammed with 140 seats in the same space? The average sized European man emerges from a Chinese flight speaking in a very high voice and completely sterilized.
Maybe we should just drop all this political piss-taking and just create our own TMZ type column depicting Bahrain’s privileged. You can image the editorial from our jail cell:
“There it was, the elite of Formula 1 displaying copious drool as the glamour of Naomi Campbell strutted the paddock having voluntarily not eaten since March – along with Enrique packing a garden hose. Those with more skeletal wallets only managed the brilliantly perfect Tom Jones concert just beforehand. Thoughtful organizers installing substantially large fans right of stage to parachute flying objects away from the artist, thus avoiding any parliamentary antagonism. Ex Radio Bahrain DJs could be seen mingling with the estrogen set desperately trying to persuade them to part with their panties; only this time so they could pointlessly throw them at Jones. All this excitement and nobody noticed another 80s movie star Linda Lovelace who was in Bahrain judging a sausage contest just down the road”.
Talking of which, let’s not forget the imminent demise of Radio Bahrain in our imaginary showbiz rag. It has been easier to sell time-share on the moon than effective advertising on that for the past 20 years. No surprise, for understanding sign language or brail is a breeze compared to the on-air verbal dyslexia we endure these days. Yes, A TMZ Bahrain might have merit.
OLD MAN’S RANT JANUARY 2017 – No 24
Awfully sorry for the delay. I’ve been a little … well no.. a hell of a lot… poorly of late. Allergy from hell. So here now I catch up.
With much disdain from many quarters, this ‘blogarrhea’ clearly and confidently predicted throughout 2016 that The Donald would become President. It had nothing to do with support for Trump, rather the rumbling (as in caught) of the lying, conniving, fascist left, agenda swamped, mostly fake, totally out of control mainstream media, which so many millions blindly follow. That and a non-vodka drinking Russian mole mate who confirmed it was all ‘GO’ last summer. After all, Mr. Putin is getting blamed for everything. Is he really so important? Well, if you can reach his pedestal you can ask him. Granted, it is Pantomime season so expect anything, even unicorn sightings or white athletes breaking the world record for the 100 metres. In the case of the latter two examples, drugs would most certainly be involved.
Bored yet? Oh get over it! There is another four years of good material to come and ‘Fakebook’ is in overdrive still as with the rest of the discredited media. No visible climb down from that lot yet, but as reported in last month’s column, let’s see if the utterly deluded big mouths carry out their pontificating chants of; ‘If Donald Trump gets in, I’m leaving for Canada’!
OH CANADA! The land of unknown inventions, patronizing excess as concern for others, while totally dismissing its own original white settlers. Will the UN send a force to protect you from Rosie and Co? You don’t deserve this, nonetheless you will open your doors with welcoming mittens! Canada is probably the nicest country in the world next to everywhere else.
Now we will see who really is lying. ‘The great Showbiz escape’! Those unhappy with Trump will surely dishonour their promises to move to Kanataka….. Sorry, Fart Free Canada. Barbra Streisand, Cher, Samuel L Jackson and even John Stewart say they’re off. What the hell did Canada do to deserve this? On the other hand; what does Canada ever do?
Miley Cyrus, Whoopi Goldberg, Al Sharpton and the entire LGBTQ community (short for SLPBFT & Confused) have threatened to mince northward. America will rejoice if it no longer has the dystopian dyke and unfunny comedienne Rosie O’Donnel, who is indeed a product of this deluded hypocrisy. Take Russell Brand with you. Hopefully she will be medically checked at the border. They can test for anorexia, but results will come back negative. O’Donnel can mouth off and dish it out BIG TIME in what she thinks are jokes, but when it comes back; ‘Oh you are so moronically offensive… blah blah blah’. It’s vile no matter which end she expels it. Talk about global warming, Rosie’s flatulence causes Black Holes. If she ever does get to Canada, the Mounties wont breathalyze suspect motorists, they’ll just show pictures of Rosie and ask if they find her attractive?
Mind you, what a wonderful gesture – free up some US oxygen and end the baby oil shortage! How can we put it? Canada is a great place – for year-round winter sport. Christmas trees are replaced in July with the new one up for decoration in August. Canada is a Star Wars bar of every creed, wart and colour. A land of mammoths and dinosaurs whose frozen, tundra-covered fossils have yet to be discovered. At least Rosie will be kept busy excavating for giant ‘Likaloddapus’.
If they thought bloated Political Correctness was ebbing in the States, Canada will handsomely compensate. There’s more PC up there than snow. A new Venezuela will be born on the Northern Border. What does ‘Oh Kanada’ have to say about this? Justin will be having damp dreams in ecstasy (that’s ‘in’ not ‘on’, but who knows?). Now, at least more than ten people know who Justin Trudeau is, because for the last 50 odd years, nobody in the rest of the world knew who the hell was running Canada. However, one suspects Canada’s current PC fascism gone stark raving mad might soon wane and be offering sanctity to two million Bangladeshi masons (of the trowel type) to see how quick they can build their own wall.
A Canadian joke would go something like: Lance Armstrong got such a raw deal. ‘When I’m on drugs, I can’t even find my bike’. Vancouver, with its entrepreneurial Chinese contingent, is better known as ‘Sichuan Valley’. At least the summer lasts more than a week there and Mohamed is not the most common name given to newborn. ‘Sudden Lee’ crops up a lot though.
Where is Canada? Asked the American. ‘Eh aboot….’ Answered the Canadian. ‘It’s a soda – la’? Questioned the Arab. ‘It’s full of xxxx all’! Said the Duke of Edinburgh. ‘I’m emigrating there 3 months from now. My entire family will join me next year’. Gleefully boast most Indians. You ask a Canadian if they are looking forward to spring and they will answer; ‘I live in Canada FFS!’
Why? Why? What’s white and covers the streets 11 months of the year in Canada? Unemployed people! Canadians barbarically pummel each other and call it hockey; club baby seals to death and shoot anything with four legs and fur, yet say ‘Thank you’ to ATM machines when it spews the cash. Canadians, those that don’t speak Algonquin would happily allow a man to have 17 wives (17 being the limit as 18 would make it a Golf course and Donald would find that is too competitive). Criminals get told off and axe murderers get 3 years with colour TV. A mime artist did ‘unspeakable’ things to a lady in an igloo and received a severe wagging finger and told not to do it again. Liberal, polite Canada, you are in trouble because those Americans migrants will NOT understand your British based humour.. ugh.. humor!
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – SEPTEMBER 2016
There is nothing more inaccurate than the notion that ‘English is the international language’. It is NOT English, it is a concoction of ‘pidgin’ droppings and bad grammar which is fine and dandy in conversation or buying something in a shop but it should be kept well away from influential broadcast/media, schools or nannies for that matter. Why is gold so precious? Well, it takes a large population of millions to produce just one artistic genius or any vocation for that matter, but when there is no perceived qualification required for the intangible arts or product, then standards disintegrate to dust eventually. Advertising (an art) and broadcasting (an art) in all its forms in Bahrain and across the region so often produces hideous embarrassment. “FEELING STATION NOW OPEN” – sounds like an interesting place. Sing song news readers and old but gold; ‘A navy jet crashed in the North Sea this afternoon but the pilot ejaculated to safety’, well lucky him. We have presenters, spieling nonsensical garbage and zero content respectively about the time and frequency aimed at 5 year-olds. Welcome to Bahrain. It wasn’t like this 25 years ago.
Sadly, awareness is near zero too. Huge banners on every lamppost proclaiming; ‘NEWER AIRCRAFTS”, shop signs with “WELCOM ENGLISH SPORKEN HERE” – “KNOW BARKING ON BAYMUNT” and newspaper classifieds; “SOFA AND BED SHIT FOR SELLING”. Familiar? We even have ‘MILF TAILORING’? Now the mind boggles. It is not just Bahrain;BUT WE SHOULD BE RISING ABOVE THIS with so much more pride. That is difficult when a huge chunk of the population are expatriates many of which can’t write their own language let alone speak a modicum of Arabic or English.
There is not a mother tongue English speaker who understands what ‘brosted’ means, but whatever it is they do it to chickens. The British or American DO NOT ‘avail’ themselves of anything except in a massage parlour perhaps- and please don’t call us ‘pumpkins’ with your endless pishy, same script radio commercials. This bastardized English is all over the world, on every street and in all households now, with the Indian accent the most dominant. How quick was that? It was just a short decade ago, that only the dexterous Dutch spoke English fluently enough for commerce, without the aid of American movies. The British were so grateful especially if they just shouted louder to be understood in foreign countries. The rest of world were still singing Frère Jacques and struggling with ‘Dick and Dora’. Fortunately, most Bahrainis speak an amount of English and the Arabic flavor compared to some country accents is quite pleasing to hear ‘in conversation’, especially soft-spoken female.
At great risk of shattering the egos and delusions of some of the nicest guys one could meet – having this heavy accented farrago broadcast-pumped into one’s ears by the likes of the BBC or our own local radio and TV, generally and tediously tires one out as quaint as it sometimes sounds. The ‘IFOLD TOWWER’ and ‘ION FISHER’ sort of have a ring to them. The appalling IVR systems (Interactive Voice Response) are just atrocious, but nobody cares or perceives it as bad and culprits innocently can’t hear themselves. Conversely, a foreign presenter speaking broken Arabic has more chance of Stealing Mozart’s Yamaha synthesizer from the back seat of his Lamborghini in a shopping mall, than being accepted to broadcast on an Arabic channel. So why torture the English?
We now have Radio Bahrain amateurishly advertising on its own airwaves for DJs and presenters, knowing full well they mean only Bahraini need apply. This will not improve quality, professionalism or bring the art to any perceived standard ‘to aspire to’ whatsoever. In fact, having to advertise for talent on your own airwaves, is totally unheard of and unethical anywhere else and really does depict the level of absent professionalism.
All major countries have ‘professional’ English channels with native language speakers anchoring. It is all for international ‘POLITICAL CREDIBILITY’, not just because a few expats are resident. If there is to be an English language station, then hire proficient, professional, “talented” English speakers (of any nationality) and stop all the inept jingoism.
Bottom line; slick professionalism and boodles of content are what’s needed to create something to aspire to, not more mumbo jumbo, which so few listen to, especially with the might of the Internet crushing radio and TV to insignificance if it doesn’t compete at extraordinary levels of competence. Sadly, there is about as much chance of attaining such a desired mature platform here as seeing a transgender toilet installed in the City Centre.
Radio Bahrain was a tower in its heyday (not a towwer), until that fell down one day – and loved to death with an air of freedom and wellbeing and fabulous for tourism. But wannabe amateurs and wholly incompetents, flying the National Flag, given gauche positions in authority reigned. Naturally intimidated by the few sitting competent they gradually committed a sort of genocide, cleaning out any potential threats. It is now an oblivious embarrassment so just close it down if you can’t provide the goods.
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – JUNE 2016
It was fixed! It was fixed! As everything about Europe is. Soppy, blatantly political, sentimental appeasing agenda, It’s a good job Vlad was busy with his own ego and dumbbells, cruisin’ on his Shetland pony Harley while the ‘Eurovision Song Contest’ (never heard of it) was on or he might have accidently on purpose leaned on the button.
What has the Eurovision Song Contest (never heard of it) got to do with life on earth anyway? God was cruel for what a dank bunch of contestants they were at that. Backstage barking was even heard. Someone tweeted that all the songs sounded like they were written by Cold Play but never mind, cop the ludicrous costumes. The only thing missing for most was a herd of lamas.
Pathetically voting Ukraine the best song when it was anything but, there is a huge petition to have the result annulled. Get a life! Well call it diversity if you want and equality for the less privileged/underdog/afflicted but Reality TV has obviously gone too far as have the oblivious Fabian Reich, Nazi Liberal Europe in general. Constantly kowtowing, appeasing and descending to the lowest common denominator to equalize (except them).
It is official; Australia is now in Europe, not that the song presented by Dami IM (Never heard of her) stood a chance. Only pervs and fur trade votes floated her way due to several tasteless up-skirt shots desperately displayed… um… ostensibly designed to show off the tailoring draped around this Korean singer. Yes, a European Korean from European Australia. We can’t wait for Bangladesh’s entry next year.
More banal than a country and western song where; ‘she ran off with a cowboy and blinded by tears he ran over the kids and the puppy’, the pish Ukraine song might as well have been about the Malaysian 777 that was shot down by Russian separatists – allegedly. Oh – it was? Obama with the Nobel Peace Prize just for breathing and now the Ukraine entry glorified. What a desperate arrogant bunch who rule us.
You never thought it possible but it was worse than Bahrain TV. Whoever directed this Euro garbage needs to learn the art. It ranks Amateur Ville Horror (as does the TV ads for Brussels Air). It was more amateur than CNN’s ludicrous zooms and ridiculous face turns to the camera as they incessantly promote their egomaniac under-par journalism. Not one single zoom-in shot of these ham artists was complementary yet the crowds cheered on and on…. and on. It proves the fodder of this world are firmly in control and now working in media. Martin Österdahl (never heard of him) was the Executive Producer and one can only assume by his name and umlauts that he is not Korean.
Minus the Windsor-knot, but perhaps sporting a jock strap, supposed comedienne (that’s a laugh for a start) and main host Swede Petra Mede Måns Zelmerlöw (never heard of her), oh wait – that’s two people, came out towering over her mousy little friend. Draped in coruscating (never heard of it) painter’s overalls, obviously covering lumpy Kevlar, she looked positively monstrous against her, by comparison wimpy looking co-host. Zelmerlöw apparently won the 2015 epic (never heard of it) with an equally naff attempt to rouse the Y fronts and mummy knickers off us – called ‘Heroes’. “We are the heroes of our time – dancing with demons in our minds”. Roget’s Rhyming dictionary has a lot to answer for.
Mede’s unfunny scripted, cornball, nonsensical, drily lines were read staccato from a crib card she so openly held. Rave revues and the moronic crowd cheered every single syllable and cried along with the Ukrainian winner as she took the stand for the biggest con in television this year.
What a bunch they were; Zaa Sanja Vucic from Serbia actually came on as a Korean dressed as Bat Woman. Bulgaria showed some pleasing looks draped in what appeared to be engine parts from a space ship as she whacked her legs in and out like a good cello player. A jiggy little song too, albeit wholly Turkish – who are NOT in Europe yet!
Jesus from Poland resurrected as Michat Szpak (never heard of him either and don’t try saying his name) literally displayed his tonsils. Choreographed by the Filipino band in the local hotel, he didn’t stand a chance with all that deep and meaningless hand motion obviously learned from the European Highway Code as did most of the other singers, especially ‘Bare’ from Spain. She would have passed her test first time. Mary had a little lamb, she also had a bear, we often saw her lamb, but never saw her bear.
Cyprus’s entry ‘Alter Ego’ by ‘Minus One’ (or was it the other way around) rocked along very nicely, but it was like watching the Muppets mimicking Def Leppard with less hair.
Then Hovi Star of Israel displayed his obsession and leanings as he pointlessly appeared in replica to Adam Lambert. Remember the brilliant Lambert made second place in the 2009 ‘American Idol’ but should have come first. Middle America would not have approved his pillow biting exploits in colour if he had (worse than Paris Hilton), all disclosed a week or two before the final. Fixed – of course! Now if Star had done the same, ‘let’s make everyone gay’ Europe must surely have voted him No.1. What a dilemma for the politics that would have been, so they might just as well ‘stayed home.
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – APRIL 2016
Contrary to what some might desire of this column, such as highlighting social inadequacies, championing Liberal gunk or promoting inanity for the sake of masking incompetence and browning one’s nose; well, this will never happen. However, should our beloved Über Führer wish it; ‘Can I warm your bed pan Sir’? He muttered while removing said lips from the inside of his master’s bellybutton, then the way of Jeremy Clarkson it goes. Surely that warrants another disclaimer block?
Alternatively, we could just repeat or regurgitated old jokes which you’ve all heard before. Such as; ‘I went to the zoo yesterday and to my surprise there were no animals, only a single dog. It was a Shih Tzu!’ Or; son asked dad what ‘gay’ means and dad replies that it means happy, to which the son asked; ‘Are you gay dad’? ‘No’ said dad; ‘I’m married’. (Don’t think about it too long).
Or err to ‘almost’ complete safety and try fruitlessly to convince billions that we are not alone. What with an abundance of methane found on Pluto recently we could get all jiggy and interestingly go scientific After all, it is obvious to anyone with half a brain that Pluto must have been ‘The Planet of the Cows’. (One cow farts more in an hour than a full Walmart cafeteria serving only baked beans).
Oh no, the ‘Great Conundrum’ is upon us, so we rant and put reality into perspective by highlighting the escalating deviance in power and the demise of competitive education with the ever increasing fit and healthy masses breeding kids up the ying-yang, with no means of supporting them – other than demanding the wholly appeasing better equipped to feed them, give them shelter and defend them. Now-now, who will begrudge a little nooky here and there, even if it means so many weeping into BBC and France 24 cameras bleating that their wives are 3 months pregnant having lived with absolutely no shelter or privacy, in the squalor of jungle migrant camps in Calais for 5 months? It sort of brings a whole new perspective to the trend of ‘dogging’.
‘This is life Jim, but not as we knew it’. A Marxist, a Marxist-Leninist and a Marxist-Leninist-Maoist took their seats in the European parliament; it was wonderful to see such a variety of attendees. Pseudo-equality ‘luvvie Illuminati ideology’ for self-inflated egos, cloaked narcissism and sex which champion morons NOT to better themselves. ‘How dare you say that? ‘Totally unacceptable. Vile!’ screams the BBC corridors, echoed by other infected media and almost all other clanspersons (Note: PC correct insert), but not the back page of ‘Bahrain This Month’ or Britain’s Daily Express, neither of which are owned by Murdoch (yet), so sit down at the back! This blind arrogant dismissal of all opposition has created a bubbling black-lash which will end in violent mayhem of catastrophic proportions.
Most of us are liberal, but not fascist rubber Trotskyites cloaked in sexually permissive totalitarianism which now has firm control over generations. History will label this era as ‘The Great Divide’ and whether religion or politics, this massive polarization is manifesting itself ever more volatile. Revolution or anarchy brought on by Liberals, a very dangerous so-called conciliatory movement steeped in emollient from the neck up and KY from the waist down.
Imagine Trump as President; we might see Russian troops sent to the U.S. as ‘peace-keepers’ – armed only with ‘plutonium teabags’ of course. Surely he will soon be bumped off by these so-called ‘peacefully passive’, loathing aggressive lefty Liberals with their pacifier removed.
It is all very well to pit videos of Obama’s forgiving retorts against Trump’s brashness of which the Internet is now full of. It only makes Trump stronger and Obama more wimp. Anti Trumper Hilaryites claim to be civilized passive (aggressive more like), but serial activists nonetheless and violent! Many passionately psychopathic, oozing charm as they pontificate that; ‘It is everyone one else’s fault but not ours’. Now where have we come across that before? The guilty get clean away nowadays, but factually, the majority of us feel there are no rights, thoughts or positive action for victims. Most support capital punishment but are not allowed to say it. Out of hand empathy is always directed at the perpetrator, molly coddled by warped human rights, brainwashed by agenda, unless of course the perp, mentioned Trump then it’s off to the Tower.
What was the covert back-hand fee for lamping Trump at his conventions my bruddah? Oh there is a lot more to come. The ludicrous rhetoric showered at Trump has him already instigating pogroms laced with heinous slaughter. We saw black people wading into Trump supporters with fists, course gob and boots blazing. Astonishingly whiter than white (Cough) Clinton and Bernie Saunders, both immediately took to the podiums and outrageously admonished Trump in every which way. They displayed the sincerity of Fred and Rosemary West or a ferocious female Black Window courting an impotent suitor while completely condoning the real violent culprits. What a farcical, (nodding as usual) face she made, but even her faithful dulled the applause because they were embarrassed by the reality. Wait! Then the other two Republican candidates jumped on the bandwagon. How can you trust politicians?
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – MARCH 2016
‘My Facebook password was cracked, now I have to change my birthday’. Duh! Don’t worry, the NSA, GCHQ, the Illuminati and no doubt Daésh will have already stored all your exploits, and rated your ‘intelligence cachet’ which is PC for dumbness. Yahoo is gasping its last breath and as big as it is, Facebook addiction will wane as does all other fads the moment something interestingly new and positively inane comes along. Quite what that might be is anyone’s guess but it won’t be a re-born ‘MySpace’ which actually required individual creativity.
With data bandwidths and speeds begging to get better, perhaps some web-based form of self-made tedious ‘Reality TV’ upload might struggle to emerge; that is if our friendly politicians don’t continue to try and ban everything; which questions the very soul and purpose of a smart-phone in the first place. Maybe those will be banned too and Bahrain will have its own unique identity like Cuba, where cars from the 1950s are the only vehicles and we will be toddling around with an old 1994 Nokia 232 refurbished forever. At risk of thoroughly offending our deluded great friends, nice people and dear colleagues in the broadcast media; let’s face it, in Bahrain we really have such nonexistent broadcast platforms drowned by blind incompetence so what else can we do? Then again, in utter despair there’s nonsensical talk of un-clarified laws being introduced, if not already in place, “Banning the upload of video and audio”. So what, we can still log on to Facebook, Instagram or whatever, but only as voyeurs?
Google + is out as that is the great failure which we are all forced to join but so few ever use. Facebook has overtaken entire lives, but at least you and only you are responsible for exposing yourself on it, whereas Google + exposes your entire life to the world if you don’t disable the automatic upload and share buttons which you had no idea about and which are set to ‘on’ by default. It eats your bandwidth as saucy ‘selfies’, tasteless ‘Whatsapp’ exchanges, kinks and classifieds are Androided to the cloud with you utterly oblivious. Data harvesting in full swing, your profile has been established and depending what pix were posted on Google +, ‘targeted advertising’ pushes you a message offering you an Anne Summers enlargement kit or worse.
‘Behind every successful person there’s a deactivated Facebook account’. Endless regurgitation of the same videos and banners and you get possessive and post; ‘I already posted that last year’, as if you were the intellectual and originator! Inane comments and pictures of your breakfast gets 250 likes, but post a riveting, well-crafted missive about psychopaths in our midst and only your sister gives you a single like. Low self-esteem, depression, even suicide could prevail. ‘Death by Facebook’ will be written into law within the next ten years for sure. Besides, before Social Media, did we ever photograph what we were about to eat, then run around and get the film developed making 2,000 copies and sending the picture off to all your friends? Umm…..no!
Then on a roll with your wit or compassion, like a berk you respond to a friend’s post without reading the previous comments. Sadly 40 other friends just posted exactly the same thing before you. Not to offend, each receives a ‘like’ of course.
‘What kills you makes you stronger’. Ugh? Even amoeba has a voice because some illogical collection of words perceived to be cognitive were posted elsewhere so it must be right, so share it! ‘Wow, all my friends had birthdays this year’. Really, what about next year? Then there’s the deluded brave heart; ‘oo really fancies this geezer’ so posts; ‘I love sniffing ‘iz colon when ‘ee comes in the room, I fink its Brut’ Thankfully millions of animal lover videos make up for the dirge and wealth of bad grammar, spelling and otiose Facebook content which we are all addicted to. To remove yourself from this inanity sees cold turkey-virtual isolation set in. Your assumed importance to life soon nags – so log-on you must. But, as the smarter among us disable our Facebook accounts this targeted advertising will still be pushing new caravan accessories to the trailer park brigade or special offers for Walmart intellectuals and Zuckerberg will still be a godzillionaire .
The ‘who’s been looking at you’ feature has yet to be implemented on Facebook deliberately (Linkedin do it for a fee), otherwise all the virtual perving of your pix would stop. Yes, Facebook can be cruel and lonely too if you have so few friends and Facebook keeps reminding you. Then, when no amount of make-up is going to cut the mustard, as in this wall post from someone called Sharron.
Darren Smith: ‘You look sexy…’
Sharron: ‘Thank you Dad’.
OLD MAN’S RANT – APRIL 2015
Page 201
Bahrain this month April 2015
SOAPBOX FOR THE OLD AND GUMPY 3
Spoiler warning: The following article contains flash photography and an authentic sense of humour embodied with language which many who have lost touch with reality will find offensive. Furthermore, the risk of triggering bouts of Jeremy Clarkson syndrome for those affected is quite high
Don’t you just love living in Bahrain where Political Correctness has as much presence as a Casper in a bacon factory here. Bahrain is the classic Hotel California; ‘You can check out any time, but you can never leave’. Utterances like; ‘How dare you’ and ‘apologize now’ are as rare as unicorn dung and you are going nowhere with it even if you try. So for the PColics, here’s an apology before you palpitate; ‘Sorry, you are in Bahrain and you love it. Get over it – now’.
It confuses the life out of expatriates of the appeasement generation who have elsewhere collectively dominated not only what we say, but how we must appease, live and act among each other. A particular flare up issue is and always will be the imported and imposed cultures; those who in principle leave their unhappy, often violent homesteads to pursue a better life in the west, but through bloated Political Correctness are allowed to create what they left behind in the new paid for home. ‘No problem’ reads the flyer; just make sure you vote Socialist. Wait! Sit down, take some water, you are having a Jeremy Clarkson reaction already.
Is it ok to carry on now?
So you have arrived on these shores and are initially horrified by the total disregard for sensitivities other than religion but have somehow fallen in love with the place. A conundrum as Radio Bahrain’s Mr. Fisher would put it and Christopher Hitchens a self-proclaimed Marxist, Neo Conservative (no confusion there then) and polemicist – expounded as to how depressed he was. Even he couldn’t fight his own doctrine. Confused he says; ‘Living in a country where you can be told “That’s offensive” as if those two words constitute and argument’.
While Da’esh physically and terminally wipe priceless artefacts off the earth, limp ‘Peeceeuraucrats’ as far afield as Alaska have engaged in apocalyptic paternalism for the past 40 years or more (Look it up). This culminates in the abstract removal of one of life’s greatest arts, by actively suppressing any form of laughter as they attempt to eliminate all traces of the once upon a time intangible hormone called ‘a sense of humour’, simply because it is deemed offensive to someone somewhere; known or unknown, close by or maybe 50,000 light years away, or even dead. ‘They’ have near succeeded too, judging by the number of trolls out there.
Clarkson’s antics, hype or real has started a colossal world opinion war which could be the obtuse catalyst for a physical revolution. The BBC chocolate box boss says with naïve brainwashed, privileged but amateur confidence; ‘No individual is bigger than the show’. Oh really sir and on which piece of Marxist Fabian parchment does it support that? In this case Mr. Luvvie might consider calling his favourite chiropractor to help him extract his head from behind his belly button. And if Jonofon Roff gets the job it would be a war crime.
It is strikingly obvious; UK and Europe in particular are a mess with a massive volcano about to erupt, as missionary statements commanded by this now echelon of society are being challenged. Forcibly by law ‘they’ have dictated speech content using a viral language called ‘clichéd rhetoric’ in response to anyone who starts a sentence with the words; ‘I think’.
Despite the plethora of peroxide blondes on Fox News never having wanted to master ‘clichéd Rhetoric’, the unearthly profusion of closet members at the BBC are extremely fluent in it. Ask yourself, why did Esperanto fail? Because words like ‘foreign’ (eksterlandaj) and ‘obese’ (graso bastardo) were just too long
The echelon, ‘they’ have successfully been forcing equalization and drabness upon us, even degrading exam standards so as not to offend the dopey. With droves of ‘clichéd Rhetoric’ speakers in tow; mouthpieces like the BBC and newspapers such as The Guardian, Independent, Huffington Post and a good few more, literally ‘speak for us all’. Megalomaniac egos overpower reason, with a desire to neutralize the voter base, in other words make us all totally indistinguishable from each other. You know the rules; do not profile at a crime scene or airport. Vanquish all thoughts that this person might be different because they have a beard or wear tribal like clothes and enforce colour blindness on everyone. Damn Clarkson.
Here’s a simple tip to detect ‘they’ when being subliminally nobbled. Every time you listen to a radio advertising message, promotion, current affairs presenters and now so-called entertainers, be conscious of the voice and demeanour. It is almost like it is one voice or clone of for all now; this incessant sickly, girly sing song replica of that BBC pop channel implant, spewing out insincere happiness. The liberally infected ‘Pronoun Virus’ ever present as she hangs words at the end of every sentence. Je suis all ‘WE’. If not her, then it is an equally effeminate male (we think) with a lisp, doing much the same. The Star Gate is somewhere in the Meteorological Office. Whoops! Severe Clarkson moment. Doctor!!! Plus, clock the clothes, particularly the BBC presenters. The female species so often wear vibrant blue or bright yellow and is as significant as a bird mating ritual. Blokes removing ties would be just too much for now, so wear pink for the same reason and red for allegiance. They even have the gall to wear arm bands if Bono from U2, Paul McCartney or Bob ‘Comfortably Numb’ Geldof strike up a cause. It is all so incestuous and closed shop. Clarkson has never been part of that, having slipped through the corridors years ago and like double jeopardy managed to hang on, but it was never going to be easy.