SOAPBOX: OLD MAN’s RANT 29 – JUNE 2017
Despite Khrushchev, we flower-power, braless, ‘free-love era’ accidents of the 60 – 70s had the best life could offer, with Juicy Lucy to Pink Floyd rock, original filthy jokes, head hair indistinguishable from pubic, Blue Nun, wondering if Harold Wilson was really a commie or did Lyndon B Johnson do it. White women started going with black men, but not much the other way around, until primitive social media convinced us ‘we’d never go back’.
Now we have fake watches, fake caller IDs, fake emails, fake friends and ‘Fake News’. Endless, inane and repetitive ‘Fakebook’ posts which is worse than fake orgasms. Yes! You pretend agreement to your friends by giving them ‘Likes’, answering yawning post which ask if you can answer or match 5 out of 10 questions or scenarios, so now you are asking yourself how many of the above you’ve experienced. Oh really? Was it Oscar worthy?
The never-never land ‘millennial’ phantasm brats of today are optimistically blind believing we are heading for better things. It is hip to be radical and destructive but blame everyone else. They would rather cull wise foxes or club seals than useless human proliferation which now swamps us. Back in the 60s hippies had ‘love ins’, ‘together ins’ and even ‘wad ins’ whatever that was. One favourite old joke was the guy walks into a library and asks for a list of standard novels which were not available, so a little exasperated snapped at the hippy librarian; ‘What about Dicken’? to which she replied; ‘I don’t know, I’ve never been to one’.
You feel empowered by posting pro Jeremy Corbin like ideology and anything anti Trump all over Facebook because you think you are influential. You believe you are abstractly more intelligent than selfish reality, which you abhor as amoral capitalism? Your attitude is your God given right to impose ‘your’ dogma and indeed sexual appetite on the rest of the world and have a posse of kids who you will condition and whose welfare you fully believe everyone else should support. Fair enough! Maybe you should write a monthly column for a magazine then.
Once you radicals are potty trained into ‘reality’ perhaps you will actually question this constant, perverted media brainwashing, get off your fake moral arses and contribute by parting with your own hard earned dosh to feed this demented ‘I deserve – you owe me’ ‘churn ‘em out’ ideology of equality. What you support contributes nothing back and will eventually drain all resources until we physically eat each other.
Radical ‘ANYTHING’ is a cerebral-cortex sickness more prevalent than Ebola. Just look at the state of some countries today steeped in ideology gone viral. Victims of hunger are fawned over pinning blame on the buoyant. In our first world, victims of heinous crime have no say, no rights, yet perpetrators are heroes and mollycoddled. It is all so ‘Twin Peaks’ like – where he says; ‘The urge to be bad is so overwhelming’.
‘It really is a sin to be white now’. This perverted ideology, bloated and obsessive Political Correctness tries so hard to kill off humour, forcing us into oblivious delusion. It’s like the ‘free world’ is now emulating the Third World for control with apologists and appeasers taking us back. We can no longer make simple puns without fear of media wrath and parrots regurgitating a lynching or receiving heavy fines or jail just for being funny.
Even the dearly loved ‘double entendre’ has been relegated to the; ‘That’s so offensive’ filthy cesspit of unacceptable dalliances, yet TV and films propagate more filth, violence and despicable language. Homosexuality is taught in schools at age 5. Nobody is ‘allowed’ to argue. Thankfully in Bahrain we are still in the 60s PC wise and by default, religion is wholly partisan and indeed racist in so many ways, yet cosmopolitan personified at the same time. Sure, most language puns will go high over the abiya or ghutra, but don’t underestimate the humour! Can you imagine, somewhere in Europe, a Bahraini accidently walking into a multi-racial Lesbian bar called ‘Quality Street’. There in glorious colour is a poster proclaiming ‘Clitoris Allsorts’ and curiosity becomes an urge. A butch Martina Navratidykeski bars him at the door exclaiming; ‘We are lesbians’! In broken English, he’d retort; ‘I am from Bahrain, which part of Lesbainia are you from’?
If you think that bad or risqué, 14th century ideology would have got you headless just for suggesting the world was round, despite Facebook telling us that it could not be flat or cats would push everything off it. Bawdy saucy Chaucer with his ‘Canterbury Tales’certainly pushed buttons and more with his classic double entendre ‘Queynte’ being used throughout. Utterly lost on 21st century society, but then it meant women’s work as well as slang for their genitalia. Who’d have thought? If you say it fast, you see where today’s word comes from.
Oh yes, Charlie Dicken’s would have no doubt parodied his own name had Dicken’s Cider been invented during his time. As it was, who on earth would now dream of calling a character ‘Master Bates’ in a TV series or novel, as he did in Oliver Twist?
OLD MAN’S RANT – BAHRAIN THIS MONTH – JULY 2016
Heard at No.10 Downing Street the morning after the bad hair day Referendum:
Knock knock!
‘Who’s there’?
‘To.. ‘
‘To who’?
‘No, to whom! But you can call me Boris!
‘How very dare you? Ok Boris get lost and hurry before (Sir- no choice now) Nigel Farage comes knocking!
Astounding as the result was with so much unchecked pro bias across all media and hierarchy, those who see through the haze of ‘yuckspeak’ spewed forth by the Fabian clans, had resigned themselves to a ‘fixed’ result. Now the colour blind chameleon skins are working overtime to somehow keep a grip on their well-established Stockholm Syndrome across Europe (as alluded to previously in this column). ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ is actually the Euro-Fabian written manifesto. Read it! The first few chapters are horrendous, but you love it in the end.
The REMAIN voters were fortunate enough to score what they did and can thank Euro 2016 and the Russian supporters for that. With England being so inept and not actually able to play anything that resembles football these days, sending the same infirmed Fabian selection they’ve had for the last millennium was an embarrassment anyway. Bobby More making a comeback; six feet to go. Exactly how many more OUT votes would that have been had the BREXIT fans not still been in France breaking the place up and bravado fantasising that they can make mincemeat of the ogre-us Russians in revenge? Of course, knowing full well the pathetic nature of English football hooligans, the Rooskies who have a sporting pastime of urban fist fighting in swarms had sent an assault army of mutant beefcakes blowing intimidating gay kisses as a poofy Euro-gesture at the well-seasoned drunken English yobs before deliberately pasting them. Astoundingly but in typical Euro PC conditioned style, the British media then made heroes of the English Yobs as if so sweetly innocent. On the morning of the E.U. OUT result being declared, Jeremy Corbin (Labour Leader… well…still!) hogged the BBC cameras squirming – and at last made reference to immigration, something that has been politically suppressed with black hole gravity until now. In defence of mass immigration – no, no, no, call it deluded justification, Corbin bleats that millions of Brits were in Europe at that moment. Um…. doing what exactly Jeremy – throwing chairs and paving stones at anyone nearby?
How come Australian didn’t have a referendum to leave the EU? As stated last month, they had an entry in the Eurovision Song contest, so what went wrong? Is Scotland still there? During Donald Trump’s visit to his Golf Course on which he has spent the Gross National Product of a South American country, the bonny lads and lassies were asking him to save a few bricks from his proposed Mexican wall and send them over as they indeed have their own rebuilding to do. What a conundrum for them; or is it? Scotland by and large wants to be Scottish it seems and always has, which means not being ruled by London or anyone in Europe, so where is this ‘contradiction in terms’ going now? Their current leader is obviously on some very toxic haggis bi-product with not only delusional properties by highly hallucinogenic too.
‘Je Suis IN’ was bandied about rather a lot. T-shirts with; ‘I AM IN’ blazoned across them filling the streets of London. The Brexit crowd running around with magic markers trying to scribble the words ‘The Sh*t’ under it. The jokes were actually played out in reality with people desperately squeezing into a crowded underground train as the doors shut, squashed but in relieved anguish gasp: ‘It’s ok I’m in’! Instantly 300 other passengers except one shouts; ‘I’m in too’! There are umpteen reports of close-knit family break ups due to opposing views within! Husbands and wives denying conjugal rights because hubby romantically exclaims; ‘I’m in’ and she vehemently opposing a Brexit has a momentary fit.
Long before the results, the BBC reported that the higher than normal turnout was due to huge numbers of council estates unusually voting. Talking heads even had the condescending gall to suggest that this element mostly voted IN. If fact, then it was probably because they feared not being able to play the EURO LOTTERY if Britain opted out.
As for Scotland, Just do the vote on Twitter. What an inane stream of ego-mad drivel that is and they all think they are funny and contributing to some imaginary intellectual’s club and influencing the world at large. Laughing at their own pathetically unfunny non-jokes. With Denmark, Holland and maybe Austria up next, possibly the only funny referendum joke on Twitter and hilarious it was, was the banner tweet from Beirut which read; ‘Can Lebanon have a referendum to leave the Middle East’?