OLD MAN’S RANT JANUARY 2017 – No 24
Awfully sorry for the delay. I’ve been a little … well no.. a hell of a lot… poorly of late. Allergy from hell. So here now I catch up.
With much disdain from many quarters, this ‘blogarrhea’ clearly and confidently predicted throughout 2016 that The Donald would become President. It had nothing to do with support for Trump, rather the rumbling (as in caught) of the lying, conniving, fascist left, agenda swamped, mostly fake, totally out of control mainstream media, which so many millions blindly follow. That and a non-vodka drinking Russian mole mate who confirmed it was all ‘GO’ last summer. After all, Mr. Putin is getting blamed for everything. Is he really so important? Well, if you can reach his pedestal you can ask him. Granted, it is Pantomime season so expect anything, even unicorn sightings or white athletes breaking the world record for the 100 metres. In the case of the latter two examples, drugs would most certainly be involved.
Bored yet? Oh get over it! There is another four years of good material to come and ‘Fakebook’ is in overdrive still as with the rest of the discredited media. No visible climb down from that lot yet, but as reported in last month’s column, let’s see if the utterly deluded big mouths carry out their pontificating chants of; ‘If Donald Trump gets in, I’m leaving for Canada’!
OH CANADA! The land of unknown inventions, patronizing excess as concern for others, while totally dismissing its own original white settlers. Will the UN send a force to protect you from Rosie and Co? You don’t deserve this, nonetheless you will open your doors with welcoming mittens! Canada is probably the nicest country in the world next to everywhere else.
Now we will see who really is lying. ‘The great Showbiz escape’! Those unhappy with Trump will surely dishonour their promises to move to Kanataka….. Sorry, Fart Free Canada. Barbra Streisand, Cher, Samuel L Jackson and even John Stewart say they’re off. What the hell did Canada do to deserve this? On the other hand; what does Canada ever do?
Miley Cyrus, Whoopi Goldberg, Al Sharpton and the entire LGBTQ community (short for SLPBFT & Confused) have threatened to mince northward. America will rejoice if it no longer has the dystopian dyke and unfunny comedienne Rosie O’Donnel, who is indeed a product of this deluded hypocrisy. Take Russell Brand with you. Hopefully she will be medically checked at the border. They can test for anorexia, but results will come back negative. O’Donnel can mouth off and dish it out BIG TIME in what she thinks are jokes, but when it comes back; ‘Oh you are so moronically offensive… blah blah blah’. It’s vile no matter which end she expels it. Talk about global warming, Rosie’s flatulence causes Black Holes. If she ever does get to Canada, the Mounties wont breathalyze suspect motorists, they’ll just show pictures of Rosie and ask if they find her attractive?
Mind you, what a wonderful gesture – free up some US oxygen and end the baby oil shortage! How can we put it? Canada is a great place – for year-round winter sport. Christmas trees are replaced in July with the new one up for decoration in August. Canada is a Star Wars bar of every creed, wart and colour. A land of mammoths and dinosaurs whose frozen, tundra-covered fossils have yet to be discovered. At least Rosie will be kept busy excavating for giant ‘Likaloddapus’.
If they thought bloated Political Correctness was ebbing in the States, Canada will handsomely compensate. There’s more PC up there than snow. A new Venezuela will be born on the Northern Border. What does ‘Oh Kanada’ have to say about this? Justin will be having damp dreams in ecstasy (that’s ‘in’ not ‘on’, but who knows?). Now, at least more than ten people know who Justin Trudeau is, because for the last 50 odd years, nobody in the rest of the world knew who the hell was running Canada. However, one suspects Canada’s current PC fascism gone stark raving mad might soon wane and be offering sanctity to two million Bangladeshi masons (of the trowel type) to see how quick they can build their own wall.
A Canadian joke would go something like: Lance Armstrong got such a raw deal. ‘When I’m on drugs, I can’t even find my bike’. Vancouver, with its entrepreneurial Chinese contingent, is better known as ‘Sichuan Valley’. At least the summer lasts more than a week there and Mohamed is not the most common name given to newborn. ‘Sudden Lee’ crops up a lot though.
Where is Canada? Asked the American. ‘Eh aboot….’ Answered the Canadian. ‘It’s a soda – la’? Questioned the Arab. ‘It’s full of xxxx all’! Said the Duke of Edinburgh. ‘I’m emigrating there 3 months from now. My entire family will join me next year’. Gleefully boast most Indians. You ask a Canadian if they are looking forward to spring and they will answer; ‘I live in Canada FFS!’
Why? Why? What’s white and covers the streets 11 months of the year in Canada? Unemployed people! Canadians barbarically pummel each other and call it hockey; club baby seals to death and shoot anything with four legs and fur, yet say ‘Thank you’ to ATM machines when it spews the cash. Canadians, those that don’t speak Algonquin would happily allow a man to have 17 wives (17 being the limit as 18 would make it a Golf course and Donald would find that is too competitive). Criminals get told off and axe murderers get 3 years with colour TV. A mime artist did ‘unspeakable’ things to a lady in an igloo and received a severe wagging finger and told not to do it again. Liberal, polite Canada, you are in trouble because those Americans migrants will NOT understand your British based humour.. ugh.. humor!